Dez, Vigilante of the Capitol Wasteland
by izzum
Summary: Dezbe doesn't need anybody. All she needs are cigarettes, shotgun shells, and something to shoot at. At least, that's what she thought. LW/Charon-ish subject to change
1. Chapter 1

_I wanted to try my hand at writing a kind of crazy character. Don't know where I'm going with this, or how it'll turn out, but it sure is fun.

* * *

_

Nobody in the goddamned motherfucking Capitol Wasteland has any right to back sass me. I swear to god, they should be kissing my ass. But do they? No. In fact, once I ditched that vault suit, no one even gave a Molerat's ass about who I was. Just some little girl lost in the Capitol Wasteland. I'll show you lost. Show you the blunt end of my rifle, that's lost.

Sighing, I scratched my neck, pulling at a scab. Fucking Raiders and their attitude. Ugh. I would much rather be a Raider, actually. They got to hangout half-naked, and blast the shit out of whatever came close to them. Including me, apparently. All I wanted to do was to befriend them, shoot some shit with them, and maybe get to follow them around. Hell, even if they are backstabbing, bloodsucking vermin, they're better than being the Lone Wanderer saint of fucking shit city.

Speaking of which, where the hell did Three Dog get off talking about me like that? Sure, praise me all you want I have no mind to it, but _fuck_. Now I have every sad person in the 'land askin' for my help. That's why I ditched the suit, I got sick of people asking me to do them favors. It wasn't even _cool_ favors, either. Nothing like taking out Deathclaws, or saving a family member from a Behemoth. Nope. It was 'oh can you escort me here?' What do I look like a fucking taxi?

It's alright though. I don't need the vault suit. I got myself a good set of Raider Badlands Armor. I tell you, it looks good _and_ keeps me pretty protected. I like how it shows my slim, newly-toned stomach. Before I had this nasty stomach roll from too many Sweetrolls in the vault. Since learning about the Capitol Wasteland and how to survive, I've gotten pretty slim and fit. I especially love how all those Wastelander boys eye me like a piece of meat. It makes me smile and shake my ass just a little bit more. Nothing sexier than a girl with a sawed-off shotgun, I say so.

I slung my shotgun over my shoulder, and put one hand on my hip. Scanning the area, I licked my finger and stuck it in the air. The wind hit it and I smiled. I have no fucking clue why people do that, but it made me look like I knew what I was doing. I shoved a cigarette in my mouth, and stared at the Washington Monument in the near-distance.

"What should I do now?"

Talking to yourself probably falls under the definition of insanity, but it's nice to have some conversation every now and again.

"I need to get myself some motherfucking Jet."

Puffing my cigarette, I crouched on my knees. I bet you ten bucks that fucker Three Dog huffs Jet, I mean, how can he not? He's always rambling and never seems to sleep. I can run for two days straight without sleep if I have a good amount of Jet in my pack.

"Where should I go now?"

I checked out the Capitol Wasteland map on my Pip-Boy. I was supposed to be heading over to Rivet City, but I put that shit on the back burner. I have freedom to do as I please out here, and what I please to do is not follow orders from stupid fucking people. I know I'm in the middle of a city, overrun with Super Mutants and Raiders and feral ghouls, but I dare them to fuck with me. I can take out five Super Mutants with good aim from my Sniper Rifle, so they didn't bother me, and the ghouls and Raiders were easy, fun kills. I never thought shooting a gun would be so goddamned _fun_.

Looking at the pile of rubble I was standing on, I smiled. This was my kind of place. Danger, adventure, lore, and a lot of shooting. I saw someone walking around a Metro station not too far from where I was standing. I know there's a Super Mutant hideout in those dug-out tunnels over there, but I wasn't feeling like wasting ammo just now. I'm in the Mall, right now, and I know I should really find a place to sleep. I didn't like traveling in the city at night. My night-vision is shot to shit. I don't have very good perception.

Climbing down from the rubble, I jumped and landed on my feet.

"And the crowd cheers!"

I put my arms in the air and turned around, receiving imagined praise. Laughing at myself, I readjusted my shotgun and started walking.

"Well, I got three places to choose from…where to go, where to go?"

I had the Museum of History, Technology, or the Super Mutant hideout. I can wipe out that fuckers and take all their shit, but I'm low on ammo. I don't think I have enough to take out _all_ of them, just a good few. Plus I have to take the elements into consideration. Do I want to sleep somewhere damp and dark, or warm and cozy? I shuddered as a cold wind caught me off guard.

"Warm and cozy it is."

The sun was beginning to set behind the buildings. I have to find a place to crash, and fast. I don't like the Museum of Technology. It has Super Mutants and smells like shit everywhere. They aren't the cleanest bunch of cocksuckers out here. Which is really quite a shame. They'd be pretty useful to me if they didn't want to blow my brains out all the time. What's with that anyways? Everyone I come across either wants me dead or wants me to do something for them. I am getting sick of the two extremes, it was wearing me down and I don't have the patience to deal with it.

I pushed open the Museum of History doors. They were fucking _heavy_ let me tell you that. Like someone didn't want something getting out…or in. Well, I just blew that idea straight to hell. I got in. Take that! Pulling out my shotgun I made sure to scan the area best I could. It was dim, and hard to see, but there was a barrel of fire not too far from me.

"Alright!"

My voice echoed in the vast rooms and I laughed. Walking over to the barrel, I warmed my hands and torso. Badlands Armor isn't good at keeping one warm. But you figure it gets pretty fucking hot out in the Capitol Wasteland, so you want something that doesn't overheat you. It's just the nighttime that jitters and chills me. I fucking hate the dark.

"Dezbe! The wanderer of Capitol Wasteland, shooter of all things that can be shot and sexy as sexy can be!"

I cheered myself on as I ran around the fire, holding my gun high in the air. I waved it around like a flag, smiling and cheering.

"I feel bad for the souls who cross me."

Kicking over some old ass bones of something huge, I took out another cigarette. I used the barrel of fire to light it. I stared into the flames like I was in some sort of trance. It was pretty. I don't know how to start a fire by myself, so when I find something already lit that's an accomplishment.

I should be in Rivet City. I should have helped that man find something to drink. I should have helped out Colin Moriarty in Megaton with some skank named Silver, and I shouldn't have left that Wastelander to their fate of Super Mutants. But you know, what has any of them dome for me? I'm not the devil, but I'm not a goddamned saint, either. My services don't come cheap, and I didn't ask for Three Dog to make me holier than thou. Doing a few good deeds here and there makes me some kind of saint, I don't know how or why, but it does. Actually, I'm kind of happy people don't know who I am anymore. Without the giant 101 on my back, everyone is kind of like 'oh, she's just some traveler' or 'some girl lost' or some stupid shit. I can shoot and aim better than most people out in the Capitol Wasteland, so no one should be bitching at me.

I really want Jet. I want to huff some and run around before I totally zoink out for the night. It was so damn easy for me to just fall asleep, I think that's why I like huffing Jet. It makes everything so much more fun and exciting. I feel like…like I'm invincible and _damn_ I get better shots in.

"I am invincible!"

I screamed at the top of my lungs. I heard it echo and bounce off of everything, and I laughed manically to myself.

"I crack myself up."

That echoed too, and I had to stifle a giggle. You know what I heard of? I heard that way on the other side of the Capitol Wasteland, past the city, and even past the vault, and up to the North were these satellite dishes. I heard you can climb all the way to the top of them, and their bigger than anything else in the Wasteland. Well, besides the Washington Monument.

"Tomorrow, I will go there."

I want to check out these dishes. Maybe there's some cool shit in there, and hell, maybe I could even make a home from one of them. If anyone tried to attack me, I'd have a Fat Boy up at the very top, and I'd just climb of there and blast them all the hell. Big guns…I love that shit. I smiled to myself, thinking about how awesome that would be. I'd be some crazy ass lady in the middle of nowhere with huge fuckin' guns. No one, and I mean _no one_ would bother me or ask for help. I could live all alone, peacefully, forever and ever. Yeah, I think I like that idea.

Stretching out on the floor, I stared up at the ceiling. I had lit another cigarette off of my old one, and tried to blow smoke rings. It didn't work. I sighed. You know sometimes it got really boring out here. I have no one but myself for conversation, and I got pretty lame sometimes. I sighed louder, trying to get something to echo back so I could actually _hear_ some voices. Instead, I heard a loud creaking to my right, and I stood up, grabbing my shotgun. You can never be too careful.

"Who's there?"

I yelled. A door from under a giant skull was opening up, and a female ghoul stuck her head out. She closed the door behind her, and lit up a cigarette, ignoring the fact that I had my gun draw at her.

"You really shouldn't do that. They'll come after you."

I stepped closer, my gun still aimed at her rotting head.

"Who will come after me?"

She laughed, blowing out some smoke.

"The residents of Underworld."

Underwhat?


	2. Chapter 2

So, this is Underworld. It smells. It smells like dead Brahmin on a hot Sunday afternoon. Ghouls walked around in pre-war and current clothes. A damn robot jetted up and down the stairs. I waved my hand in front of my face and looked around again. A whole city of fucking ghouls. Not that I'm a bigot or anything, but most of the ghouls I came across wanted to tear me limb from limb, so I'm pretty wry of them.

"If you have extra caps, you can come up to my place of work. It's Carol's, and we have beds you can rent."

Greta, the ghoul whose head I almost shot off, told me. I nodded and she went on her way. I think she is the first person to _not_ ask me for any favors, and laugh at me while I pointed a gun in her face. She's pretty okay in my book.

"Hey Greta!"

I called after her as she walked up the stairs. She turned to look at me, and crossed her arms.

"Where can I get a stiff, cheap drink?"

"Carol's or the Ninth Circle."

Okay. Where ever they are, I guess I'll find them. I looked around at the residents once more, and noticed that some of them were jetting pretty good. I rubbed my chin. There was someone supplying them, and I needed to sniff them out.

Walking up the big stairs to my left, I looked at everyone who passed me. They called me names like 'smooth skin' and some things that really made me wish I _could_ blow their fucking brains out. But hey, I needed a good place to sleep and I wasn't going to ruin it by starting a gunfight.

A door to my left with a sign that read '9th Circle'. Okay, here's one of the places Greta told me about. Pushing open the door, I was greeted by the stench of beer, ghoul, and the faint smell of after-Jet. You know, that little wisp of smoke that comes from your mouth after you take a delicious, delicious inhale. Sure, it was made from Brahmin fumes and wasn't that great for you, but damn I loved it.

Walking over to the bar, I set my shotgun down and spun around in my chair. Some ghouls sat on the other end of the bar, and some of them sat at tables. One of them stood in a corner, shifting from one foot to the other, and staring everyone down.

"What can I get for you?"

My back was to the bar. Putting my head behind me, I looked at him from an upside-down angle. A ghoul with sagging, yellow cheeks, and a white suit stood with a friendly but 'you better buy something' smile. I spun around and smiled back.

"Give me a shot of whiskey my good man!"

The bartender smiled and took out a shot glass.

"Not everyday we get a smooth skin in Underworld."

I rolled my eyes. Like I haven't been hearing _that_ since I stepped foot in here. He poured my shot, and I sipped it. I have to be careful with liquor. I'm a lightweight, don't want to get hammered and go all trigger-happy. I pretended to smell the whiskey shot, but really, I was smelling the bartender. He was holding, I just knew it.

"Why don't you show me some of your _real_ stash?"

He crossed his arms and smirked.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

I slammed my glass down.

"Don't bullshit me man. You know what I'm talking about, all these people here are fucking flying high and soaring. Hook a girl up, will you?"

The bartender nodded, and stuck out his hand.

"Call me Ahzrukhal. Bartender and chem.-supplier of all of Underworld."

I took his hand and firmly shook it.

"Dezbe, Dez for short. Wanderer and vigilante of the Capitol Wasteland."

Ahzrukhal chuckled and quickly put a Jet inhaler into my hand. I put some caps on the bar, and he nodded.

"Quite the title you have for yourself. What brings you to Underworld?"

I shrugged and pocketed the Jet. I'd save it for later, you know, when there wasn't an army of people around at the mercy of me high.

"Wandering around. Got nothing better to do. What's there for fun here?"

Ahzrukhal shrugged and leaned over the bar.

"Well, there's nothing much, really. There's here, and there's Carol's. Other than that, there's the lobby and the hospital. Not a very big place."

"Yeah I can see that."

"You seem like you know what you're doing out here. But, could you holster your weapon?"

I eyed him suspiciously. I did not trust chem.-suppliers, no matter how good their stock was.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to have to think you're going to use it."

"My gun stays out, no matter where I am."

Ahzrukhal nodded at me. He waved his hand over, and I shook my head.

"Charon, would you please demonstrate what we do to customers who do not abide by the rules?"

I looked behind me, and damn I almost shit my pants. The ghoul who stood in the corner loomed over me, a giant combat shotgun on his back. He looked mean, and was ten times taller than I first thought.

"Ahzrukhal, what is it she has done?"

His voice was deep, and raspy. I was stuck between two ghouls, one with a shotgun, and one with a .44 Magnum.

"Whoa, whoa, what the fuck man?"

I pressed my hands up between them and tried to get their attention. When it didn't work, I grabbed my gun. In the blink of an eye, the bigger ghoul Ahzrukhal called over had his shotgun pointed at my face.

"Oh fuck!"

I didn't know if I should aim back, or run. I didn't do either. I just stood there, with a sadistic smile on my face and shotgun hanging from my waist.

"Go on, shoot me big boy. Show Underworld how tough you are."

I took the barrel in my hand and held it right on my forehead. The ghoul looked at me, his eyes set, finger on the trigger.

"Shoot her, Charon!"

The ghoul, Charon I guess, winced. I saw his arm shake slightly, and I looked back at his eyes.

"You heard him, do it."

I waited for it. I did. I kept my eyes open, focused on his. I saw his trigger finger move, and I let out a satisfied chuckle. Charon closed his eyes, and lowered his weapon.

"I cannot, Ahzrukhal, I am sorry."

He put his gun back on his back, and I stood there. Why didn't he kill me? He had every chance to.

"Charon! You _must_ obey your contract! Shoot her!"

I waved my hands at them.

"Boys, boys, stop fighting over me. I'm leaving."

I flipped Ahzrukhal the bird and left. I didn't feel like having my life debated over, I got my Jet, I got a good shot, that was all I really came in this trash-heap for anyways.

I sat outside the entrance to Underworld. I huffed my Jet and smoked my cigarette. My thoughts raced and went places I didn't want them to go. He didn't shoot me. The fucker didn't shoot me. Ahzrukhal said something about obeying a 'contract' so I figure the guy is under the same shit Slaves are. Only no collar. He was supposed to kill me, he was _ordered_ to kill me. I don't think I'm welcome back in the bar anymore. That's fine with me, the whiskey wasn't even cold. He had his fucking gun right at my head, right _on_ my head. I helped him put it there. I kind of wished he pulled the trigger. Would have put me out of my goddamned misery. I hate doing this shit, walking around having everyone think I'm a saint and sent to save them all. I hate that shit. I'm not a saint by any means. I'm a fucking blood-thirsty kid. He should have shot me. He should have blasted my brains to the moon. I didn't want to live in the Capitol Wasteland as a saint, I wanted to be a Raider. I didn't want to help anyone. Fuck. He should have killed me. He really should have.

I chain smoked, cigarette after cigarette, puff of smoke after puff of smoke. I hated jetting alone, without anything to do. Usually I was hiding somewhere in the city, so I had to be awake. But it seemed like there was no threat here, so I didn't need to keep an eye out. I should have waited to huff, but I didn't. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Maybe I should go and thank that motherfucker for _not_ killing me. Maybe I should go in and blow Ahzrukhal's head off, so then he _will_ shoot me.

"Dez, you are a pain."

Getting up, I dusted my ass off and went back in Underworld. Jet always made me shake and twitch. I could feel my hand twitching as I lifted it to take another drag from my cigarette. Ghouls walked by me, jetting and sober, they eyed me. I didn't care, I paid them no mind. What the fuck did it matter to them if I was high or not? Fuck them. I'll blow their brains out, too.

I pushed opened the doors to Ninth Circle. My gun was in one hand, and a cigarette burnt in the other. Ahzrukhal was wiping down the counter and glared at me. I looked for the tall ghoul fellow, Charon. He was standing in the corner. I walked up to him.

"Hey."

"Talk to Ahzrukhal."

He didn't even look at me. I saw a trickle of blood going down the side of his face.

"What happened to your head?"

He didn't answer me, and kept his eyes focused on the bar. I put my shotgun on my back and my hands on my hips, absentmindedly sticking my chest out as I leaned forward.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!"

"No. Talk to Ahzrukhal."

I mate a guttural throat sound, trying to mimic his voice.

"He won't speak to you, Dezbe."

I turned around and looked at Ahzrukhal.

"I can see that. What happened to his head?"

"You should take this opportunity to leave. You were lucky the first time, but you will not be lucky this time."

"Don't threaten me, old man."

I sauntered over to Ahzrukhal, my hand on my butt. Putting my elbow on the bar, I looked over at Charon.

"Oh, and what are you going to do about it?"

He flashed the .44 Magnum on his waist.

"I will take care of you myself."

"I haven't done anything, and see, my gun is holstered."

I pointed to the shotgun on my back, trying to hold back twitches from Jet.

"I do not want your company here, smooth skin."

"I want to know what happened to his head."

Ahzrukhal stopped wiping down the counter and crossed his arms.

"Charon is a loyal employee of mine. He is honor-bound to do anything I request. When he does not listen, I must remind him of the consequences."

I cocked an eyebrow and felt my blood boil. I am one cynical bitch, but if it's one thing I despise, it's when people abuse other people while holding them against their will. I really couldn't stand for that shit. It was just…inhumane.

"You did that?"

I let the words seethe through my teeth. I wanted to blow off Ahzrukhal's fucking head.

"I have to remind him who is boss."

I clenched and unclenched my fists. Jet often made my decision-making skills hazy, but I knew deep down this was one good thing I had to do.

"How much?"

"Excuse me?"

I slammed my hands on the bar.

"How fucking much? For him."

I pointed back to Charon. Ahzrukhal smirked and rubbed his chin.

"Two thousand caps."

"One thousand."

"Two."

"Goddamnit you dirty motherfucker. One thousand caps, or I swear to god I'll let it slip you've been laundering Jet and chems."

Ahzrukhal cocked an eyebrow at me and scoffed.

"You drive a hard bargain, Dezbe."

"Dez."

"But fine, one thousand caps. Think you can scrape together that much?"

I tossed my cap pouch onto the table. It was all I had.

"Already did, now hand it over."

He placed Charon's contract on the bar. I swiped it up and read it over. _Note, a piece of paper with some writing on it_. What?

"What the fuck is this?"

I waved it in front of Ahzrukhal.

"Charon's contract. Have fun."

Ahzrukhal took my coin pouch and started counting the caps. I gripped the shitty piece of paper in my hand. It didn't say anything. It was a fucking lie.

"What are his rules?"

Ahzrukhal looked up from counting.

"He must obey you, good or bad. If you attack him, it validates the 'contract'. He is honor-bound to you until he dies, or you die, or you sell his 'contract'."

"I see."

I jammed the contract into my pack and walked over to him.

"Let me see your head, come here."

I tugged on his arm, but he jerked away.

"No. Talk to Ahzrukhal."

I sighed.

"Hey, good news, you work for me now."

Charon cocked an eyebrow.

"You have purchased my contract from Ahzrukhal? This is news to me. Please, wait here, I must take care of something."

"Whatever."

I crossed my arms as he pushed me aside. I was too high to be standing still. Charon walked over to Ahzrukhal, and they exchanged words. I rolled my eyes. Charon pulled his shotgun from his back, and blasted Ahzrukhal to hell.

"Whoa!"

I jumped up and ran over to him.

"Charon! What the fuck is that about?"

I pulled him out from behind the bar, and he calmly replaced his shotgun.

"Ahzrukhal was a dirty bastard. He needed to be rid of this world. Now, I serve you, good or ill."

I looked at the corpse. Sure, he was a corpse before, but now he _really_ is. I started laughing to myself, shaking my head.

"You are a crazy motherfucker. Maybe crazier than me. Come on."

Charon didn't say anything. His big, heavy footsteps echoed in the foyer as we walked down the stairs. Thanks to my impulsive behavior, I now had a sit foot something ghoul following me for reasons I didn't know. Maybe the added firepower would help me out, though. Pushing open the doors to Underworld, I held them open for Charon. He walked through and stood away from them. I closed them, and smiled.

"So, how about the weather?"

No response. Fine by me. I'm used to being alone and quiet.

"Here, let me see your head."

I reached up to touch his face, but he pulled away from me.

"It is fine."

I sighed and put my hands on my hips.

"Charon, I order you to sit down and let me see your head."

Charon loyally obeyed. He sat down without argument, and crossed his arms. Even without words I could tell he was displeased with the situation.

"Here, come into the light."

He leaned over to the glow of the fire. I almost gasped when I saw it. A three-inch long cut, and pretty deep, was on the side of his head. I took my pack off of my shoulders and started digging through it.

"This is totally crazy. Why did he do that?"

"Because I refused an order."

"The order to kill me?"

"Yes."

I nodded as I dug through my pack. I found some gauze and medical supplies. Taking them out, I crouched on my knees and catered to Charon's cut. I never really had anything to take care of, just me. It kind of made me feel warm.

"Why didn't you kill me, anyways?"

I poured some dirty water on a piece of gauze, and gently started to clean the wound. Charon flinched slightly, and I took my hand away. He leaned back over and I continued to clean it.

"You did nothing wrong."

I didn't say anything. I had killed people who didn't do anything wrong, so what made his moral code so different from my own?

"You should have shot me."  
I examined the cut now that it was clean. The bleeding stopped, and it looked like it was healing. Duh. Radiation heals ghouls. Taking the water, I soaked the cut in it. Charon winced, and I smiled sadly.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not a great person. Come on, let's go."

Without question or argument, Charon followed me out of the museum. In my head, I was going to travel to the satellite shit. It was where I felt I wanted to be.

Charon didn't talk much as we climbed over piles of rubble in the dark, dark night. I never traveled in the dark, but I figured now that I had someone with me it would be easier. I don't like metro tunnels, it's too dark and creepy in there for me. I like to stick to the wide open spaces. I think I'm kind of claustrophobic, but I never tested that theory.

"Watch where you put your hands."

I said as a piece of concrete shifted under my weight. Sure, my Pip-Boy gave off light, but it wasn't much. Charon grunted behind me, and I nodded. What the fuck was I going to do with him? I didn't even understand his contract, hell it wasn't even a contract. Just a fake.

"What exactly is it you're supposed to do for me, anyways?"

I was able to get my leg over the top of the rubble, and I sat there, straddling it. Charon poked his head up a few seconds after, and looked away from me. It was a warm night with a cool breeze. My reddish, orange hair blew in the wind and I brushed it back.

"I am to serve you, good or ill, and protect your life at all costs."

"Oh."

I watched as Charon hoisted himself over to another giant piece of rubble. Looking off into the distance, I saw flashes of light very, very far away. Bombs, or something. I smiled to myself as the flashes appeared again. Charon sat, his back straight, staring off in the distance. There were stars everywhere. I wanted to ask him if he wanted to go to the satellites, but I decided not to. This was my journey, my life. He was a newfound part of it, and he had to follow me and listen.

Sliding my leg over, I slid down the rubble, not saying a word to Charon. I heard him following me after a few seconds, and I smiled. I wouldn't have seen him if he decided not to follow me. He could have run, but he didn't. I let my legs and feet carry me down the steep slope, and closed my eyes.

"I don't like the looks of this place."

I heard Charon say. He sounded far away, so I opened my eyes and looked up. He wasn't there. Glancing down, I saw he had already made it to the bottom.

"Damn, you're pretty fast."

"I tend to keep my eyes open when doing such tasks."

I shrugged and kept going. Steadily, I only placed my feet where I was sure it was safe. I didn't want to die by being crushed to death. As I neared the ground, I smiled to myself. Looking back up, I sighed. Man, I wish someone would clear away all this shit. It would be so much easier for me. I smiled to myself, proud that the ground was so close. Charon waited, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Here."

I heard him say. He walked over to me and grabbed my waist. He lifted me off the rocks, and placed me on the ground. I froze up. I had never let anyone touch me before, and here he is thinking he can just grab me whenever he wants to.

"Uhm…thanks I guess."

"This place is not safe. We must keep moving."

I nodded, and started walking. Charon walked a few paces away, with rhythmic steps. I tried to count the beats in my head, ignoring anything else that might come by. See that's why I hate traveling at night. I never fucking pay attention at all and it pisses me off! Ugh. I wanted to get my mind off of things, so I reached for the Jet inhaler. I had a little bit left, why not?


	3. Chapter 3

You know what's cool? The sky in the Capitol Wasteland. I mean, there's no lights anywhere, so it's just all stars everywhere all the time. It's crazy, it is. In the vault we didn't have 'night' and 'day' we just had lights on, lights off. I didn't know how bright it was out here, and didn't really think much about out here, but _damn_ I liked how it was.

We had been walking for hours, and the moon was really high in the sky. I didn't bother to check the time on my Pip-Boy. I was too energetic for time, the Jet taking full effect as I chain smoked. Charon didn't say anything, and I didn't make conversation, there was nothing to talk about, really. I didn't want to talk, anyways. I wanted to run around and jump and fight stuff. I had my shotgun in my hand, and pointed it at anything that I thought was moving. I hadn't even run into a goddamned Raider.

"Miss, I think we should make camp for the night."

I turned around to face Charon. I put my shotgun on my back, and my hands on my hips.

"It's Dezbe, Dez for short."

"I understand."

I was jetting, but Charon wasn't. He was probably really tired from walking so much, and we weren't really running into much danger. Worse comes to worse, I could wait till he fell asleep and ran around the camp area for a while. Lighting a cigarette, I dropped my pack.

"Alright, here's camp."

Charon looked at me, confused.

"Dez, should we start a fire?"

I looked at him, my hands and legs twitching.

"Sure I mean if you want to. I don't know how, so I usually don't. But go ahead, I don't care. It's up to you."

Charon eyed me, he knew I was jetting. I ventured away, wandering around the area with no real reason as to why. Charon was building a fire, and maybe I should be watching him to learn, but I didn't want to.

I was supposed to be looking for my dad. He's safe in Rivet City, he didn't need me chasing his ass all over hells bells. I hated how Jet made me think about things. Ever since I was little, I was always alone. I played alone, ate alone, fuck I even hung out alone. Sure, Amata was around, but she wasn't what I'd call a friend. We chatted and she got me some really cool birthday presents, but nothing friendly. I like being alone, always have. It suited me. I can talk to myself, even though that gets pretty lame. But now I had Charon.

If it weren't for him, I would have still been walking. That's why I don't like being around people. I don't like taking their cares into consideration, or making sure they're okay. I made his cut better, but that was it. I'm not supposed to protect him, he's supposed to protect me. I don't even think I'm going to like him doing that. I can protect myself, I don't need anyone saving me.

The smell of something delicious filled my nostrils as I treaded around the camp. Every now and again I'd catch Charon scanning the area, and when he saw me he'd put his head back down. Maybe it wasn't so bad, having someone keep an eye on me. I'd definitely be safer.

"What's that smell?"

I walked back over and sat across from him. The fire was warm, and I smiled to myself.

"I found some Molerat meat in your pack."

I felt my mouth water as he handled the meat over the fire. I usually just traded that, I didn't know you could cook it. Charon paid close attention to it as it hung on a stick, making sure it didn't burn or catch fire.

"It smells really good."

He grunted and turned the meat around. I didn't realize how hungry I was. I couldn't sit still, and began digging small holes in the dirt with my boots.

"Jet is not good for you."

I looked up at Charon. He had his hand outstretched, handing me the larger of the two pieces of meat. I took it and gobbled it down in one bite. He stared at me, kind of disgusted. I didn't care, I was so hungry. He offered me his piece, and my stomach wanted me to take it, but I didn't.

"No…that's your piece."

Charon shrugged. He ripped off a smaller piece and handed me the larger one, again.

"No, it's yours."

"You look like you need it more than me."

I took the meat from his hand and ate it so fast I was scared I'd choke. Charon didn't say anything as he popped his small piece in his mouth. I'd never had anyone cook for me. Let alone offer me bigger pieces. I lit a cigarette and offered him one, he declined.

"If you drink, I have some beers in that pack too."

Charon nodded, but didn't take a beer out. I stared up at the sky, shifting on the log I was sitting on. Every now and again, I'd steal a glance at Charon. He sat with his legs crossed, his back straight, and eyes focused on something I couldn't see. He had flesh on certain parts of his body; he wasn't as decayed as other ghouls were. Patches of red hair poked out from his scalp and it kind of made me smile.

"What happens if I run away?"

I asked, a sly smile on my face. Charon looked at me, his expression blank and set on something I didn't know.

"Then I must chase you."

"What if I disappear while you're sleeping? Then what?"

"It is my duty to find you."

"So there's no getting rid of you, is there?"

Charon shifted his weight, and closed his eyes.

"You can fire me. But you will still hold my contract. I will return to Underworld until you return for me."

"What if give you the contract?"

"Then I will leave you here and take my own ventures."

I kind of wanted to give it to him. I wanted him to go away on his own 'ventures' and leave me the fuck alone. But a small part of me…really didn't want him to go. I kind of liked having someone around who knew how to cook and make fires. Charon wasn't much for conversation, that was for damn sure, but I kind of liked that. I didn't feel like I had to entertain someone so goddamn much.

The Jet fueled my thoughts as I sat and smoked my cigarette. I didn't know how much I was kicking up dirt and digging holes with my heels. I just did it. I don't need anybody. I am the Capitol Wasteland Lone Wanderer. Keyword being 'lone'. So why did I want this rotting sack of flesh following me around? Sure, the company was alright, but I don't enjoy it too much. I don't like people, at all, in fact I despise people. So…what the fuck?

Charon shuffling around made me blink for the first time in forever. My cigarette had gone out, and I sat up. He stood, his shotgun at the ready.

"Charon?"

He didn't answer me. He took a few steps away from the fire.

"Found you!"

His shotgun blasts echoed through the Capitol Wasteland. I covered my ears, a trait I picked up from my father when I was younger. Charon took a couple more shots, and walked back over to me. He sat down like nothing had happened.

"What was it?"

"Radscorpion."

How the fuck did he hear that? I can never hear anything. I nodded and shook my head. My high was starting to wear off. I hated this part.

"I want to keep moving."

I told him, standing up. I couldn't be still during this part, I just _had _to move and run around and do something.

"I do not think that is a good idea."

"Charon, I order you to…to just let me do what I want."

Charon nodded and looked at the fire. I took off running. God I don't know where I'm going, but I had to run. Run far, far away from him. Run away from the city. I want to live in those satellite dishes, alone and away from everyone. I don't need anybody, and I fucking hate people asking me for favors. I don't want to be the savoir of the Capitol Wasteland. I want to just have my own life and freedom. I want to follow Raiders and Slavers, and be an evil bitch.

I heard my own rhythmic feet hitting the ground as I ran. I couldn't see a damn thing, and I tripped over a rock, smashing my face into the dirt.

"Arrg…"

I grumbled, but got up. I needed to run when I came crashing down. I needed to run so I didn't have time to think about anything. I didn't want to think about my father, Three Dog, or the people that were waiting for me in Rivet City. Charon should have shot me when he had the chance. I killed innocent people, and turned my back on those who needed the most help. I had done it because I had convinced myself there was no good in the world. I saw Super Mutants tear a Wastelander limb from limb, as slowly as they could, because I didn't want to waste ammo. I am a terrible person. I do not need anyone.

I stopped running. I hunched over, trying to catch my breath as I leaned on my knees. I stopped short over a cliff, it overlooked a good part of the Capitol Wasteland. Picking up my head, the giant full moon was in front of me. I didn't want to forget what it looked like. I heard footsteps from behind me, and I didn't care to look. They came up fast, and stopped abruptly. I straightened my back, and looked. Charon stood, breathless and resting his hands on his knees just as I had. I felt wetness on my cheeks and smiled. For the first time in my life, I was crying. I didn't know why I was crying, but I knew I was.

"Charon?"

"You are foolish for doing that."

"You're supposed to…to protect me, right?"

"Yes."

"Not let anything happen to me?"

I took a step back, feeling the ground with my heel.

"Yes."

Cautiously, Charon stepped forward.

"I was just wondering is all."

I smiled at him. I do not deserve to live. I have committed heinous crimes and let innocent people suffer. Charon should have shot me. Turning away from him, I took in a deep breath, closed my eyes, and stepped off. Hey, I'm the fuckin' Lone Wanderer, and I'm sick of it. I'm crashing on Jet, and damn, if I want to die I'll do it one way or another.

I stopped falling. I couldn't even enjoy it for one measly minute. I looked up and saw Charon laying over the edge, my wrist in his hand.

"Let me go!"

I kicked in mid-air. I wiggled and tried to make him drop me, or slip, or _something_. But he didn't. He just reached down with his other hand and held tighter.

"Charon I _order_ you to let me go!"

"No."

I looked up at him. I felt fresh tears fall out from the corners of my eyes. I didn't say anything, or make any noise. I just looked up at him as he shook; trying to steady the weight he was holding. I felt him lift me up, inch by inch, and I tried to help him. But there was nothing I could do. He pulled me over the edge, grabbing the back of my shorts and dragging me a few feet away from the ledge.

"Why did you do that?"

"It is in my contract to protect you."

"I ordered you to let me go."

"I cannot kill my employer."

"I jumped."

"And I caught you. Had I let you go, you would have died and I would have been responsible."

I let the Jet seep out of my body. I lay on the dirt where Charon had dropped me. He sat next to me, his arms crossed. I didn't ask him to save me, I didn't ask him to chase me. Hell I didn't want him to. He just did it because it was part of his contract. I don't want to be watched like this. I stared at him, and he looked at me.

"Yes, what is it?"

I shook my head and looked away. Rolling on my side, I closed my eyes. It was always easy for me to fall asleep. But not tonight, not tonight. I was worried, I don't know what I was worried about, but I couldn't let my gun go. I felt like something was going to attack me.

"You should sleep."

I heard Charon say. Without looking at him, I replied.

"I can't. There's bad things out here."

I was never scared before. I felt scared now.

"I will protect you."

I shook, not from cold or fear, but because I…I don't know. I never needed anyone. I never wanted to be saved like that. That's why I fucking hate people.


	4. Chapter 4

I had a restless night. I woke up every hour or so and stole a glance at Charon. His expression was always the same, his eyes were closed sometimes, and other times they were open. I didn't dream, I just drifted in and out. Each time I heard a noise, I heard Charon rush to get up. I would hold my breath until I heard him sit back down. I didn't hear his shotgun once during the night, but I knew he had killed something. When I felt the sun rising on my skin was the only time I dared move.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Fuck I am tired. It was the worst sleep I had gotten in ages. Charon stood beside me, his arms still crossed. All of a sudden, I don't think I should be going all the way to the satellite dishes.

"Did you sleep?"

I shouldn't have asked, because I knew the answer. But I knew that it was polite. After all, the guy _did_ stay up all night just to watch my lame-ass.

"Yes."

Liar liar, pants on fire. I didn't say anything as I stood up. I dusted myself off, and saw a dark purple and blue bruise on my wrist. The wrist Charon had grabbed when I tried to jump off the cliff last night. I stared at it. I didn't know he had held so tightly. I looked up at him.

"You…you gave me a bruise."  
How strong was this guy, exactly? He looked at my wrist and I saw him shift his weight away from me.

"I am sorry. What shall my punishment be?"

"Punishment?"

"Yes. I have caused my employer harm."

So…? I was lost, and I found myself giggling. I haven't giggled since I was ten.

"Charon…you didn't hurt me."

"I did. The bruise shows I did. I apologize."

I shook my head.

"No, Charon, you didn't. You saved me and it happened. It was an accident."

He didn't say anything.

"What…what did Ahzrukhal do to you?"

"He would punish me for faulty behavior. I must not fail. It is not in my contract to fail."

I hated that. I hated he did that to him. Charon seemed like such a nice asshole. He was definitely making me rethink my own actions, that's for damn sure.

"Charon…I…I'm not like Ahzrukhal."

He stared blankly at me. I motioned for him to walk with me. Maybe it was time for some change. Maybe. I had been in the Capitol Wasteland for a little over two months, and I have done my fair share of evil deeds. Maybe Charon can be that one good deed that revokes all the bad ones.

"I mean…I'm not like that. I'm a bad person, but I'm not going to hurt you. Wait, I thought if I hurt you, the contract is null and void?"

Charon's back stiffened as we walked together.

"Ahzrukhal ordered me to harm myself."

"Oh…that's not nice…"

I'm not a good person to talk to. I just kind of listen. But then again, I've been completely alone for two months. I think I've forgotten how to interact with someone you're kind of stuck with.

"No."

Charon's voice was raspy and how do I say this? It didn't have a pace. It was jumping with each word and sentence he said.

"I…I'm not like that. I want you to…you know, think for yourself. If I order you to do something, and you think it's a bad idea, then don't do it. If you think you'll hurt me by saving me, then I want you to save me, if you want to. You know what I'm trying to say?"

I tried to motion everything with my hands. Charon looked at me, and seemed to relax a little. Okay a lot.

"Well, Dez, if it pleases you, I find it useless and inane for us to be wandering the desert looking for the satellite dishes."

I laughed. Charon was my kind of company. I lit a cigarette and offered one to him. We stopped so I could light mine, and I lit his for him. He inhaled it, closing his eyes.

"It has been over fifteen years since I have smoked."

"That's a long time."

"I have missed it."

I smiled and swayed my hips. I liked how I looked in the morning, just rolled out of bed. Charon looked around the desert as he smoked.

"Where do you want to go?"

I asked him. See, the problem with company is you have to make sure they're happy too. But somehow, I found I wasn't minding that much.

"I do not have a preference."

"There's Megaton."

"What?"

"A uh, city. I kind of have a home there. If you want we can go, I mean it's not _too_ far and there's a woman I have to speak to about something."

"I know what Megaton is. Yes. We can travel there."

I nodded and jammed one of my hands in my pockets. Charon seemed more talkative now that I had made it clear I wasn't going to hurt him…or make him hurt himself. I half-wanted to give him his contract, just for good measure, but I knew he'd read it and find out he'd been lied to. I couldn't really deal with an angry, muscular ghoul right now.

Sighing, I flicked away my cigarette. You really didn't run into much out here. The city is a whole lot different, though. There's shit around every corner. I looked up at Charon, who had already tossed his smoke, and hadn't been speaking.

"There's a ghoul in Megaton, you might like him. He could be your friend."

"Is he your friend?"

I felt my throat tighten up. I didn't really have 'friends'. Sure, I had Gob back in Megaton, but he wasn't very close to me. I knew Lucy, too. She was nice and I had helped her with her brother, but that was it, really.

"I don't have friends."

"Why?"

I shrugged.

"Just don't. I'm a loner, really."

"I see."

I pointed at him.

"Are you my friend?"

Charon looked at me.

"If you wish it to be."

"I don't know yet. It's kind of a business deal, you know?"

He nodded at me. Charon my friend? Sure, he's traveling with me for an undisclosed amount of time, but other than that I don't know.

"Do you want to be my friend?"

"It does not matter to me."

I don't think I deserved friends, honestly. I had done too many wrongdoings to really feel like I was good enough to have a friend.

"Right, then we'll just play it by ear."

I saw Megaton coming up ahead. I hadn't been in my new home, but I did accept the key from Lucas Simms. I disarmed the giant bomb for them, and that was my prize. I can count all my on-purpose good deeds on one hand. Anything else I did was by mistake. I would have done more, if I could have, but I didn't. I got stuck in a shit-way attitude.

Swaying my hips, I walked in front of Charon with my gun drawn. I wanted to find something and shoot it to the heavens above. I was having a severe withdrawal from killing something.

"What are you doing, Dez?"

"Hunting."

"For…?"

"Something to shoot."

I know we're only a mile or so away from Megaton, and things usually don't come close to Megaton, but I wanted to shoot _something_. I saw an Enclave Eyebot in the distance, and ran over to it. It was spreading the message of the President, but I didn't care. I took aim, and shot it as it flew by my head. It sprayed into a million little pieces, and I laughed triumphantly.

"Take _that_!"

Charon walked over to me, and looked at the dead robot pieces.

"That was unnecessary."

I shrugged, and started walking towards Megaton. Walking backwards, I caught Charon eyeing me up and down.

"I think it was perfectly necessary."

I don't think I've smiled so much in my entire life. I had a buddy. Not a friend, but a buddy, with the same attitude and persona as me. I'd buy him a drink at Moriarty's once I scoffed some of my junk to Moira. Charon didn't walk beside me, he only did that if I did it, it seemed. He stayed behind me, sometimes grumbling things I couldn't understand.

"Are you tired?"

I asked him as we were nearing Megaton.

"No."

"Because you stayed up all night."

"As did you, apparently."

"Yeah but I huffed Jet. You should sleep, you know, when we get home."

"If it is an order."

"I order you to rest when you see fit."

"Very well."

We walked the rest of the way in silence. I opened the gate for him, and he stepped through. Lucas wasn't there to greet and harass me, thank god. I swear he was always watching me.

"Come on, it's this way."

Charon followed me up the steep hill. Jericho passed me, and grabbed my arm.

"Hey, where'd you get that outfit?"

I looked at Charon before I replied. He stared at Jericho with a fierce intensity. I pulled my arm from Jericho's grip and smiled.

"Knocked off a Raider girl. Looks good, huh?"

Jericho nodded and walked along. I looked back at Charon, and saw he was watching Jericho take his leave.

"He's an alright guy, you don't have to worry about him."

Charon nodded. I led him to my home, and unlocked the door. A robot greeted me, and I jumped a bit. Charon had his gun drawn, but it was no use. The robot was named Wadsworth, and he introduced himself as my butler.

"Huh…alright…give me two Purified Waters."

He obliged, and handed me two cups. I handed one to Charon, who gulped it down quickly. I gulped down my own, and sighed.

"Let's see what's upstairs."

Charon nodded and followed me up. There were two bedrooms, one with a couch and one with a bed. I figured that was good enough. Yawning I stretched.

"Man, I'm tired for some reason."

"You did not sleep last night."

"Oh, yeah, right."

Charon rolled his eyes at me. I unloaded all my gear back downstairs and crammed everything into the lockers.

"Want to go to Moriarty's with me?"

Charon shrugged and I sighed.

"Well, I have to go sell some stuff. You're free to…do whatever it is you do."

"I shall follow you."

"Whatever suits you."

I grabbed some junk and headed out to Craterside Supply. Moira was more than happy to give me a few hundred caps for it all. I thanked her, and Charon followed me out. He stood closer to me in Megaton, I wasn't sure why.

I took a seat at the bar, and waited for Gob to turn around. I had a grin on my face, and wanted to see his reaction.

"Dez!"

Gob reached over and gave me a one-armed hug. Charon had his head buried in his arms, and I figured he was trying to get a nap in. I looked back at Gob, smiling.

"Glad to see you missed me! Do you like my new outfit?"

I got up and spun around to show him. He nodded, laughing.

"Yes, it looks very nice on you."

He shifted his gaze over to Charon, and then back to me. He nervously wiped a glass with his rag and sighed.

"So kid, what can I get you?"

"The usual."

He nodded. He got a cold beer from under the counter and handed it to me. I gave him a few extra caps, Gob needed all he could get these days.

"If you wanted to, I could take care of Colin for you Gob."

Gob shook his head.

"No. I will earn my freedom the honest way."

I took a sip of my beer and shrugged.

"If it suits you."

Charon lifted his head and looked at me.

"Are we done here?"

"Charon, we just _got_ here. Can't I relax?"

"You may relax at home. I do not feel comfortable here."

"So…you go home."

"No."

He put his head back in his arms and I looked at Gob. Gob was staring at Charon, and wiping the glass harder. He looked at it, and I sensed there was something going on between them.

"Do you two know each other?"

Gob shifted his gaze uneasily, and Charon didn't move.

"Kind of. We…knew one another from Underworld."

I heard Charon grunt in agreement from under his arms.

"Oh…alright."

It wasn't my place to pry. I didn't like when people pried about me, so why should I do it to them? I tried to offer Charon a beer, but he wouldn't have it. He just shook his head, and kept himself slouched over the bar. I finally got sick of seeing him like that and sighed.

"Gob, I think I'm heading home."

"Oh, you're staying in Megaton now?"

"I guess, for the time being. I have to figure some shit out."

"Well, good luck to you, kid."

"Thanks."  
I tapped Charon on the back as I walked by. He sat up and followed me. I led him out the door and back to the house. His heavy footsteps made me count the rhythm in my head.


	5. Chapter 5

"Goddamnit!"

I yelled at the stupid small kitchen in my new home. Charon leaned against the wall, his eyes closed. I was trying to make some food, but it wasn't working out for me. I took a pistol out from my belt and shot the damn steak. Charon jumped, his eyes wide.

"What the fuck was that?"

I glared at him, shoving him aside as I walked into the living room and up the stairs.

"I shot the fucking food."

Slamming my bedroom door, I jumped on my bed. It smelt like mold and gross stuff. I sighed, rolling over onto my back. My stomach growled with hunger, I wanted something to eat so badly, but I was so bad with cooking anything. Usually I just bought food that was already cooked and ate it cold. Like Iguana Bits. What the fuck was I going to do in Megaton anyways? I mean, sure, it's safer than mindlessly wandering the Capitol Wasteland, but at least out there there's stuff to shoot and kill and explore and see. What the hell is there in Megaton? It's just some pitiful attempt at a town, in a giant fucking crater. I mean, who builds a town around a giant bomb anyways? Shows how smart these townspeople are. Hey, there's this giant bomb that could detonate at any moment, let's make a town around it! Real smart, assholes.

I had Moriarty's, and I had Craterside Supply, but other than that the town is really dull. For someone like me, that is. I don't know how Jericho endures it. From what I heard, he's this badass ex-Raider who came here because he 'tired' of his life. Yeah, sure. I think he just got kicked out of his club for being old. I heard Raiders did that. Other than Jericho, though, there's no one here really worth knowing. Lucy is nice, and the Stahls are all good, but no one I want to take the time and get to know. In my opinion, coming back here was a complete waste of time. I'm happier in the Capitol Wasteland, away from everyone, and all by myself. But now, I have Charon. That changes everything.

I wiped angry tears from the side of my face as I stared blankly at the ceiling. I have never cried in my entire life, and now, I cried twice in two days. Well, technically one day, because it was so goddamn late last night. I don't even know why I was crying, I just knew I was. Maybe I'm finally losing my fuckin' mind. I wouldn't be surprised, in fact, I'd welcome it. A change like that might actually do me some good.

Knocking on my door caused me to hurriedly wipe off my face and sit up. It was either Charon, or the robot. I hoped it was the robot, so no one would know I had been crying.

"Uh, come in."

Shit. Charon pushed open my door. He held a steaming plate of food in his hand.

"I thought you might want some. I prepared dinner for you."

My mouth watered at the sight of the food. Blamco Mac N' Cheese, Insta Mash potatoes, and Brahmin Steak with Iguana Bits. I'd never even imagined a meal this good, let alone seen one.

"What about you? Are you eating?"

I tried not to sound so excited as I eyed the food.

"Yes. Downstairs. I brought this here for you."

"Oh…why didn't you just call me down? You don't have to cook dinner, you know."

"I figured you preferred to eat alone. One of us has to cook, you obviously have no idea how."

I smiled at his snide remark. He didn't smile back, he just motioned towards the plate. I stood up.

"Right, thank you. Want to eat together?"

"If you wish."

I followed him down the stairs. I wanted to tackle him and take that food right out of his goddamned hand I was so fuckin' hungry. But I didn't. I followed him like a good girl and sat at the small table. I didn't eat until he had made a plate for himself, and sat down across from me. Then I dug in, shoving it into my mouth. It was so delicious.

Charon eyed me as he took small bites with his fork. I felt like a pig, but I'm not use to eating like this. I'm lucky if I eat once in three days now. Not once a night. Swallowing another mouthful of food, I looked at Charon.

"Gob says you know one another."

"Yes."

"How?"

He looked at me, and I knew I had treaded on uncharted waters.

"You don't have to tell me, never mind."

I shook my head, dismissing the question. Charon said nothing and kept eating. I wanted to start conversation, but I couldn't think of a way to start it. I wasn't used to being around someone like this.

"The other bedroom upstairs is yours. If you want the bed, cuz you're so tall and stuff, you can have it."

Charon was a complete head and shoulders taller than me, and I'm not really that short. Five ten, I'd say.

"It is fine."

"Alright."

I hate company. Usually, I do, that is. But I was really starting to warm up to this newfound ghoul person who didn't speak much.

"I'm going to say this right now, I do not like staying in one place for too long."

I pointed my fork at him like it was my finger. He looked at me as he spooned some potatoes into his mouth.

"I understand."

"So. Tomorrow we will go and help Moira with her Wasteland Survival Guide. Is that cool with you?"

"Fine."

Charon finished off his plate and stood up. He motioned for me to give him mine, and after shoving the last bit of food in, I did. He dumped them in the sink ,and began washing. I didn't want him to feel like he had to do all this, so I stood beside him, and stuck my hands in the water next to his.

"I should thank you, Charon."

"For what?"

"You…you saved my life last night. I didn't know what I was thinking. I was just coming down off a bad Jet trip, you know?"

He nodded his head. I was glad he wasn't going to make this a mushy ordeal. He accepted my thank you and continued on. I helped him wash the two dishes and forks, and then dried my hands. I felt very productive.

Sitting on the floor of the living room, I was cleaning out my shotgun and repairing it with parts I had scavenged. Charon stood against the wall, as usual, and watched me.

"You going to repair yours?"

He shook his head.

"It does not need it at the moment."

"You can relax, you know."

He shook his head again, closing his eyes. I shrugged and sighed. It was meticulous work, repairing a sawed-off shotgun, but I liked it. It let me clear my head of bad an unnecessary thoughts. It seemed I was always thinking about what bad things I could do, to me or to others. I liked the break.

"Dez?"

I looked up at Charon.

"Yeah what?"

"Do you need something?"

"What do you mean?"

"You seem concerned about something."

"Oh, no. I was just thinking about my gun."

Charon nodded and went back to closing his eyes. Did he just offer his ear to listen? Ha. You need ears for that, in the first place. Either way, I wasn't going to go and spill my secrets to a ghoul I had just met and ordered to follow me around. It wasn't in my mind to do so.

Finally, I figured out what needed to be done with my gun. Satisfied and happy with myself for my work, I crossed my arms, a triumphant smile on my face. Looking up at Charon, I saw his eyes were still closed, and he hadn't moved.

"Say, Charon, what are you anyways?"

He opened his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like, you know, what are you?"

"I am a ghoul."

"No, what's your profession."

He kicked off the wall and stretched. I checked the time, and saw that it was quite late.

"I am a mercenary. That is what I was trained for. Now, I am tired and wish to retire. Goodnight, Miss Dez."

I nodded and watched him go up the stairs. I was kind of tired, too now that I think about it. So, Charon is a trained mercenary. That's good to know, I mean, at least he really knows what he's doing on the battlefield. I won't have to worry about him.

Getting up, I stretched too and clamored up the stairs. I stopped outside my door, and held my breath. I wanted to know if I could hear anything from Charon's room. Nothing. Nodding, I opened my own bedroom door and smiled. I stripped off my armor and put it on the desk. In all my nakedness, I stretched out, standing on my tip-toes. You know, I really feel free when I'm naked. Like I don't have anything holding me back at all. I know it sounds stupid, but I do.

Curling up on my bed, I looked at my gun form across the room. It just laid there, not moving or anything. I mean, it can't move, but still. I wanted to go to Moriarty's to talk to Gob, but I don't know what we'd talk about. My mind was full of whizzing and whirring thoughts. I was still so angry at Three Dog for making people think I could save their dumb asses, and I was upset with myself that I didn't save them. Like an ongoing war inside or something. I just didn't know how to deal with it.

I woke up from the best, longest, most comfortable sleep I've had in weeks. I think I'll be dropping by this shabby town more often. Dressing, I opened my bedroom door. Looking over at Charon's room, I saw his door was open. He must have already gotten up. Going down the stairs, I saw Charon in the living room, examining his shotgun.

"Morning."

I said, tired and unusually cheery. He nodded, acknowledging my presence. Blinking, I realized he was organizing a pack.

"Charon, what are you doing?"

"I spoke to Moira early this morning. She wants us to travel to Super Duper Mart in order to see if there are any supplies left. You know, food, medical supplies."

"Wha…why did you do it so early?"

"It is better to get things done early. Do you wish to begin later?"

I shook my head, scratching my head. I had only just woken up, but hey, whatever. Getting back out into the Capitol Wasteland might not be such a bad thing. After all, there's bound to be something to shoot so I can get a quick kill-fix.

We walked down a hill together, and I found myself giggling. I kept sliding in the loose dirt, and Charon kept having to catch me so I didn't fall. Believe me though, he wasn't enjoying it.

"This is getting to be an annoyance."

I looked up at him, the smile disappearing. He was right. I had let myself go for an instance. I did not need company, I did not ever need it before. Now is no different from then.

"Right, yea, sorry."

I went the rest of the way down with no hassle, stepping very carefully. I didn't want to let up on my attitude now. I am the fuckin' Lone Wanderer. No one else. The so-called saint of Capitol Wasteland. Only, I'm not a saint. I just had to keep telling myself that.

Super Duper Mart wasn't as big as I had initially thought. It was a rectangle, with dead bodies and whatnot hanging outside. I took out my sawed-off shotgun, and held it close.

"Raiders, and lots of them."

Charon nodded at me, and grabbed the gun off of his back.

"What is the plan then, Dez?"

"Let's go in and blast their fuckin' heads off!"

I did a sort of dance where I waved my arms in the air and hopped on and off each foot. Charon looked at me, and I knew I had gotten too excited. But _man_ I wanted to fire off this baby.

"I suggest we go in quietly, sticking to the walls. Then we do not waste our ammunition for unnecessary battle."

I sighed. Charon was the trained mercenary.

"I want to _shoot_ something, Charon. You don't get it I _need_ to kill something."

"Kill a Radscorpion. Let's go."

I nodded, following Charon in. For some measure, I turned my Pip-Boy off totally, so it didn't alert me of something and make an obscure noise. I didn't agree with Charon's plan, hell I want to start picking off those fuckers as fast as I could, but I went along with it. I don't know why I did, but I figured in due time I'd get to pull a trigger-happy moment. After all, there's no shortage of threats in the Capitol Wasteland.

Charon kept low, crouching beneath counters and stepping lightly over objects. I tried to mimic him, but it was difficult, and I didn't know how to be so nimble. I managed though, somehow.

"We must make it over towards the pharmacy."

I nodded at him, scanning the area in front of me. In the distance, we heard two Raiders talking. One thought he heard a noise, and the other dismissed him. They went about their conversation, and Charon and I kept low, trying to keep ourselves from being heard. We were almost there, too, but I didn't lift my stupid foot high enough, and knocked over a large wooden plank. It came crashing down, making the sound echo throughout the entire market. I covered my ears at first, scared. I looked over at Charon, he was standing, gun at the ready. Now, I get to kill stuff.

I stood up, aiming my gun. Raiders came from the tops of shelves and from behind them. They screamed and shot, and a few even ran at us. Smiling like a goddamned maniac, I blasted two of them, and popped open my gun to reload.

"You like that? You bastard!"

Charon screamed, and I smiled to myself. He's a regular ol' loon just like me.

"What's the matter? Can't stand the sight of your own blood?"

Popping my gun closed, I took aim and shot another Raider who was trying to make target practice out of Charon. He fell off the shelf a few seconds after the recoil of my gun hit. A bullet from behind me grazed my ear. I spun around quickly to try and catch the culprit, but Charon was two steps ahead of me.

"I got your back!"

I saw the Raider with a Hunting Rifle drop down, lifeless. I felt my grin grow wider as the dust settled and silence creeped in.

"That was fun."

I said, out of breath and still grinning. Charon looked at me, a smirk on his face. He nodded slightly, and I knew. He is just as crazy and cold-blooded as me.

"We should finish up, though. We don't want more of them coming back."

I told him, walking past. He followed me over to the pharmacy, where we found food and medical supplies. I jammed them all into my pack.

"What did Moira want these for, anyways?"

"She didn't specify."  
I nodded. Getting up from my knees, I smiled, holding the pack over my back.

"You ready to venture on home?"

Charon nodded and turned away from me. I watched him for a second. He walked tall and strong. If he ever raised his voice, I think I might be just a little scared of him. Just a little.

Jogging up, I caught up next to him. From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw some blood on his armor. I shook my head, dismissing it. It's really dark in Super Duper Mart. Probably just a dirt stain.

"Should we scavenge the bodies for items?"

Usually I just did it, I didn't have to ask anyone. But now I did. I didn't want to come off as some freak while Charon watched.

"Yes."

He took half, and I took half. I found a lot of Assault Rifle ammo, and a few .32 shells. Nothing that I could really use, want or need. Not even a similar set of armor to replace my own. I sighed, kicking a dead Raider.

"Mother fucker."

Charon's heavy footsteps neared, and I turned around, my hands on my hips.

"What is the trouble?"

"I can't find anything to repair my armor with. I feel like now I'm running around naked, and I don't know why."

"I found a Merc Adventurer Outfit. It might protect you better and last slightly longer."

I nodded.

"Thanks, yeah, grab it and let's go."

Charon nodded and went to grab the armor. I didn't know what it was called, but he seemed to know what the hell he was talking about. I felt my adrenaline high start to leave me, and I sighed. I liked the high I got from shooting, I liked having the power and liked the feel of a gun in my hand.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"What makes you happy?"

"I find happiness in a warm gun."

I smiled.

"Just like me."  
He nodded, and I opened the Super Duper Mart doors. The sun shone brightly, and I took in a big breath of fresh air. Glancing back at Charon, I saw him looking at his shoulder. A closer look showed blood. Oh fuck me running will you?

"Charon, what happened?"

He looked at me, stiffening up.

"It is nothing."

"No, no hey let me see, here sit."

He sat down and I kneeled beside him. Removing the cracked piece of metal off of his shoulder, I saw that a bullet had grazed him. I smiled to myself. Taking out some dirty water, I cleaned the cut. It instantly began to head and I was happy with myself. I seemed to be doing a good job at this companionship job. Maybe I'd end up even liking it.

"Thank you."  
He muttered as he put the piece of metal back on. Standing, he helped me to my feet and readjusted the pack on his shoulders.

"You are bleeding as well."

I reached up to touch my ear where the bullet had grazed me. I felt it was wet, and yes, it was bloody.

"Ah, just a scratch, come on."

He watched me walk ahead of him The last thing I wanted would be for him to worry. I've had much worse injuries than a stupid cut on my ear. I don't need to be worried about. I can worry about myself. But, it seemed Charon didn't give two shits about my ear, and that suited me just fine. He walked behind me, silent and staring past me. He was always looking at something that wasn't there. But I guess when I used to travel alone I'd do the same thing.

I tried to examine Charon as we walked back to Megaton. I huffed on a cigarette, walking slow so Charon would end up in front of me. A Mercenary, huh? The only mercenaries that I ever encountered were Talon Company, and they were neither nice or good with weapons. I easily took out groups of three or four of them. Charon seemed different from them, though. He seemed like he actually knew what he was doing. When he walked, he seemed like he was constantly looking for threats. I wasn't totally convinced he was supposed to protect me.

Jogging up to him, I handed him a smoke and lit another one for myself. He placed the cigarette in the corner of his mouth, and bent down for me to light it. I shifted my pack on my back, it was heavier with that shit we had collected.

"You're not allowed to have anything bad happen to me, right?"

Charon looked at me through the corners of his eyes.

"Correct."

"What's the deal with that? I don't get it all the way. You're like my personalized bodyguard?"

"Yes. If there is a problem with my tactics I wish for you to inform me. I will follow as far or as close to you as you wish."

"What happens if you don't protect me? And I get like really hurt?"

"Then I have failed my contract, and that cannot happen. I cannot have failure."

"Right…"

I still don't get the rules or the ins and outs of his contract. But whatever floated his boat and sailed his ship, I guess. I let him walk ahead of me again, giving some distance between us. He walked with a straight back, and kept his gun at his side. Even though mine was holstered, he kept his clenched in his fists. Some part of me wanted to know this man. This ghoulish, (I say ghoulish because he didn't seem as decayed as most of the ghouls I've encountered) silent, mercenary-trained man with the big shotgun. He seemed to have seen a lot, killed a lot, and saved many employers. I wonder if he actually cared for his contract-holders. If he had ever gotten emotionally attached.

No, probably not. He seemed to be like me in that sense. With a short range of emotions, from anger to content, and with no desire to get close to anyone. I can understand and respect that. I don't want to get close to anyone either. I learnt from a very young age that _everyone_ leaves you. Even if you don't want them to, and even if all is well and fine, they will leave you, and never look back. It is in everyone's best interest to keep a safe emotional distance from people. Especially in the Capitol Wasteland, where tomorrow is _never_ a promise or guarantee. There is enough to worry about with yourself, and no need to bring someone else into the equation.

The sun melted the skin on my back. Least, that's what it felt like. Most of the trip back to Megaton is uphill, and _damn_ I didn't realize how much it wore on me. Charon didn't look back too often, I made I clear that I can handle myself. When I could get balance enough to take a quick break, I found a large rock and sat down. Charon stopped, but didn't turn back. He must have been listening to my footsteps. I stared at him from a distance, wondering, smoking a cigarette. The sun made waves across the desert as it usually did. Hot, sunny, Charon must have been dying in his armor. Leather didn't seem too suitable for unbearable heat, but it kept you safe.

Charon's shadow was so large that it almost reached my feet. I tossed him my pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He didn't come closer to me, he stood far away. I smirked, bringing my hand to my mouth. I am alone in the Capitol Wasteland with Mr. Strong Silent and Catalytic. Maybe that isn't the right word, but I often heard dad use it when describing two chemicals that didn't fit together. Often the end result was explosive and dangerous, accelerating some form of change.

Charon and I are alike. We find happiness in shooting and warm guns against sweat-drenched skin. Neither one of us talk much, neither one of us have the urge to discuss matters at hand. We both see this as strictly business. I do want to know more about him, but for curiosity sake. My father often said that killed the cat, whatever a cat is. But as much as I can deem us alike, I know that we must not be good for each other. We are near-strangers, and he is honor-bound to protect me, and do anything I say. My moral system is fucked up, I admit, but I cannot order Charon to do my busy work.

Tossing my cigarette into the dirt, I looked at Charon. He was waiting for me to continue, to get up and move onward. I didn't feel good, being someone's errand girl, but I might be able to redeem myself and get some good karma for it. Shifting my pack, I stood up and stretched. Charon turned and began walking without a word otherwise. I jogged up to him, trying to ignore the sweltering heat.

"Have you ever been un-owned?"

"I do not understand."

"Have you always had an employer?"

"Yes."

"So, what happens if you don't have one? If something happens where it gets lost or some shit?"

Charon shifted uneasily, not looking at me.

"I do not know."

I shrugged and left it at that. Charon seemed to always have a purpose, someone to listen to, something to fulfill. Like my father, I am always one for testing and experiments. I wonder what would happen to someone like Charon, when all of his purpose seemed to dissipate. I did not want to test it, fearing the worst, but I do want to know.


	6. Chapter 6

I started to warm up to Charon as we spoke with Moira. I don't know why, but the way he spoke to her, explaining the tactics of the battle we had encountered made me…soften up? She had decided to let us keep our findings, and dismissed us. Well, first she wanted me to go get attacked by a Mirelurk and come back, which I didn't really feel like doing. It was stupid, 'get hurt, but be careful'. Yeah, okay crazy lady.

Charon was on the same page as me, and didn't feel the need to go back home. We left Megaton once again, and stood outside the gates in the hot, hot sun.

"Would you like your new armor?"

Charon shifted the pack, shaking it to get my attention.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Can you uh, keep watch while I change?"

He nodded and turned his back to me. His gun rested in the crook of his arm, ready to strike. I took off my Raider outfit, peeling it away in strips and pieces. I felt so _damn feminine_ as I did it. I don't know why. My new body and newly-tanned skin might have had something to do with it. Half-naked, with no top on, I turned my head to look at Charon. He glanced back, and quickly looked away.

"Would you please hurry?"

I smirked, moving my shoulders to face him more.

"Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"No. It makes me think you are an easy target. Please dress."

Is he really a man? Well, no. He's a mercenary, and those fools don't see sex as a change. Gender to them is androgynous, man or woman, they will kill it. I'm sure Charon sees in the same terms.

I slipped on the leather. It was warm, and cool at the same time. It showed my stomach and clung to my curves. It seemed a lot safer than the Raider armor.

"What do you want to do?"

Charon asked me. I thought about it, scrunching up my face. I felt a nice breeze on my mid-back, and it flew my hair into my face. Charon looked at me, waiting and anticipating. I want to get to know him. I can't directly _ask_ him, though. I do not want him to know I am taking interest. I do not want my own self to think I am taking interest. But, wouldn't you want to know a little about the person who is supposed to protect and save you? Even from yourself? I stared at Charon, ideas and thoughts racing in my head, trying to formulate a plan.

"Rivet City."

Shit. Did I really just say that? Oh fuck me running.

"What about it?"

"I have to go there, business. How's that sound?"

Charon shrugged, indifferent.

"It is a destination."

This time when we walked, I stayed by his side. I wanted to…play with his head, so to speak. I don't like playing question and answers with people, people can lie easily. I like gauging their reactions, pushing their buttons, seeing their expressions. Charon, as far as I know, can't lie to me. Still, I didn't like asking. It would solidify the fact that I _wanted_ to know him, and it wasn't out of _curiosity_.

I eased closer to Charon. With each step, I leaned to my right more. He kept his line of pace, and didn't see me, I think. When I felt elbows brush, he looked at me.

"I am sorry. I did not know I was getting close."

He moved away from me, about two feet, and I nodded. Okay, so he finds that uncomfortable and blames himself. Reaching on my back, I pulled my shotgun, watching Charon from my peripheral vision. He aimed his gun, and began scanning the area. There are no threats, my Pip-Boy indicated no red tick marks, and I trusted it. Charon mimicked me for…for what? He didn't trust his own instincts?

Putting my gun back, I saw Charon lower his weapon. His pace was faster than my own, the leg-length had a lot to do with that. I heard my stomach growl as I secured my weapon, Charon looked at me, dead in the face.

"It was my stomach, I guess I'm hungry."

"Shall I prepare a meal?"

"No…no it's fine."

We kept walking. From my two experiments, I have concluded nothing. The sun was beating down hard, and damn it was really tiring me out. We hadn't walked _too_ far from Megaton, the Super Duper mart was a couple miles West, but I didn't want to go back there. A broken bridge offered shade, and I began walking towards it.

Sitting against the cold concrete, I fumbled with my Pip-Boy. Charon leaned against the concrete, next to me, seemingly annoyed.

"What's up your ass?"

I asked, not looking up from my Pip-Boy.

"I am wondering why we have stopped. It is not safe to stop."

"I'm _tired_. It's hot in this new armor. I'm not use to it. We aren't in a rush."

"Very well."

Giving up on the Pip-Boy, I tossed my arm down, annoyed. Charon stood still, his eyes scanning as usual.

"Sit down, will you?"

"If you command it."

He slid down the wall and sat. I rolled my eyes.

"Charon, I didn't _order_ anything. I don't give orders."

"You asked me to."

"But you didn't _have_ to."

"You asked it, I have to obey."  
I cocked an eyebrow. Charon reminded me a lot of myself, in some ways anyway. He was cold, closed off, and blunt in his responses. They left me wondering and confused. I smirked. There was something intriguing about him, something I wanted to know, but didn't want to get close to him. I know how I am, and I know how people are. Once you get attached, they leave you, and you're left broken and angry. Like me. Angry and wanting to take it out on the world, when the world had no part in your life.

I started tracing my finger in the dirt, making circles and stars. I thought about Butch, back at the vault, and how that bastard had used me. Back then, I was so desperate for love, for attention, I did things that…that probably aren't worth bragging about. I wanted someone to show me love, so badly, that I let him degrade and use me. It was a hard concept for people to understand. My father tried, he did, but I was never put first. His work was first, always has been. It was solidified in my mind the day he left me.

I _wanted_ someone to care about me. To chase me to the ends of the world and back again. From heaven to hell, on earth, in between, and back. I'd test people, and they'd falter and run from me. I learnt fast that people won't stay. But Charon…Charon saved me. The nasty bruise on my wrist was a clear reminder to me. He didn't _have_ to. He could have let me fall, but he got involved. He didn't _have_ to let me go back at the Ninth Circle, but he did. I have the weight of the Capitol Wasteland on the back of my neck, and every time I remembered it, it drove me mad.

I can't run away from my responsibilities forever. Maybe this trip to Rivet City will prove…well I don't know what it will fucking prove. Glancing at Charon, he was watching me as I drew with my fingers. I looked back at the ground. How can I expect someone else in this world to care about my existence, when deep down, I don't even care about it myself?

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

"You saved me the other night. Why?"

"I was supposed to."

I shook my head, lighting a cigarette. He declined my offer for one, and I shrugged.

"You didn't. You grabbed me in mid-fall. You got yourself involved."

"I am to protect you from anything that could harm you."

"Even myself?"

"If need be, yes."

He was lying. I don't know what he's lying about, but I know he is. He has to be. Standing up, I kicked dirt at him. He shielded his eyes from it and looked up at me.

"I didn't _ask_ you to save me!"

Charon stood, his back straight.

"You put yourself in a position-"

"No! No! You _shut up_! I didn't _ask_ you to save me and pull me back up! I didn't _want_ you to!"

I was doing it again. Testing him, like I had with my father and Amata. Testing him to see how much of me he could take, before he left me, too.

"I was simply doing my job, if you do not wish me to do something, then set rules and guidelines and standing orders. Until then if you are in danger it is my duty and job to protect you."

I clenched my fists and bared my teeth at him. My cigarette filter was being crushed as I bit down on it, but I didn't care.

"You could have been _free_! You're so _stupid_! You could have let me _die_ and then you would have been _free to do what you wanted_!"

I kicked more dirt and rocks at his legs. He shifted his weight and stared at me, unmoving.

"I was fulfilling my contractual obligations."

"Then why didn't you _shoot _me? Huh? Back with Ahzrukhal? You could have kill me there and put me out of my misery!"

"What misery would that be, Mistress?"

'Mistress'? What the fuck?

"Mistress?"

Charon glanced away from me.

"Do you prefer Dez?"

"Where did that come from?"

"All of my employers I call 'Master' or 'Mistress'. You introduced yourself as Dezbe, Dez for short. Not 'employer', therefore, I saw it fit to call you by name. Should you prefer it better?"

"I don't care what you call me. Call me whatever the fuck you want."

"Crazy, seems to suit you right now."

I glared at him. He didn't smirk or give me any sarcastic look. Frustrated, I punched the concrete next to his arm. I would have aimed for his head, but he's too tall.

"Aw fuck!"

I took my hand and held it between my thighs. I hissed and groaned. Moving it, I felt it wasn't broken, but it was going to leave a nasty bruise.

"You didn't stop me from getting hurt there, jackass."

Charon shrugged. He didn't care. Rotten bastard had only saved my ass _twice_ because it was in his job.

"You failed at it, how does that make you feel?"

Now I was attacking him at a personal level. I got a sick pleasure from it, because I knew he was going to prove me right. People _hate_ when you get personal. Trust me, I know.

"You were harming yourself on your own impulses. I am not to intervene."

Oh, he made me so _mad_.

"Then why did you intervene on the cliff huh?"

He didn't answer. I could order him to answer, I could order him to do anything. But I don't give orders. He will tell me truth in ordering him to, but I want to know this on my own terms. Grabbing the barrel of his shotgun, I placed it on my chest. This time, we would play.

"I order you to shoot me."

I calmly told him, inhaling on my cigarette. Charon's shotgun seemed custom-made, I don't know if it has a safety on it. If it did, I doubted someone like Charon would put it on. He looked at me as he held the butt of the gun.

"That's an _order_. You can't not do it."

"No."

He put his shotgun down by his feel. I felt hot, angry tears stream down my face.

"Why? Shoot me you fucking corpse! Shoot me! I know you want to! I _hate_ you! I don't even want your stupid contract!"

I pulled out his contract and held it above my head. It crumpled in my fist, and I brought it back down. I tried to tear it up with my bare hands, but I couldn't. He wrapped his hands around mine, and I froze. He pried the contract from me, I let him. His hands were so…so…ragged.

"Don't do that."

He hissed at me, thrusting the contract back at me. I took it, and put it in my pocket. Tears still fell on my face.

"Then _shoot_ me!"

I went for his gun again, but he pushed on my shoulders. He could have easily knocked me on my ass, pushed me into the dirt where I belonged. But he didn't. I could tell he was holding back from using all of his strength. Charon was stronger than me by a long-shot. I was a sack of flour compared to him.

"I will not."

I stopped fighting him and took a step back. Taking a pistol I kept strapped to my waist, I pressed it to my temple.

"Then I'll do it myself!"

He didn't try to pry the gun from my hands like he had done with his contract. I wasn't as important as that shit piece of paper. I wasn't important enough to Amata for her to call off her father's troops. I wasn't important enough to my father for him to _stop working_. I wasn't important enough to my mother for her to _stay alive_. I glared at Charon, and clicked the gun back.

"Why?"

I was ready to squeeze the trigger. End it all, I think. Blow my head off like I should have done the second I had the chance to. But Charon's one-word question froze me on the spot. No one, no one ever cared enough to ask why.

"Because I am a terrible person."

Charon nodded, but didn't move towards me.

"You have stated that before, but you never told me why."

"I _killed_ innocent people! I left them to _die_!"

"That is bad, yes."

"So then _kill me_ like you did Ahzrukhal!"

"What you have done before employing me I have no opinion of. As I have been with you, you have not shown me anything that would indicate a bad person."

"Then _what_ do I seem like than, huh?"

"A sad, lonely little girl who does not know where she stands in the Capitol Wasteland."

He had no emotion or tone to his voice, nothing to indicate that he would be interested in my well-being outside of his contract. But I lowered my pistol, and shot the bullet off in the distance. Putting the safety on, I strapped it back on my waist.

"You have no idea who I am."

I didn't look up at him. I let my tears fall and drip into the dirt, making little wet marks.

"I do not."

"So why do you insist on keeping me alive?"

I looked up to see Charon wave his hand in the air, carelessly.

"I do not care if you live or die out here. If you die while I am employed than I have failed to protect you and therefore, failed my contract. I have not stopped you from offing yourself, simply stopped you from involving me in the situation. As far as I understand, you are an innocent person, and I cannot be involved with the death of an innocent."

"I'm just a job to you, aren't I?"

He nodded, leaning back against the bridge concrete. I felt my sore hand throb, and I really wanted to punch him.

"I am just like Ahzrukhal, then. So if I trade off your contract, you will shoot me then."

"No. You are not like Ahzrukhal. He was a terrible, dirty bastard. The things he had done were horrendous, and nothing close to what you could have done or are capable of doing."

"How do you know what I'm capable of?"

"You have already shown me you have some form of moral system with how've you've acted. I do not have a strong enough opinion to shoot you or stay with you upon the release of my contract."

I nodded. Right, well, he disobeyed me by not shooting me. I glared at him, flexing and un-flexing my hands. In the back of my head, I heard a soft, soft voice _everything is going to be alright_. I don't know where it came from, but I heard it. Was I going totally bonkers and hearing voices now? No. It wasn't that kind of voice.

Looking back at the ground, the hot tears that were still forming dripped and fell off of my cheek and nose.

"You are the most difficult people I've ever encountered."  
I said through closed teeth and clenched fists.

"I have been honest and straightforward with you, Dez. I do not understand how I am being 'difficult'."

"Just _shut up_, Charon."

I sniffed my nose and wiped my face on the back of my hand. Looking out from under the bridge, I walked to the edge of it, standing in a small sliver of shade. I looked at the blue sky, and fluffy white clouds. I am one person in this vast, empty world. I am one small little girl, what does my life matter to anyone? To Charon, my termination meant he would have to find a new employer, a new job. My father would not care. Megaton would not know, and soon, my house would be sold again. I was hardly there anyways.

Someone once told me, I should be happy to just be alive. I didn't know what they meant then, and I don't know what they mean now. There seems to be no reason or purpose for me in the Capitol Wasteland. Three Dog rooted me on, trying to get me to complete tasks I left unfinished. But I am one person, one girl, who has to save the entire world. I can't do that. I can't even make friends. The only thing I'm good at is shooting, and that's hardly a trait to be admired in the long run.

Looking back, I saw Charon had secured his gun on his back. He had returned to leaning against the bridge, and seemed to be enjoying the damp coolness the bridge provided. I walked back over to him, my face still wet, but at least I stopped crying.

"I am sorry that I snapped at you."

Charon opened his eyes and cocked an eyebrow at me. I didn't look at him.

"Okay."

I gripped my pants tightly at my thighs.

"I don't hate you."

"Okay."

"Do you care?"

"Not really, no."

I took in a deep breath, and caught myself holding back more tears. I couldn't sit here any longer. I would surely freak the fuck out on him again.

"Come on."

I walked away from him, picking my pack up from the ground. I kept myself ahead of him, trying to walk fast enough so he couldn't catch up with me. I didn't need to try so hard, because he wasn't about to run up and be by my side. I didn't want him to see my face, and see the expression I was trying to hide.

Look at me. I can't make friends, I can't even fucking keep my own emotions to myself. I was _fine_ before I had met Charon. I should have just left him there, left him to the mercy of Ahzrukhal. _But he spared your life, you couldn't let that happen._ I heard a voice say to me. It was right, I couldn't. The wound on Charon's head that night showed me he had some sort of…of moral system. Like me. He couldn't kill me for no good dirty reason, but damn he should have. Inside, I'm a emotional roller coaster. Up and down and all around these twists and turns. I just wanted someone to give a damn. Someone to worry about me and my safety. Charon worried out of his contract. I wanted someone to worry because they truly cared about me. No one ever cared about me enough to stick around, though.


	7. Chapter 7

I scratched the part of my ear that was grazed earlier. I didn't take the time to care about it, it was only a scratch. I itched it, accidentally pulling the scab off.

"Ow!"

I yelled, pulling my hand back fast. Under my nails was old blood, and on my fingertips, new blood.

"What's wrong?"

Charon walked up to me. In the setting sun, he didn't look that mean.

"Nothing. Scratched a scab off."

I pointed to my ear and shrugged. I was going to keep walking, and just let heal on its own, but I felt Charon's hand wrap around my arm.

"Let me see."

He pulled me into the light, and I sighed.

"Charon, it's just a cut, leave it."

"Is that an order?"

"No…"

"Then let me see it."

He put his hand on my head and tilted my face. I felt him pull on my ear, and I made a hissing noise. He stopped for a minute, and I heard him digging through the pack that slung on my back. He returned to my ear, and I felt him cleaning it off with some gauze. I let him take care of it. When he was done, he walked in front of me, towards the city that loomed a few miles ahead.

"It was just a scratch."

I said to his back. He didn't look at me, he didn't say anything, he just kept walking. I sighed, and started walking, too. When we came to the river, it was already almost dark.

"I don't like going places at night."

I told him. He looked around the area.

"We can stay here for the night."  
We made base camp between the stairs and the river. I stared at Charon mercilessly as he built a small fire. My stomach growled and turned with hunger, but I ignored it. What is this strange feeling in my head? I was so angry with Charon, but why? I huffed on a cigarette, trying to suppress my hunger, hoping he wouldn't offer to make me a meal. That'd make me feel like shit, considering I was thinking about kicking the living shit out of him. I don't know why.

"You're an asshole."

Charon glanced up at me as the fire began to crackle.

"Yes."

'Yes'? What kind of answer was that? I curled my lip at him and looked at the shining water. The moon reflected off of it, and it made it look almost _clean_. I knew Mirelurks might be hiding somewhere in there. Glancing back at Charon, I felt my thoughts race. It wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want him to follow me. I didn't want to buy his contract and have him so loyal to me that he wouldn't let me off myself. It wasn't right. I thought it was, but I was wrong. The thoughts raced mercilessly, I didn't know what I really wanted, what I really meant. Having someone constantly around you could really fuck with your head, especially when you _hated_ company, and they were insatiable.

But…deep down, I wanted him around. Even if he was only doing it because he had to, even if it was just a job, to someone I meant _something_. Something, I guess, is really better than nothing.

"Charon?"

He looked at me. He was sitting against the wall, his legs crossed, his gun next to him.

"What?"

"…You ever…you ever want to be free?"

He cocked an eyebrow, and set his head back against the wall.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it is not who I am. I have been trained to obey my contract, without it I have no purpose and I am not myself. If I wanted to be set free, I would have let you die the other night. But it is not my wish."

"You keep me alive, so you are not set free?"

"Perhaps."

"What if I ripped up your contract, huh?"

He looked at me like a parent looks at a child who did wrong.

"I would stop you before you even thought about it."

"You don't have friends, do you?"

"No. Neither do you."

Ouch. Talk about taking one for the team. It shut me up and I stared at the fire. I had made it this far on my own. I had done it all, nineteen years, on my own. I never needed help from anyone. Why now, then? Why did I feel deep down that I needed someone? I stole glances at him every now and again. Once, just once, I'd like it if he started conversation with me, or something.

"I want to go swimming."

I didn't really want to, fuck I hate getting wet, but it was a conversation starter.

"So do it."

I shook my head.

"Naw, I don't want to anymore."

Charon stayed silent. I got up and walked away from him. Not very far, because I realized the farther I got from him, the more uncomfortable he became. I stood at the edge of the water, smoking by moonlight. Do I really deserve any of this?

Off in the distance, I heard the faint sounds of laughter. I looked behind me, and then to Charon. He was already standing, his shotgun ready by his waist, his finger on the trigger. I walked up to stand next to him. Maybe I should order him to not be so damn…cautious.

I saw two Wastelanders walking together off in the distance. They were heading our way, laughing loudly.

"They're just travelers, Charon. No need for worry."

His eyes narrowed.

"Very well, then."

I followed him back down to our fire. We sat in silence again, with the laughter and talk of the travelers getting closer. Charon kept his eyes open, and one hand on the trigger of his shotgun. Why didn't he just relax? Be calm and not so worried? It was in his contract, I guess, and after seeing how I acted at night, he didn't want to take any chances.

The travelers ventured too close for Charon's comfort. When they were a yard away, he jumped up and ran at them, but not firing.

"Whoa! Hang on there big fella! We don't want to fight!"

I chased Charon, a little angry with him.

"Charon! They're _fine_!"

He glared at me through the corners of his eyes.

"They can't be trusted."

"Charon, just, calm down. Go sit down at the fire."

Charon growled something inaudible to me, but listened. I turned to the two travelers. One was old, gruff and whatnot, and the other was young, looking to be about my age or close to it. I lit a cigarette and looked at them. They were both men.

"Sorry about that."

They looked at me, still in shock.

"Who…who _was_ that?"

"Charon."

The older one kept looking past me, as if Charon would still be there. But he wasn't. I knew that much. Tilting my head, I motioned to them.

"Come sit down with us real fast yeah?"

They looked at one another and nodded. I led them back to the fire, and took a seat across from Charon. In the light, I could tell they were scared at his appearance. You can't really tell he's a ghoul at night with half his face covered by a shotgun. I motioned towards him.

"This is Charon. I am Dezbe, but call me Dez."

The two travelers looked at me. The older one raised his hand.

"Samuel."

I looked at the younger one.

"Josh."

I nodded, smiling.

"Nice to meet you Josh, Samuel. What brings you out here this late?"

"Uhm, just going back home…that's all."

Josh stammered. It made them nervous to have Charon sitting there like that. I smiled at them again, trying to get them to loosen up.

"Hey, relax, he won't hurt you or nothing."

"Damn near tried to blow our heads off a minute ago!"

Samuel wasn't happy. I sighed, nodded.

"Who is he to you, anyways?"

I shifted my glance back at Charon. He didn't seem to mind being talked around.

"He's…he…he's my friend."

The two of them stood up, shaking their heads.

"We're terribly sorry, but we must be going. Take care."

Samuel nodded and me, and followed Josh up the hill. I stood up, concerned. Kind of.

"Hey! Wait you just got here…stay…"

They didn't look back. They took off into the desert and vanished. I sat down, kind of sad.

"You scare people off, Charon. I was trying to make friends."

"You introduced me as your friend."

"Yea, so?"

"So I thought we agreed this was a business deal?"

I shrugged. I didn't know he'd get so defensive.

"I just thought it was easier to explain than 'my bodyguard who is bound to me by contract'. You know?"

Charon closed his eyes again. He didn't answer back. Sighing, I laid down on the hard concrete, using my arms as pillows. Even if it was through contract, Charon was still the only one who'd ever inquired as to why I felt so shitty about myself. I never told him. Telling him would prove venerable and it would expose me too much. It would…I'm not sure how to say it. It would open me up too wide and I didn't want another Butch repeat.

The concrete wasn't that comfortable, not as comfortable as my bed back in Megaton. It hurt my back and made my legs stiffen. I stared into the fire, and sometimes I looked past it at Charon. He sat, not moving, not opening his eyes. I looked back into the fire, sighing.

"Are you comfortable?"

I heard him say. Looking at him, I sighed.

"No, no I guess not."

"Here."

He stood up and walked away. He came back a few minutes later with two dead bushes with some leaves on them. I moved, and he set them down in front of the fire, sprinkling them with some water from the river.

"It should help a little."

He went back to sitting against the wall and I laid back down. It wasn't the best, but it was an improvement.

"Why did you do that?"

"You seemed uncomfortable."

My stomach growled loudly, and I put my hand on it.

"You seem hungry, as well."

I didn't have time to argue. He walked past me, and dove into the water. I couldn't see him, but I heard him splashing around, and getting out on the other side. He fired his shotgun, and for a few seconds, the blast lit him up. I watched from the other side, wondering what the fuck he was doing. He splashed back into the water, and emerged again on my side. He pulled a dead Mirelurk from the water, and dragged it over.

I stared at him, astounded. He was carving it open with his combat knife, not paying me any mind. It was simply…mesmerizing. Sure, gutting a dead creature wasn't that pleasant to look at, but the way Charon moved…it was different. Like every motion was pre-calculated seconds before he did it. Clean, straight cuts bore open the Mirelurk, and Charon tossed seemingly useless parts into the river. He worked without any expression or words, cracking open the claws. He left it for a moment, and came back with two large branches. Stabbing the shells of the claws through the stick, he stick them in a fire. He balanced the other meat on and around the shells before sitting down.

"That's…how'd you know how to do that?"

He looked at me, leaning over the edge to clean off his hands.

"I have been around a long time."

"Charon I didn't even know you could _eat_ Mirelurks…"

He shrugged, and looked out at the river. I glanced over at he giant claws that lay roasting in the fire. They were massive, surely deadly. I chill ran down my spine.

"I don't want you doing that anymore."

Charon looked at me as he stood up, drying his hands on his pants.

"Doing what?"

"Going and killing a Mirelurk for food. You could have gotten hurt…I don't need to eat just because I'm hungry."  
Hearing that out loud made me realize how stupid it sounded. I shook my head at myself, trying not to crack a sarcastic smile. Charon sat back down again, and poked at the sticks with the blade of his knife.

"If that's what you request of me, so be it."

I sighed.

"Charon it's not an order it's just…I don't want you getting hurt is all…"

"Very well."

It's true. I don't want him getting hurt. I'd feel pretty bad if he got hurt under my time. Especially for something as stupid as my own lame hunger. I had gone days without eating before, I don't need to eat every night. Charon turned the meat over, handling it carefully. I didn't take my sleepy eyes off of him, and I gently watched each and every move he made. He looked at me after a while.

"Why are you staring at me?"

I blinked and sat up on the bed of leaves. I think it was the nicest thing he's ever done for me.

"I didn't mean to."

"Is there something you wish to speak to me about?"

I put my hand up near my neck. I moved each of my fingers in counting motion. I don't know why, but I couldn't not do anything. Charon's eyes baring into me made me nervous and I couldn't look at him.

"No. Not particularly."

He grunted, and turned the meat over again.

"Permission to speak freely?"

I glanced up at him, confused.

"You already have it."

"Why do you want to die?"

I felt a lump curl up in my throat. No. I was not going to be a feeble-minded, vulnerable little girl. I am not like that, I have never been like that. I am fucking Dezbe, I don't need anyone.

"If you don't wish to talk about it…"

I looked at Charon, stern and serious.

"I don't."

He shrugged.

"Very well."

We ate in silence. Charon at first only picked at his meal, watching to see how quickly I devoured my own. I made it a point to not eat too fast, but instead chew and swallow it this time. Once Charon looked away, I took huge chunks out of that meal with my teeth and chomped down. It was so fuckin' good. Well, at this point, anything in the desert would taste good. I was so hungry, walking made me hungry, trying so hard made me hungry.


	8. Chapter 8

I waited until I was a hundred percent sure Charon was asleep. I made sure to roll away from him, and breathe slowly, just closing my eyes wouldn't fool someone like him. After hours of laying there, still, and twitching now and again to make the lie more convincing, I rolled over. Smoke rose up from the now put-out fire, and Charon sat, his head down and eyes closed. He breathed lightly, sleeping. I smiled to myself. Sitting up with great care, I made sure none of the leaves or branches below me snapped or broke. Looking back, Charon hadn't moved.

Lowering my legs into the water, I silently slid under. The radiation tingled my skin, making me shudder. Kicking, I held my breath as long as I could, trying to swim away as fast as I could. Surfacing, I took in a well-needed breath of air. I was only a few yards away, but it was enough for me. In the glow of the moonlight, I saw Charon's silhouette against the cement. He looked…at peace. I found myself smiling, and swam to shore. Lifting myself out, I took a big breath, and laid back. I just wanted some 'me' time. I wasn't going to pull anything.

Walking up a small hill not far from camp, I stood and looked out at the city. It was so close, but I knew how dangerous it was. I always liked the city in the day. There was so much to explore and so much to kill. I missed it. Charon's voice rang in my head, I didn't want it to, though. Over and over I heard him as 'why'. I heard him take concern in me, and pretend to care. But I knew it was all a façade. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I shook my head.

"Damnit girl, you have got to stop this fuckin' crying bit. It's getting old."

I started to think about my mom and dad. If it wasn't for me being born, then…then maybe mom would have lived. I always thought that's why dad never had time for me. Because he didn't _want_ me. That secretly, deep down, he didn't want me around because I was a constant reminder mom was dead. Shaking my head, I felt tears sprinkle around. I think that's when I decided I didn't like myself. When I realized dad was working too much to spend time with me, when I realized how much I reminded him of mom.

"And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the water of life freely."

My mother's favorite verse. From the Book of Revelations, I think. I used to read it over and over again, that framed picture in my room. I never knew why it was her favorite, but reading it when I was down always made me feel like…well…like it was warmer inside me. Like I wasn't so alone all the time.

"That's a pretty nice poem, you write it?"

I turned my head, scared and shocked. Behind me a Talon stood, his pistol in his hand. I reached for my own gun, but then I realized I didn't have it.

"Shit!"

He laughed, and turned to his buddies. They came out of their shabby hiding spots, all armed.

"You've got quite the large bounty on your head."

I'll take them all on, with or without weapons.

"Yeah I know. You fuckers just don't know when to quit, do you?"

The guy laughed at me, taking a step closer.

"Why don't you come quietly, that way we won't avoid a hassle, hm?"

I right hooked that bastard with all my strength. I felt my fingers pop and crack against his cheek, and I heard all his friends aim their weapons. I stared at them, fists raised. The Talon guy I had knocked moved his jaw up and down. He rubbed it with his hand, and then smirked.

"You've got quite the punch there Dezbe. No more games now, let's go."

He went to grab my arm, but I pulled back, baring my teeth.

"Go to hell!"

He sighed, shaking his head.

"I didn't want to do this, I really didn't, but whatever suits you."  
I heard the simultaneous clicking of pistols, and I decided to do something I had never done before, in all my life.

"Charon! Charon! Charon! Charon _help me_!"

I screamed bloody hell for help. It startled the Talon Company enough to not fire their weapons right away. I crouched on the ground, anticipating and ready. The main Talon guy laughed.

"What was that? Some pitiful cry for help?"

I held my breath. I heard loud footsteps coming. I smiled, looking up at them.

"Yup."  
His face dropped, and his gun rose. I smiled at him.

"Shoot me, you fucking bastard."

"With pleasure."

I heard it click back, and I closed my eyes. Sweet, sweet salvation. I never had the balls to kill myself. I wanted someone else to do it, I didn't deserve an easy death after what I'd done. My blood needed to be on someone's hands this time. I smiled. Tonight, I could at least die for a reason.

A loud blast echoed in my head. I didn't feel anything. More blasts ensued, and yelling. If I was dead, why were people screaming? Opening my eyes, I felt I was still on the ground, on my knees, anticipating a shot that never came. In front of me, the Talon guy whose gun had just been pressed to my chest was laying, dead, eyes open. I looked up, Charon was looming over me.

"You heard me."

He offered his hand and helped me stand up.

"Of course I did. You screamed loud enough for anything in a ten mile radius to hear."

I looked around at the five dead Talon Company Mercs. The sight didn't bother me. Searching their bodies, I took some ammo and a holotape with my information on it. I didn't want anyone else in the Capitol Wasteland finding it and trying to hunt me down. Shoving it my pocket, I stood up, wet leather pants clinging to my legs. Charon had his arms crossed and he stood, watching me. His filmy, blue eyes stared right through me. I didn't like how it made me feel, so I walked away, shivering. It was cold in the desert at night sometimes, tonight was one of those nights.

I sat down on the brush mat. Charon began building the fire up again, taking some small twigs from the ground.

"Why did you leave…again?"

He said it like I was an annoyance. Like he was babysitting.

"I didn't. I just wanted time to think…I wasn't trying anything."

"Who were those men?"

"Talon Mercs."

Charon nodded, stepping back as the wood and sticks took light. I put my hands out, feeling the heat of the fire. My lips felt numb and hurt to the touch. Charon sat down across from me, this time, he didn't seem to have any intention of relaxing.

"Why are they after you?"

"Shits me."

I played coy. I felt like I was…was…losing my fucking mind sometimes.

"I would like it better if you stopped taking off in the dead of night. It becomes a bother to have to sleep with one eye open."

I bit my lips, trying to make them feel something, trying not to freak out again, but all I tasted was warm blood.

"I didn't try anything."

"You could have gotten hurt."

"I called for you, and you came, and I'm fine."

"And if you did not? You would have been dead if I didn't come running."

His tone hurt me more than his words. It reminded me of my father when he used to scold me. Reaching over to my pack, I dug around for my cigarettes. Charon's contract fell on my hand. I hadn't noticed it before, but there was writing on the back. Bringing it close to my face, I read it. It looked like it was old, written in actual ink. It stated what Charon had already told me, that whomever possess it is in full control of his free will, he has to protect, etc. etc. It was nothing I hadn't heard before.

But glancing over the flames at him, I felt that feeling rise and bubble inside of me. He caught me holding it dangerously close to the flames.

"Are you planning on destroying my contract?"

I looked at it, licking my lips.

"No."

Charon settled back down, and I brought the contract away from the flames. Shoving it back into my pack, I stared at him.

"You find me stupid and annoying, don't you?"

He didn't answer.

"Say something."

No response. I bit my lip, feeling it better than before. Warm blood came out of my mouth and I spit it in to the river.

"I find you unbearably annoying. But that does not mean I won't fulfill my contract, so you have no worries."

I sighed, shaking my head. Deep down, I didn't care. I couldn't care.

"Charon, you can go jump off a bridge for all I care, too. But I have the contract, and you insulting me won't make me like you any better."

"I don't care if you like me or not. Was that not the agreement?"

"I'm going for a walk."

He stood up with me, grabbing his gun.

"No. You stay."

I pointed my finger at him and stared. He was intimidating at night, his big body overshadowing me. I shuddered from cold…and from the chill that went down my spine when he didn't say anything.

I walked only three yards away from him. I made sure he could see me, and if need be, come running after me. To be honest, when I saw him standing over me like that, for a split second I thought it was because he _wanted_ to save me. He could have pretended he didn't hear me, and just picked his contract from my dead body. Or just gone with the Talon Company. He didn't have to run for me.

Staring at the sparkling water, I sighed. For the first time in my life, I had someone who valued my life over their own. Sadly, it wasn't out of any viable or sustainable emotions. It was a job. I am a job. Charon will pass me off as one of his employers when time comes for him to leave me, and he won't remember a damn thing. I won't remember, either. I won't ever think of this ever again.

"I am Alpha and Omega."

I said to no one, barley whispering it. I wished I could see my mother, talk to her, speak with her and ask her so many questions. I wish I wasn't here, so then she would still be alive. My father…dad never…if he had to pick between us, I know he'd choose her. I remember how he used to cringe whenever I tried on a lab coat and did experiments with him. He told Jonas it hurt him to look at me, because of how much I looked like my mom. It killed me inside to hear him say that. Broke my heart and numbed me. I hated it. For the first time in my life, I was crying. I had been, since that night I tried to kill myself. I had so much inside me that couldn't come out. I wouldn't let it come out.

Turning back, I walked over to Charon. He stood, his shotgun gripped in his hand.

"I have an order for you."

He cocked an eyebrow.

"I thought you weren't ordering me?"

I ignored him.

"I order you to only do things if you want to do them, despite your contract. I order you to…to only protect and listen to me if you want to and see fit. I don't want to be a job to you."

"That is a contradiction."

"Deal with it."

I laid down on my branches, curling in the fetal position. For the first time in my life, I cried myself to sleep.

Charon woke me up as the sun was rising.

"We must continue."

He said to me, shaking me in my sleep.

"Why?"

"Raiders."

I was up. I didn't feel like getting shot at. Not this early. Grabbing my belongings, I slipped into the water. I heard him slip in behind me, and we swam across.

"Shit."

The wall was too high for me to climb up without slipping. Something had gone askew with the tides, fuck if rivers had them, and now it was three feet taller than me.

"Charon?"

I looked next to me to see him easily pull himself up and over the wall. I didn't have the upper body strength for that. He walked over to me, grabbing my wrists he pulled me up and set me on my feet.

"Yes?"

I shook my head, trying not to laugh. I didn't say anything, and went to walk up a set of stairs.

"I suggest we take the tunnels."

"Why?"

I _hate_ tunnels.

"Safer."

He unlocked the chain gate, and held it open for me. I turned on my Pip-Boy light, and walked through.

The walls were dark, eerie and wet. I shivered from the cold air, and kept my gun in easy reach. I could hear feral ghouls in the distance, growling and snarling.

"Charon, I don't _like_ tunnels."

He ignored me and walked ahead. Checking my Pip-Boy map, I saw that we could totally avoid this and just head due South. We could bear West and swim the river. Rivet City didn't involve going _into_ the tunnels.

"Charon, we can avoid this _please_ can we turn back?"

He turned to look at me. In the green glow of my Pip-Boy, he scared me.

"Why? It will be much faster and safer to stick to the tunnels."

"I don't like tunnels, Charon."

"Why?"

"I don't like the dark."

Yeah I have this thing…the dark and I don't go hand in hand. I don't know why, I can't tell you, but it scared the shit out of me. Charon shifted his weight, impatient to deal with the threats ahead.

"I will protect you."

He didn't leave room for argument. Mustering up my courage, I tried to get back into my old self. I ran ahead of him, my shotgun ready.

"I'm gonna kill me some zombies!"

I ran into an opened up platform. Four feral ghouls stared at me for a second, and hissed.

"One potato! Two potato! Three potato! More!"

I screamed and laughed as I pulled my trigger, aiming and blasting off their heads. Charon caught up to me, and looked around at the bloody mess.

"Pretty good, huh?"

Charon shrugged.

"Feral ghouls are more of an annoyance than a threat. Follow me."

I sighed and followed him. There wasn't much of anything in these tunnels. I've heard that Raiders camp out in a few of them, but there was nothing we didn't run into. I was prancing around behind Charon, trying to occupy my mind so I didn't lose it and freak because of the dark. I tried to ignore my mind, tried to keep it in it's place, but it didn't work. Charon sulked in front of me, making sure not to trip or anything.

"Charon?"

He stopped walking and turned around. I was doing a balancing act on two railway tracks, trying to…to keep myself busy. It wasn't working and I stumbled off of them. Charon didn't move to try to catch me. I was glad he didn't.

"Do you pronounce it 'Sharon' or 'Karon'?"

"Charon."

I nodded. I was trying to break the ice. Maybe he'd want to talk to me, and maybe he'd even like me. No one ever liked me before, except Butch, but that wasn't like or love or caring. That was abuse. I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts out of my mind.

"Dez, stay back."

I looked up at Charon, confused.

"Why?"

"Raiders."

I nodded and ducked behind a bench. We had been walking through a tunnel, and came across a Raider camp, as far as I could tell.

"Shut that goddamn light off!"

I clicked off my Pip-Boy, holding my breath. Charon eyed the area, squinting to see better. I pulled my shotgun out and looked at him.

"Come on, ya pansy."

I truly thing the only thing in this world that stays consistent is killing. You pull a trigger, it goes 'bang', and someone dies or gets hurt. I loved how I felt as I stood in the crossfire, jamming shells into my gun, and then blasting people all to hell. Charon stood with his back to me, moving expertly around me, trying to kill off anyone who was close enough to cause me harm. I smiled, feeling the warm barrel of my gun. It burnt my wrist a bit as I pressed them together. The pain from it excited me, giving me a high nothing else could.

I shot off a Raider's arm, crippling him. Charon looked at me every now and again, making sure I didn't fall on my ass, dead. A blonde girl tried to take me out with a stupid Chinese Pistol, but I demonstrated that my sawed-off shotgun was _much_ more effective. I laughed as blood sprayed on my face, and Charon stopped firing. If Charon stopped, then there was nothing left.

"What is so funny?"

I looked at him, wiping the blood off my face.

"Nothing."

He pointed to the broken steel stairs. I nodded and went up them, where it was pretty well lit.

"They make good for a bunch of beasts."

Secretly I envied them. I examined their campsite, and it was well formulated with beds, food, ammo and walls. I nodded my head in approval, running my fingers over a chair. I turned around, hoping Charon might agree with me for once, but he wasn't up here.

"Charon?"

I was confused. Didn't he _have_ to follow me? Walking back over to the ledge, I saw him, halfway up the stairs. He was struggling with himself, and I cocked an eyebrow. Walking down to meet him, I looked at him, but it was dark on the steps.

"You okay?"

I asked, and put my hand on his shoulder. He shook it off.

"I am fine."

He took another step up, and I saw him wince, but take the pain.

"No…no you're not okay. Here, let me help."

I put his arm around my shoulders. He was heavy, and firm. I tried to lift him, but to no avail. I'm not strong. Instead I felt him lean on me, that was doable. Slowly, I helped him up the steps. Every time I glanced on his face, I saw there was something there that wasn't before.

When we got to the top, I led him over to a chair. He had taken his weight off of me, and walked there all by himself, but I could tell it hurt him. He sat in the chair and crossed his arms.

"Are you alright?"

I asked him again, moving towards him. He looked away from me.

"Leave me alone for the moment."

"No, here, let me see."

Charon growled at me. I gently touched his leg and found a deep wound. I almost gasped at the sight of it, it was huge. I took my pack off and found I didn't have any water, and only three stimpacks. I took one out, and bit the tip off.

"This may kind of hurt, alright?"

Charon nodded, still not looking at me. I took the stimpack and stabbed the wound. He flinched, but didn't move. I injected the medicine, and pulled the needle out. Gently, I pressed, making any excess blood seep out. I put a big gauze pad over it, and taped it on. Charon didn't look at me once.

Getting up, I brushed my hands together and started foraging for some supplies around the camp. I figured for now, we could rest here until his leg was better. I found some Purified Water in a first aid box, and smiled.

"Here."

I held out the bottle to Charon. He took it from me and drank it. He didn't speak. I sat on the floor in front of him, tinkering with my small pistol.

"You never answered my question."  
I looked up at him, and brushed some hair from my face.

"What question?"

"About why you want to die."

I smirked, but didn't avoid it.

"I've done pretty bad things out here. And back home I had no real friends. I guess I've just been so alone all the time, that I feel death would be a better alternative."

"Home?"

I smirked, a little embarrassed.

"You ever listen to Three Dog?"

He nodded.

"Well…I'm that girl from Vault 101 he brags about."

Charon smirked and nodded.

"Makes sense now. Spoiled little girl out in the Capitol Wasteland. I should have made the correlation. No other female in the desert would ever act like you."

My mouth dropped. What a fucking bastard.

"You have no idea who I am."

He looked at me, dead in the eyes.

"I know you are a spoiled little girl, who tries to act like she does not need anybody, and is overly dramatic and drastic for attention."

I stood up, holstering my pistol so he wouldn't think I was going to shoot him.

"Oh and look at you! Mr. Big Mercenary! Yeah right! You can't even not get hurt in a gunfight! A little spoiled girl just catered to your wound, big man. Don't you tell me _I'm_ spoiled! You have no idea who I am or what I've been through!"

"So why don't you inform me, hm?"

I felt my face get red hot.

"You're such an unemotional cocksucker! You have no idea what it's like to have no mother, to have your father hate you because he blames you for your mother dying! You have no idea what its like living in a vault full of people and have _no one_ want to like you or even get to _know_ you! You don't know how it feels when you wake up and the _entire community_ wants you dead for something you had no control over! Or to be thrust into the Capitol Wasteland with no formal training to have _every angry memory flash before you while you kill an innocent person_! Don't try to tell _me_ I'm spoiled! I have this entire shit capitol depending on me and _I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing_!"

As good as it all felt to say it, or rather, _scream_ it, it hurt. It hurt even more hearing myself admit it than it ever did just thinking it. I fell on the floor, to my knees, and held back tears that were burning in my eyes. Charon was quiet as he digested all the shit I just spat at him. I clutched my stomach, trying not to show any emotion at all.

"I understand."  
I looked up at him. My eyes were wide. That bastard had _tricked_ me into telling him. I thought I was the one who could test people, who could push their buttons and make them tell me everything without them knowing. Charon used my own game against him.

"You can't call me spoiled, Charon."

I seethed through my teeth. I was trying _so hard_ not to cry. I was trying so hard to make believe this was all some bad dream. That I wasn't in some fucking underground tunnel with a big ass ghoul who wanted me dead. I tried telling myself someone out there in the world wanted me. Someone wanted to care about me.

I walked away from Charon and looked over the edge of the platform. I smoked a cigarette, smoked a few, actually, while I stood there. I didn't want to go find my dad. I didn't want anything to do with that rat bastard. I hated him, I _loathed_ him. He left me, he had always left me, and now he pulls _this_. He…he didn't even _care_. I bet he wanted them to kill me. I bet he did.

I sniffed my nose and shook my head. I wasn't crying, but I had all the symptoms of it. I heard Charon walking behind me, and I shook my head.

"Go away. I don't want to talk to you right now."

His footsteps came closer, and I sighed, shaking my head again. Turning around I put my hands on my hips, flicking my cigarette.

"I said go away. I don't want your company."

He walked up to me and…wrapped his arms under mine and around my waist. I felt both of his hands go up to my shoulder blades and stop. I was scared, what was he doing? He pulled me close to him, so that my face was against his leather armor. I felt his head press into my neck, and I closed my eyes. I don't remember any one, ever, giving me a warm hug like this.

I didn't know what to say to Charon when he let me go and walked back to his chair. He didn't limp, so I figured his cut was better. He didn't even look at me as he lit a cigarette, and blew the smoke in the air. His rotten hands reflected in the lights, the dim lights that were battery-operated. I never really knew what was wrong, or what was right, but maybe he could teach me. Maybe, he'd be nicer to me, and when I did die, I'd go to heaven.

I walked past him, and pulled a browned and stinky mattress over by the chair. I sat on it, and looked up at him.

"What are you staring at?"

I shook my head, looking away.

"Do not get attached to me. I do not care for my employers."

I felt my heart sink. The only person to give me physical contact outside of combat, happened to hate my guts. I turned away from him.

"Do we have to travel in the tunnels until we reach Rivet City?"

"Perhaps."

I nodded. I kept having to remind myself of who I was, and how I'm not the girl I used to be in Vault 101. I have to detach myself from Charon, and sell his contract as quickly as I could. I didn't want him around me anymore. I didn't like the way he was beginning to treat me.

"I saw something, and you listen, right?"

"You told me not to, if I didn't see it fit."

"Will you go away? Will you leave? I'll give you your contract, and you can find another employer."

He flicked away his cigarette.

"No. It does not work like that. _You_ must die or sell my contract. And no, I am not going to shoot you."

"I know."

Tonight, I'm not going to wander off. Instead, I'm just going to lie here until I can sleep. I'm not going to worry about anything anymore, I'm not going to do anything. I'll just…be as I was. I'll find someone to take Charon off of my hands, I swear, even if it kills me.


	9. Chapter 9

Rivet City was farther than I had anticipated. Charon and I had spent three long days and two long nights of silence in these motherfucking tunnels. We haven't seen or heard of anything more threatening than a goddamned feral ghoul. It was starting to piss me off, I needed something to _shoot_ something to _kill_.

Charon and I didn't speak to one another. In fact, we hardly even _looked_ at one another. More or less, we acted like the other didn't exist, and reminded one another every day how much we despised the others' company. It was little actions, like he'd shut a door in my face, or I'd run ahead and leave him behind. I didn't like being reminded that I was in the company of someone who didn't like me. I especially didn't like how he had to pretend he did in combat. It just reinforced my idea to _not_ get attached.

Right now, I decided it was a good time to take a quick nap. I knew Charon was a ways behind me, and wouldn't find me for at least a half an hour. Sitting against the wall, I put my knees to my chin, and closed my eyes. As much as Charon showed his dislike for me, and as much as I did the same, deep down, I didn't hate him. I really actually wanted him to be my friend. My only friend. My first friend.

I woke up and everything was blurry. I shook my head, and tried to move my arms to rub my face. I couldn't. Panicking, I tried to move my entire body, but I could only wiggle.

"What the fuck?"

I said, picking up my head and looking around. I was in a brightly-lit room, and on my back. I was in my tank top and brown shorts, my gear was gone.

"Charon?"

No response. It was a small, blueish whiteish kind of room. I felt like I was in the vault's operating room. Where they did these strange experiments. My body felt cold when I pressed it on whatever surface I was laying on. I tried to sit up, using my own sheer strength to break whatever I was tied to, but it didn't work. I slumped back down, exhausted from my efforts.

"Fuck me pretty…"

I heard a door open from my left, and I looked over. A man in Talon Company armor leered over me. I spit in his face.

"You untie me right now you motherfucker!"

I snarled and bared my teeth. How did they get me? How? I flashed back to my nap…the only time I closed my eyes without Charon near me. Charon!

"Where's Charon?"

The merc looked at me as he dried his face. I scowled, glaring at him.

"Well, it is nice to finally make your acquaintance, Dezbe. I am Sergeant Clifton. We've been looking for you for quite some time."

"Almost four months, you fucking scumsuckers. You and your team can't take me! I've blasted tons of you to hell!"

Clifton laughed and walked from one end of the table to another.

"Now Dezbe, you must understand you have nothing right now. I have taken all of your ammunition and weapons. I have a hoard of troops outside, ready to come in with one word. I am going to untie you now, and you are going to tell me some things I need to know. If you resist, or prove hostile, you will _not_ like the consequences."

I didn't know if I should mention Charon again. I burnt holes in Clifton's skull as he waited for my agreement. I nodded at him and he nodded back.

"Very well."

He unstrapped one of my arms, and then the other. I sat up, glaring at him. Where was Charon?

"Now, Dezbe, I understand you kept the company of a _very_ important asset to Talon Company."

"Oh yeah, whose that? Because all I had…all I had was Charon."

Clifton nodded, pacing back and forth.

"Yes, yes, Charon. He is _very_ important to us. We have, however, been quite unable to obtain his location or his contract. That is, until we found he was with you."

I cocked my eyebrow. It enraged me to hear them talk about him like a piece of meat.

"What do you want with Charon."

Clifton shook his head.

"We need him for training. He is _very_ wise, and _very _tactful, and the last of any Mercenary like him. He was trained to kill, and kill _everything_. To obey, and obey without objection. Mercenaries now lack that kind of discipline and we need him to enforce it."

When I said I wanted to sell out Charon, I didn't mean it. I was just angry. I didn't want to sell him out to them.

"He won't listen to you."

Clifton laughed at me, and stopped pacing. Good, because he was making me dizzy.

"Oh, we've already obtained his contract. You should really put that somewhere safer in the future. Well, not like there will be a future, you won't be getting it back. No, no, what we need from you isn't _just_ about Charon. You did a great job leading us to him. What you need to provide us with is dire to the continuation to Talon Company."

"What's that?"

"The new password to Vault 101."

My heart sank. Yes, I know it. Yes, I hated everyone in that fucking place, but…as mean as I am, I can't do that. I can't hurt innocent people anymore.

"I don't know it."

I lied. Clifton smirked.

"I knew you'd say that. But you see, the new Vault 101 PA transmission has been located on your Pip-Boy, and we _know_ that's where they broadcasted the signal."

"You have my computer, why do you need me?"

"That's the trick. It seems that it only works when it is on _your_ wrist. We haven't figured out why, but that's what it seems to be. So it is a lot easier for you to tell us."

"Why do you need the vault?"

"That is none of your concern."

I growled at him. I bared my teeth and clenched my fists. Pip-Boys are specially designed to match with the wearer's DNA in case it fell into the wrong hands, like it so had. I pressed my nails into my fists.

"I'm not telling you jack shit. Do what you want to me, I _dare_ you."

Clifton started pacing again. He walked over to an intercom, and spoke into it. I couldn't make out the words, but I didn't sense anything good coming from it. He turned and smiled at me.

"We will see how fast you speak."

The room doors slid open. I got scared. Were they going to beat me? Go ahead, I relish the thought of death. I smirked at Clifton.

"There's nothing you can do to me."

He smirked back.

"I doubt that."

I heard footsteps, and I looked up. Charon stood, his shotgun on his back. I jumped up off the table, not controlling my own movements.

"Charon!"

I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him.

"I'm so glad you're okay."

He pushed me away. His big hands engulfed my small shoulders, and he sat me back down on the table. He went and stood by Clifton, emotionless. Clifton smiled at him, and paced.

"Now, Dezbe, tell me, what was Charon to you?"

'Was'. He said 'was'. I momentarily forgotten, Charon isn't under my employment anymore. Grimacing, I didn't hold back the truth.

"Charon was my bodyguard."

"And? Go on, please don't spare us details. How did you find him? What was your relationship?"

"I bought him off of Ahzrukhal in the Ninth World in Underworld. He was my bodyguard. He…saved my life twice, but I don't think he really knows that. He is the only person I let myself get somewhat attached to, and the…"

"Go on."

"The only person who said they understood and…and hugged me."

Clifton nodded, and let out a slight chuckle. I felt those hot angry tears well up, and I felt my rage begin to bubble over. Without thinking, I leapt off the table and tackled Clifton. I punched him as hard I could in the mouth, and screamed at him.

"Charon! Lift her off of me!"

I felt Charon's strong hands wrap around my flimsy tank top. He pulled me off of Clifton, and I felt my body go limp. Charon set me back down. I had been proven right. Anyone you come to care about will hurt you. Clifton stood up, and wiped the blood from his mouth. At least I got a good hit in.

"Charon, hit her."

"Where?"

"Anywhere you like."

I looked into the face of my former bodyguard. His white eyes looked back at me.

"Charon…"

He raised his fist and pushed it deep into my stomach, hard. I was winded, and fell to the ground. I puked on the floor, gasping for air.

"You…you…"

Clifton laughed. He ordered Charon to pick me up by my hair, which he promptly did. I glared at Clifton.

"I have to leave to take care of this nasty cut you gave me. Charon, you keep her here and keep her _detained_ until I return. Understood?"

"Yes."

"That's what I like to hear."

Clifton left the room, the door sliding behind him. Charon dropped me once we heard the door lock in place. I fell to my knees, coughing and sputtering.

"Why did you…why?"

It hurt to speak as I heaved on the floor. Something must have been ruptured.

"I must obey the holder of my contract."

I helped myself up by pulling on the table. Its cool surface was welcoming. I glanced over at Charon, the tears coming back.

"I thought…I thought we were _friends_."

"We were no such thing."

"You…you should have shot me! I wouldn't be here! Why didn't you just let me _die_?"

Charon's expression changed. Something about him changed. He looked away from me, uneasy.

"You are at fault for leaving my eyesight and 'napping' in an unsafe area."

"I swear to god I'm going to beat your ass silly for this. When I get that contract back I'm going to make you black and blue."

"Physical violence on your part invalidates the contract."

"I swear Charon…"

Clifton returned to the room, and Charon snapped his back straight and looked at the far wall. Clifton walked over to Charon, making sure I wasn't going to jump again.

"Charon, what was your relationship with her?"

"She was my former employer, Master."

"How did you _feel _about her?"

Charon hesitated.

"I felt a form of comfort in her company. She was highly irritating and dramatic, but quite sad. I enjoyed protecting her."

"Anything else?"

"I felt a sense of safety and regard for her. She tended to my wounds and did not order me to cause harm to myself."

"So you like her, then right?"

"She was my former employer, I have no feelings for her."

"Harming her wouldn't be _too_ rough on you then, would it?"

"I will do as you ask me."

Clifton nodded and walked over to me. He slapped me hard across the face. I clenched my cheek in my fist. I glanced at Charon, and saw him flinch. He did care. He did. He said he enjoyed my company. God, I was so blind.

"Charon, listen to me. You _don't_ have to listen! We made an agreement, that you wouldn't have to obey anything you don't like! Charon, please!"

I pleaded with him, begged him with my eyes. Clifton hit me again in the other cheek, and I hissed in pain. I groaned, exaggerating my pain to make Charon feel bad, feel _worse_. I glanced into his milk-white eyes, and I saw a flash of…pain. I had seen that same look in the eyes of Wastelanders I left to die. This was my karma.

"Now. I have a new instrument that my team found out in the desert. Charon, would you please test it on Dezbe here?"

Clifton reached into his utility belt and pulled out a stick. A baton. It wasn't a police baton, it wasn't anything like I'd seen before. My eyes widened and Clifton hit a button and blue electric currents appeared at the tip of it. I felt my heart leap into my throat as he handed the tool off to Charon.

"Go on, Charon. I would like to see its effect on humans."

"Charon, please, I'm _begging_ you…please don't do this…don't."

Charon sighed and looked at Clifton.

"Yes, Master."

He walked over to me, and thrust the baton into my thigh. I felt my entire body stiffen, and convulse. I had no control over it, I couldn't even scream. I fell to the floor with a loud _thump_. Charon removed the baton and I whimpered on the floor, trying to move but to no avail.

"…Cha…Charon…"

I heard Clifton laugh manically. Similar to the laugh I had when I shot at Raiders.

"I…I am Alpha and…I am Alpha and Omega…"

I tried to recite the phrase, I tried.

"Again!"

Charon pushed the baton into my ribcage. I froze up again, he didn't hold it nearly as long as he had before. I felt him remove it from me, giving me relief.

"…The…the beginning…the beginning and the end…I will give unto him…

"More!"

My stomach. Convulsions.

"…that…that is athirst of…of the fountain of…water of life…"

"Once more Charon, let's go! Make this one _count_!"

My neck. Burning, blackness engulfed me. I couldn't even _breathe_.

"…Freely."

I coughed and sputtered. I tried to move, everywhere was numb. My brain freaked out at the surge of electricity it had received. Once more and I'd be dead, I knew it. I couldn't take whatever weapon this was.

"Thank you Charon, that will be all."

I watched them as I laid in the fetal position on the cold, gray, steel floor. Charon handed back the baton, and I tried to focus on his eyes. They were moist. I tried to reach up for Charon. Just…just to touch his hand, his arm, anything. Clifton laughed at my pitiful attempt.

"This seems quite fun. Don't you agree Charon?"

"…Yes."

"Good, very good. Now, I must return this and its findings to our scientists. When I return, I expect to have that password fresh in your mind. Charon, you keep watch. I don't want her escaping on us."

"Yes, Master."

I cried. I let it all out, without anything holding back. I didn't care that Clifton heard as he locked the door behind him. I didn't care that the only person who had shown me affection just tortured me for the sick, twisted humor of his new employer. I didn't care that I was going to die for people I despised. I just cried, moaning, painful wails that echoed in the small room. I banged my numb, weak palms on the floor until they were red and burning. I kicked my legs into the bolted down crutches of the table until I felt blood seeping from my heels. I curled into a ball, wailing, trying to let it all out.

"You should refrain from being so loud. They will suspect something."

I took in a fresh breath of air. Charon didn't look at me, he stared straight ahead.

"You're…you're supposed to…to be my _friend_."

"I am no such thing."

"You're supposed to _save_ me…"

"You are no longer my employer."

I felt that bubble welling up in me. I kicked and pounded like a child throwing a temper tantrum. I felt it all release into the air. I felt it escape inside me, and I stopped. I stopped screaming and pounding. I sighed, hiccupping dry air. Pushing up, I tried to pick myself up off the floor. Excruciating pain shot throughout my body, my mind raced, and I fell. I couldn't get up.

Turning my head, I reached up for Charon.

"Charon…please help me…_please_."

"I cannot."

"Charon he didn't say that…he said to keep an eye on me…please find a loophole please…I _need_ you."

I saw him think it over, his expression changing so slightly. I dropped my arm and sniffed my nose. He looked at me, and sighed. Bending over, I felt his strong, rough, half-devoured hands gently take my waist. He picked me up gingerly, and placed me on the table. I had no strength to sit myself up, so he let me rest my head on his shoulder.

"Charon, please…no more…no more."

I heard something. Through his armor and leather, I heard something. I tried to press my ear closer. His heart was racing a mile a minute. My father said the heart races from excitement, from fear, or from flight or fight method.

"Are you scared, Charon?"

"No."

From extreme sadness. My father, the scientists, had taught me many things I thought would be of no use. Charon…Charon was truly sorry. On the inside, he was sorry. He _had_ to be.

"I'm sorry, Charon."

I felt his body stiffen. I closed my eyes and pretended we weren't here. I pretended we had never fought and got along like…like two friends _should_.

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"Because…I let you down…I didn't watch my ass…I'm sorry I fought with you, I'm sorry I got us in this mess…I'll get us out."

I weakly slipped my pinkie finger into his and squeezed.

"I _promise_."

He let me keep my pinkie there, squeezing his as if it was my last thread of hope.

"Dez, just give him the password. You said you hated those people in there, so what does it matter?"

I lifted my head up and looked at Charon. I'd never been this close to him, his neck was exposed, showing flesh and muscle. I never saw how intricate and beautiful the human body can be. All made up of such…different schematics.

"Because no more innocent people can die because of me."

He didn't answer me. I knew he understood.

"I'm sorry, Charon."

"Oh and what do we have here?"

Clifton came in the room and Charon instantly moved from me. I had to catch myself before I fell face first back on the floor. Any indication of what just happened vanished from Charon's face.

"What? Having a merry reunion?"

I glared at Clifton.

"He just helped me up."

"Whatever, it does not matter to me. Do you want to tell me the password?"

"No."

He shrugged.

"Very well then."

He took the baton out again and winced. I thought he had brought it back. Looking around the room quickly, I realized we were being watched. A camera in the far right hand corner of the room. That fuck. He had done this all to gauge Charon's response to me, and I to him. I could take another baton hit.

"I dare you."

"And I accept."

He turned on the baton, and looked at Charon.

"You are ordered to not move, understood?"

"Yes."  
Clifton walked over to Charon, holding the baton in front of him. I expected him to hand it to him like before, but…he didn't. He pressed it into Charon's neck. I watched in horror as my only friend, my only companion, convulsed and twitched. I saw his eyes roll back in his head as Clifton pressed harder.

"Amata!"

I screamed. Clifton stopped, pulling the baton away. Charon didn't fall to the floor. He stood against the wall, shaking. He didn't open his eyes.

"What?"

"…The password is 'Amata'."

Clifton replaced the baton in his belt and smiled.

"Now, that's what I wanted to hear."  
He left the room again, the door locking behind him. I jumped off the table, and wrapped my arms around Charon. He fell into them, and it took every fiber in my body to keep him upright.

"Charon…Charon can you hear me?"

He grunted.

"Help me, I can't hold you up, come on please, _please_!"

He shifted his heavy feet across the floor, me supporting most of him. I helped him onto the table, removing the shotgun from his back. Once he was settled, I stroked the top of his head.

"Hey you, can you open your eyes?"

He shook his head back and forth, and I saw his eyelids flutter.

"I'm done, Charon. This isn't happening again. Not this time. No more."

He grunted at me. I saw the shotgun that was on the floor. Stupid fucking people. Looking up at the camera, I flipped it off. Better watch out cocksuckers, Dez has a weapon, and she's half naked.

Picking up the gun, I shot out the camera. Now all I had to do was wait. Charon was trying to move, trying to tell me to give him his gun back, but I didn't listen.

"Shut up, Charon. I'm not listening to you. You had better kiss my _fucking_ ass after this!"

I waited by the door, gun ready. I could hear talking, worried talking, outside the door. I heard the lock click, and in one fluid motion, Charon's shotgun was aimed at Clifton's head.

"Charon! I told you to _watch her_!"

Charon didn't move on the table. I pressed the barrel between Clifton's eyes.

"Give me one good reason to keep you alive."

"Shoot me doll, and _everyone_ in here will be after you."

I laughed, manically, sadistically.

"I can handle that."

I squeezed the trigger. Clifton's head sprayed in a million different directions, his skull splitting in half. I cocked it, and shot each Talon fucker that tried to come through the narrow door. There was one of me, and tons of them, but down a two-person hallway, I was the army. I had the upper hand.

I felt a few bullets hit me, but it wasn't vital. My adrenaline was too high for me to even notice and count how many small wounds I had received. I heard myself screaming in anger at all of them, screaming and yelling. Then they stopped coming. I had fired…I don't know how many shots. Not enough to have to reload, though. But enough to kill and get my point across. I looked a the massacre that had happened. Only six, I counted, but six was enough to make a point.

I walked back into the room. Bending down, I ignored the searing pain from different areas of my body. I had one thing on my mind, and I pulled it out of Clifton's armor. Charon's contract. I looked up at him, and he saw me with it in my hand. He was sitting with his legs over the table, and I stupidly smiled at him.

"Look Charon, I got it."

I felt my knees go weak, and I fell onto my butt. I groaned, dropping the shotgun on the floor. Charon jumped off the table and came over to me.

"You are injured."

I glanced down at my body. I was bleeding, and pretty badly, from my stomach. My legs had minor and medium grazes, but other than that I was okay.

"I'm alright."

I said, trying to stand. My stomach flashed me with red-hot pain and I doubled over again. I felt Charon's hands, his strong supportive arms, his entire body press against mine. I clung to his contract as he lifted me into the air.

"Charon…it's…it's only if you want to…go and run, okay? Go…go get out of here."

"No."

He walked out of the room, and I was in and out of consciousness. I knew I was safe when I felt the hot, warm sun beating down on my bare skin. I opened my eyes enough to make out the burn the baton had made on his neck. Gently, I lifted my hand and touched it.

"You have…you got hurt."

"I am fine."

When he got me far enough away, he set me on a rock and handed me his shotgun.

"I must go find supplies."

I watched him run away. It felt like I was in a dream-like trance. Like none of this was ever happening. I took in a deep breath of air, wrapping my hand around his contract tighter.

"I kept my promise, you fucking zombie."

I kept one hand on my stomach, trying to hold the wound closed, and the other one on Charon's shotgun. Let me tell you, bleeding out like this doesn't actually hurt. My smaller cuts and the burns from the baton hurt more. It was like your body went into this suspended state of shock, and everything was in slow-motion and numbness. I could feel it, and it did hurt, but not like you'd think. It took a while for the pain to register, and by then it was over. I felt the blood seeping out and through my fingers, I was scared to press down.

"I _hate_ Talons…"

I said, squeezing my stomach harder. Pressure does stop the bleeding, but you try adding pressure to the squishiest part of your own body and see how far it gets you. It wasn't easy, let me tell you.

Squinting my eyes, I tried to see off in the distance where Charon had run to. I could most definitely see Talons walking around, that was for _damn_ sure. Was this possibly Fort Bannister? Maybe, could be, most likely. I didn't have my Pip-Boy to check anything, let alone a map. I could try to pull one out of my ass, I hear some people are pretty good at it.

"Yeah, it's Fort Bannister."

I said to myself, smiling. Dizzy and confident with my own speculation, I giggled. I felt my own blood run down my side and into my shorts. It felt like I wet myself. Taking my hand off of the shotgun, I ran my fingers through my hair. Sweat dripped from my forehead, and I tried to think about Charon. I knew he'd be okay, even without a weapon. I have his contract, and he has his combat knife. I can't believe I was so stupid for leaving something that important out like that. But in a way, I'm glad this all happened. I know it sounds sick, but now I know that Charon _did_ like me. He cared about me in his own little sadistic way. Hell the rotten fuck had to carry me out here, and it was by his own choice too.

I started to get choppy in my breathing. Like it was short and small and huffs of air. My heart was beginning to beat faster. I thought about all the symptoms that were going on, and I smiled to myself.

"You're losing a lot of blood, girl."

I picked up my hand, and it was shriveled like it had been underwater for too long. My own blood made my hand shrivel.

"Charon, you better get your ass out here, and fast."

I felt my face get cold. Blood was draining from it. I wished my father had taught me more first-aid type shit. With him it was all theories and practice and other such things. It was never something I could use in this type of situation. I felt my chest heaving up and down, trying to take in as much air as it could. It wasn't enough though. I kept gasping, trying to get myself to stay regular and stay conscious.

"Charon…"

I looked over in the distance. Someone was walking, kind of jogging, over. I couldn't see them, my vision wasn't at its best right now, but I knew it was Charon. It _had_ to be. I could hear his big, heavy footsteps thudding, and I smiled wider.

He came over to me, and crouched down.

"Let me see."

I took my hand off of the wound, and Charon shook his head. He had my pack with him, I could see my gun, my armor. I smiled stupidly.

"That's my stuff."

Charon looked at it and nodded. He had medical supplies at the ready, and was wiping the blood from my stomach. He shot me with some Med-X and I smiled as it oozed inside my veins. It made me feel numb and happy. I could feel my heart slowing down.

"How bad does it look, doc?"

Charon grumbled something I couldn't really make out. I closed my eyes, letting him care and tend to a wound on _me_ for once. I kept my breathing paced and regular best I could. Sometimes I'd have to heave, and I'd feel Charon remove his hands from me. I didn't want to open my eyes. The warm sun was so relaxing, the cool breeze, everything. I felt so light that if I wanted to, I could really fly. Fly up, up and away. I'd never, ever have to come back home or do anything. I wonder if Charon would come with me. Probably not, he'd call me reckless or something.

I opened my eyes, and Charon was still working on my stomach. He was almost done, wrapping gauze around my waist and pulling it tight. I could see small, pinkish, brownish stains coming through the gauze, I knew it was blood. Charon didn't look at me as he kept at work. Sweat dripped off of his head, and he wiped it with his forearm. Charon sat back, leaning against another rock. I looked at the gauze that went up from my hips to the base of my ripcage.

"Will it work?"

I still felt quite weak. Charon started digging in my pack and handed me a bottle of Purified Water.

"Yes. Drink."

I drank the whole thing, smiling. I felt his contract under the palm of my hand, and I smiled.

"Here."  
I thrust it at him.

"What?"

"I want you to hold on to it. That way, if anything happens, _you_ have it."

Charon shook his head.

"We will find somewhere safe to keep it. I will only hold it until then."

I nodded. He helped me up to my feet, and I felt the warm sand and dirt beneath my toes.

"I'll help you."

I looked up at him. Help me with what? I watched as he bent over and pulled up my Adventurer Armor. I sighed.

"I _hate_ that armor! Can't I just put on some Wastelander gear?"

"Do you have any on you?"

"No…But we can find some."

"Wandering the desert in your underwear is not the best idea. Or decent, for that matter."

I took a big breath in, and squeaked a bit from the pain it caused me.

"I _hate leather_. It's all hot and sticky and, no offence, but mean people wear it."

Charon shrugged offhandedly. I sighed, and tried to pick up my pack. It didn't go over so well, and it just made the wound Charon tended to burn.

"Cock…"

I said, trying not to touch my stomach. Charon shook his head, was that a smirk I saw?

"Here."  
He put all my belongings on his back, and helped me get my gun on my own back. His hand brushed the welting burn that the baton had left. I saw something flicker in his eyes for a split second. I saw his eyes quickly, subtlety, look at my thigh, where the worst of the burns were. He didn't look long, he didn't want me to know what he was doing, but I did.

"Where will we go to?"

Charon handed me my Pip-Boy and I secured it to my wrist. It beeped to life, almost like it missed me. I smiled at it, and instantly brought up the map. It told me we were in fact, at Fort Bannister, and slowly many green blobs were turning red. That was never good.

"Megaton. It's the closest place, and we have to hurry."

Charon nodded. I started mapping out the fastest route as we walked. Megaton was slightly Southwest from here, and not very far. In between Fort Bannister and Megaton was the Jury Street Metro Station. I glared up at Charon. I stayed like that until he looked at me.

"Yes?"

"Charon, you got us in trouble."

"Excuse me?"

I shoved my Pip-Boy in his face. Pointing at the screen, I showed him my logic.

"If we had avoided the Metro tunnels, they wouldn't have been able to transport us from them in the city to all the way out here to the Jury Street one, and then haul us over to Fort Bannister. I _told_ you I hated tunnels!"

Charon shook his head at me. I saw him take another look at my thigh and neck.

"I am sorry. I will try to listen to you more often."

He wasn't going to argue?

"Good."

He didn't fight with me. He didn't openly say that it really is my own fault. He just accepted my point and moved on. I felt a strange feeling in my chest, and it was more annoying than my bullet wound. It was warm, and dizzying. It was nice and I liked it. I looked up at Charon and I smiled a bit. He had saved my ass, and you know, for that I am grateful. There's hope yet in the Capitol Wasteland, even for a screw up like me, I guess.


	10. Chapter 10

The stain on my gauze had gotten bigger as we neared Megaton. Charon said not to worry too much about it, and kept walking. He wasn't being as mean to me as he usually is, and I liked the change. Three Dog babbled mindlessly on my Pip-Boy, mainly about where I had disappeared to.

"Maybe you should continue on your quests when you recover."

Charon suggested as he held open the gate of Megaton for me. I walked through, still in my tank top and brown shorts.

"You should head home to rest, I will gather supplies from Moira."

I nodded. Charon helped me up the steep hell and into my house. He dropped off my stuff and took his leave. Wadsworth came down the stairs, and lectured me on seeking medical attention. I shook my head at him, and got myself up the stairs. I didn't feel like sleeping, so I just laid on my bed. I stared at the ceiling, and the small holes that let the sun leak through. I could hear people talking outside, and sometimes I'd hear them talk about me. I had hoped to enter Megaton unnoticed, so then no one would want to ask me for favors, but that wasn't the case. I guess in a small town, word travels fast.

I heard some of the residents talking about me. They were inquiring about who Charon was, and how they had often seen me acting 'suspiciously' close to Gob. I got mad after I heard one nice woman refer to me as 'a service ghouls can afford'. I was not, in any way, sexually intense with Gob _nor_ Charon. Sure, I often wondered what it would be like to kiss a ghoul, and more than once I've caught Gob giving me 'that' look. But it never went further than that. _Someone_ in this town has to be decent to the fellow. He's so nice, Gob I mean. Hell, even the hooker said she wouldn't 'lower he standards' for him. I bet he'd have to lower his. Stupid whore.

I heard Charon coming banging in the front door. Sitting up on my bed, I peered out the bedroom and down the stairs.

"Sounds like you have more than just clothes for me."

Charon grumbled and kicked something out of his way. I heard him coming up the stairs, and smiled when I saw his head.

"You brought me presents!"

I got excited as he dumped a bunch of crap on the floor in front of me.

"I did not."

He bent down and started going through the pile of junk. He tossed me a gray hooded sweatshirt and tarnished green pants. I slipped on the pants, and smiled.

"They fit good."

Charon grumbled and ignored me. I took off my tank top, sitting in my birthday suit. Charon looked up then instantly turned away.

"I would appreciate it more if you told me when you were indecent!"

I giggled at him, turning the sweater right side out.

"Charon, it's not like you give a damn. You're a mercenary. I hear they don't have sex."

"That may be but still, it would be appreciated."

"Alright, alright."

It felt _damn_ good to be in loose clothes. I played with the hood, hiding my face in it and messing with the strings. The junk Charon was sifting through was actually old parts from guns. He was probably looking to repair his.

Standing up, I put my shotgun on my back and smiled.

"I am going to Moriarty's to hang out with Gob. You coming?"

Charon stood up, almost intimidating me with his height.

"I should, yes."

I nodded and shrugged at the same time. Leading him down the stairs and out the doors, I instantly felt everyone's eyes on me. They had heard about the state I came to Megaton in, and I bet they were suspicious. No, I _knew_ they were suspicious. I pulled the hood over my face and jammed my hands in my pocket.

"Dez, what is troubling you?"

"Nothing Charon, forget it."

We walked into Moriarty's and the stench of smoke hit me in the face. I relished it, and got a cigarette from Charon. Gob was cleaning a glass, and like before, Charon slumped in a chair, hiding his face in his arms.

"Gob!"

Gob actually came out from behind the bar and gave me a hug. He was the second person to hug me. Charon was the first.

"Ow, be careful."

I pushed him off and lifted my shirt slightly. He saw the gauze and his eyes widened.

"Aw kid what happened? I told you to be careful out there."

"I just got into a fight, that's all."

He looked at my neck, and pointed.

"That?"

I pulled the hood over to cover it.

"That's nothing. Ignore it. So, how've you been?"

Gob shrugged and walked around back to the bar. He took out a glass and poured me some vodka.

"I've been alright."

"You have a new bruise."

He didn't respond.

"Gob, come on, _please_ let me just take care of this issue. I swear it'll be fast and painless."

"I appreciate it kid, but no. I wouldn't feel right having you do my dirty work."

"I _hate_ Colin."

"Don't we all?"

I sipped the tall glass of vodka on the rocks Gob gave me. Charon hadn't moved or spoken since we arrived and I knew better than to push his buttons.

"So, what's the deal with that stomach of yours? Isn't this bastard supposed to protect you?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charon twitch.

"It's a really long story, Gob. I don't want to talk about it. It's not his fault."

"Yeah well, I never get any nice people around in here. I'd like to keep the ones I _do_ have in tact. He needs to be more careful."

I sighed and sipped the vodka a bit more. Charon lifted his head from his arms and sat up straight. He stared at Gob evilly.

"Coming from the screw-up who got himself captured by Slavers two seconds into the Wastes."

"Charon!"

Charon leered at me.

"I will _not_ be insulted on my performance. Especially by the likes of _him_."

I sighed.

"Charon! Be nice to Gob!"

Charon put his head back down. I looked at Gob, frowning.

"I'm really sorry about that. Charon's been especially prickish lately."

Gob shrugged like he couldn't give two shits.

"It's fine kid, don't worry about it. The old man is just sore about his shit."

I sighed. I swear it was beginning to seem like they were two little kids. I was the mother who needed to drink it all away, so I did.

I laughed manically as I slammed my fist on the bar.

"And then I was all 'MWAHAHA' and they were all 'oh no the evil and sexy girl from Vault 101! We're doomed!' it was hilarious!"

"I remember it slightly _different_, Dez."

I looked at Charon through my beer-goggles.

"You shut up. You…you don't know _anything_ why? Why? Because _you_ are a mean, mean person. Yes…a mean one."

Charon rolled his eyes. Gob laughed at me from behind the bar as I hiccupped. I caught his smile, and waved my hand for him to come closer. He bent down and smiled.

"Yes?"

Gob loved to humor me when I was shitfaced.

"Gob, hey Gob…what's it like to ya know…_kiss_ a ghoul?"

Gob stepped back from me, laughing.

"I don't know kid, I've never kissed one."

I reached over the bar for his arm. I was laughing, I had two ghouls standing near me, and I was shit drunk.

"Gob you gotta let me try this…you gotta."

I pulled him close and pressed my lips on his. I had only ever kissed Butch, so I was pretty fucking rusty and inexperienced. But Gob didn't seem to mind. I mean at first he resisted and tried to pull away, but then he got the hang of it and wrapped his hands around my shoulders. It felt…cold. Cold and moist and…rough and hard all at the same time. It wasn't disgusting or rotting, and it wasn't like he had no teeth or anything. I actually found I enjoyed it more than kissing Butch.

I pulled away from him, smiling and satisfied.

"Ya know that's not really that bad. I expected something like…roar…Charon I am a monster!"

I bared my teeth and made claws with my hands over my head. Charon sighed loudly, and tugged on my arm.

"I think it's time to go. People are beginning to stare."

I nodded and toppled off of the barstool. Charon had to pick me up and help me to the door.

"Goodnight Gobbykins!"

I waved to him and he shyly waved back. Outside, the cool night breeze made me smile.

"You think Gob is all embarrassed I did that."

Charon shook his head.

"No, but I am."

I stuck my tongue out, stumbling over my own feet.

"Oh whys that huh?"

"Steady yourself."

I gripped a rail and looked out over Megaton. The lights were mesmerizing. I smiled at it, resting my chin on my arms. Charon stood a few feet behind me.

"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the waters of life freely."

"What is that?"

I picked my head up to look back at Charon.

"My mother's favorite bible verse."

Charon leaned next to me, his arms on the rail. I was seeing two of him and I smiled stupidly.

"I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music do ya?"

I hiccupped and burped.

"I like some music, but it gets repetitive. Three Dog doesn't have much a selection, does he?"

Charon looked at me, shaking his head.

"It's a song I used to know. I thought you liked Biblical metaphors?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

I nodded and pushed myself off of the rail. I almost fell, but Charon's steady arm caught me. He hummed as he led me back to the house.

"What are you humming?"

"An old song."

"It's very beautiful. Will you write it out for me?"

Charon cocked an eye at me. I burped once more and put my hand over my mouth.

"The notes…I used…aw forget it. Help me."

He opened the door for me. I walked up to my bedroom, with him guiding me.

"What were you saying earlier, about notes?"

He asked me, leaning against the door frame as I laid on my bed. I smirked stupidly, yawning.

"I used to play the piano. In the vault."

He nodded and left. I never told anyone about that. Ever. My music teacher was the only one who knew. On those lonely days I used to have, which was pretty often, I'd sneak into the music room and play the old piano. My teacher caught me in there so much that he gave up on yelling at me. He would sit with me, and teach me notes and how to read music. It just came natural to me, I guess. I would put my fingers on those keys and forget everything around me. I'd close my eyes, and let it all come out on the keyboard. Charon's humming reminded me of it. I don't even think my father knew that about me…

I put my hands in the air in front of me. Closing my eyes, I played on invisible keys and hummed to myself, trying to mimic the song Charon had. Wadsworth floated outside, but I ignored him. I was in the zone, the peaceful zone. I hadn't played music since my dad left the vault, and I was beginning to miss it very much.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped up at the sound of Charon's voice, snapping my eyes open. He was leaning in the doorway, his arms crossed.

"Charon…you scared me."

"What were you doing?"

I ran my fingers through my hair. Looks like my tough chick persona was dissolved in front of Charon.

"I was pretending I was playing the piano…"

He nodded, and walked over to me. Taking my hands in his, we pretended there was a piano in front of us.

"Like this."

He said, separating my fingers. I began to move them, smiling. He moved his beside mine, and I couldn't help but stare at his hands. What had they gone through? I've had a fascination with of things since I was little. Like hands. Soft hands meant that the person never worked, they meant they never saw rough times. Everyone's hands in the vault were smooth and soft. Mine were growing calloused and rough, not ladylike. Charon's hands were red and raw, ragged, rough, but…but at the same time the bare flesh that was on them was soft. I couldn't see his whole palm because of the gloves he wore, but I could tell they were strong hands. Working hands.

He caught me staring and put his hands on his knees, balling them into fists.

"I'm sorry."

I said, putting my hands at my waist.

"It is alright."

I burped again and sighed. I was never a good drunk. I felt sleepy, but I didn't want to sleep.

"Charon? Are you tired?"

Charon shook his head and looked away from me.

"I want to leave for Rivet City again. Tomorrow."

"What is there?"

"My…my father."

I put my hand on my neck, covering the burn from the baton. Charon shifted uneasily and I felt my bed creak.

"May I ask you something, Miss Dez?"

I knew Charon was being serious. He hardly ever put 'Miss' in front of my name.

"Sure."

"What happened with your parents?"

I felt my heart jump in my throat. No one ever cared to ask me. No one ever wanted to know.

"She…my mother, died when I was born. I wasn't born in the vault, I found that out from Colin. My father had taken me there when I was barley one, and since then…since then he's never been the same. I mean, I don't know how he used to be…but…he didn't act like I was his daughter. He…he worked a lot and didn't have time for me. I've always thought he blamed me for my mother's death. If I wasn't born…he would still have her. Maybe that's why he never spent time with me growing up…"

I stared into space as I spoke, as if I was in a trance remembering it all. Charon didn't say anything, and I felt I was supposed to continue my story.

"Most of the time, I was playing the piano in the classroom. I didn't have friends. I got beaten up a lot as a kid…and then there's Butch."

"Butch?"

I nodded, closing my eyes tight and gripping my pants in my fists.

"Are you sure you want to hear this, Charon? It's…personal. I've never told anyone."

"Only if you want to share it."

I nodded. Maybe if I did, and heard myself say it aloud, I'd be able to finally get over it.

"Butch DeLoria. He was the leader of this gang in the vault, the Tunnel Snakes. Kind of a sexual innuendo I always figured. Anyways, he used to beat me up when I was little, but once I hit sixteen…I kind of…filled out you know? I got the tits and I got the ass and I got the whole female gig and whatnot…so he took interest. I was so desperate for attention, that I did anything he asked of me. Even if it was crazy and insane. I started getting into a lot of trouble because of him, but I didn't care. Someone wanted to spend time with me, you know? So I did things I'm not too proud of for a guy who tossed me away like I was shit. I got him back, though."

"How?"

"I'm not proud of it…but as I was leaving the vault…he stopped me. His mother was stuck in her room with a bunch of Radroaches. He asked me to get her, save her, but I didn't. It was the first time I felt I had any power, and the first time someone innocent suffered because of me."

I opened my eyes and looked at my still-closed fists.

"I am sorry that happened. You did not deserve it."

I looked at Charon through foggy eyes. No one…no one ever gave me the kind of time he was giving me. If I was sober I wouldn't have shared so much with him. I would have put up a fight or told a lie, but I was glad I didn't. Someone knew me now, someone did. I felt a sad song I used to play on the piano going off in my head. I felt a lump in my throat and tried to swallow it down.

"You don't know what I did and did not deserve. You didn't know me then."

"I know you now. And I know people. I know that as a young child, no one should be neglected or treated badly. I am sorry that it happened."

I nodded, and took a big, deep breath in. Charon's cheek muscle was exposed on both sides, and his neck, too. I wanted to touch it, to see how it felt. I wanted to examine him all up and down, in and out. I wanted to know why someone like him, someone who only sees me as a 'job' is taking such interest in me.

"Charon?"

"Hm?"

"Why…why are you being so nice to me?"

He turned his head away from me more. The muscles in his exposed neck stretched, and I wondered if it was painful.

"I feel I owe it to you to be kinder."

"Why?"

He shifted again, not looking at me.

"Because I am sorry for what I had to do to you back with Clifton."

"Charon, it wasn't your fault, you had no say in the matter."

He shook his head.

"No. I am sorry for it. I should not have caused you such great pain. I did not want to, but I am honor bound to do as I say. I expected you to hate me after I had tortured you like that, and when you didn't, I realized how cruel I had been. Believe me when I say that I would not have scarred you like that."

Charon's heartfelt apology really hit me hard. I put my hand on his knee and squeezed it.

"I'm not angry with you about it, Charon."

He stood up, letting my hand fall off of him. He walked to the door, not looking at me. He stopped in the doorway, and I heard him take a deep breath in.

"I will wake you early tomorrow. Goodnight, Miss Dez."

"Goodnight Charon, sleep well."

"Yes. You too."

He closed my door behind him. I could hear him walk into his room, and I heard him remove his armor. I heard the sofa creak under his weight, and then silence. I looked at the spot where he had sat with me, and I touched it with my hand.

"You're really throwing me up in the air, Charon."

I said to myself as I laid down. Closing my eyes, I used my hands as a pillow and pulled my knees up in the fetal position. I wasn't sure how I was feeling, it was a sad feeling, but a comforting sad. I could hear people walking by outside, and I closed my eyes tighter. Charon, you really messed me up.


	11. Chapter 11

"Dez? Dez?"

I opened my eyes. Charon was shaking me awake, his face close to mine.

"What time is it?"

"Five. Five in the morning. Come, I've already packed. It is chilly out. Shall I bring you Adventurer outfit?"

"What? Uh, yeah I guess in case."

I rolled over and flipped my legs over the bed. Charon was standing, ready with his shotgun. I rubbed the sand from my eyes and yawned, stretching.

"May I see how your stomach is?"

I nodded, and lifted up my shirt. The pink spots had darkened, and Charon nodded, touching me lightly.

"You are fine. Come."

I stood and followed him out the door. I picked up my pack and shotgun, ready to go.

"Hey, I want to ask you something."

Charon looked at me.

"Yes?"

"Would you be alright if I asked another person to come along?"

Charon shook his head.

"I would not like that, no."

"But what if we need more help?"

"I can handle it."

I nodded. Charon stood, with an odd expression on his face. A thought clicked in my mind. Maybe I had insulted him, by asking if another person should come. Insulted his tactics and training. I didn't mean to, I wasn't even thinking about that.

"I placed my contract in your locker."

I nodded at him, opening my front door.

"Yeah, that's a good idea."

The sun wasn't even up yet as we left Megaton. Charon didn't speak, as usual, and neither did I. My mind was too busy thinking about everything as I mapped out our new route.

"We will head Southwest on this part of the river. Then we will cross it to Rivet City."

Charon nodded. We continued on. The sun began to rise over the desert, and I stopped for a second to watch it. It was big, and orange. The wind blew my hair everywhere, and I ticked it back into my hood. Charon stood beside me, and I felt my heart race. I looked up at his head in the light. Patches of reddish hair stuck out, and bits of flesh clung to muscle for dear life.

Turning away from the sunrise, I kept walking. Charon lingered behind me, and I counted the paces he took in my head. It was something I had done since I learnt music. Metronome and whatnot. I stopped, and allowed him to catch up to me. Keeping my pace in line with his, I looked up at him.

"You're going to follow me?"

He looked down at me, expressionless.

"Yes."

"How far?"

"As far as humanly possible."

"As long as I have your contract."

"…Yes."

There was hesitation in his voice. I sighed, and looked away from him.

"I…I want to fire you."

"Why?"

"Because it doesn't feel right…having you…do this out of a job. I…I can't explain it, but…I don't want you around."

"I understand what you're telling me. I must tell you, however, that if it was just for a job, I would not have asked about you last night."

I swallowed hard.

"If you become unhappy with me, you'll tell me, right?"

"Yes."

I nodded. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel so trigger-happy. Sure, there was nothing to shoot, but I didn't feel like shooting anything. I didn't feel like walking, and I didn't feel like resting. This was all so new to me, that I didn't know how to react to it. I couldn't run away from something that wasn't real. That couldn't be touched or described.

We walked without words for hours. A few Radscorpions and Robobrains had come our way, but they were easily taken care of. I got a few pieces of scrap metal from them, and kept moving. Shooting didn't give me the excitement it had before. I just seemed like I wasn't in my own body, if that makes any sense.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

The sun was high in the sky now, and it beat down on us like ants under a magnifying glass.

"I don't know you."

"There is not much to know."

I nodded, and accepted his wording. We trudged on, even when the sun was at its worst. Charon didn't complain, and neither did I. We had made pretty good distance, and twelve hours into our walk, I stopped. I couldn't do it anymore. I was sore and tired. My Pip-Boy said that we were another half-day's walk. Hardly very far at all, but that could wait until tomorrow.

"Dez, are you alright?"

Charon turned around to look at me. I put down my Pip-Boy and smirked.

"Yeah, I'm just tired is all."

"Shall we find camp?"

I nodded. Charon scanned the area and finally rested his eyes on an area between two large rocks. I helped him dig a hole, for the fire he said. I helped him collect firewood, and watched carefully as he lit it, and made a small spark become something warm. I lit two cigarettes, and gave him one. We rummaged through my pack, and pulled out some food. He placed it on sticks, and began roasting it. I watched his every move, and how easily all this came to him. I held two warm beers in my hand, and he cracked them open for us.

"Cheers."

I said, raising the neck of my bottle.

"Cheers."

He said back, and we tilted our heads back to take sips. The Salisbury Steaks roasted and sizzled over the fire, and emitted and delicious aroma. Dezbe, the bitch in Raider gear was no more. She had been broken down into bits, and felt like a small child. Across the fire, Charon sipped his beer as he relaxed against the rock.

"I got 'Marriage Counselor' on the G.O.A.T. test."

Charon looked at me.

"The what?"

"Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test. It was something we took in the vault to see what we were best suited for."

"I see."

I was trying to start conversation, but I guess that wasn't the best route to take. In the sand, I drew out piano keys, and placed my hands on them. I moved my fingers, remembering how each key sounded. Charon came over beside me, and I moved aside. Together, we pressed into the sand and played pretend, side by side, on our knees.

"I wish I could play again, just once."

"We could get that piano from the vault, if you wish."

I shook my head.

"I'm locked out of the vault. They wouldn't let me back in."

"Then we will figure out another way."

I looked at him, putting my hands in my lap.

"Why?"

Charon shrugged.

"It seems to bring you peace. Your face relaxes when you do this."

"Yeah, it does."

He went to pull the steaks out of the fire. He handed one to me after it cooled down some, and I bit into it. It was juicy and warm. I chewed it and looked up at Charon. He had returned to his place, and I smiled to myself.

"Is it good?"

He asked me, and I nodded.

"Very."

I took another bite, and soon, my hands were empty. My stomach growled for more, and I tried to cover it by coughing. Charon heard it, and offered me the rest of his.

"No…no I'm good."

He didn't give in, so I took the rest of his steak and ate it. It was so delicious. I burped when I finished it, and wiped my hands on my pants.

"May I see?"

He pointed to my torso and I nodded. Laying down, I watched him walk over to me and get on his knees. Gently, he unwrapped the gauze. A nasty purple bruise had taken place, and the bullet wound was beginning to heal. My skin was wrinkly, and specks of dried blood rested around it. I lifted up my shirt to see it more, and I saw Charon's eyes wander. They stopped on my ribcage, and I looked down, too. A large welt from the baton rested, swollen and angry. Charon placed his hand on it, and I flinched.

"Careful, it hurts."

Charon nodded and pulled his hand away. Without looking at me again, he rewrapped my stomach and stood. I stood with him, and looked up at him. He looked…he looked different to me as we stood there. I looked at my feet.

"Charon, are you still upset about what happened?"

He nodded.

"Please, don't be."

"I brought you harm."

"So? Everyone gets hurt, eventually."

He shook his head.

"Did I hurt you further?"

"What do you mean?"

"Forget it."

What did he mean by that? I looked at him through the fire as he sat down.

"Want to know what I was thinking, back there in Fort Bannister with Clifton?"

Charon nodded and I stared into the fire.

"I was thinking about my mother's biblical verse. I was thinking about how I couldn't move, and how…how you could hurt me. I know it was because of your contract, but I didn't know it had that strong of a hold on you. It was like I never existed to you once it was transferred. Like you had forgotten everything."

"I remembered everything, Miss Dez. I…meant you no harm, but I cannot disobey my contract. Clifton was like Ahzrukhal, and the world is better without him. I only regret that I have left scars on you."

"They don't run any deeper than flesh, if that helps."

"What will we do, if it happens again?"

"If what happens?"

"If…my contract falls into the wrong hands?"

I sighed and looked at him. He seemed so concerned about it.

"Then…we'll have to…just deal with that."

"I will not harm you again. I will…I will not obey right away and give you a chance to run."

I brushed hair from my face.

"Why are you so adamant on not harming me again, Charon?"

He shook his head, and I knew it was better to not pry. I laid down in the sand and stared at the flames that danced in the night sky. Up above, millions of tiny and sparkling stars lit up a black and blue sky. Whisks of gray clouds scattered over them, making it that much more mysterious.

"Because you are the only employer I have grown to enjoy the company of."

I looked over at Charon. His eyes were closed and his head was resting against the rock. I smiled.

"You've grown on me, too Charon."

I saw him smile, ever so slightly, but a smile.

"Can I have my other outfit?"

Charon reached into my pack and took out the Adventurer outfit. He tossed it over to me, and I stood, turning away from him. I took off my shirt, and slipped off my pants. My bare breasts hung freely, but I didn't care. The most anyone would see is my silhouette, and Charon had a clear view of my ass, but he didn't seem to be complaining.

"Well what do we have here?"

I was holding up my top, trying to fix it when I heard the voice. Instantly, I crouched down, covering myself. Charon stood up, his shotgun ready. A Wastelander came walking over to our little fire, and he laughed.

"Keep moving."

Charon said, motioning with his shotgun. The guy stood, smirking at me.

"I want to see more of her, come on little lady. Not like you have any modesty, changing in front of a ghoul like that."

Charon took a step closer and pressed his barrel into the man's collarbone.

"I said _keep moving_."

"Hang on there, are you being held against your will?"

I shook my head no, hoping he'd take the hint before Charon showed him just how powerful that shotgun could be.

"Alright, alright, I'll walk. But let me tell you man, if I had something like that naked in front of me, well, I'd go to hell for thinking these thoughts."

"That's nice, now _go_."

Charon kept his shotgun aimed until the man vanished in the darkness. He turned back to face me, but didn't look at me.

"Please dress more discreetly, Dez."

"Yeah…yeah okay."

I quickly slipped on the outfit, and sat back down. Sure, it's not as nice as my sweatshirt, but it was sexier. Don't ask me why, but I felt like…like being a girl for a bit. Showing off some curves. My stomach was covered in gauze, so showing that off would have to wait, but I have a nice pair of tits. Or so I've been told.

Sitting back down, I crossed my legs. Charon eyed me from the other end of the fire.

"I'm sorry, I'll be more careful."

"Yes, that would be wise."

"If it makes you laugh, people think you're getting nailed by me."

I lit another cigarette and looked at him, smirking. He had a look of confusion.

"What do you mean?"

I exhaled smoke, and gave him one. He took it and lit it in the fire.

"When we got back to Megaton, I heard people talking outside my room. They think that I'm some ghoul whore, or something. That you and Gob are getting to have sex with me and shit."

"That is not the case with me."

I noticed how he worded it, and I smirked.

"Gob neither. I just kissed him to see what it felt like."

"What what felt like?"

"Kissing a ghoul."

"I see. You enjoy it?"

I nodded.

"It was better than kissing Butch, that's for sure."

Charon leaned into the fire more, and I looked at him. The flames made shadows on his face, and it looked mysterious.

"If I may ask, Miss Dez, what exactly did Butch to do you?"

I swallowed hard, and stared at the starry night sky.

"He…he made me do things with him. Sexual and degrading. He would hit me, if I 'disobeyed' and…you know, that kind of stuff."

Charon's expression changed to something I'd never seen before.

"If I ever encounter this Butch person, I will make him wish he never laid a hand on you."

I looked over at Charon, smiling slightly.

"You really care about me that much?"

"Caring has nothing to do with it. It is morals. Now, it is time for you to sleep. And don't stay up all night pretending to sleep like you usually do. It is my job to protect you at night."

I nodded and smiled. Throwing my cigarette into the fire, I built a pillow of sand, and closed my eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

_Charon…I swear to you that I'll try. Please, let me know that you're really here for me. I swear I'll stand by you, as your friend, as your lover if you want it so. I'm so afraid of being alone now. I can't imagine the thought of it. You have taken me and changed me in one fluid, swift motion. I can't be without you now. I'll leave my bedroom open to you, my home and heart. I'll wait for you when you venture off into the darkness. I'll ask myself where you've gone, and wait patiently for your return. This Capitol Wasteland seems unbearable now, as we lie here in the desert. I can hear your soft breathing near mine, but not too close. I can't do this anymore, not alone, not without you. I rely on you now, against my better wishes, against my better judgment. I never wanted this, I never wanted any of this…but I've found it. Are you afraid, too? Can you just as easily work for someone else, and push me into the recesses of your mind? As if none of this has ever happened._

_ I'll wait forever for you, if you ever left me. I don't know what's wrong with me, Charon. I don't know anything that's happening with me. Please, help me. I want to cry to you, I want to cry out, but I can't explain it. It's so deep inside. Like a fire that I can't put out myself. Charon…I can't feel you next to me. I felt my hand brush your arm as I slept, but it isn't there anymore. Did you leave? No, no you'd never leave me. _

_ It gets so lonely here. In my own mind, it gets so, so lonesome. But you're here with me now, in my memories and with me. I can't sleep, I can't dream, I need you forever, Charon. You sit with me in my head, and together we laugh. I've never heard you fully laugh. It hurts, to remember my past. Please make it stop. Make it all go away and never come back._

_ Charon. I'll wait for you, okay? I'll miss you when you're gone. I know you're going to leave me one day, I know it. Your contact will leave my hands, and you'll be with someone else. I couldn't live with that, Charon. I can't. You're the only person to care about me, I can't imagine my life without you now. No one would stop me. No one would prevent me from finishing what I started the night you fell into my hands. I need you now, Charon. I need you here, with me, keeping me safe. Where are you, Charon? I can't hear your breathing, I can't feel you near me…Charon…_


	13. Chapter 13

I opened my eyes. It was pitch black all around.

"Charon?"

I tried to force my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but it didn't work. Charon didn't respond to my voice, so I tried again.

"Charon, you here?"

I shook my head. I had such a weird dream. I was all alone in a weird, white place, but I could hear Charon's voice, and when I did I wasn't so scared anymore. My eyes were kind of adjusted to the dark, and I looked. There was no Charon near me.

"Oh…oh no."

I stood up and walked around the fire. I didn't feel him with my feet, and I started to get scared. Did someone kidnap him? Did he venture off somewhere and get lost? No, no Charon wasn't that stupid. He's too powerful to just let someone kidnap him, and who would want to anyways? I cupped my hands around my mouth, and shouted.

"Charon!"

I held my breath, waiting. In the distance behind me, I heard his rapid footsteps approaching. I turned around, squinting. He came, his shotgun ready.

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

He looked around, his eyes scanning as they always did.

"No…no nothings wrong…I just woke up and…you weren't here."

"A Giant Radscorpion was in the distance. I felt it necessary to take care of it before it came closer. I apologize."

"No, don't apologize. It's…it's okay really. I just got…well never mind. Come on."  
I laid back down. I heard Charon take his usual spot and the soft 'thud' of his shotgun hitting the sand. He was here, he didn't leave. Thank god. Thank you.

Charon's silhouette stood over me, the rising sun reflecting behind him. He seemed surreal as he stood there, waking me up. I had to remind myself that it was real. It was one of those images you wish you could save forever because you know you'll never see it again.

His shotgun hung at his side, his boots and leather armor all seemed to melt together. His head and shoulders were lit slightly, almost like the sun _wanted_ to hide him. I had to shield my eyes from the rays hitting me, but it didn't make Charon any less striking. I had to hide a smile, I'd never seen anything like it. Leave it to the Capitol Wasteland to make everything seem beautiful and radiant while still knowing how dangerous it is. I'm glad I left the vault, I'd never be able to see anything like this in my life if I didn't.

"Morning…"

I said, smirking at him. Charon moved from the sun rays and picked up my pack.

"We must keep moving."

I nodded, taking my pack from him. I had already strapped my shotgun to my back, so I knew I was all set. Charon headed Southwest, and I smiled. His internal compass was a lot better than mine. Without my Pip-Boy I swear I'd walk in circles for days and not realize it.

"Did you sleep well?"

I asked him, lighting my morning cigarette. He lit one too, holding it between his fingers. I wondered what they'd feel like without those gloves…

"As well as I always do."

"That's usually not good Charon."

"It suits me fine."

I shrugged and shook my nappy orange-y hair. If I had to pick a color for my hair, I'd say it was like the sun. The sun when it was rising, at the point where it wasn't quite orange, or pink, or red. That quick second where its jut all those colors and more. Yeah, that's my hair.

"I'm thinking about getting a haircut."

I smiled stupidly at Charon. Like he'd find that interesting.

"Why?"

I shook my hair in front of my face, and tossed it back again.

"It gets in my eyes. I don't want it bothering me, impairing me, you know?"

"Good thought."

We blew smoke rings into the wind. He had to show me how, of course, but once I got the hang of it, we had competitions. Whose could go the farthest, whose was the biggest, and stupid things like that. I liked watching the smoke flow out of Charon's thin lips. It would come out his nose, or lack thereof, every now and again, and I found that _very_ funny. Just two holes in the middle of his face, with some muscle and flesh. Then, all of a sudden, _smoke_. It flowed out and I couldn't stop laughing at him.

"Charon, I am sorry, but if you saw it from my point of view, you'd laugh too."

"Yes, very amusing."

I wiped tears from my eyes. They were from laughing so damn hard. Charon gave me a wince of a smile, and turned his head back in front of him. Checking my Pip-Boy, I saw a white outline around a bunch of locations. The city.

"We're gonna have to climb over some rubble to get there."

"Okay."

It was better than the damn tunnels, that's for sure. I hate those tunnels more than anything. Nothing good came from them, and they were dark. Charon didn't seem to mind climbing over rubble, we had done it together once before. I didn't mind it, either. In fact, I preferred it over the tunnels any day. Rivet City was at the tip of my Pip-Boy map, farthest West and pretty South.

"Think we'll run into any Super Mutants?"

Charon nodded at me, taking the shotgun off of his back.

"Most likely. Right now, we have company."

I took my own shotgun and looked ahead. Raiders were wandering around in a group. There was maybe four of them, I couldn't see very well.

"Just Raiders, Charon. That's easy."

He nodded, and aimed his gun. I had left my Sniper Rifle back at my house, so we had to get pretty close to these bastards. Me more than Charon, his shotgun had better range. They spotted us as we approached them, and we began to fire.

"I'm gonna teach you a lesson bitch!"

A Raider girl shouted as she ran at me. I smirked. How stupid to charge someone with a melee when they obviously had a gun. I squeezed my trigger and hit her square in the chest. Blood, bone and some odd looking jelly stuff sprayed in six different directions. I gave myself a satisfied smirk as I turned to aim my gun at another Raider.

"Did I hit him?"

I heard Charon scream. He pressed his back to mine, and I almost lost my balance. There was one last Raider headed for us, an Assault Rifle aimed high. Charon and I aimed out shotguns at him, and I made a rookie mistake. When I heard the clanking of bullets escaping from the rifle, I closed my eyes. I froze up, I don't know how or why, but I did. I heard Charon fire his shotgun close to my ear, and it made my head ring.

"Better him than me."

It sounded like…thumping in my head. Like he was talking to me underwater.

"What?"

I rubbed my ear, putting my finger in it. I moved my jaw, trying to pop them out. Charon gave me a confused look.

"My ears are ringing! You shot your gun too close!"

I didn't know if I was shouting or not, but by the flinching on Charon's face I figured I was. I held my nose closed, and the best way to say it is I 'blew' out my ears. They popped, but still rang.

"I think you fucked up my hearing."

Charon said something I couldn't hear. I shook my head and started walking. Charon was walking slow and lagging too far behind. I stopped and took a few rounds of Assault Rifle ammo from the last Raider we shot down. I waited for Charon to catch up, he looked pained.

"You okay?"

He said something I couldn't hear…again.

"Speak up! My head's still ringing like crazy!"

Charon walked closer to me and put his mouth next to my ear.

"I think I may have gotten hit. May we stop and see?"

His hot breath on my ear made me shudder.

"Yea, of course."

Charon sat down on the dirt, and I set my things down. He took his hand off of his chest, I hadn't even realized he was holding it there. I crouched down, shaking my head, trying to get the ringing to stop faster.

"Oh, Charon…"

Blood seeped out from under his armor. Hastily, I unstrapped the buckles on his armor. He didn't seem to resist me as I slid it over his head. I looked at him, topless with his belt stopping his pants just below what would be a belly button. He had a lot of flesh still clinging to his torso, but I could see exposed abdominal muscles, and breast muscles. Blood came from a hole on his upper left breast, and I knelt down to look at it.

"I can see the bullet."

I said as he silently sat there, looking at nothing. Going into my pack, I pulled out my medical supplies. Lucky for him the leather armor he wore slowed down the bullet, so it was a minor wound, if that. Gently, I removed the bullet, and injected a stimpack into his body. He stopped bleeding, and I wiped the old blood away from the hole.

"You're fine."

I told him, putting away my medical supplies. Charon stood up, blocking the sun from me again. I looked at him. I never realized how…_muscular_ he was. Every time he moved his arm or anything he seemed to flex. I shuddered at him as he bent over to get his armor. I never saw him work out, and maybe it was because most of his muscle was exposed but…hot _damn_. Ghoul or no ghoul, there was no denying that Charon was hot.

He meticulously placed his armor on. I watched him slide his right arm through the sleeve, and adjust the shoulder pads. I had heard his armor is the 'poor man's' armor. Charon, I suspect, was never paid for his services.

Standing up, I gathered my things, and blushed while he was buckling a buckle near his belt.

"Is there something wrong?"

I heard him ask me. The ringing in my ears stopped. I shook my head at him.

"No, nothing."

I compared Charon's body to Butch's. Butch didn't have muscle or physique. He was soft, and he was…well, _skinny_. Charon isn't fat, but…he was ripped. I wondered if I pressed down on that stomach of his, if he'd feel like the rocks he leaned against.

"Charon?"

He looked at me, something different in his filmy eyes again.

"You never…you've never been _paid_ have you?"

Charon stiffened at this question.

"No. It is in my contract that I do not require or expect any form of payment."

"But what if you need new armor? Or ammo? Or just stuff?"

"I do not require 'stuff'. Have you not fully read my contract? I am to be provided with the necessities or it is considered abuse, thus violating the terms and making my contract null and void."

"Ah. So employers have to provide you with food and stuff."

"Yes."

"I didn't read it through enough, I guess."

He nodded.

"I…want to give you money, though."

"For what purpose?"

I shrugged, keeping a close eye on his movements to make sure he wasn't still in pain.

"For anything you may need. We'll split the stuff we find, fifty-fifty. How's that sound?"

"If it suits you, it suits me."

"No, Charon, tell me what you _think_ about it."

"I think I will enjoy having my own money to spend and do what I please with."

"Alright then, it's settled."

I stuck my hand out and shook his. I really wanted to feel what those hands really felt like beneath those gloves. I bet they were both rough and smooth, not calloused like mine were becoming. I wondered what he felt like in general, but I never tried to touch him. He didn't seem like he wanted to be touched.

As trudged on. A high wind was blowing at us, making it hard to walk across the barren desert. My Pip-Boy beeped with every new location we came across, and showed me where good people where walking. We avoided running into them, I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Sweat dripped down my chest and between my breasts. I wanted to rub it away, but I knew Charon would give me a look that said 'what the fuck are you doing?'. I smirked at the thought of it, shaking my head.

Glancing back at Charon, I caught him spacing out. I smiled at this, it was pretty rare he actually let himself relax and _pretend_ he was having a good time. I looked away from him, and stared at the upcoming rubble we had to climb over. I sighed, letting my thoughts wander. I was going to see my father soon. For the first time in months, since he left the vault. It scared me, made me nervous and frightened. I felt my heart begin to pound at the thought of it.

My father hadn't ever told me why he left the vault. Where I had thought I was born and bred. I had to find out from that fucking Irish bastard Colin that I wasn't. That he ran to the vault when I was just a baby, begging them to let us in. I was angry at him, he had kept so many secrets from me. What would he say about me now? His newly slim, trim and fit daughter who mercilessly killed enemies and slept like a baby. He wouldn't have anything to say, I bet. He'd be all sorts of…excited over the reason he left the vault. They weren't going to let us back in, and to be honest, I didn't want to go back.

I looked back at Charon's face. Somehow, it reminded me that things aren't so bad. That I could do it if I tried. I wasn't alone in this endeavor. I sighed loudly and noticeably, Charon looked at me.

"Is something troubling you?"

I gave him a half-assed smile.

"Just…worried is all."

"About?"

"Seeing my father…I mean, we aren't close, we never have been, and now I'm going to see him for the first time since the vault incident. He…I don't know how he'll take to me."

"What is your father's name?"

"James. My mother's name was Catherine."

Charon nodded.

"What did your mother look like?"

I smiled at Charon. No one had ever asked me that before.

"I don't really know. I was a baby when she died, but…I found a picture of her and my dad when I was little. He took it from me when he caught me looking at it. She was tall, like him, and had really dark skin. African American, I'd say, which is probably where my thick hair comes from. She had white hair, with a kind of 'No Nonsense' haircut. She was beautiful."

"You're mixed raced?"

I looked at Charon, smug.

"Yeah. I just never told anyone because no one ever asked. I get a lot of my genetic makeup from my dad though. As you can see I'm nowhere near dark skinned."

I flashed my arm to him, and Charon nodded.

"But my hair is really thick, and I have her eyes. Other than that, she's a mystery to me."

"It is a shame you did not know your mother."

"Yeah, but I try not to worry about it. It's stupid to miss someone you never knew. Ya know?"

Charon nodded and readjusted his shotgun. I sighed, and closed my eyes as we walked. I wanted to get along with my dad. I wanted to matter to him. I wanted him to take an interest with me, so maybe then I wouldn't feel so goddamned lonely all the time. I felt like I was an orphan. I didn't have a mother, and my father was often absent. Even in the vault, I felt like I was the only kid without parents. Hell, even Amata's dad spent time with her, and he was the motherfucking Overseer. Stupid fucking prick could make time for her, when my own father could never do the same for me.

The massive mountain of rubble and shit loomed over me. Charon and I stared up at it, and he smirked.

"You preferred this route."

I gulped at the sight of it. It was much larger than any other pile I had climbed over.

"Well, we should go, then."

I said, setting my hands on a piece of concrete. It shifted under my weight and I took my hands away, scared.

"Here. Let me."

Charon pushed me aside, and lifted his body up. He climbed the rubble, stepping carefully and making sure it was sturdy. I followed him, being extra careful to step exactly where he had. If it could support his weight, than mine was nothing to it. He hoisted himself over and to the top of the pile. I was still a good yard or two behind him, and not having an easy time.

"Just wait for me, okay?"

I shouted up to him. He nodded and I sighed. Don't look down, don't look down. I had this thing with extremely high heights. They gave me the heebie jeebies. Pulling on an iron rod that was sticking out, I pulled myself on a large piece of concrete.

"Finally."

I made it to a spot where I could map out my next move. I was scanning above me, trying to see what would be the safest, quickest way.

"There."

I pointed to a rock that was jutting out, and reached for it. I was balancing on my tip-toes to get a better grip, when I felt the slab I was standing on shift.

"Shit! Shit, shit shit!"

I yelled as I felt it move further down. The rock I was aiming for became out of reach, and the slab began to shift downward.

"Shit!"

I backed up against the pile of rubble as far as I could, but it was no use. The block was already leaning too far downward, and a shit ton of rubble was going to crush me. I panicked, looking around for anything to grab onto. I didn't have any time, and I knew I would surely die, if not by the fall than the tons of shit falling on me.

"Dez!"

I looked up and saw Charon scrambling down the mountain. He couldn't get near me, but he tossed me the barrel of his gun. I grabbed it just in time to watch the boulder fall, crashing to the bottom followed by a large amount of shit. I held onto that barrel for deal life.

"Don't drop me Charon! Don't drop me!"

He didn't saw anything. I saw him hook his foot around a protruding rock, and place both hands on the butt of his shotgun. Worst case scenario? I fall or his shotgun goes off. I was hoping neither happened.

"I need to you _stay calm_!"

He shouted to me and I nodded, my eyes wide with fear. I saw his muscles contorted under his armor as he struggled to pull me up. Slowly, inch by inch, he pulled his gun closer to him. When I was close enough, I felt him wrap his hands around my wrist. He had totally let go of his gun, I was still holding it in my hand. Using my free hand, I wrapped it around his arm and pulled on him. He was able to pull me over in one giant heave and an even louder grunt. I crawled away from him, scrambling for safety a the top. I set his gun down on the large, flat piece of concrete he was on. I placed my palms on the rock and heaved.

"Holy fucking shit!"

I _hate_ heights. I hate tunnels more, though. But now I was beginning to think they were a _lot_ safer than the whole climbing over piles of shit thing. I looked at Charon, and he was standing, strapping his gun to his back.

"That was _close_."

I said, still trying to slow my racing heart. Charon advanced towards me, and pointed at me with his finger.

"I went ahead so you could know where to step! Don't you _ever_ do something that foolish again! You hear me! Never! You could have _died_ Dezbe! You should have _kept climbing_! You put both of our lives at risk!"

I cowered at the harsh sound of his rough voice as it echoed through the city and desert. Charon, no one, had ever hollered at me.

"I…I'm sorry I didn't…mean to…"

"No! No of course you _didn't mean to_! You just forgot, right? You _forgot_ you were on a shambly piece of rock that could have collapsed! Which, might I add, _did_!"

I looked at the ground, shaking and scared. He'd never really scared me before, but now I was horrified.

"I'm…I'm sorry Charon…"

"Damn right you better be!"

I watched as he lowered himself down the other side of the rubble mountain. Leaning over the edge, I saw as he placed his hands an feet carefully.

"Are you coming or are you just going to sit up there looking stupid?"

I nodded at him, and quickly began to move down the shit pile. With each rock my hand or foot touched, I closed my eyes. Charon's outburst changed something in me. I began to trace the outline of his contract in my mind. If I died out here, Charon was technically free. His contract was safe in Megaton, and he'd be able to do as he pleased. But I wasn't holding it, that was the trick. If he let me die, he would have to…he wouldn't have to do anything. I would forever be the contract holder, because I myself did not sell it or have it on my person when I died. I shook my head, thinking about how stupid I was.

I came close to the bottom. Charon's hands wrapped around my waist and thrust me to the ground. I watched him as he began to walk away from me, wisps of hair drifting in my face. No, Charon. Not anymore. You have no idea what you've just done to me. I don't think anyone has ever lied to me, like you have. You lied to me, Charon. You made me believe I was special. But you faltered. Under the weight of my near-death, you faltered and let it show that I was _still_ just a job to you.

Jogging up next to him, I lit a cigarette. He reached for one, and absentmindedly I gave it to him. He took my old lighter and lit it, inhaling deeply.

"Which direction now?"

He said, his voice having a tint of annoyance still.

"Charon? Shut the fuck up and don't worry about it."

I glared at him, my eyes spewing what I could never, _ever_ say to him. I had kept it all inside, all the warm and tender emotions, and in one moment they turned on me. They turned to sheer anger, rage and hate for him. I turned to keep walking away from him, when he grabbed my arm.

"Dez…"

Before I could even think, before I could even realize what I was doing, I felt my fist connect with the bottom half of his jaw.

"If you fucking touch me again I swear to fucking god I will make the rest of your life a living _hell_. I will. Don't you _fucking doubt me you rotten piece of shit_."

I spat anger and venom at him. He lied to me, that cock. He had been 'nice' so then I would treat him 'nice'. I remembered why my touch girl alter-ego was so desperately needed in the Capitol Wasteland. Out here, people will abuse and rape you for all your worth, just to advance themselves. There is no happy, middle ground.

The look on Charon's face as he rubbed his jaw was indescribable.

"Let's go."

I said, crossing my arms and walking. Charon hesitated for a moment, but kept behind me. Physical violence makes it null. I hit him, but he didn't say anything about it. After a few steps, I turned back again.

"I hit you."

He cocked an eyebrow at me, huffing his cigarette.

"I'm aware of that."

"Why are you still here? Physical violence, remember?"

Charon shrugged.

"You did not endanger my life."

"Whatever. Come on."

We walked and climbed the rest of the way in silence. I didn't let him go first over the last giant rubble mountain, and I swam ahead of him when we came to the river. I didn't look back to make sure he was still following. I didn't _care_.


	14. Chapter 14

"Are you fucking _kidding_ me?"

I screamed at Doctor Li, throwing down my foot in an angry stomp.

"No. He just left a few days ago."

"And you _let_ him? You didn't _think_?"

"He said you were safe in the vault. We didn't…"

"No! You didn't! You fucking stupid bitch! I can't _believe_ you would do that! Just let him _take off_! Where the fuck did he go?"

"Jefferson Memorial."

"You bitch, you stupid bitch."

I spun around and stormed out of the Rivet City Science Lab. I slammed the door in Charon's face, and heard him reopen it. I stormed down the hall, and kicked open the door leading to the stairs. Charon loyally followed me, and it was getting annoying.

"Stop following me!"

I turned and stomped my foot. Charon didn't even flinch at my loud shouting as it echoed and banged off the steel stairs.

"Is that an order?"

"I don't know!"

I turned around again and kept storming up the stairs. I ignored the Rivet City security as I made my way to the observation deck. There was an old man up there, but I didn't care for him. I shoved past him and walked over to where the boat was broken off. I screamed at the top of my lungs and beat the steel with my fists.

"You fucking bastard! You cock! You bitch you whore!"

I screamed and hit the metal like it was the thing that had done me wrong. Like it was my father who had left me, my mother who had died, and the entire Capitol Wasteland who depended on me when I _can't even depend on myself_. Everyone was counting on me, everyone was asking me to do something. Even Dr. Li and her fucking bitchiness was asking me for help. I knew it, I knew she was going to but didn't want to outright ask it. Especially since I had flipped out on her. She hadn't seen me since the days I was born, and now she had, and she'd seen me at my worst.

"Fuck!"

I yelled, hitting the steel once more. I cannot do this. I cannot be running all over the desert and city looking for my father. It was simply _impossible_! What about _my_ life? What about _me_? Had anyone ever asked me what _I _wanted? I never wanted to leave the vault, I never wanted to be here now and doing this. I sobbed loudly, letting everything out except tears. I could scream, kick and fight, but I _would not_ cry again. I will _not_ be weak and vulnerable anymore.

Shaking my head, I looked over at the old man. Charon was standing a ways behind me, smoking a cigarette. I walked over to the old man, and as I got closer I heard him rambling to himself.

"Don't do it."

I said, standing next to him.

"You are wanted, people do care. Don't let your vices take over you. You matter, old man."

He looked at me. His face was wrinkled and dry, and he smelt like liquor. He nodded at me, and went back inside. I felt I had done a good deed. I felt like shit for doing it. Why do I continue to be nice to people who I don't know? Who I don't even _care_ about? I clenched and unclenched my fists at my sides, and looked down. The river of water flowed and splashed against the boat. I wanted to dive into that water. Dive in to the very bottom and never come up.

Turning, I saw Charon was watching me. I walked over to him, anger still fresh in my eyes.

"I don't want you following me anymore."

He flicked his cigarette to the side and blew smoke out.

"You are the holder of my contract."

"Go to Megaton and take it. I don't want you around."  
He eyed me up and down. I wanted him around, but I couldn't have him. I couldn't have someone around who lied to me like he had. Who had fooled me and pretended he gave a damn about my life. He only cared about himself.

"I will be in Underworld if you need my services."

"I'm not going to go there and get you, Charon. You need to go and get your contract."

"I think you can deliver it to me, if you are so adamant."

"I am _not_ your delivery girl."

He smirked at me, crossing his arms and spreading his legs.

"So, you are saying you are no longer my employer then?"

"That's right, Charon."

I felt him reach out and touch my shoulder. Quickly, I pulled away from him, and shoved him into the wall he was standing against.

"Don't you _ever_ touch me again!"

He is stronger than me. He always has been, and I know he always will be. I am not one for combat, I am not good at it. I prefer guns and ammunition rather than fist-to-fist. He shoved me off of him, and I fell onto the steel floor.

"You are my employer, and until I receive my contract that is the agreement."

I glared up at him, still sitting on the ground.

"I said _leave_!"

He leaned back against the wall, and shook his head.

"No."

"That is an _order_!"

"Where would you wish me to go?"

"Away from me! Far away! Don't follow me! Take your stupid contract and _go_!"

"Very well."

I watched him as he went back into the ship. I let out a wail that could be matched to a dying animal's cry. I pounded the floor with my bare hands, over and over again. Why did this fucking place condemn me so much? Had I been so rotten and evil since leaving the vault that I deserved all of this? Had I been so…so cruel?

I wailed and cried out to nothing. It hurt so much, it was so hard to breathe. I saw my hair on the side of my face as I stared at the steel floor. Charon was gone, it was for the better, the greater good of my own sanity. So why did it hurt so much? Looking up at the sun, at the edge of the boat, I heard the waves crashing against it. I stood up, and ran. I ran at full speed to the edge of Rivet City, and kicked off the edge. For the first time in my life, I'm flying.

I felt the wind in my hair as I tumbled down the boat. I could feel my heart racing, pounding over and over in my chest. I smiled up at the sky as my body turned on its back, free-falling. Closing my eyes, I felt myself made contact with the water. It hit me hard, knocking the wind out of me. I couldn't bear the shame of the world anymore. I just couldn't.

The piano was in front of me. It played beautiful notes and made noises that made my heart bleed. I was in the vault, singing along with the music. I looked up as a set of hands appeared beside mine. She was dark-skinned, with white hair.

"Mom?"

I heard myself say. She looked at me, smiling. Jesus fuck she's beautiful. I smiled back at her, my fingers not missing a note.

"You have my smile, love."

"I didn't know that."

"You do, love, you do."

"I miss you momma…I miss you."

"I know you do sweetheart, I know."

I felt so warm sitting next to her. I looked back at my hands, and saw how small they were. I was in the vault suit, and I was small. I was a little girl again, playing music with my mother. I felt so warm here, like for the first time I could taste true happiness.

"You have so much to live for, baby."

I looked up at my mother as we played together. Neither one of us missed a note, as if we were in unison with one another.

"No I don't momma. I don't. Dad left me, I don't have anything anymore."

"Oh honey, you don't even know what lies ahead of you."

"Nothing, momma. Nothing."

"You are meant for so much more than this."

"Can't I just stay here, with you? I love it here so much. It's so warm and peaceful…"

"I'm afraid not, honey. You're needed back home."

"I don't have a home anymore, mom. They all left me."

I hit the keys effortlessly. My mother smiled at me, her eyes shining. They're deep brown, just like mine. She's perfect, you know. She is.

"You'll see in time, baby. But you must go back now. People need you."

"No, momma. I want to stay with you."

"Not now, but you can come back later. It's too soon now."

"Please momma, let me stay…"

I felt my hands slipping off the keys. I felt wet all over like I was sweating. The warmth from the room became unbearably hot. I started breathing heavy, and shaking.

"Momma don't leave me!"

She smiled at me, the room began to fade. I tried to reach out and touch her, but I couldn't. She kept drifting away and fazing out. I cried, hearing my small voice in my ears.

"I miss you momma! I miss you! Don't leave me!"

It all vanished. Like it never had been. I shook my head, closing my eyes. My body burnt, hot and wet. I felt pain and pressure on my chest, pressing down hard. Up and down, up and down. I moved my arms, my eyes still closed. Soft soil moved under me. I heard my legs splashing in water. I felt someone's mouth cover mine and breathe into me, filling my lungs with air. I wanted to tell them to stop, to leave me alone, but I couldn't speak. I couldn't open my eyes.

I felt the pressure again, hard, hurting my ribcage. I kicked my leg, trying to tell whomever it was, or whatever it was, to just leave. I felt pressure closing my nose, and more air coming in through my mouth. Finally, as they pulled away from my mouth, I coughed. Water flowed out of my mouth, and I opened my eyes. The bright, setting sun blinded me, and I felt them roll around in my head. Someone began slapping my face, not hard, but trying to get me to focus.

"Dez…Dez can you hear me? Dez are you alright?"

I moved my head, blinking hard. I wanted to talk, but I couldn't find my voice just yet. I wanted to tell them to leave me here. Leave me and let me soak in this warm, warm sun. I could still hear that piano way back in my mind. The pressure returned to my chest, and I lifted my arm, hitting them.

"No…"

I muttered, shaking. I blinked again, and everything came into focus. Rivet City was above me, mocking me. Did I try to kill myself? No…No I just wanted to fly. I didn't want to die yet. My body ached all over, but it was bearable. I looked to my left, at the person who was annoyingly close. Who had almost snapped my ribcage during CPR. I spit more water out and took a big gulp of air in. I felt my body come back to life. Charon sat on his knees next to me.

"Dez, are you alright?"

I sat up, still groggy. I looked at him.

"Wha…what?"

"Jesus fuck Dezbe! What the hell were you thinking? You could've gotten yourself _killed_!"

His voice echoed in my water-logged ears.

"My…my mother…I saw my mom…"

"Oh great now you're telling me you're on drugs? What is it? More Jet?"

I looked at Charon, too tired for angry arguments.

"No…No move."

He got up and I stood. Shakily, but I stood. I rubbed my head, and my back was horribly sore. I had taken quite the fall. I guess water can hurt, if you're going fast enough.

"Dezbe, answer me. Are you alright?"

I looked at Charon, my hair matted to my skull.

"Yeah, yeah I'm alright."

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Charon stop…hang on…"

I wobbled on my own legs, trying to get my bearings. I had seen my mother. Looking up at Charon, he didn't seem recognizable to me. It was Charon, but my brain had a hard time processing it. I shook my head to each side, letting the water drip out.

"I'm…I'm cold, Charon."

I was overheating, but I was shivering. I didn't know what it all meant.

"Come, we'll get you fixed up."

He helped me up to Rivet City. People moved aside as we walked. He didn't touch me, like I had thought he would. He walked very close to me, and if I was about to fall he bumped me back up. He led me to Vera's and dug caps out of my bag. He rented a back room, and led me to it.

"Wait here."

He told me and left. I sat on the naval cot that hung from the wall, shaking in my wet leather. My mind was still coming back into it's usual set, but it was hard. I was mad at Charon still, undeniably so, but I couldn't act on it. I tried to remember how I had seen my mother, and what we were doing. It wouldn't come back to me. I couldn't recall anything but a fuzzy outline. I know she spoke to me, but I can't remember what she said.

I heard the door open, but I didn't look up. I kept shaking my head, trying to remember what I'd seen and heard.

"Here."

Charon tossed me a towel and some dry clothes. He stood against the far wall on the other side of the room, his arms crossed, his eyes closed. I didn't thank him, I just turned my back to him and undressed. I took the gauze off my stomach, and looked at the still angry hole. It would be fine without the gauze.

Rubbing the towel over my head, I closed my eyes. I felt the towel soaking up all the water, and I felt goose bumps going every which way. Picking up the warm clothes, I put them on. They were loose fitting Wastelander type shit, but I didn't care. They were warm. I glanced back at Charon, wiping my hands on the towel.

"Are you going to just stand there?"

I tossed the towel near the door. He opened his eyes and glared at me.

"What would you wish me to do?"

I shrugged. I was still angry with him, _very_ angry, but I couldn't fight now. I was too damn tired. I laid on the naval cot, putting my hands behind my head.

"I'm going to the Jefferson Memorial tomorrow. You can come, if you want."

"Do you wish me to come?"

"I don't give two shits what you do, Charon."

I turned my body away from him, and curled in the fetal position. In my head, I played music from the piano keys. I could hear Charon's steady breathing over the creaking and groans of the ship. I didn't feel like sleeping. I just wanted to rest, to build up my energy. I held back the same tears that I had on the top of the landing deck area. I turned my head, and stole a glance at Charon. His eyes were closed, and his head was done. I put my head back and looked at my hands. My long fingered, wide-palmed, calloused hands. I rubbed my arm, feeling how my skin was becoming rough. I was alone on this bed.

I should be used to this hanging sense of loneliness, but…I wasn't. I had been, I had been fine and perfectly imperfect before I knocked heads with Charon. Before he had come into my life like a windstorm raging. Before he offered me his hand, his shoulder to lean on, his body for protection. In a few nights, I wasn't myself anymore. I had gotten lost in a false sense of security from a man who couldn't differentiate between contract and emotions. I curled my arms under me, warming them with the ragged clothes I wore.

Vault law was vicious. The Wastes were worse. Amata used to say love only comes once, if you're lucky. My father used to tell me that science could solve anything. Jonas used to tell me to keep my chin up. I don't remember what anyone else said to me. Maybe it wasn't important enough for me to remember. I clutched my stomach, trying to hold something down. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't going to come up. I growled at myself, and turned around to face Charon.

He stood, strong and silent. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his eyes were closed. He leaned against the steel wall, ignoring any form of pain the rivets in the steel might give him. I sighed, quietly so he wouldn't notice me. I didn't want him to notice me. I wanted to take in his appearance and try to submerge the rising mix of emotions that were about to surface.

"What are you staring at?"

I heard him ask in his gruff, guttural voice. I didn't even know he knew.

"You."

"Why?"

I sat up and pulled myself off the naval cot. My body ached everywhere, but I didn't care. I grabbed my gun and pack, and didn't bother changing back into my wet clothes.

"No reason."

I shoved my armor in my pack and slung it over my back. I shook my still-wet hair, and opened the door.

"Dez, where are you going?"

I looked at him, angry.

"The Jefferson Memorial. Where else?"

He didn't argue with me, and against my better internal judgment I let him follow me. Vera wasn't going to give us a refund, so I didn't bother asking. She didn't even give us a look as we walked out. I was glad for that. She was worse than Myra in Megaton. If that's even her name.


	15. Chapter 15

A few Super Mutants and some extra ammo later, Charon and I found ourselves listening to holotapes in the Jefferson Memorial. Guess where he went now? Vault 112. Why? Because he is a fucking asswipe. I took off my Pip-Boy and threw it into the plexi-glass window of the Rotunda. I kicked the machine the holotapes were on, and yelled.

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

Charon walked over and picked up my Pip-Boy. He handed it back to me, and I slid it on my arm. It was fine, you can drop a bomb on these things and they won't break.

"Are we going to Vault 112 then?"

I glared up at Charon. I was still very angry with him.

"No. _We_ are going back to Megaton. Then _I_ am going to Vault 112, and _you_ are not following me."

He nodded, rolling his eyes. I bet he thinks this is some phase I'm going through. Some little temper tantrum or something that I'm going to just miraculously snap out of. He's wrong. I am mad at him, furious with him even. He had lied to me. Not even people in the vault hated me enough to lie about me and fake it. Least they were honest and real.

Charon followed me out and back into the city. We walked, not speaking, not suggesting camp, nothing. I kept myself a good yard away from him, even when we were climbing back over the piles of shit. I didn't even want to _look_ at him I was so mad. I bet he sensed it, too, because he wasn't trying to start with me.

I wonder what drives people, you know? I wonder what makes them tick and what makes them do the things they do. I know why I do what I do out here in the desert. Because I feel no real reason to let others live, because they have done me no good. Because what can one person do? Three Dog got everyone on the happy bandwagon and convinced them I was going to save their sorry asses, so now they were expecting it. But what the hell was the 'Good Fight' and what am I saving them from? They've been dealing with the same shit for two hundred years, why did now make any difference? What in the world made me, any goddamned different from them? They know how to shoot, just as well if not better than me. Is it because I come from the vault? Or because I spoke with Three Dog directly about my father? What did I do to deserve this? To be forever fated to a life of loneliness in a barren desert thusly named Capitol Wasteland.

No one will fully understand what I'm feeling, and I don't expect anyone too. It's not something you can hear, it's not a cry, it's small and it's broken. It's not something you can see or touch or feel. What I feel can't be said in words, or drawn in a picture, or even written out in music. It can only be felt. I can describe it as…as a small glass ball. It's broken, but it's still got all the pieces, and some of them are even put back together. But it's still broken. It's still not whole, and even if you did manage to glue it all back together, it would still be imperfect, and pieces would still be missing. That's the best metaphor to describe the inner workings of Dezbe, Vigilante of the Capitol Wasteland. Even if you figured me out, made me smile or laugh, there's still going to be parts of me missing, and I'll always need fixing.

It slipped my mind how much time had passed since we left the Jefferson Memorial. The moon was high up in the sky, and I hadn't been paying attention to my surroundings, as usual. I stopped walking to light a cigarette, but then instantly walked again once it was happily in my mouth.

"Are we making camp tonight?"

I heard Charon say behind me. Sure, he had saved my life earlier, but I would have much rather spent my time in my head, where I saw my mother.

"Sure, why not?"

I said rather sarcastically. I stopped in the middle of the open desert, and dropped my pack. Tonight, we go by my rules. Charon started digging a hole, but I stopped him.

"No fire. Just sleeping."

I laid down on the dirt, using my pack as a pillow. Charon sat a yard away form me, good sense for him too. I stared up at the sky as I always did, watching my smoke curl in the wind. Charon mumbled something I couldn't hear, and I saw him get up and go off somewhere. I felt a little hurt, watching him walk off in the darkness, but I didn't show it.

"Good riddance."

I said, tossing my cigarette into the dirt. What did it matter? He was going to be gone the instant we hit Megaton, and then I'd be off to Vault 112. I'd be alone again, and I'd find my dad and figure out the rest of the plan from there. Yeah, alone.


	16. Chapter 16

"Wake up right now!"

I opened my eyes and saw a fearful Charon over me. He was dangerously close to my face, his eyes wild.

"What the fuck…?"

He grabbed me by the elbow, half dragging, half pulling me up. I grabbed my gun and my pack and stood. He pulled me impatiently.

"We have to _move_!"

"Why?"

I tore my arm from his grip. What the hell was so goddamn important? The mood hadn't even set yet and the desert had this eerie glow about it.

"Deathclaws!"

My eyes widened. I nodded, and we began running. I could hear them rumbling in the near distance. I _hate_ Deathclaws. They are vile, disgusting mutated reptiles. I had heard stories of where they came from, but fuck if I can't remember. I just know if there's one, there's another nearby, and they're fucking _vicious_.

Charon and I ran. I heard the Deathclaws nearing and I turned around, aiming my gun high.

"Charon! Run!"

He stopped running and came back, his gun drawn. I have never ordered Charon to do anything, really. Nothing serious, or of great concern, but this time I did.

"Charon! That was an _order_! Run! Go!"

Charon looked at me, hopeless. Loyally, he obeyed, and ran away into the desert. I smirked. I wouldn't go looking for him.

"Come and get me you bastards!"

The two reptiles ran at me, their claws open. I took out my Frag Grenades and tossed them. They both went soaring, but I knew they weren't down. If it were that easy to kill them, I would have slept through it. I tossed another, and one of them was wounded. He couldn't run, and I took that as my secondary target. Turning to the first one, I aimed my sawed-off shotgun, and began firing.

I reloaded twice, and made that goddamned bastard half-blind, but he still charged. I was on my last shell.

"Make this one count, Dez!"

I aimed, and waited till he was right on top of me. He opened his mouth to roar or bite me or something, and that's when I pulled. I squeezed that trigger, and saw his entire head explode, spraying my face with blood. I lowered my weapon, breathing heavy. The adrenaline pumped in my ears, I could feel my heart and hear it at the same time. The other Deathclaw roared and waved his large hands around in pain. I didn't put it out of its misery. I turned my back on it, and walked away.

Checking my Pip-Boy, I saw I wasn't _that_ far from Megaton. Why, if I kept walking and didn't stop, I just might be there in half a day's time. Maybe a little longer. Looking up I scanned the area around me. Charon was nowhere to be seen or heard. Good. I didn't need him around anymore. He didn't want me around, anyways. We'd meet up back in Megaton, and I'd gladly hand him over his contract. I'd kick him out of my house, and if he tried to kill me like he had Ahzrukhal, then I'd beat him to it. But…if I wanted him gone so bad, if he had hurt me so much…why did it hurt? Why did it make me want to cry when I envisioned never being around him? Jesus fuck Dezbe, you are insane.


	17. Chapter 17

I walked into Megaton late the next afternoon. I was fucking _tired_. But damn, I wanted a drink first, so I walked up to Moriarty's. Maybe Gob would have some nice things to say to me.

Opening the door, I saw it was unusually empty. Nova wasn't in her corner, and Gob was wiping down a counter, as usual. Walking over to the bar, I sat down, and he jumped.

"You scared me, kid."

I smiled at him.

"What, no hello?"

Gob looked away from me, shaking his head.

"What's wrong?"

Gob sighed, and grabbed a glass from under the counter. He poured me a glass of Purified Water and crossed his arms.

"You are the most foolish person I have ever encountered."

I cocked an eyebrow as I chugged the water.

"Why?"

I said taking in a big breath.

"Charon's waiting for you up at your house. Damnit kid! Deathclaws? We've been worried sick about you!"

I smirked at him, and lit a cigarette.

"You mean _you've_ been worried about me. Charon was only worried about what he was going to do if his 'job' died and didn't get to pass on his contract."

I saw a shift in Gob's demeanor.

"Listen here kid, I don't know what goes on out there, I've been here fifteen years, but I know its dangerous. And I know that mercenary fucker has _never_, in all the years I've known him, been _that_ worried about something."

"Contract Gob, contract."

He took the empty glass off the counter and started to clean it.

"Yeah well, I've never seen him worry so much over a goddamn piece of paper then."

I was curious.

"Intrigue me then, Gob, what did he say to you?"

"He said you've been acting like a raving loon and tried to off yourself by jumping off Rivet City, then he says you ordered him away while fighting off Deathclaws. Now, I'm not a shrink, I and I know it gets tough out there kid, but suicide…I expected more."

I yawned. This didn't intrigue me.

"Gob, it's not suicide. I tripped, alright? You have no idea what its like out there, so don't judge me if I'm a raving loon. Charon's the one with the problem. Fucker he…forget it."

"No, what?"

I glared at Gob.

"Just forget it, alright? I'm going home, he still there?"

"Should be."

I nodded and pushed off the bar. I left Moriarty's not tired and suddenly angry. Jericho tried to stop me for conversation, but I brushed him off.

"Not now old man."

I stumbled past him, and went up and down the ramps. I finally came to my house and kicked open the door. Wadsworth greeted me, but I shoved him out of the way.

"Charon!"

I screamed. I was ready for a fight. He came down the stairs, and I saw a hint of relief on his face.

"You're okay…"

I glared at him as he stood at the base of the stairs.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to wait for you."

I crossed my arms.

"I told you to get your contract and _go_."

"I did not know if you survived the attack."

"You should have _left_. Get out."

I pointed to the door. He walked over to the locker and took out his contact.

"Are you sure this is what you wish?"

I nodded, still pointing.

"Very well."

He shoved the old piece of paper in his pocket. I watched him collect his things around the house. He headed over to me, standing next to my outstretched arm. I pulled it back in, and tapped my foot impatiently.

"I would like to know the reason for my termination so I know not to make the same mistake in the future."  
Shit. What answer would I give him? I can't tell him I'm firing him because he doesn't care. Saying it like that made it all sound so stupid. To me, it's not stupid. To me it's my entire world. I looked up at him, angry and pulsating.

"Because I am nothing more than a job to you, Charon. I do not want to hang around someone who has no intention of looking out for me outside of 'work'. Do you understand?"

"Yes…I suppose."

"Good, now get _out_."

I didn't wait for him to leave. I shoved past him and ran up the stairs. I slammed my bedroom door, and began throwing the biggest fit. I tore up my bed, throwing the mattress and the frame across the room. I tipped over the desk and filing cabinet, kicking them with a fury. I ripped up papers that flew into the air, not caring what they said. I slammed my fists into the flimsy metal walls, making dents. I screamed as I ripped folders and threw empty Nuka-Cola bottles at the wall, shattering them into millions of pieces. I threw another one, and a piece of glass hit me in the face.

"Oh fuck!"

I screamed, feeling blood. It calmed me down, and I sat on the floor in the middle of all the rubble. I breathed heavily, hyperventilating it seemed, as I squeezed my cheek.

"I fucking hate _everything_!"

I said through gritted teeth. I heard my bedroom door open, and I expected to see Wadsworth and have to hear him bitch about the mess I'd made. Instead, stupid Charon stood. He scanned the room and sighed.

"Come here, Dez."

He crouched down and tried to pry my hand from my face. I snapped at him with my teeth.

"Get away!"

"Dez."

He took my hand off, and looked at my cheek. He smirked at it, and took a rag from the floor. I felt him wipe my face, and I looked away angrily. He put a bandage on the cut, and pulled his hands away. I still didn't look at him.

"I told you to leave."

He sighed and stood up.

"I cannot just leave, Dez. You must find someone to take my contract off your hands."

"You can't just be 'free'?"

Charon's face contorted, and he shook his head. I sighed and stood. Pulling the mattress down from leaning on the wall, I kicked it to the floor.

"Whatever Charon, stay. Do what you want, I don't care."

I laid on it, curling up as I always did.

"May I ask a question?"

"Sure, whatever."

"What did I do to anger you so greatly?"

I clenched my teeth together.

"You _lied_ to me."

"About?"

"You said you liked me. You said I was an employer you liked. Then you freaked out and had a bitch fit on the way to Rivet City and basically told me you only cared about me because of your contract."

"I do not recall saying that."

I replayed the conversation in my head. How he had yelled and screamed at me. He was right. I felt a pang of guilt shoot up in my body. Charon wasn't worried about his contract, he was worried…he was worried about _me_. I just…didn't realize it. Turning to face him, I stood up.

"I'm…sorry then, Charon. I had…I thought something different had happened. I'm sorry I have been so unkind to you."

"Do you still wish to transfer my contract?"

"No…no just let me sleep, please, okay? And Charon? Please, feel free to do anything you like here in Megaton."

"I would like to rest as well."

I nodded. He left my room. I felt like one of the biggest bitches to ever live. Charon…he was really worried about me. In my paranoia, I had misinterpreted his words, almost ruining everything. I had to figure out something to do for him, to make up for my actions. I had _hit_ him. Right in the jaw, when he was only trying to be nice to me. What kind of person did that make me, then? If I could be so easily shifted, with my uncontrollable mood swings.

I looked down at my Wasteland shoes. They were worn down, I could almost see my feet. Constant walking would do that to shoes. For some reason though, this greatly upset me. I was sad about my shoes, I don't know why. It depressed me to see my socks through the heels. I should really sleep now, but I can't. I'm so tired, exhausted, and in a lot of aching pain. I had walked with little sleep, from Rivet City to Megaton, and my body was screaming at me for it. But I couldn't find sleep. I looked at the walls. Between them, behind them really, Charon laid in his room. On the shambly, old sofa. My room was destroyed. Paper, filing cabinet, and mattress sat askew on the floor. I sighed, rolling back over to face the far wall. I half wanted to go talk to Charon. Go and do something to make it up to him. He didn't deserve that kind of treatment, hell no one did. But how do you repent for something, when you don't even know what the other person likes? I could give him ammo, but he seemed to have tons of that stashed somewhere. I could give him a workbench, but we aren't home enough to use it. My eyelids started to get heavy, drowsy with sleep. I pulled my knees up to my chin, and wrapped my arms around my ears and head. It's time to sleep now.


	18. Chapter 18

It was dark out when I finally woke up. Actually, I didn't wake myself up. Wadsworth was being loud outside of my room, and his propeller sounds jerked me awake.

"Wadsworth!"

I called, annoyed. He came over and opened my bedroom.

"What is it Madame? May I offer you some Purified Water? A haircut? Perhaps a joke?"

Wadsworth can cut hair? Hey now we just might be on to something.

"Actually, Wadsworth, I'd like a haircut, please."

"Very well Madame. What style would you prefer?"

"Uhm, give me something like the Fallen Angel, only with one, and don't spike it up."

"Certainly."

I sat perfectly still as I felt Wadsworth working on my head. My hair fell in long snippets on my shoulders and the floor. It felt weird, getting all my hair cut off. I mean, I'd never think of doing something like this in the vault. But we aren't in the vault anymore, are we? I smiled to myself, as I saw more hair falling in front of my face.

"Could you change the color, too please?"

"Of course, Madame. What color suits you?"

"What do you think, Wadsworth?"

"Well with your fair skin tone a deep pink might match well, don't you agree?"

"Sure."

Pink? I was thinking more of a normal hair color. But I guess everything is considered normal in the Capitol Wasteland. I had seen a few people with pink hair, and it didn't look too bad. Hell if I don't like it I can shave it all off or just change it back.

Wadsworth held a broken mirror in front of me so I could see what he'd done. I smiled at myself, and nodded.

"It looks great!"

"Thank you, Madame."

I stood up, shaking myself off. I felt I had a new bounce to my step. Sure, I was dressed in nasty clothes, but hell if I don't feel sexy. I did a twirl in the middle of my room, smiling to myself. Change seemed to be in my favor these days, and I hoped it stayed. I decided to alter the clothes I was wearing, too. So long as I'm in Megaton, I won't need to be totally armed and dangerous. I cut the shirt and the sleeves, making it a tank top that showed my belly, and the scar forming on it.

"You're a trophy of my adventures!"

I said, poking the healing hole. I smiled, and started ripping up the legs of the pants. Showing some skin never hurt anyone, and with a body like mine, I wanted to _brag_ about it. Opening my bedroom door, I sauntered out. Don't ask me who I'm showing off for, because honestly I can't tell you. All I can say is _damn_ I think I look good.

I looked over at Charon's closed bedroom door, and I felt my heart sink. I walked over to it, and hesitated. I wanted to knock, but what would I say? 'Look at my new hair?'. No. I had done wrong and I needed to right it. But how? I stood, face to face with the thin metal. I fiddled with my hands, biting my lip. What would I say? That I was sorry? How could I show him? Could I drop signals that he was the only thing that confounded and confused me, that scared me and made me worry in the Capitol Wasteland? That out of all the shit that's been going down, I'd rather do it with him than be alone? I'm scared of being alone, he knows that I think. No, he doesn't. He doesn't know anything I've been thinking lately, especially about him.

I sighed, trying to muster up courage and strength to just _knock on the door_. I mean…what would he say? More important what the fuck am I going to say to a six-foot something ghoul mercenary who I so gladly knocked in the jaw the other day? I mumbled to myself, trying to fit words in where they didn't go. Like a square peg in a round hole. My shadow bounced back at me, and I saw how scared I looked in my reflection. Finally, I knocked.

"Charon?"

I didn't want to open the door. In case, you know, he was indecent or something. I heard movement, and zipping of pants. I smirked to myself. I guess even ghouls sleep in the nude. He opened the door, and I looked up at him. He looked like he was sleeping. Great. I woke him.

"Yes?"

He didn't open the door fully, and I respected his privacy and took a step back.

"I got new hair!"

I said, stupidly pointing to my head. Charon looked and nodded.

"Yes, I see that."

"Yeah…"

"Do you require anything?"

I had this giant, embarrassed smile on my face.

"Nope!"

"May I then return to my room?"

"Sure."

Charon closed the door. I sighed again, and listened closely. I heard his leather armor clanking to the floor, and his weight collapsing on the couch. I hung my head low, grumbling.

"Maybe Gob will give me some more liquid courage."

I waved my hand at his door, as if to say 'aw I don't need you', but I think we all knew it was the opposite. Going into the living room, I scribbled a note where I took off to and stuck it on the back of Wadsworth. He didn't notice and flew by me like nothing happened.

"Dezbe, the stealthy note-leaver."

I said, smiling to myself as I creeped out the door.

"I am so good at this sneaking thing."

The door quietly closed behind me, and I began walking up to Moriarty's. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I mindlessly kicked rocks and pebbles across the metal roadways. Colin was a cocksucker. I hated him for how he treated Gob. Gob was always so kind to me, and always made me feel better. He didn't deserve to be treated like that. Luckily though, I had my sawed-off shotgun strapped to my back, so if Colin wanted to pick a fight, I'd show him right up.

I heard people whisper about me. They called me the 'ghoul-lover' and 'rotting whore'. I shook my head, trying to block out their nasty accusations. So I got drunk and kissed Gob, big whoop. Don't tell me you've never imagined what it would feel like, kissing a ghoul. I didn't think they should chastise me for being nice to ghouls, either. Sure, some of them wanted to rip your goddamn throat out and have you for dinner but…Charon and Gob aren't like that. In fact, I think those two rotting bags of flesh are nicer than any other human in the Wastes I've encountered. I guess that doesn't say much for the human race these days, huh?

I walked into Moriarty's just in time to see him wallop Gob a nice one right on the back of the head. No one in the saloon seemed to care, but Gob yelped like a puppy in pain. It enraged me, and I went for the sawed-off shotgun strapped on me. I aimed it at Colin and moved forward.

"Hey!"

Colin looked at me, and I saw his face grow pale.

"Ay, watcha doin' with that now lassie? Why not put it down and we can settle whatever is wrong over a pint?"

I cocked my gun, showing I wasn't joking.

"You better stop treating Gob like a piece of shit. You hear me Moriarty?"

"Oh and what are you gonna do about it lass? Kill me?"

"I've killed Raiders with more dignity and respect."

"Oh really now?"

"Try me."

Colin looked down my gun at me, and I glared at him. He should be able to tell that I was in no mood to be tested, and given the chance I would blow his sorry ass to hell and back. I saw him swallow a lump in his throat.

"All right lass, just put yer gun back and I'll ease up."

"If I see one more bruise, cut or scrape on his body, I swear to god I _will_ kill you."

Colin nodded and retreated upstairs. His hands were high in the air as he went, and I followed him with my gun, making sure he went. When I heard a door upstairs slam, I holstered my gun and smiled at Gob.

"Wow kid…I don't think I've ever seen that bastard so scared."

I shrugged and took a seat.

"I _hate_ seeing you treated that way, Gob."

"Thanks kid, I appreciate it."

I looked at Gob.

"One day, I _will_ kill him, I promise."

Gob shook his head and pointed to my hair.

"I like it."

"Thanks. Hey can you pour me some liquid courage? I could use it."

Gob smirked and me and began pulling out the vodka.

"You just held a shotgun to my employer, and you need courage?"

"You got it, Bucko."

"Why?"

He poured me a small glass and watered it down a bit with water. I didn't mind, I didn't want to get trashed anyways.

"I've just been having a rough week. You and Charon go back, right?"

Gob shrugged as he picked up a glass to clean.

"I guess. We knew one another in Underworld. We worked together, too, before Ahzrukhal bought him."

"Where'd you work?"

"Carol's place. You know, managing rooms and board and whatnot. Keeping people in line mostly."

"Then Carol sold Charon to Ahzrukhal?"

Gob shook his head.

"No, Ahzrukhal found Charon's contract one night when he was breaking into the safe. We were all like…a kind of family. Ahzrukhal was competition. Charon had a knack for attracting lots of female ghouls, and where the girls are the boys go, so the Ninth Circle was suffering. He broke into the safe one night to figure out if we were supplying people with Jet, and he found Charon's contract."

"Why didn't you stop him? You could have taken it back."

Gob smirked at me, cocking an eyebrow.

"You know, Carol used to ask me that all the time, Greta too. But…would _you_ fight Charon's employer? He'd blow your head off, despite what you meant to him."

I lowered my eyes to the bar, remembering what had happened at Fort Bannister.

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"So I let it go. I can't stop a brute like Charon, hell he's trained to kill. I'm just Gobtholomew."

I laughed, vodka almost coming out of my nose. It was the funniest thing I've heard in months.

"Is that your _real _name? Gobtholomew?"

"Yeah, yeah…don't knock it."

Oh I didn't knock it. I just died of laughter. Hell I was laughing so hard I started hitting the bar and turning purple. It was fucking _hilarious_. I mean, _come on_. Gobtholomew? Whenever I'm sad I'm going to think about that, and die of laughter.

"All right kid, all right, come on calm down."

I inhaled and exhaled deeply and slowly, calming myself down.

"Okay, okay I'm all set."

"Yeah. Anyways, I gave up and let Charon go. But to this day, he never lets me forget it."

"What do you mean?"

Gob shrugged, putting the glass on a shelf.

"I kind of let him and everyone down when I didn't get it back from Ahzrukhal. Part of the reason I left Underworld was because I couldn't bear to see them look at me like that. Every time I went into the Ninth Circle, Charon would drill holes in my head. He's just stare at me, and I know he'd stare at everyone, but I always felt like he was doing it extra hard to me. He refused to speak to me, thanks to Ahzrukhal. And the other day when he came in here looking for you, boy, he was pissed."

"What? How so?"

Gob shrugged, and rested his elbows on the bar.

"Well, he came in here like he was a bat out of fucking hell, slamming the door open and knocking tables over. Of course, Colin knows he follows you so he didn't bother to stop him. He yelled at me, asking if I had seen you. When I told him I didn't, he kicked the bar and said, and I quote 'You are a coward, Gob. You always have been, you always will be. You deserve all the treatment you get around here', then took off as fast as he had come."

I crossed my arms, smug and angry.

"When I get home tonight, I am going to have a talk with him about how he treats you."

Gob shook his head.

"He didn't really mean it, kid. He was mad, worried about you."

"I didn't die, though."

"He had no way of knowing that. I mean, you ordered him away in the heat of the battle. If it was Ahzrukhal, he wouldn't have given two shits. But you, kid, you he likes. I can tell."

I sighed and traced my finger around the edge of my glass.

"I hope he does, Gob. I don't have anyone to look out for me out there. Just Charon."

"He would have killed you by now, if he didn't care."

I smirked, remembering how I had punched him.

"I punched him in the face."

Gob looked at me, shocked.

"You _what_?"

"Punched him, right in the jaw."

"And…he didn't freak? He didn't _shoot_ you?"

I shook my head.

"No, why?"

"Well…you hit him. Makes your contract to him void. So…I don't understand why he didn't react."

"Yeah…me neither."

"Why did you hit him?"

I sighed, finishing off my vodka. I stared at the empty glass.

"Something…Something happened in Rivet City that really hurt me…and I was mad at Charon beforehand because of a lame misunderstanding, and he touched my shoulder, so I hit him. I was upset and I feel so bad for it…"

I shook my head. Gob nodded, and patted my hand.

"You know kid, I think Charon might actually like you."

"Why?"

"Because if anyone ever hit him, he'd kill them. If he let you do that, and didn't kill you, he must really think highly of you."

I nodded, sighing again.

"Yeah, I guess."

Gob gave me a reassuring smile and patted my hand once more before going and finding more cups to clean. I stared at my dirtied glass, pursing my lips together. Charon had every right to leave. I began to run through the outcomes in my head at high-speed. Looking up at Gob, I pointed at him.

"He could have just stuck around because he knew I didn't have his contract on me. It's at my house."

Gob smiled and smirked at me.

"Kid, why is it so hard for you to accept and appreciate the company of others?"

I shrugged, and rocked back and forth in the bar stool, fucking with my glass.

"I want to do something nice for him. What should I do?"

Gob shrugged, shaking his head.

"Beats me. Never really had a sit down talk and _really_ got to know him. He likes guns."

"I have a Sniper Rifle."

"So pretend you're stupid and have him teach you."

I smirked, laughing at the thought.

"How would that make him happy with me?"

"He likes guns, and he likes to show off his talents. What better than to show a pretty smooth skin like yourself how to properly shoot?"

"I guess."

Gob flipped his cleaning rag at me, smiling.

"No guessing, go on, stop wasting your time in this dump."

"I come to see you."

"Yeah, yeah, get out."

I stood up and dug into my pockets. Smiling at Gob, I dropped a handful of caps on the counter and walked out. Eventually, Colin is going to _have_ to let Gob go, or I will _make_ him.


	19. Chapter 19

I stood outside Charon's bedroom door, my Sniper Rifle against the wall next to me. What is it about me and this damn door? I know exactly what I want to say until I get to it, then I space out like a fucking zombie. I had my hand raised, ready to knock and everything, but I couldn't. How was I going to convince him I didn't know how to shoot a fucking Sniper Rifle? Look at me! I've been in the desert for _ages_, you'd figure I'd have picked it up by now. Finally, I mustered the courage and knocked on his door.

"Hey Charon?"

I heard the sofa creak. If he was sleeping, he slept lightly. I heard him banging around, and the familiar sound of his zipper. He opened the door a creak, and peered out at me. He wasn't wearing his top. I stared at him through the crack in the door.

"Yes?"

Muscle. Sheer muscle and flesh. Hot _damn_.

"I uh…I…"

I grabbed the Sniper from the wall and held it up.

"Teach me?"

He nodded, and closed the door.

"I will be with you in a moment."

I heard him fumbling around with his armor, trying to put it back on.

"You know, I have some clothes you can wear if you don't want to constantly put on your armor. In fact, I have some new armor that might suit you better."

He opened the door, fully clothed and shook his head.

"I like my armor."

"Okay. Well uhm…can we go just outside Megaton and uh, you can show me how to use this thing? I need to learn."

He nodded, and I led him down the stairs. He followed close behind me, he didn't have his shotgun. I smiled back at him as we opened the door, he nodded, and motioned for me to keep going. We walked down the steep hill, and at night it was pretty hard to navigate the damn wooden steps. I almost tripped, but Charon grabbed the back of my shirt with lightning reflexes.

"Thanks."

I said to him as I steadied myself. He nodded, and I turned back around. I could feel the dirt through my shoes. In the glowing lights that strung around Megaton, everything looked so different. Everything seemed…seemed more romantic. Maybe that's not the correct word, but it did. It looked like something out of a movie, something you'd expect to see two forlorn lovers kissing in the middle of. I stopped at the top of the gate, and stared down at the town. The giant bomb was lit, and the puddle around it glowed beautifully.

"Dez, what are you doing?"

I looked up at Charon. We stood in the dark, there were no lights here.

"Look, isn't it pretty?"

He looked out at Megaton and nodded.

"I keep expecting to see two love-crossed kids come out and start kissing at that bomb. I never really knew how pretty this place could be at night."

"It is quite nice here, yes."

I looked down at my feet, and then back up. If I could, I'd find my own forlorn love, and kiss him in the middle of Megaton at night. I scrunched up my nose, thinking about it. Naw. That's too romantic for me. Maybe I'd start some fireworks in the middle of town, a gun party or something. I'm not romantic, shit makes me want to hurl cookies.

"Are we going?"

Charon asked, slightly impatient. I looked up at him, nodding. He led me to the Megaton gate, opening it and holding it for me. I nodded at him, smiling. I walked out, my Sniper Rifle close to my thigh.


	20. Chapter 20

"Now, steady yourself. Make sure you're one step ahead of your target…"

Charon had his arms wrapped around mine. We lay in the sand dirt mixture outside of Megaton, my Sniper Rifle balanced perfectly. I had been acting extra clumsy, so he'd feel more important. He was showing me how to position my hands and arms so I could properly look through the scope. I didn't tell him that I'd known how to do this shit three days after coming out here.

"Do I close one eye?"

"Yes. Keep one eye closed, and make sure your target is in the cross hairs. Usually you only have one or two shots to hit your target. After that, they'll become aware of where you are."

"Squeeze it, right?"

"Yes, very gently."

His raspy voice echoed in my ear. I could feel his hot breath on the entire left side of my face and neck. It made me shudder. He put his hand on mine, and slowly we squeezed the trigger. The gun shot into the distance, and our arms moved with the kickback.

"Good. Now, we're going to have to find something to aim at to make your mark."

"Isn't it too dark out?"

Charon looked around. We were still laying flat. He was practically on top of me, but I didn't mind, really. I liked the close companionship.

"Yes, for you. You might not be able to see it."

I had half a mind to tell him that me and this gun shot out three Super Mutants one night. But I didn't. I kept my comments to myself and shook my head.

"We could try in the morning."

Charon nodded and stood up. He offered me his hand, and I took it. He pulled me to my feet, and I stood in front of him. I was still holding his hand, and I felt awkward. I shook it.

"Thank you very much."

I said, releasing his hand. He nodded at me, taking the Sniper Rifle from me.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

He looked through the scope of the gun and examined it carefully.

"Do you…do you think I should go get my dad?"

"If you feel you should."

"No, no tell me what you think."

He lowered the gun and looked at me.

"I think you should. I think he is your father still, despite your differences."

I nodded, looking away.

"There's an entrance at Smith Casey's Garage. It's about a half-day's walk from Megaton, East I believe."

"Then what is stopping you from going?"

I sighed, shaking my newly half-bald head.

"I guess I'm just angry at him…"

"He could be in danger."

"Yeah…"

"You should go."

I looked up at him. You know, in the moonlight, Charon didn't look like a ghoul all that much.

"You'll come with me right?"

It was a dumb question to ask, but I felt like I needed to know. For good measure.

"If you want me to, yes."

I nodded at him. He put the gun to his side, and motioned towards Megaton. I nodded, and followed behind him. In the dark like this, it was easy to lose someone. Charon seemed to disappear, even though he was only a few feet in front of me. I stopped walking, and wiggled my toes in my ruined shoes. Looking up at the sky, I sighed. Charon, you stupid fuck. I had never felt this way before, about anyone or anything. I had never been close to someone. I had never cared enough to be. Then, one day I have to feel righteous and take on this huge responsibility that is Charon. He comes in my bubble, my little world, and shakes it all up, destroying everything. He makes it all messy and disoriented, and hands it back to me, as if to say 'Here's your world, treat it nice'. Even though its in shambles, like the Wastes. I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair.

I hardly know the ghoul, hell, I _don't_ know him, so what is this? What is this feeling then? This turmoil that bubbles and rages inside of me, just begging to be let out. How do I let it out, when I don't even know what it is? Charon wouldn't understand, he wouldn't get the concept. I looked ahead of me, and saw that he was waiting for me to meet him. He never wanders too far, he's always within eyesight, if not then arm's reach. I jogged over to him, and stood next to him, and motioned to keep walking. I reached down, and squeezed his hand.

"Thank you, again."

He nodded, but didn't squeeze my hand back. He pulled out of my grip and led the way to Megaton gates. Charon, I think we're going to be friends. I think we're going to…see a lot of things. Things that might scare me, normally. Things that will scare me, make me cry, make me vomit and heave. But…I'll know whenever I look at you, it'll all be okay. I just hope when you look at me, you get that same comfort and reassurance. Someday, Charon, we'll need each other more than anything. I can sense that in my bones, way deep down inside. Neither of us will ever admit it, we're both too crazy and stubborn, but we'll know. Someday, I will figure out how to show you what you've done for me. I'll follow you, you know. You think you're following me right now, and perhaps you are, but I know way deep in my gut, that I'd follow you back to Underworld and through the darkest of darks.

No one has ever shown me the kindness you have. You haven't shown a lot, but enough for me to know. Enough for me to feel comforted and safe. If there's no one with you, Charon, when you come to terms with whatever you have, then I'll be there. I promise. I can't offer you much, but I can promise I'll try. I'll try to be that good friend you've been to me. When it all comes crashing down, and I know it will, I will be there. When I can't bear the weight of the world anymore, when I finally snap from all this traveling and danger, you will be there. You helped me see there's _some_ good out here, and all you've done was stop me from killing myself. Stop me from doing something so many others out here want to do. I promise, I'll help you, too. I do.


	21. Chapter 21

Inside my house, I sat in a worn out chair in the big living room. Charon leaned against the wall, as I drew out a musical staff. I wanted to make beautiful music again. I missed it, and I missed the comfort and peace it brought me. I blew smoke at the paper as I drew the G clef. I swirled the pencil around, and landed on the staff line. I smiled to myself, happy and proud.

"Miss Dez, what are you doing?"

"It's just 'Dez', Charon. And I'm drawing a music staff."

"May I see?"

I shrugged.

"Sure."

He came over and sat beside me. He took the pencil from my hand, and began writing notes on the paper.

"Hey!"

He ignored me and kept doing it. Line after line, note after note. He'd stop and draw more staffs and G clefs, going fast like he was pacing himself.

"Charon what are you doing?"

He slid the paper over to me, and took the cigarette from my hand. He put it in his mouth and inhaled. The same mouth he used to give me CPR. I blushed, and looked at the table.

"Piano, right?"

He asked and I nodded. Looking at the notes, I played them in my head.

"Charon, this is beautiful…"

"I hope when we are able to obtain a keyboard you will play it for me?"

"Of course…does it have words?"

He took the paper back and began to scribble. His handwriting was shaky and unsteady. It was rough and edgy, like his voice. In fact, it was perfect for his voice. I smiled as I heard his voice with his writing. _I used to live alone before I knew you_, I focused on one line as he wrote, placing the words correctly above the notes. It was true. I lived alone before Charon. I swallowed hard, and watched him as he finished up the song. He slid it back over to me, and I read it over.

"Charon, what's this song mean?"

He looked at the smoke that trailed in the air. _She broke your throne, she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the hallelujah_.

"It's using religious events, characters, and beliefs as an elaborate metaphor for different love situations where emotions are peaking."

I looked back at the paper, nodding. It was so deep and beautiful. I could almost hear the notes in my head as I scanned the sheet. _But all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you_. I smirked, I could place that perfectly to Butch. This song was simply beautiful, putting it mildly. If it's one thing I've always had a deep admiration for, it's for songs that speak volumes. I looked over at Charon, and I touched his knee. He jerked away, not expecting my hand on him.

"You'll help me find a piano?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"If you can play, I would like to hear it."

I nodded. That suited me just fine. Standing up I yawned and stretched.

"I'm going to bed."

"Goodnight."

"Night, Charon."

I walked up the stairs, ignoring Wadsworth. I had half a mind to scrap him. He was obnoxious and got in the way. Plus, he was loud. I don't like 'loud' when I'm trying to relax.

Laying on my bed in my still trashed room, I stared at the ceiling again. I'm not really that tired, honestly, but I don't know how to act or what to say near Charon. I could hear him come up the stairs, his big footsteps not being that subtle. He stopped outside my bedroom door, and I held my breath. Did he have something to ask me? I heard him knock on my door, and I sat up.

"Yeah?"

He opened it, not looking in, but enough so I could hear him.

"Have good dreams, will you kid?"

I smiled at him.

"Yeah, you too, alright?"

"Yes."

He closed my bedroom door, but he didn't leave right away. There was something he wasn't telling me, I just knew it. I could order him to tell me, but…that would be wrong. I heard him knock again at my door, and I smirked.

"Mhm?"

I called to him.

"Excuse me but…"

"But…?"

"Never mind. Sorry for disturbing you again, Dez. Goodnight."

"Bye, Charon."

He closed my door again and walked over to his room. I heard it slam, and the familiar clank of his armor hitting the floor. I sighed, and laid down. Sleep…sleep wouldn't come too easy tonight.


	22. Chapter 22

When I woke up, the first thing I did was quickly and quietly gather all my things together. I didn't want to wake up Charon, that would have just irritated me. I'm not a morning person, but I want to say goodbye to Gob in case traveling to this vault proved fatal. After the incident at Vault 101, I didn't trust vaults to be 'safe' anymore. Hell I didn't even know there was more than 101 until I came out here. Nice of them to inform us, huh? No one even knew there was a desert or people, let alone cities and armies.

I left everything in a pile on the living room floor. At seven in the morning, everything was just waking up. I knew I'd have to lock pick Moriarty's to get in, but I hardly think he'll mind much. After all, I am his favorite customer. As I walked, I reminded myself to get some new outfits. Nova's outfit I really liked, and I wanted to see if Moria had it before I set off. Charon sure was going to be mad when he woke up and found I was gone without even a note. Well, probably not. I mean, we're in Megaton, and it's _him_ who follows _me_. Not the other way around. So…I don't know why I'm so worried.

Shoving my bobby pin into the lock, I fiddled with it a bit before I heard it click.

"Dez, you're an expert."

I said to myself, obviously happy with my accomplishment. Pushing the door open slightly, I poked my head in. I didn't want to be too loud, in case Colin was up and about and took his anger out on Gob. He better remember what'll happen again if he hurts him again, though. Fucking Irish bastard. Hell I bet that accent is fake. I mean, where would he get it from? What did he come from EuropeLand, swimming the Atlantic ocean or something? Planes don't carry people, and I'm pretty sure most of that part of the world is wiped out from the war, anyways. Stupid fuck.

Poking my head in, I slowly scanned the bar area. I could hear faint talking, so I moved in further. I wanted to call out to Gob, but I didn't want to if what I heard was Colin. Looking to my left, I heard Nova, whispering in that seductive tone of hers.

"Oh Gobby you didn't have to…"

Excuse me I think I just fucking died. In the far corner of the room, where Nova usually stood, her and Gob were clinging to one another in a way-too-friendly embrace. What the fuck was this? Didn't she tell me she was too 'good' for him? Wait, he's a _ghoul_. What the fuck?

I stared at them, they didn't see me and I didn't make me presence known. When I finally was able to catch up with myself, I quietly slid back out of the bar and leaned against the door.

"Well, that's a shocker to me."

I shook my head. Gob and Nova, really? Well, good for them. Maybe if they came out with that shit people would stop thinking Charon and Gob pay _me_ for services. A ghoul and a human…well…it was going to be pretty stupid if I asked her what kind of outfit she wore now, huh? I laughed to myself, shaking my head still. Who wuldathunkit? I'm not shocked, it was bound to happen one day. Some girl would find comfort and harmony in the arms of some ghoul and they'd just _work_. It was just crazy it happened to be Gob and Nova. I guess Gob looks past her job just as much as she has to look past his looks.

Pushing myself off of the saloon, I took one last look at it, waving.

"See you later you two. Good luck."

I muttered and headed down to Craterside Supply. Moira would be opening pretty soon, sooner if I woke her. She always seemed to like doing business with me, I had a lot of information to busy her with. To my utter surprise, she was open, and busily working on another experiment. I closed her shop's door behind me.

"Well golly hi there!"

She waved at me. Fucking obnoxious woman, I must say.

"Hey, I was looking to see what kind of armor you have."

"Well ya sure of course have a look!"

I scanned her goods, and found one similar to the one I wanted.

"How much?"

I pointed to it and she walked over.

"Oh ya that one? Merc Charmer Outfit…oh that's pricy, do you have anything to trade?"

"No, just caps right now."

We made a deal with one another, and I shelled over a hundred caps. If you ask me it was pretty overpriced, but I was _dying_ to get into it. I mean, it looked pretty good on Nova, and I knew with my kind of body it would look even better. She would chew my ear out for having the same shit as her, though. She was that kind of girl. I felt the armor in my hands and smiled. I hadn't bought anything for myself other than drinks from Gob in a while. It was a cute skirt, like a business suit, with some black leggings and boots. I would enjoy this outfit a lot, I can already tell.

Slipping back into my house, I crept up the stairs and began to change. I could hear Charon waking up in his room as I slipped off the Wastelander crap I was wearing. He was moaning and groaning, cursing about his sleep. Well if he wanted a bigger bed, he could have mine and I'd take the couch. But he wouldn't do that. I'd have to order him to. Rolling my eyes, I slipped on the top and adjusted it to my liking. Good enough so far.

Once I got the entirety of the outfit on, I opened my door.

"It is time for an adventure!"

I heard a yell and I looked to my right. Charon had been exiting his bedroom and didn't expect me to yell. I smirked foolishly at him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

He shook his head, his expression set in the usual monotone and 'no emotion' way.

"That is new armor."

He said flatly, pointing to me. I spun around, showing it off.

"Why yes, yes it is. Thank you for noticing."

"Will you be able to move quickly in it?"

I dropped my smile and crossed my arms.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because it is a skirt. You look like that whore from Moriarty's."

I crinkled up my nose and balled my hands into fists. Usually I wouldn't care if people called Nova a whore, because well, she is. But now she's dating Gob, and I have too much respect for Gob to let people talk about her that way.

"Don't talk about Nova that way!"

Charon cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Since when do you care what people call her?"

"Since…since it's none of your business!"

Charon didn't have to know they were dating. In fact, I don't really think they wanted anyone to know they were dating. Maybe that's why they avoided each other in the bar. Hell they didn't even look at one another. Now that I think about it, they were trying too hard to not notice the other one that you knew something was going on.

"Very well. Are you ready to go?"

I nodded and led Charon down the stairs. Grabbing my pack, I loaded my shotgun and slung it on my back. He grabbed the Sniper Rifle and his own shotgun.

"I think we should take this, just in case."

I nodded at Charon. It was a half day trip, hell barely that, so what would we need it for? Still, I didn't second guess Charon's judgment, he'd never proven me wrong before.

"Let's go."

I told him, heading out the door. The sunlight hit me harder than it had minutes before, maybe because now it was rising, and bouncing off the steel. I had to shield my eyes at first, so then they could adjust and I wouldn't be walking around half-blind. I glanced back at Charon, and saw he didn't need to blind his eyes. I scoffed, and opened the gate.

"After you."

I said, kind of mockingly. He walked through, and I followed, hearing the gate slam behind me. The desert was warm, how I liked it. It was too early for there to be any real heat, so the sun was just warming it up a bit. I smiled, happy when it hit my skin and made me warm all over. The nights were always so chilly that I forgot what 'warm' felt like sometimes.

Charon wasn't much for conversation. I tried to slip in a few words here and there, trying to make this short trip more bearable, but he wasn't moving. I was beginning to feel sort of lonely again. Sure I had company, but what was good about company if they weren't going to talk when you wanted to talk to them?

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

I jogged up to him. He had been walking ahead of me. I was going to tell him about Gob and Nova, maybe then he'd talk.

"You ever think that humans and ghouls can date?"

"I do not understand what you're implying."

"I'm not implying anything. But I mean, how would you react to that? You'd be pretty shocked, huh?"

He looked at me funny, and I realized what I sounded like. I smacked myself in the forehead and shook my head. I should just get to the point.

"This morning I went to Moriarty's to say goodbye to Gob and I saw him and Nova kissing."

Charon looked at me, surprised.

"Really?"

I nodded, smug and smiling.

"Yeah I saw it with my own two eyes. I had to sneak back out because I didn't want to disturb them, but isn't that funny?"

"It certainly is interesting."

"Yeah, I wonder what made Nova want him. I mean, ghouls aren't really humans, and I heard you guys are like…ya know…it don't work."

I motioned to his pants. Charon seemed quite offended.

"We are sterile. We can have sex, but reproduction is impossible."

"Ah, I see. Wonder what it would be like to fuck a ghoul then? I bet its squishy and all…gross blech. Oh man, that means I kissed Nova's boyfriend when I kissed Gob. No wonder he didn't want to at first…huh. I should apologize."

"Nova still sleeps with men."

He seemed to avoid the fact I mentioned sex with ghouls.

"Yeah but Moriarty _makes_ her. No one but me made me kiss Gob."

"Since when do you care?"

I looked at him. You know, he is right. I mean, since when did I start to care about what Nova, or anybody, thought of me? I sighed, and kicked some sand up in front of me.

"I don't, really."

"Sounds like you do."

"I don't."

"Alright."

I got mad and crossed my arms. Who was he to judge me and challenge me? I was really getting mad. I hated being challenged.

"I don't see how anyone could like a ghoul."

Charon looked at me, was that a bit of hurt I saw?

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, you guys are just kind of like guts spilling out, right? So I wonder what it's like for Nova in bed. She must have some fetish or something. I mean, I can't even stand it when Gob _touches_ me, let alone…you know…_that_."

Charon didn't reply. I saw his jaw flex like men's jaws do when they get tensed. I smiled. I was winning. Take _that_ for trying to challenge me. Sure, it was a cop out, and sure it was harsh, but I can play games. If Charon wanted to come all up in here and be all 'oh since when do you care' and blah, blah, blah, well then I could fuck with him too.

"If you don't date a ghoul, you won't ever have that issue."

I looked up at Charon, smirking.

"I don't like ghouls enough to give them the time of day. Outside of you and Gob, that is."

Lie, lie, lie. I'm not a bigot, I've mentioned that before, but I needed to remind Charon that I am human, and that I can hurt him. He forgot that when you fight with me it's like…fighting with a Deathclaw. Except I have words, not claws…and I know how to use those words to make it all hurt just the same.

"I see."

"Yeah, so it's pretty good for me. I mean, I don't really like people in general, so the less I'm around them the better."

"You woke up a bloody ray of sunshine today, didn't you?"

I crossed my arms, kicking up more sand.

"As a matter of fact, I _did_. What, gonna bitch about it?"

"I am not the one who constantly complains, Miss Dez."

I clenched my fists together as I let them go at my sides. He was _not_ going to win this.

"I don't complain, I state the obvious."

"Sounds like you're complaining."

I gritted my teeth as I walked. Charon, touché. You are a formidable opponent still, you have not gone soft on me. Extra points for you there. I caught him sideways looking at me, his jaw still set and tight.

"Excuse me for a minute. I feel thirsty."

He walked away and down to a small…puddle? More like a small pond. I watched him, crossing my arms and slinking behind. This short adventure was turning into a pain in the ass trip. Rolling my eyes, I looked over at Charon. He was unstrapping his armor, and sliding it off of his torso. We have water in my pack, he didn't need to do this.

Wait. That rotten fuck. I watched him as he dunked his head under, splashing himself with all this irradiated water. If there was anything wrong with him, the water would surely have fixed it. He stood up, drying his hands on his pants. I quietly moved closer. He _knew_ I liked looking at him. He knew I was pretty interested in how he stayed so fit without lifting a finger and how Gob looked like a bag of mush compared to him. I kept my arms crossed, making sure he couldn't tell I was gaping.

"We need to get going."

I said loudly, trying to sound annoyed. You know, I think Charon is totally aware of the fact that for a ghoul, he's pretty attractive under that armor. I bet you ten bucks he did this just to piss me off. No, wait, I _know_ he did this to piss me off. Fine. Game on little man, game on.

He strapped his armor back on, and scooped up one more handful of water. He came back and joined me, and you know he did look refreshed.

"I was thirsty."

He stated again, as if I didn't know. I haven't played a game like this…well ever. It was quite the relief from my usual thought pattern, which usually made me angry and trigger-happy. This was at least a distraction from all that.


	23. Chapter 23

_I appreciate the few reviews I've gotten, I've been trying to feel out where this story is going, and it helps a lot to hear feedback :D thank you!_

* * *

We had been walking in silence for an hour or so, and I felt it was time to put my own plan in action. I slipped my pack off of my back, and my gun, and I stood there. Charon stopped walking and looked at me.

"Dez?"

I stretched, and wiped imaginary sweat off my forehead.

"Man, I am _hot_."

I started to unzip my jacket. I pretended to look down as I did so, but I stole a glance up at Charon. Yup. This was going to prove _very_ interesting. Slipping my arms out, I stood in a flimsy tank top that stopped just above my belly button and hardly covered my shoulders. I shoved the jacket in my pack, and joined Charon at his side. I looked up at him, grinning.

"Hot weather, huh?"

He mumbled something inaudible and I poked his side.

"This should teach you not to play games with me. I always win."

Charon's jaw clenched again. I smiled, smug and proud. If I couldn't beat 'em, then he'd learn I'd just shoot 'em. After all, a man is easy for a woman to resist, but a set of tits, ghoul-man or not, can't be ignored so easily. Unless of course you're gay, but that's a whole 'nother story.

Smith Casey's Garage wasn't that big at all, and there was hardly a Radroach on the inside.

"Close the door."  
Charon said to me, and I leered at him.

"Why?"

He pointed to where his ear would have been.

"Deathclaws."

I had that door slammed like it was nobody's fucking business. I hate those goddamned bastards. I'm sure if you ran into one, you'd run too. Turning on my Pip-Boy light, I looked around.

"My dad's holotapes said there was an entrance here…_somewhere_."

I stumbled around, the Pip-Boy was barley anything useful. It made a circle of light around me, and that was it. Of course, the power in the garage was cut, so I was pretty much fucked. I shouldn't have even come out here in the first place. I mean, what the fuck to I care? Charon had suggested it, he didn't _make_ me. I don't miss my dad, in fact, I hardly ever worry about him. If he can make it out of the vault, to Rivet City, to Jefferson Memorial, and back here, I think he's pretty well off. Why should I give two shits about someone who never gave me the time of day?

I sat down on the floor, angry, hot, tired and thirsty. Charon looked at me, and I felt the front of my small tank top getting wet with sweat. I curled my lip at him, getting into my façade I was so used to having.

"He lied, he isn't here. There's no fucking entrance."

"Dez, maybe we're not looking hard enough."

"No! We looked _everywhere_! There's no motherfucking entrance! Fuck! I bet he made those holotapes to get me off of his tail. I bet he's back there with that whore Li and I bet ten bucks he's laughing his ass off about this."

Charon sighed, holding his shotgun tightly.

"I don't think that is the case, Dez."

"Oh yeah, why not?"

"A father would not be that cruel to his daughter, no matter how strained the relationship."

"You obviously don't know my father, then."

I turned my head away from him. I wanted to leave, wanted to get the fuck out of here and find something better to waste my time on. Screw this shit. I mean, what am I benefiting from it? What do I get? Nothing. That's what I get. I get to leave my home, and travel all the way out here for jack shit. I would _much_ rather be getting back to that satellite idea instead of chasing my 'too busy for me' father.

"Dez, perhaps we just aren't seeing what we need to see."

"Whatever."

"Come on, lets have one more look around. If we find nothing, then we can head back."

"Whatever."

He offered me his hand, but I shoved it away. I stood on my own, scanning the dark room.

"Well? Are we going to look or not?"

I sarcastically, and rudely, snapped to him. He nodded, and began walking along the edge of the walls. I followed him, shining my Pip-Boy for him. It wasn't long before he stumbled upon something we hadn't noticed before.

"It's a button."

I stated the obvious, and Charon clicked the yellow switch. A light turned from red to green, and a stairwell opened up. Charon and I looked at one another, and he had a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Well?"

He motioned towards the stairs. Rolling my eyes, I went down. It led me to another door, and then I stood in front of the Vault 112 entrance. I looked at Charon, and he nodded. I opened the door, and stepped back. It hissed, just as the door to Vault 101 had, and the giant gear-door opened.

"Go on, don't worry, I'll protect you."

Charon said in a barely audible whisper. I took in a deep breath, and stepped into the main entrance chamber. It was so clean and new. I heard Charon lift his gun, and felt him drag me backwards.

"Robobrain."

I looked where he was aiming, and saw a frantic Robobrain waving its arms. My Pip-Boy indicator told me it was nice, so I took Charon's barrel and pushed it down.

"You are 202.3 years late. Please put on your standard Vault 112 jumpsuit and enter the terminal. If you have misplaced it, I am instructed to give you one."

The robot gave me a jumpsuit, and I looked at Charon. He shrugged. I guess the only reasonable thing to go was well…put it on and go in.

Sliding off my tank top, I had my back to Charon. I could feel his eyes burning into me when he looked. I slowly slid off my skirt, wiggling and jiggling my butt. In my head, we were still playing this game of 'one-up'. I unzipped the vault suit and jumped in.

"Oh shit!"

I said, a smile on my face I knew Charon couldn't see.

"What?"

I turned to him, my breasts in just a lacy black bra. I had the suit unzipped to my belly button.

"The zipper is stuck…will you do it up for me?"

Charon clenched his jaw and nodded. He put his shotgun on his back, and stepped closer to me. He knelt down, and I closed my eyes, feeling his ghoul hands on my hip and tugging at the really-not-stuck zipper. Slowly, he slid it up. He hesitated when he came to my chest, and ever so slightly, I made me chest stick out more. He sighed loudly, and zipped me up the rest of the way.

"Thanks, Charon."

He nodded, standing up. I gathered my shit and headed down to where the stupid robot told me to.

I stood in utter shock. People were in…_pods_. A large main computer sat in the middle of the room, and I slowly walked around them.

"Charon…what is this?"

"A simulation, I suspect."

I stopped at a pod. Through a section of clear glass, I saw my father.

"Dad…"

I said, touching the glass with my hand. He looked like he was sleeping, hell they all did. It had been almost three months now since I have seen him. He looked…he looked like me. Like my dad. I had to hold back the tears that were trying to push their way through.

"I…I have to get in there, Charon."

"I could break it open."

I looked around at all the robots. I shook my head, and walked over to an empty terminal. My heart was beating like it was going to pop out of my body at any moment.

"No…no we can't risk it. He might get stuck, you know? I'm…I'm going to go in this one."

I opened up the pod with ease. Thank you vault school teachings.

"Dez, you can't be serious."

"I _have_ to Charon. Look at him. I mean…I can't just leave him. I thought this was a normal vault, like 101 was, but it's not. This is just…_inhumane_."

"What if you don't come out?"

I smiled at him, trying to force something out that wasn't there. Setting my things down beside the pod, I sighed.

"Then…you're free. You know where your contract is. If I don't survive whatever this is, then I order you to go back home, get your contract, and do whatever it is you want to do."

"How will I know…?"

I shook my head.

"A day. Actually, just give me twelve hours. If I'm not out by then, I'm pretty much dead. If I do survive and I just stayed in there longer than necessary, then well you're free."

"I cannot allow you to do this. You are my employer and I can't let you endanger yourself."

"Charon, every time we leave Megaton, we are in danger. _I_ am in danger. This is no different and you said yourself I needed to come here and find him. Just take that order, alright? It's the only serious one I've ever given you."

Charon nodded. It took everything I had to hold back jumping from that pod and hugging him as tight as I could. It took everything to keep from crying and begging him to take me home. I laid down, and Charon stood over me, ready to close it.

"I will wait, Dez."

"Twelve hours, Charon. Twelve."

He nodded, and the pod closed. Before I slipped into unconsciousness, I could see him staring at me, his hand on the green-tinted glass. I meant it Charon, I'd wait for you.


	24. Chapter 24

_I'm not very good at this form of POV writing, so if it's a little off, cut me some slack. It is literally the first time I've tried it ha._

* * *

(??? POV)

Charon stood outside Smith Casey's Garage, nervously smoking on a cigarette. He looked around at the barren Wasteland desert, eyes darting and shooting towards anything that moved. His mind whirred and whizzed with thoughts and perceptions. _What if Dez gets stuck in there? What if she dies, and I can't get her out?_ She had told him, ordered him to wait. She had also said to ignore an order if he didn't feel it was right. But he felt this was right. Charon felt he _had_ to wait for her. She was…she was different, his employer.

When he had first seen her, he knew so much before she had even spoken to him. The way she moved and carried herself spoke more volumes than anything she'd ever told him. He knew she was troubled, he knew she was trying to run and hide from something. The thing he didn't know was _what_ she was running from. _She's not telling me everything. She's not being honest. There's something she's hiding, something from that vault_.

Charon shook his head, scratching the back of his neck. The hot sun made him itch under his leather. He wanted to go back inside and check out the situation, but he knew what he'd see. It would be the same exact scenario he had witnessed just minutes before stepping out. Dez would lie there, her eyes closed, motionless. _There's got to be something I can do…_ Charon thought, pressing open the door to the garage. He hadn't expected something like this to happen in a million years, hell more. But it had happened, and there was no way he could keep denying it.

He pressed his palms against the green-tinted glass. A small light reflected off the glass, making Dez look like she was just sleeping. He could see her chest heaving up and down, breathing as if she was awake, not like she was sleeping. No. Dez cried in her sleep, he could hear it in his room. Once, when he was sure she was fast asleep, he had asked her why she was so upset. All she told him was because 'it hurt'. She didn't remember the incident, or maybe she just never brought it up. Charon didn't know, couldn't tell. He could never read what his employer was thinking.

He took his hands off the glass and scanned the area. Robobrains cleaned the area, talking to themselves. He could try to break her out, but, it didn't seem likely. The robots might turn hostile and attack, and there were more of them than there was him. Opening it probably wouldn't work either. When that shell casing closed on top of her, it made this sucking sound, like it was sealed airtight. There was just no way for him to win, no way at all.

Charon slumped down under Dez's pod. There was nothing for him outside, and it was cooler inside. _I did not want this to happen._ He flexed his cracked hands over and over again. If she did not come out, he would have to leave. He could not sit there day in and day out, waiting for someone who wasn't going to return. _I have to try…I can't just leave her there, even if she is a royal bitch and pain in my ass…_ It was true. Dezbe had been one of the most obnoxious and hard to stand employers. He had to hold back with every bone in his body when she had struck him. There was nothing he wanted more at that moment than to hang her over Rivet City by the nape of her neck. Dangle her there and hear if she _really_ still wanted to die. But he couldn't. He had wanted to, but there was no way he really could. There was something about her, that even when Ahzrukhal had ordered him to kill her, that wouldn't let him.

Charon sensed it. Dez was something more than what she pretended not to be. She didn't want to be the savior of the Wastes, and he didn't think she would be. If she had found something different to do with her time, then good for her, he wanted her to be happy. It was just, somewhere deep down, Charon was actually scared of what Dez is capable of. _She has no idea about anything_.

He had been there for…hours it felt like. He figured out that every time a Robobrain crossed behind Dez's pod, it had been an hour. It had done this six times.

"Six more hours…"

Charon said to no one, lighting a cigarette and inhaling it deeply. He hadn't checked on her since he'd been sitting, so he stood, yawning and stretching.

"You need to relax more, old man."

Charon laughed to himself. He looked over at Dez as she laid in her pod, and nearly dropped her cigarettes. She was clenching her eyes closed, the corners of her mouth folding into a shaky frown, he could see tear stains on the side of her face. _Is she truly sleeping?_ Charon flicked his cigarette aside. He pressed his hands and face against the glass, trying to see closer. Yes, she was definitely upset about something. But what?

"Dez?"

Charon muttered to himself. Suddenly, as if from nowhere, he felt this urge he'd never felt before. It fueled him, drove him, made him lose his mind. Grabbing the barrel of his shotgun, he tried to break the glass that contained Dez, but it only bounced back at him, hitting him in the face.

"What the _fuck_!"

Charon screamed, holding his nose. He could feel the warm sensation of blood as it ran down his face. Wiping it with the back of his hand, he looked back at the pod. Not even a scratch. A Robobrain rolled by, and he grabbed it.

"Get her _out_."

The power in his voice surprised even him.

"I cannot do that sir, it is not in my programming. Please put on your standard issue Vault 112 jumpsuit and enter the terminal."

The robot wasn't going to help him. He let go of it's arm and it rolled away. Charon looked at all the different pods, and half-wanted to try and break one open, to see if they lived. To see if they would survive it. But even if they did, it wouldn't mean Dez would have the same fate.

"Dez? Can you hear me kid?"

Charon stood at the top of her head, behind the pod. He tried to brush the hair out of her face, and tried to comfort her, but the glass prevented it.

"Kid, listen to me _wake up_ we have to get out of here. It is not _safe_. I don't like the looks of it."

He was supposed to leave in just about five hours. Abandon his post and head out back to…to where? He'd never really thought about it before. There was Underworld, he guessed. Carol might give him a room and put him to work. Hell, the Ninth Circle might still need a bartender, and after all the years he spent watching Ahzrukhal it shouldn't be a problem. _I don't want to go back._ Charon tried to convince himself that it was best if he and that vile woman were as far away from one another as possible. He didn't want to see her bare backside as she openly made him feel so...feel the feelings he suspected were dead. He did not want to hear her crying, and have it actually bother him. He most certainly did not want to have to realize that he wasn't just protecting her out of a job anymore. It was best if he left, but…he just didn't feel like going.

Looking down at Dez, Charon smiled a little. The corners of his mouth twitched, and he tried to lift the top up. It didn't work, hell it didn't even shift a millimeter. He stepped back from it, crossing his arms. _I will wait here until you are dead, or come out. Whichever comes first._ He leaned against the wall, just as he had done at the Ninth Circle. But just as he closed his eyes, a sharp hissing sound grabbed his attention.


	25. Chapter 25

Dr. Braun's words echoed in my head. I shook, scared of what I had just done. Those people…those people seemed so happy, so carefree. They…they weren't like people are now. They weren't evil or vicious or anything like that. Those people were truly, purely _innocent_. I had killed them. I had taken their perfect little simulation and…_destroyed_ it. For _what_? For my father. My father who I didn't even like half the time, who had abandoned and left me. I just hated him more for it.

I opened my eyes, it was all so blurry, and my limbs didn't feel like my own. I saw the lid of the pod thing lift and open above me. I took a big, fresh breath of air, and reached up. Instantly, I felt Charon's hands around my arm.

"Easy now, I have you."

He helped me out of the pod, gently and gingerly I stood.

"How…how long was I gone for?"

In the pod…I was in a simulation. A virtual reality type of thing. I was a small child again, and my voice was so different. It was high pitched and annoying. Now…now it was my own again. I wasn't used to it.

"Six and a half, seven hours maybe. Are you alright? What happened in there?"

That long, huh?

"Wow…just…yeah I'm fine. No, no nothing happened it's…it's a long story Charon…hey where's my dad?"

I looked around, still holding Charon's arm for support I probably didn't need.

"Darling!"

My dad came at me. He took my hands in his and smiled, wide and long. I pulled away from him, angry.

"Hi, dad."

"What are you doing out here? I wanted you to stay in the vault!"

I crossed my arms over the flimsy tank top.

"They _attacked_ me after you left, smart one. _I_ had to come out here and rescue you."

My dad paced impatiently back and forth.

"Honey you are not going to believe this! With the information Dr. Braun gave me, we'll be able to complete Project Purity. Oh, this is wonderful!"

He wasn't even aware I was there anymore. He ranted on to himself, about this stupid project and his stupid fucking work. I dug my nails into my arms and shook my head.

"You don't get it dad…You really don't."

"Darling, will you come with me to Rivet City?"

"You _left_ me, and you expect me to follow you down there?"

"Honey, please. I need you, I've _missed_ you and I am so sorry for what I have done. Please, come with me."

I looked at Charon. It was the first time I think I had looked at him since coming out. He shrugged, and I sighed.

"It's pretty fuckin' dangerous out there, dad. You better stay close to us. We aren't going to hurry our asses down to Rivet City. We're going to make camp at night and not kill ourselves for this stupid Project Purity scheme you cooked up. Got it?"

My father nodded and looked at me like he didn't even know me.

"Dezbe, darling, what happened to you? Back home you would have never spoken to me like this…"

He reached out for my arm, but I pulled away from him and climbed up the stairs. Charon followed me closely.

"Let's go, dad. We don't have time for this shit."

I stepped out into the Wastes and shielded the setting sun from my eyes. It was so warm out, perfect. I shook my head, looking at Charon and my father. He looked at Charon like he was some…freak. Which to my father he probably is, but I'd introduce them later. Charon took his shotgun off of his back, and I looked at my Pip-Boy. Talk about a long haul. If we were lucky, we might make this trip in three or four days. If we were unlucky and ran into too many problems, I'd give it a week.

Sighing, I began to walk. Charon kept behind me, and my father walked a good yard away next to me. Serves him right. He should stay as far away from me as humanly possible. That fucking rat. He left me, and then made me come save him. I had to…I had to _kill_ people who just wanted to live their lives. Who were in no imminent danger and didn't know spick about spack. So…why did I opt to go with him? He had made it this far without me, why did I think he needed me now? Looking over at him I saw he had a gun, a pistol really, but a gun nonetheless. He didn't need me in the desert, and he probably didn't need me in the city either. He had made it to Rivet City, hell, made it there and _back_.

"Just so you know, pops, I don't take the Metro tunnels."

I lit a cigarette, and my dad's jaw dropped but he didn't do anything. Charon took one from my pack before I shoved it back in my pocket.

"Well then how will we get to Rivet City?"

"Climb over the rubble. Charon and I already have, it's no sweat."

Charon grumbled something and I glared at him. He rolled his eyes and inhaled deeply on the smoke. My father sighed.

"It would be safer to take the tunnels."

I put a hand on my hip and looked at him.

"Do you want me to come or not?"

"Well, yes."

"Then we go my way."

My father shook his head and looked at me.

"Dezbe, what's happened to you? You never acted like this in the vault…why did you even leave? You should have stayed and-"

"And gotten attacked? Because of you the Overseer went _insane_ and sent everyone after my ass! Because of _you_ I had to run like a fuckin' bat out of hell so I wouldn't get shot! They all thought I was conspiring with you over this!"

"I…I am sorry, Dezbe. I didn't mean for…I didn't mean for this to happen. I just got so excited over Project Purity that I didn't think."

"No dad, you didn't think. You didn't think about anything but Project Purity. Hell it is _all_ you think about. You and your fuckin' work. I don't _ever_ remember being something you thought about. Other than a bother, that is."

Every day I've been trying to tell myself tomorrow will be better. Everyday I've been trying to tell myself that when I wake up tomorrow I won't hear _What's your problem, bitch?_ Or _I hope you tell your father how much he hurt you, and how he made you hurt another, because it makes me sad._ But that day never came. I always woke up with the same fears and insecurities and thought patters. Now that I was with my father once again, it was jut reinforced.

Dad didn't say anything back to my snide comment, which was pretty good for him. I wasn't about to hear it, and he sure as hell didn't want to say it. But we both knew, it hung in the air like a giant…a giant Robobrain we didn't want to acknowledge.

"Dezbe?"

My father stepped closer to me, whispering in my ear. I was just about his height now. It kind of scared me, how grown-up I'd become.

"Yeah, what?"

I flicked my cigarette off to the side, and stole a look at Charon. He wasn't paying attention.

"Who is…who is that?"

He motioned towards Charon and I smirked.

"Charon. He's uh…he's my uh…"

"Boyfriend?"

My dad said it like it was a bad taste he was trying to get out of his mouth.

"No. He's my bodyguard."

"Bodyguard? Dezbe! What have you gotten into?"

"No, no nothing like that. I bought him. He has this contract and I bought him off of his previous owner. He protects me now and everything so that's good."

My dad had to process the information I gave him. I saw him go over it in his mind, and I looked at Charon again. I wanted to wave to him, or something, but I knew that was probably a bad idea.

"Dezbe, I hate to say this, but I don't agree with his situation."

He was hardly talking above a whisper.

"Why?"

"He is…contracted to you, correct?"

"Yup."

"That's slavery, Dezbe, no matter the terms. If he is bound to you, and you command what he does and says, then I'm sorry but that's wrong."

I bit my lip. If he only knew how much I'd turned over the situation in my head.

"I know. I know it is. I've offered to free him, but he doesn't know anything else outside that contract. There's no loophole or anything. We don't talk about it, it makes us uncomfortable."

"You should get rid of it."

"Why? He likes following me."

"Does he really? Or is that his contract talking?"

"Dunno."

My father stepped away from me, dropping the subject. I lit up another cigarette, beginning to feel the mental stress. Who did my father think he was? Coming up in here like this and shaking up my world, just like Charon. It was downright uncalled for. Yes, Charon is bound to me by contract, and yes, I know he will leave me one day. I know deep down he does not care for me like a person cares for another. Like Butch was supposed to care for me. Once I overturn his contract, he will no longer think twice about me. I had tried, I did, to get him to like me, but hey, a job is a job. Sure, he promised he'd try not to hurt me, but promises are only words. Its not like we signed our own contract. Thinking about all of it just upset me, and made me feel even more lonely. I have my father now, and it's making my life that much more difficult.

I wish I could know what's real. What's really going on in people's minds and what makes them tick. I wish I could…I could do something to benefit myself. So far, I haven't made it to the satellites and I haven't done half of what I had wanted to do. I found Charon and stumbled into Megaton and helped Moira, and then went to Rivet City. I haven't done _jack shit_ for me. I was beginning to recall why I hate everyone, why I hate the desert and why I want to live alone.

"It is getting dark."

I heard Charon's voice in the back of my head, and I held back beating him half to death with my gun.

"Yeah, thanks for that, Captain Obvious."

He ignored my snide insult.

"We should pick a camp area."

We looked around the dim desert. I found a small hill with a puddle at the base of it. We could camp there.

"Here, come on."

I said, walking over to the rocks that sat at the top of the small hill. Enemies could get us from one direction, and that was how I liked it. I began to unpack the sleeping mat I never used, and gave it to my father. Without speaking, he took it. Charon was building a fire, and I began to get out some food and beers. I would need a few of them to get my nerves calmed. I heard you could get addicted to this liquor shit, but I didn't care. I wanted Jet, though.

"Charon you have Jet?"

I called while searching for something in my pack that didn't exist.

"No, why would I?"

"Just wondering, that's all."

"No."

My father watched us nervously. I chuckled. Hell if I were him I'd be scared, too. He's got a crazy daughter who has issues with him, and a six foot something ghoul with a shotgun that could tear apart someone in one blast with him. He was probably expecting the worst.

"What about food?"

He asked me, my dad, and I looked at him.

"Charon usually cooks. I can't cook."

"Yes you can, I taught you."

I sighed, and shook my head.

"No, you began to teach me. Then Jonas came in and you left like a little kid in a candy store. I had set the room on fire, remember?"

"Oh…yes. Dezbe?"

"What?"

"Was I really…was I really that oblivious to you?"

"Yup."

I heard Charon grumble something as he got the fire started. He reached over near me to grab the food I brought, and I felt his fingers brush my thigh. I shuddered, and got distracted for a second.

"Is that why you're angry with me?"

I looked at dad and rolled my eyes. Taking a seat closer to Charon, I watched as he prepared the food.

"I don't want to talk about this, dad. I don't care anymore."

I felt like I was floating. Like I was watching this whole scenario in third person bird's-eye-view type shit. I could see myself near the fire, see Charon making food, and see my father about to tread on uncharted waters.

"Charon, does it please you to work for my daughter?"

I glared at my father. How fucking dare he. Charon looked at my father, then back at the food.

"Talk to Dezbe."

"But I'm talking to you."

"No, talk to Dezbe."

I looked at Charon, hiding a smirk.

"You talk to other people, talk to him. You know I don't give two shits."

"Is that an order?"

"No it's do whatever you want. I never order you."

"Yes, Miss Dez."

I hated him calling me that. Moreover, I didn't know why he was suddenly acting like this in front of my dad. It was really irritating.

"Charon, right, well…do you enjoy your living terms?"

Charon looked at my father, obviously annoyed.

"Yes. Miss Dez is kind to me, a bit irritating, but kind. I enjoy working with her."

"But if you did not have the contract, you would not follow her, right?"

"If I did not have a contract, she would not have made my acquaintance and we would not be traveling together."

Good one Charon, good one.

"I suppose that's right, yes. But you can't truly be happy. I mean, being bound to someone by a piece of paper is surely not a way to live life."

"I would prefer it if you did not insult or undermine my life. I have been raised by that 'piece of paper' and without it I have no purpose. Without your Project Purity, you are the same way. Excuse me sir, I must return to my cooking. Unless you prefer to starve?"

"No, no that's all Charon. But I must say, living a life that binds you to someone is not a life at all. I mean, even if you wanted to leave, you couldn't. Hardly a life worth living."

"I am my own person. My employer owns my contract, not me. If I dislike an employer it does not matter. Sooner or later they transfer me to someone else and I deal with them in my own way. My employers have all respected me, and the end result was gruesome if they did not."

"I understand. But the life of a slave…does not appeal."

Charon threw the food into the fire. He stood up quickly, grabbing his gun. He looked at me.

"Excuse me, Miss Dez. I must take care of something. It seems the food has fallen into the fire. I will go find more. Do not wait up."

I watched him sulk and stalk off into the night. I glared at my father.

"You couldn't just leave well enough alone!"

My dad looked at me, shocked.

"Dezbe, you have to understand, he's a _slave_. He has no feelings it seems. Maybe you should let him go, let him wander off. You'd be better off without him."

"You have _no idea_ what it's like! You don't have a fucking _clue_! He's my _friend_ dad! If I give him his contract…I _can't_. I have to sell it or die and the he's free from me. You don't know him, so don't pass judgment."

"So tell me, what's he like then? What is his story?"

I stared at my father, open-mouthed and in shock.

"I…I don't know."

He nodded knowingly. I don't know Charon. I know nothing about him. So maybe my dad is right. Sure, Charon won't leave until I sell his contract, but maybe that was just him being stubborn.

"I never suspected this would happen back at the vault…I mean you were such a _nice_ girl, Dezbe."

I lit another cigarette and glared at my father.

"Expected _what_ to happen?"

"For you to become like this. For you to…never mind. Charon is back."

I turned my head. Charon was walking up the hill, a dead Molerat in his hand. He dragged the carcass like it weighed nothing, and it made me wonder just how strong he was. As usual, he gutted and skinned it, taking the meat out and skewering it over the fire. My father looked downright appalled and turned green.

"Maybe I'll skip dinner tonight."

Neither Charon or I answered him. When the food was done, there were extra pieces of meat. Charon happily offered them to me, and I finished them in seconds.

"Eat like that and you'll get fat."

I ignored Charon, licking my lips and pulling out my cigarettes. He took one from me, and I laid back, staring at the starry sky.

"Charon?"

"Hm?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"What is it, Dez?"

I looked at my father. He was falling asleep on the mat, but I knew he was listening. I didn't want him to hear what I was talking about.

"Come with me."

I walked down the hill. There was something that had been bothering me since we had left Vault 112. I had seen all those people in the pods, and I had seen the terminal and been inside the simulation. Vault 112 was all about experimenting on their subjects, it seemed, so what about everything else?

"Charon, I need you to tell me what you know about the vaults."

I had stopped at the base of the hill. The low glow of the fire danced in the sky above us, and Charon looked kind of shocked, blowing smoke out of his not-there-nose.

"What do you mean?"

"Were they all like Vault 112?"

He thought about the question, and sighed.

"Vault 112 was used for Dr. Braun's experiment in a virtual reality life. Vault 92 was designed to create super-soldiers by way of subliminal messages in music. Vault 87, the one that is so overrun with radiation, that one was…different. The inhabitants were forced to be exposed to a virus, which is why some people think Super Mutants come from there. I've heard the Super Mutants that still live there are obsess with self-preservation, and drag humans there to expose them to the virus. Vault 108 was for cloning, and Vault 106 was exposed to mind-altering drugs. People went crazy, for sure there."

It was all a lie. We were all pawns in Vault-Tech's crazy scheme. I felt hot tears trying to come out, but I looked at the ground and pressed them back. I balled my hands into fists, and inhaled deeply.

"And Vault 101?"

I felt Charon deliberately left that one out.

"Vault 101 was sealed. Permanently. The experiment was to see how humans lived without ever being able to leave. Apparently the rules were broken, since you and your father escaped."

Neither me, nor my father were born in the vault, either. I don't think I ever told that to Charon, but I don't think he needed to know. I was trying to comprehend the fact that I was taking part in a sick, twisted experiment. I had been to Vault-Tech Headquarters. I saw a door with a giant 101 on it, just like the one that sealed me out. It was destroyed. The whole building, gone. So who was still running these experiments? Who? All the vaults, minus 101, seemed to be pretty fucked up and gone. Well, 112 seemed to be in perfect running order.

I felt a pang of guilt as I remembered Tranquility Lane. I remembered how I had to make a perfectly happy couple divorce, and make a little kid cry. Sure, in real life I'd have no problem fucking with people, but, these people were different. When I got there, I felt I had finally found a place where I belonged. Like it was so warm and calm and peaceful. Tranquil, go figure. I looked up at Charon, searching for something in his eyes that just wasn't there.

"Dez, you seem upset."

I huffed.

"I am fine, jesus fuck Charon."

I walked away and kicked some rocks in the water.

"Dezbe!"

I heard my father calling for me. I grabbed my shotgun, in case there was danger, and headed up the hill. There was nothing there, so I holstered my gun. I looked at my dad, seething with rage I wasn't going to release.

"What?"

I heard Charon standing behind me as I glared at my father.

"You went away, and I was worried."

"You don't have to worry. I have Charon."

"Yes, right. Your slave-boy."

"Charon is _not_ my slave."

My dad went and sat back down on his mat. Angrily, I kicked up sand and sat down. Charon took a seat near me, and crossed his arms. The Wastes could be so _fucked_. People seemed to just…just use and abuse everyone. I hate people, that's why. I can't stand the fact that still to this day, people are still out there, hurting and killing people for their own benefit. Sure, it's a dog-eat-dog world, but it was just _wrong_.

Turning on my Pip-Boy, I heard Three Dog. He was cheering me on, talking about my new outfit and how I had just found my father. Word travels fast, I tell you that. He was encouraging people to help me on my journey. It pissed me off. I don't even know my own fucking journey and here he is telling everyone in the goddamned Capitol Wasteland that I was fighting the 'good fight'. I do not want to fight any fight but my own. I don't want to be a savoir or saint. I am not going to be a savior or saint. I am just me, just Dezbe. I am…scared.


	26. Chapter 26

I tilted my head back, the warm beer flowing down my throat. I was on what…my fifth? I was feeling really happy and clumsy, a feeling I missed when I didn't drink. Since I got Charon, I hardly drank. I looked over at him as I tossed my bottle into the desert.

"You ever…hear of a windmill?"

I burped and covered my mouth. Charon crinkled his nose at me.

"Yes."

"I fucking _hate_ windmills."

"You've never seen one."

I burped again, laying in the sand. I pressed my face into the sand, trying to bury myself.

"I am a Molerat, look at me burrow! Burrow…burrow…dig dig…"

I made motions that greatly resembled swimming. Sand was getting all over me, and I was still in that godforsaken Vault 112 suit. Charon sighed and shook his head, holding his shotgun. I looked over the small fire at my father. His snores could wake the Deathclaw Sanctuary way up ahead.

"I gotta get out of this fuckin' suit."

"I thought you were being a Molerat?"

Charon, I must admit, our minds are very much alike. I respect that, sir, I do.

"Molerats don't…they don't wear clothes. I make a bad one. Yup."

I rolled onto my back, my legs and arms spread wide. I reached up to my neck, and pulled at the zipper. It stuck, and I looked at Charon, a coy smile spreading on my face.

"It's stuck, Charon."

"No."

"I gotta get it _off_. People gonna…gonna ask me for favors, ya know? Like _favors_."

He sighed and got up. He walked over to me, and stood over me. He placed on leg on one side of me, and bent down. If he fell, it would be _very_ awkward, and I would laugh at him for it for days. He tugged at the zipper, and I burped.

"Charon, it's _stuck_."

He nodded, and with one last tug, got it halfway down. My bra and belly was exposed. I smiled at him, and he moved away from me. He began digging through my pack, looking for my other outfit.

"Charon?"

I had this air of seduction to my voice, like Nova had. He looked at me, as I slid the zipper down further.

"You like me, don't you?"

He gulped and nodded, making sure his eyes didn't leave mine. I slid my upper body out of the vault suit, and slowly, very slowly, slid my lower half out.

"You really like me?"

Charon looked away from me. I laid there, in nothing but my flimsy pre-war underwear. The sand was cool against my bare skin, and I stood up, stumbling for balance. I stood over Charon, drunk and full of emotions. He stared at me, trying not to look me up and down.

"Dez, you should dress. I found your clothes."

He tossed me my Merc outfit, and I smirked at him.

"Do you _want_ me to dress?"

His jaw set, and he got an angry look to him. I mean, Charon always looked angry, but this was different.

"Get. Dressed."

His voice was strong, and I could tell he wasn't having the same kind of fun I was. I frowned, and kicked sand at him. I took off running down the hill, my arms spread wide like I was flying. In my head, I was flying. I was flying way high above the desert, and could see all the people of the Capitol Wasteland. They waved at me, smiling and happy. Megaton was like a pea to my eyes as I flew higher and higher. The stars were my new best friends, and the moon smiled at me.

I tripped over a rock and fell face-first into the small pond of water. My Pip-Boy went crazy, suddenly ticking at me and signaling to me to get up. I didn't want to. I had to hold my breath, people can't breathe underwater. It was so comfortable, though.

"Fuck, Dez."

I felt Charon's hand wrap around the back of my bra. He lifted me from the water, and I smiled at him.

"I got wet."

He was angry with me, I could tell. He began to dust the sand off of my body, and I shuddered as his fingertips grazed me. I stepped closer to him, smiling.

"You can't really be mad at me, can you?"

"Yes. I can."

I reached up and played with the tufts of hair on the top of his head. His breathing got heavy, and I stood on my tip toes. I got my face really, really close to his, and smiled. I could feel his hot breath on my lips. Taking my hands, I put them on his shoulders, and shoved him into the sand.

"Gotcha."

I sat down next to him, crossing my legs. He wasn't happy, I could tell, but he didn't say anything.

"Get. Dressed."

I shook my head, and laid back down in the sand. I liked being naked. It was the only time I felt…I felt free. It was cold in the sand, and my face was wet, but I didn't care. A cool breeze made me shudder, and I looked up at Charon.

"You're a dick, Charon."

He shook his head at me.

"You are the one who just took off and shoved me in the sand."

"Yeah, but I'm cute. I can get away with it."

"You are intolerable."

I burped, and yawned.

"You know, I hated it in the vault. I'm kind of glad my dad left, because then I got to leave."

"Dez, please get dressed. Danger could be anywhere."

"Relax, Charon."

I looked at him in the dim moonlight. I tried not to remember the vault, and just focus on what was going on right now. I could never do this with Butch. He'd never just sit with me, and check out the desert. He'd never just do anything with me. There was always a catch.

"Want to go swimming?"

"No."

"I think you do."

"I think you are mistaken."  
I stood up, and grabbed his hand. I led him into the water with me, the radiation making my skin tickle.

"Come on, take off your armor and come for a midnight swim."

"I don't like swimming."

"Charon, that's an order."

He pulled his hand from my grip. I watched as he listened. It was robotic, almost. His face blanked out, and he took off his armor like he was handling a delicate machine. It made me nervous, at how quickly he forgot his surroundings when I gave an order. He slipped off his top armor, a black shirt underneath. He took the shirt off too, and began working on his pants. I watched as his muscles flexed with every movement, and I shuddered. He slid off his trousers, and I saw he was wearing red plaid boxers. I laughed at this, and he glared at me, snapping back to reality. He took off his black shirt and waded into the water with me.

"Is this what you want?"

I stepped back more, the water getting deeper, shaking my head.

"No, I want you to _swim_ with me."

Charon's legs were even muscular. I mean, not in a gross way, but under his flesh, strong, toned muscles proudly showed. He had a lot more skin than I expected, which told me he was a younger ghoul. At least, that's what I suspected.

I pushed off the edge of the sand, and drifted into the water. Charon followed me, swimming expertly. He stopped a few feet in front of me, not happy. I dunked my head under the water and opened my eyes. I watched as Charon dove under, kicking his feet down to meet me. I smiled and closed my eyes, kicking back up to the surface. He really would follow me anywhere I went.

Floating on my back, Charon had gone back to where his feet could reach the bottom. I knew he didn't like the whole swimming thing, so I kicked myself back to shore, and laid my wet body down in the sand. I felt it sticking to me, but I didn't mind it that much. Across the way, I saw Charon putting his armor back on. He walked over to me where I laid a few yards away. He stood over me, offering me his hand. I took it and stood next to him. I felt water drip off my hair.

"If you don't take Rad-Away, you will become a ghoul eventually."

"I know."

I burped, tasting beer. Charon pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one for me.

"We must return."

"Why?"

"Your father."

Whoops. I had forgot. I shrugged, and dug my feet into the sand. Charon stood, facing away from me so he didn't have to look at me. I never really understood how Charon worked, and I still don't. I wanted to, though. I wanted to know if he felt the same turmoil and bubbling inside as I did.

"Dez? Are you going to go?"

I looked at the ground, and sighed.

"Yeah, come on."

We walked side by side. The campfire had died down, because I couldn't see it glowing.

"Charon I need you to answer something for me. I need you to be honest, too, okay?"

"Yes."

"I need…I need to know if you're happy. If you're content here, with me, doing this."

"Why?"

"Just tell me."

His jaw set and his eyes focused forward. We were traveling up the hill, so outside of some rocks, dirt, and sand, there was nothing for him to look at. Finally, he sighed, and looked at me.

"Yes. I enjoy working for you, and I enjoy your company. If that answer does not suffice, I can reword it."

"No…no it's fine."

"Why did you want to know?"

I stopped just short of the top of the hill. I had to try twice as hard to balance myself thanks to the slope and the beer.

"Because of my father."

Charon stopped walking and looked at me. He sighed, and his brows narrowed.

"I don't want you listening to a goddamn thing that man has to say. I am _not_ a slave, especially not to you, and I am not unhappy with my lifestyle. If he begins to interfere with how you think otherwise, I suggest we leave him here."

Charon's reassurance made me smile. I ran my fingers over my head, and nodded.

"Yeah, okay."

He led me back up over the hill. Before we caught glimpse of my dad, I stopped and had him get my clothes. I held his shoulders for support as I slid on my tights and skirt. My fingers slid over his exposed neck, and I looked at him. He was tall, and rough, and intimidating. He didn't intimidate me, though. He had his eyes closed, probably out of respect for me and because he was tired.

I got on my jacket and boots without a problem. Charon opened his eyes and led me the short distance to camp. He sat down in the sand, and I laid.

"I'm going to sleep now."

Charon nodded. I rolled over, not facing him. I had to think. I had to make my plan of action. I was not going to let this be a Butch thing all over again. Hell, I don't even think Charon is anything like Butch, but still. Here I am, alone in this world, and then Charon comes in and saves me without me even knowing it. He comes into my world, my life, and shows me that even though it sucks, there's good people. I would have never gone back to Megaton if he wasn't with me. I would have went to the satellites and let things work themselves out.

I intertwined my fingers, and tried not to cry. I could hear my dad snoring, and Charon's steady breathing. How many times a night did I depend on that steady breathing to put me to sleep? I'm so scared of being alone now, since I've gotten Charon. I always wake up and check on him at night, just to make sure he's there. I know he'd never take off, but I'm so used to being abandoned, it's not easy to be sure. I have to be more careful of my choices, too. I mean, I'm not as mean as I want to be, but…I can't jeopardize the relationship I've build with Charon over something silly. But I don't want to save this shit Wasteland either. I want to do my own things, live on my own, with Charon.

I sighed, and listened to the emptiness. I heard Charon shifting around, but I didn't try to sneak a peek. I still felt the same way I had the first night we spent together. I wanted to run and throw myself off the highest peak. I wanted to put an end to this forceful and demanding life. I didn't know how, though. Charon would never allow me to, and I knew deep down I really didn't want to. But having my father back and him acting the way he was really made shit worse. I'm not a saint. I'm just me, and 'just me' is pretty scared out here. But I'm too badass to show it. Maybe Charon knows it, but I doubt it. Hell, there's a lot of things I'm beginning to doubt.


	27. Chapter 27

I've been here before. Charon and I have traveled this very path not a week before, but now it was different. Now it was filled with sadness, with anger and rage. I felt hot tears falling down my cheeks as my father impatiently waited for me. Charon and I had gotten into the most bitter and worst arguments yet. We were another two hours away from Rivet City when it took place. My father was stuck in his entire ways, and started yelling at us to hurry up. Somehow, it turned into me yelling at Charon, Charon not being my bitch and yelling back, and a shoving match.

I'd admit I was wrong if he told me. I would hug him, and do all the things that fear held me back from doing if he'd just _look at me_. But I knew he wasn't going to. I had said cruel, hurtful, mean things to him. Things that even made me cringe when I said them. I felt my hands shaking as I held onto my gun, silently begging him to turn around.

"You go ahead, dad. I'll…I'll catch up."

My father didn't say goodbye. I heard his footsteps racing off in the opposite direction I was facing. I was watching Charon as he stood with his back to me. I was wrong in everything I had said to him, but I am too proud to admit that. I've been trying so hard to change, so hard to try to be that better person. I couldn't, though. It wasn't, isn't, in me to just _help_. I can't. I hate people too fucking much to make their problems my own.

I shook my head, forcing the tears back. I walked up to Charon, standing a yard or so behind him. He had called me 'spoiled fucking bitch' after I called him 'disgusting rotten brain-eating zombie'. I think he was being nice and doing me a favor.

"Charon?"

Before I could even finish saying his name, he reacted. I felt something sharp hit me in my shoulder, and I saw in slow-motion as Charon took out his shotgun.

"Duck!"

I didn't move fast enough, and felt another pang of sharp pain hit me near my heart. I blinked slowly, and heard the blasts of Charon's shotgun far away in the back of my head. I fell to my knees, slowly, numb. I couldn't feel anything, and my vision was becoming blurred. I felt something rip through me, and the tears I was trying so hard to not let out fell.

I was on the ground, I don't know why. I reached up for Charon as he screamed obscenities. Pain shot through my body, and I opened my mouth to yell but no sound came out. Blurry, I couldn't see. I could hardly make out Charon's figure as he came over to me, and scooped me up in his arms. Silence. I didn't hear anything but the beating of my own heart in my chest. I could feel Charon's strong and powerful arms beneath my body. I reached up for him, but the pain came back. I had to let my arm fall.

"Dez…?"

His voice was so far away. I tried to blink away the blurry vision, I tried to talk to him. I could feel a warm sensation covering my chest. I don't know what had happened, I just know whatever did happen enraged Charon. The anger in his eyes I saw as he shot at something I couldn't see. I felt Charon pull me close, as if he was hugging me. I felt his body turn as he began to run.

"Sh…Sha…Charon…"

I couldn't pronounce his name. I couldn't speak. I tried not to panic as my body ignored the signals my brain was sending. Charon didn't look down at me as he ran, he carried me like I was a sack of shit. Like I carried the pack on my back.


	28. Chapter 28

I heard voices off in the distance, and I felt so cold. My heart beat in my chest, as tears moistened my face. With my eyes closed shut, I could see the image of Charon. He smiled at me, I'd never seen him smile like that before. I smiled back at him, and reached for his hand. He shook his head, and turned away from me. I panicked, and tried to pull him back to me, but he didn't listen. He kept walking away from me. I screamed his name and jerked around, trying to get to him. It killed me to see him go, I didn't want him to go.

Opening my eyes, my vision cleared itself. I saw shades of gray all around me, and I tried to turn my head. It hurt, but I could do it. I was in a room, a small room, and there was a chair in the corner. I looked down at what I was laying on. It looked like a medical bed. It was a medical bed, bandages were wrapped around my bare torso, restricting my breathing and holding in blood. I lifted my arm, and a soft pain hit me. It wasn't too bad, enough so I could ignore it, but it hurt nonetheless. I felt a blood stain, pressing down on it. It shot waves of pain through my body and I took in a heavy breath.

Swinging my legs over the side, I could see my pack and the top half of my outfit in the corner. Charon…where was Charon? I looked around, and saw him. He was in a chair, sleeping. His body and shotgun facing the door. The image made me smile. He had relaxed a bit, and taken off the top part of his armor so that only the black shirt was showing. I liked that, Charon relaxing. I looked around once more and saw I was in Rivet City. The bolts and steel was hard to miss, and I knew they had a medical center. Charon looked so damn peaceful as he slept, his chest going up and down slowly. He must have been tired.

Lightly, I jumped from the medical bed. I didn't have boots on, they were in the corner. My feet landed with a soft 'pat' and I stood still. Charon didn't wake, but his leg twitched in his sleep. In the back of my head, I played that song he had for me back in Megaton. _Love is not a victory march_. I didn't understand that line, I never understood love. But as I stood, staring at my savior, I smiled. I felt I understood it right then and there. I hadn't ever 'loved' anyone. Butch was more of an infatuation. Charon, even after a vicious fight, saved me. It wasn't the first time, but the second. The love I was feeling for Charon, and yes I'm sure it's love, was different. It was a reliable, kind, warm love. The kind you're lucky enough to find once or twice in life. It warmed me inside, and made me feel like I did when I played the piano.

I'd never tell him, though. I'd never tell him that this turmoil inside me was love, that I found comfort in his deformed face. Patches of his red hair hung around his head, and it moved when he took a deep enough breath. My entire life I had been alone, even with Butch I was alone. But not anymore. Now I had Charon. His contract probably restricted him from such feelings, which was very understandable, but it hurt just the same. Standing there, staring at him, I had to remind myself that he would do things to please me. That there would always be a shadow of a doubt to his actions and words. It didn't prevent him from moving something in me. Something I didn't even know exists. Together, I felt he and I could be happy in one of those satellite dishes. We could live alone, and talk about the stars and what we've seen. I'd like that very much, but I knew even then, I'd never show him how I felt.

Slowly, softly, I walked over to him. My chest hurt with every breath I took, but I ignored it. My heart raced with every step I took. When I was close enough to him, I stopped and looked at him once again. His muscles showed through that tight black shirt, and I shuddered. I leaned close to him, and kissed my fingers. I placed them on his lips, and stepped away. He didn't move, he just softly breathed. I told myself that was the closest thing to kissing him I was allowed to do. I knew deep down, if I let Charon in, he'd leave. Just like everyone else.

"Hey."

I said, softly. He opened his eyes, gripping his shotgun. He looked at me, and I smiled at him.

"Dez…"

Charon got up, and I braced myself. I expected him to hug me, like anyone would usually do. But he stopped short, straightening his back. He looked down at me, his face set in his usual expressionless way.

"I…I'm sorry, Charon. For fighting with you. I…I didn't mean what I said."

"Do you remember what happened out there?"

I closed my eyes and tried, but it was all just a blur of colors.

"No…what happened?"

"Men in large black armor attacked us. I was able to save your father, but you were hit in the crossfire. They had energy weapons."

I shook my head, I didn't know who these men were. They didn't sound like Talon.

"I don't know them."

"Are you alright?"

I looked down at my bandages and back up at him.

"Yeah, I think so. Where's my dad?"

"In the Science Lab. Would you like to go see him? He was quite worried about you."

"Yeah…let's go."

He helped me put on the rest of my clothes. There was a comfortable silence between us while we got ready. I watched him as he put on the top part of his armor, slipping his arm through the one sleeve. I followed him out of the medical room, and nodded at people who walked by. The halls were dimly lit, and every now and again if I got too quiet with my steps, Charon would look back.

I wanted to reach up and grab his hand. I wanted to hug him, pull him really close and never have him let me go. But I am not like that. I am Dezbe, and I don't need anybody. I just have to keep reminding myself that, more so now that I've come to terms with Charon and my emotions for him. I know nothing about this mysterious figure who saved my life on an almost daily basis, but I loved him. I think that's enough.

Charon led me down the stairs of the Science Lab. My father and Dr. Li talked about Project Purity with great enthusiasm. He shared his findings with her, and ultimately convinced her to return to the Jefferson Memorial and continue the project. I stood close to Charon, and he moved away, uncomfortable. It hurt until I had to remind myself that he was here for contract, and touching me outside of saving me, was a no-no.

"Dez, would you be able to escort us to the memorial?"

I snapped back to reality as my father talked to me.

"What? Uh, yeah. Sure."

He didn't even ask if I was okay. So much for being worried.

"Right, let's go."

Him, and his entire fleet of scientists buddies headed out. Charon and I followed them, our guns drawn. I felt like I was in a caravan, and someone was leading me to a huge motherfucking tank. I've always wanted to drive one of those bastards. That would be so badass.

Outside Rivet City, all the scientists were obviously scared. Charon and I were getting sick of their constant complaining. I caught him looking at me, and I puffed up my face to look goofy. He chuckled and continued to scan the area. I smiled at myself.

"Are you even paying attention?"

I heard Dr. Li ask me as we trudged over to the memorial. I looked at her, frowning.

"Do you want my help or not?"

She really was one insatiable bitch, I tell you that. She turned back around, her lab coat blowing in the wind. I bet if my mom was alive, she would have punched her right in the face. Or not. My mother didn't seem like that kind of woman. I had my suspicious about Dr. Li, though. She seemed like she had the hots for my dad _real_ bad. It was kind of annoying, catching her giving him the google-eyes. I scoffed at my own thoughts, and Charon jumped.

"What do you see?"

I looked at him. Was he acting funny or was it just me?

"Nothing. I was just thinking."

We got them to the memorial and inside. There was no Super Mutants, which I was very upset about. I wanted to shoot something, I was beginning to feel quite useless.

"Would you mind hanging around for a bit? We might need your help."

My father looked at me with pleading eyes, and as much as I wanted to say no, I couldn't.

"Yeah, fine, whatever. We'll be exploring the area."

I walked away from my dad, holstering my gun. Charon didn't say anything to anyone as we walked through the memorial. Sure, they stared, and tried not to stare, but who wouldn't? I'm around five-ten, maybe, and Charon is head and shoulders taller than me. I was never good at math and measurements, really. After all, I _did_ get 'Marriage Counselor' on my G.O.A.T test. It made me laugh, imagining me with a pad and pencil trying to fix vault marriages. I would fail miserably.

Stepping outside, I scanned the area. Off in the distance, some people walked. I couldn't tell if they were Talon or Raiders, but Charon told me not to worry.

"They won't come near here."

I nodded, and shifted my weight. I looked up at the Jefferson Memorial, and had a bright idea.

"Let's climb it."

Charon shook his head, and tried to convince me otherwise, but I wasn't having it. I had been listening to everyone else for a week or more, I wanted to do something for me, and that something happened to be getting to the roof of this shithole.

Somehow, we made it to the top. Charon had gotten up there first, and had to reach down and pull me up. I sat with my legs over the edge, watching the sky. It was bright out, but the sun was going to set soon. In some weird, way, the city looked really pretty. Sure, it's scary as fuck at night in the city, but from here, it kind of…enticed me. Looking over, Charon was sitting with his arms crossed, head down, and eyes closed.

"Are you tired?"

I asked him. I kicked my feet, and felt my heels hit the stone building.

"No."

The wind blew. I saw a man walking around outside in a lab coat. I shook my head, thinking back to the vault.

"You remember that guy Butch I told you about?"

Charon grumbled in reply.

"I've been thinking about him."

"Why?"

I sighed, lighting a cigarette. I offered one to Charon, but he shook his head.

"Because…it's been different in my head lately, and this is going to sound wrong, but I can't help comparing you to him."

"How so?"

"You two have been the only prominent men in my life. Outside my father, that is. You're both so different and…it kind of scares me."

"Hm."

"I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

"No, continue. It is fine."

"Well…Butch would never be so nice to me. Like you are. I mean, I know it's because you're bound to me, but…still. It's nice to have someone around, you know?"

"Did you bring my contract with you?"

"What? No…I left it home."

Charon nodded and kept his eyes closed.

"Why do you ask?"

"I was just curious. I think they're calling you."

I peered over the edge, and saw my father waving his hands at me. I sighed. Charon and I climbed down the memorial, and I jumped down at the bottom. My father stood over me, his arms crossed.

"Dezbe! What were you doing up there?"

"Sitting."

"Well, come on, I need you to open the flood gates."

"Where are they?"

I followed him inside. Charon walked behind me, his arms at his sides.

"Down below the rotunda. There's a serious of intercoms that I'll guide you by when you get there."

"Whatever."


	29. Chapter 29

I listened to my dad over the intercoms. I felt a strange feeling in my chest, empty. I was okay with helping him, but I couldn't shake that this was more important to him than I was. I didn't really have any emotions as I worked, mindlessly hitting buttons and switches. Charon didn't say anything to me, and just kept silent, watching nothing. I had been thinking about letting him go. The feelings that I had towards him were starting to fog and cloud my mind. I couldn't let that happen.

The food gates opened, and I looked over at Charon as we crawled through a pipe. We were on our hands and knees, and I never felt safer for some reason. _Charon, I want to run away with you, and forget the burden of saving these people_. I felt that was really possible, and within my grasp. Together, Charon and I could run away, to those beautiful satellites, and live. The thought brought me comfort, but that was shot down by a small voice in the back of my head. _You know he will go once you overturn his contract. He won't listen to you anymore. He won't want anything to do with you_. It hurt. I had seen the strength of his contract back at Fort Bannister. I didn't want to relive that moment.

A touch on the side of my neck jolted me back into reality. I looked back at Charon. He was touching the scar on my neck.

"I am sorry."

He said simply, pulling his hand away. I turned to him.

"You don't have to dwell on it, you know. It's in the past."

"I cannot seem to forgive myself for harming you."

"I order you to forgive yourself. Does that help?"

Charon smirked at me, nodding.

"There. Now, come on."

I hadn't even fully turned my body around when I felt a strong wind and loud noise. Looking up through the hole in the pipe, I saw a giant…what they call them? Vertibird. Yeah, that. It landed on the platform and a man in a strange uniform stepped out. He was followed by men in black, scary-looking armor. Charon grabbed my shoulder, pulling me farther down.

"It's those men that attacked us!"

He hissed quietly. I watched as they shot a scientist and walked into the memorial.

"Charon!"

I called out. He shoved me forward.

"Go!"

I crawled through the pipe. I came out inside the memorial. Men in black armor infested the place like Radroaches. Instantly, they began shooting at us. Charon pulled me down behind a wall, and we got out our weapons.

"Charon, my dad!"

He nodded, cocking his shotgun. I counted to three in my head, and stepped out. It was a furry of bullets. They had energy weapons, and their strong armor was hard to pierce. I kept having to reload, and I dropped my bullets after hearing Charon cry out.

"Fuck that burns!"

I looked over at him. He had gotten hit with a blob of plasma. His leather sizzled and hissed angrily.

"Dez! Pay attention!"

He shot at and took out a man charging at me. I tried to think about who these men were as I laughed, blood and bullets spraying.

"The Enclave!"

It came to me like a bad headache. Three Dog ranted about them enough. They were the soldiers of President Eden, and they were not nice people. Of course, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out as a laser shot past my head. I screamed at them, swearing like a soldier, as I shot round after round.

"Charon! I'm out of ammo!"

We were almost to the rotunda, and Charon tossed me his shotgun.

"Here!"

He bent down and pulled a combat knife from his pocket.

"No!"

I yelled as he ran at an Enclave soldier. Without care or mercy, he shoved the knife through the neck of the armor and pulled it out. The man fell, sputtering through his helmet. I cocked Charon's shotgun and squeezed the trigger at another guy. The kickback of it knocked me on my feet. It hurt like a bitch.

"Come on!"

Charon pulled me up, and I held his gun tightly. Did he modify it or something? It was _much_ stronger than before. I'd have to ask him to fix mine up for me one of these days. If we lived through this, that is.

We burst through the doors of the rotunda, and I saw my father sealed inside with the man in the weird coat, and some other scientists. I ran up to the glass, pounding on the doors. Dr. Li stood at the intercom, emotionless.

"This facility is now under United States government control. The person in charge is to step forward immediately and turn over all materials related to this project."

The man said to my dad. I looked on, helpless.

"That is quite impossible. This is a private project. The Enclave has no authority here. I'm going to have to ask you to leave at once."

"Am I to assume sir, that you are in charge?"

"Yes. I'm responsible for this project."

"Then I repeat, sir, that you are hereby instructed to hand over all materials related to the Purifier."

"I'm sorry but that's-"

"Furthermore, you are to assist Enclave scientists in assuming control in the administration and operation of this facility at once."

"Colonel. I'm sorry is it Colonel? I'm sorry but the facility is not operational, it never has been. I'm afraid you're wasting your time here."

"Sir, this is the last time I am going to repeat myself. Stand down at once and turn over control of this facility!"

"Colonel, I assure you, that this facility will _not_ function. We have never been able to successfully replicate test results."

I watched as Colonel something pulled out a gun and shot the woman who was standing by my father. My jaw dropped, and the two soldiers in there stood their ground. _This isn't happening_.

"I suggest you comply immediately sir! In order to prevent anymore incidents. Are we clear?"

The woman screamed and quivered on the ground. I felt my blood boil as I wrapped my hands around Charon's shotgun.

"Yes. Colonel. I'll do whatever you want. There's no need for more violence."

"The you will immediately hand over all materials related to this project, and aid us in making it operational at once."

"Very well, give me a few moments to bring the system up."

I pounded on the glass, but no one heard me. That or they were ignoring me. My father turned around, and hit some buttons on the machine behind him.

"My patience wears thin."

"Almost ready. I'm compiling the data now."

A loud explosion erupted, and I blocked my face. Looking through the glass, I saw my father stumble over to me. I wanted to cry, but I held it in.

"Run! Run!"

He shouted to me, but I couldn't move. I stood, watching my father die of radiation poisoning. I felt Charon pulling me, dragging me down the stairs, but I kept my eyes locked, focused. We had never had the best relationship, but he is still my father. He was still the only person in this world who knew me, who understood the vault, who could have really taught me a lot. And now, he's gone. I'm an orphan. I have no mother, no father, no other family. I saw a door slam in front of me, blocking my view.

"Dez! Get up snap out of it we have to _move_!"

Charon screamed at me, his eyes wide with terror. What did I feel? Nothing. I couldn't feel anything. Dr. Li came and begged me to help her get the other scientists to safety. I nodded, not fully aware of what was going on around me. Charon's shotgun felt so heavy in my arms, so heavy as I climbed down that manhole, and into the sewers.

I couldn't feel anything. Aimlessly, I shot at whatever moved, whatever might pose a threat. He's dead. He's dead and gone, and it hurt me. It actually hurt me. I'd never felt a pain like this before. It was greater than any pain I'd ever felt in my life. Even greater than the pain I felt at Fort Bannister. In the recesses of my mind, I heard Charon yelling, heard Dr. Li talk about a heart condition.

"Stimpacks…"

I said, not in my own voice. I dug through my pack and handed them to her, my hands shaking violently. What is happening to me? Why am I feeling this way? I felt my heart slow as we walked through the sewers, silent. My feet splashed in a puddle, but I didn't hear it until I was yards away.

My dad, he's gone now. He's gone. It's all on me, to keep this project running. But I can't do that. I can't aid an entire team of scientists to greatness and pure water. I'm not smart enough for that. I can't even keep myself out of trouble for a week. I can't. There's no way I'll ever be able to fix and help these people. I shook my head, trying to bring myself into reality, but I couldn't. Charon stood beside me, his strong body protecting my smaller one.

In my head, I saw my father, I heard him telling me to run. I never even got to say goodbye. Just like in the vault, I never even got an explanation. He was gone, just like that. I was beginning to forget what he looked like already. He looked like me, but male. He was gone now, gone and never coming back. Like everyone I'd ever let myself care about.


	30. Chapter 30

I finally came to in the middle of the Citadel. Some man who had introduced himself as Elder Lyons was asking me to go and fetch the G.E.C.K from Vault 87. I had been in a dream-like trance since arrival. I remembered people, the Brotherhood of Steel, didn't take too kindly to ghouls. I had to take away Charon's combat knife, keeping his gun away from him. Dr. Li didn't even look at me as we stood in the middle of a big room.

"No…no get it yourself."

I said, turning my back on Lyons. He called for me to come back, but I didn't, I _couldn't_. There was no way I was going to have this weight lingering over me. Charon walked behind me, strong as always, as we left the Citadel. I handed him back his shotgun. We hadn't spoken since he dragged me out of the rotunda. I had no intention of speaking to him. The city was in ruins around me as I looked at it. Everything was so depressing, and whatever beauty I had thought it held wasn't there anymore. I hadn't cried, I _wouldn't_ cry.

The sun was setting over the horizon. Charon didn't say anything about making camp, I didn't know where we were going. I just kept walking, mindlessly. My feet were going to take me to Megaton, I knew that much, but I couldn't accept it. I couldn't accept that I had witnessed my father die before my eyes. Sure, he was a bitch and I was worse, but…he's still my _father_. I loved him, deep down I knew I did. He…he was good to me when I was younger. He had tried, I know he did, but he just got so caught up in work he never had time.

If I could go back, I'd fix it all. I'd make it so we had time together, so then we could…we could have a relationship. How am I going to continue my life tomorrow knowing he's never, ever coming back? Who is going to drive me, strive for me to continue? Even when he was lost in the Wastes, in Rivet City and Vault 112, I knew he was still out there. I knew he was alive, and I knew I had something to do. Now…now I had absolutely nothing. I had nothing to fall back on, nothing to strive for. For the first time in my entire life, I had no parents. I had no mother, no father. No…nothing. I couldn't feel anything anymore. I can't. I just can't. It'll kill me, it will.

Charon and I finally stopped walking on the second night. He hadn't complained about his arm, or any fatigue he might have had. Hell, I didn't even feel tired until I let myself stop and fall into the sand. He sat beside me, not bothering to start a fire. I looked up at him, searching for something in his eyes that I knew wasn't there and didn't exist.

"We are heading back to Megaton?"

It was the first sentence he said to me in two, or three, days.

"Yeah."

He nodded, closing his eyes. The wind was cold, and the desert barren. We hadn't encountered anything, and I was kind of relieved for that. I don't know if I'd be able to take care of it. I closed my eyes, my body relaxing. I felt like I was going crazy, like nothing was familiar anymore. An old playground was in the distance, and I knew we were close to home. It looked so sad and depressing. I didn't have an expression. I let my head fall back into the sand. I wanted the sand to swallow me whole and never let me back up. I wanted to drown in this feeling, and never open my eyes again. I wanted…I wanted my dad back. I wanted to go back in time and tell him I loved him, that I was sorry, that…that I'd give anything to see him again.

I awoke the next day, tired and sore. Charon woke without a problem, and followed me silently. I passed travelers, and felt nervous. No one knows me. I wanted someone to tell me what to do, but I felt like everyone looked right through me. Megaton loomed ahead of me, and I smirked, remembering my dream. I had died, and I woke up smiling about it. I don't think I've ever wanted death so much.

* * *

In my home, I ignored everyone. I sat mindlessly on the stairs as Charon prepared food I wasn't going to eat. I hadn't greeted Simms, or even waved to Wadsworth. I just sat there, staring at the wall. I chain-smoked cigarettes until a whole pack was nearly finished. Before Charon took them from me. I heard his heavy footsteps come over to me, a plate of food in his hand. I shook my head, I wasn't hungry.

"I'm going outside."

I told him, pushing him aside. I stepped out into the dark city. The white lights glowed against the black steel and midnight blue sky. I heard Charon stand behind me, and I saw Harden laughing with Lucas. It brought tears to my eyes. Maybe I needed to let it out, but I couldn't let it out alone. I turned to Charon. He stood, it seemed there was a slight concern in his eyes.

"Charon…"

I said softly. For the longest time, it seemed to me that he was the only constant in my life. He was always there, always next to me. He never left me alone, it felt like. I didn't need to be alone, I'd surely kill myself if I was. I stepped forward, towards him, and pressed my arms into his chest. He flinched at the close contact, but I didn't falter. I pressed my face against his armor, and I felt those tears fall. I felt them fall from my eyes, down my cheeks, and drip off of my chin. I closed my eyes tight, as I felt Charon's strong arms awkwardly embrace me.

I pushed myself into him more, trying to melt into him. I felt his strong arms wrap around my back, and press me into his chest. He rested his chin on the top of my head, and I let it out. I cried silently into his armor, gripping the straps for dear life. I took in a deep breath of air, tasting his armor as I did. I felt his hand on the back of my head, and his breathing softened. I had been so strong, so brave, since this point. I have held it in, holding it and hiding it from the world. Now Charon, you have come into my life. You have saved me countless times and talked me down. You have done so much for me, you don't even know. But what have I done for you, my friend? What have I done other than curse and scream and act unkindly?

The pressure from his strong hands made me feel alive. It made me feel like I was really somewhere, for the first time. Like I wasn't anybody but myself. He stood there with me, not speaking, not asking, not doing anything, but doing everything. He was again, saving me from something I didn't know existed. His silence was soothing the angry demons inside of me, making them quiet and docile. I clung to him, trying to pull myself up from this hole I'd dug for myself.

"Charon…"

I said, my eyes closed, tears making my face wet and soaked. He didn't say anything, did remove his chin from my head. He tightened his grip on me, more comfortable with the contact. I've never been this close to anyone, not even Butch. Charon and I had never been this close to one another, ever.

"Please don't leave me, Charon…please don't leave me."

I sobbed, tears not subsiding. I was begging him to stay, begging him to never leave me. I couldn't be alone anymore, I knew it now. I can't be this badass girl I want to be with without him. I needed him now, needed his consistency and support.

"I will not leave you."

He was monotone, no structure, no emotion. I shook my head, wiping my face on his chest. I choked out more sobs, and ignored the cries of laughter from the people of Megaton.

"Even if we lose your contract…even if someone gets it…please don't go…don't leave me. I order you to stay with me, to stay until I die, to stay with me, please."

"If it is an order, I shall obey."

I clung to him like a small child clings to their parent. I felt embarrassed for my display of weakness. I felt shamed and like I'd done something wrong. But I didn't care. I wanted to tell him how I felt, I wanted to tell him I loved him, that I truly cared for him. But I couldn't find the words. I couldn't speak. I just stood there, my emotions taking over me.

"I'm so tired, Charon."

"You need rest."

I didn't want to let him go, but I knew he was right.

"I don't want to leave you."

"I will still be here after you rest."

I shook my head. I couldn't trust it. I needed to stay awake and have him near me, have him stand this close to me all the time. Anyone I'd ever admitted to loving had left me, Charon wouldn't be the same way. I refused to let it happen. It _couldn't_ happen. Charon had to be the one person who stuck with me, forever and more. I'd been through so much with him, he can't go now.

"Please stay."

"I am not leaving, Dezbe."

His voice bounced off the top of my head. His face, his mouth, was so close. It was like the CPR moment all over again. I tried to pull him closer, but it didn't work. We were as meshed as we were ever going to be.

"Come, I will take you to rest."

I felt his arms slipping from me, and I grabbed him.

"No!"

"I will stay with you."

He assured me, and I nodded. I followed him into the house. His arm was around me, my head on his shoulder. I covered my face with my hands as we walked up the stairs. I wanted to hide my shame and pain. I didn't want anyone to see it. Charon led me to my bedroom, and laid me down. I grabbed onto his pant let.

"Please Charon, please stay."

I felt so pitiful. I felt weak. I felt like a small child begging their parent not to leave them.

"I must take off my armor."

I let my hand slide off of his leg. I watched him through tear-stained eyes as he took off his boots, and slid off the top part of his armor. The second it slid off of his head, I grabbed his leg.

"Dez, I am not leaving."

Anyone else would have gotten angry with me. They would have gotten aggravated and annoyed, but…not Charon. His voice remained the same, if not softer, as he crouched down beside me. I moved over on my mattress in the middle of my still-trashed room. Charon wrapped his arms around me again, and I pressed myself in his chest. I let the tears fall freely and silently.

"You can't leave me, Charon. You can't."

"I will not."

I closed my eyes, my hands gripping the tight black shirt he wore. I never thought someone who was as muscular as Charon would be so comfortable and comforting, but he was. I heard his heart beating steadily in his chest, his lings taking in air as he breathed. I sighed, letting all my pain and anger out. His arms stayed around me, not moving, not faltering.

"You must rest, Dez."

I am Dezbe, Vigilante of the Capitol Wasteland. I am nineteen years old, an orphan and loner. I am Dezbe, the ghoul-lover. I am lonely and scared and violent. I have a Jet problem sometimes, and I have deep-set insecurities. I fight my way through the desert and city, killing people who shouldn't be killed. I fight with big guns and deadly ammunition, doing horrible and terrible things. But in this world where nothing is what it seems, in this world where I have witnessed horrors and murders and death…I have found someone to share it all with me. I have found someone to hold me in the dark when Megaton cut the power. I have found Charon, and wrapped in his arms for warmth and comfort, I have found something I never had before.

"I love you, Charon."

I said, barely loud enough for my own ears to hear it. I hadn't intended for him to hear it, either. I just wanted to say it, to admit it freely to myself. To let myself know it was real, that this wasn't a dream. I felt his arms tighten around me, and just as quietly as I had said it, Charon spoke.

"I know."


	31. Chapter 31

_Maybe it would have been best if I had ended the story one chapter before, but I felt it was kind of a cliffhanger, and the characters, mainly Charon, aren't fully developed. If it ends up sucking, I'll take it down, but for now I want to continue to see where I can go with Dez. Thanks again for the reviews, good and bad ones help a lot. There's mistakes that I find I catch after I take the document off of Document Manager so just bear with me, it's a lot of words to keep track of. Thanks again!_

* * *

I opened my eyes with a start. My dream had been so scary, so…so dark. My mother and father were there, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't speak to them. I couldn't touch them. They were sitting with one another, laughing, holding hands and giving each other that 'look'. I tried to get their attention, but I couldn't. I started to cry, begging them to look at me, begging them to notice me. They didn't turn around, and soon, they began to evaporate. Vanish into thin air, it seemed. I choked on my words as I tried to chase them, but I couldn't catch them. They were gone, and I was left in this black hole with nothing, with nobody.

I stared at Charon's chest. His black tee shirt reflected in my eyes. I still had my hands wrapped tightly in his shirt, tugging it. I felt myself release it, breathing slowly. I felt his arms still wrapped around me, and I sighed. He didn't leave, he was still here. Picking my head up, I looked around my bedroom. It was pitch black, and outside, Megaton was dark, too. It must have been sometime past midnight, that's when Megaton cut their power.

There was no way I'd be able to sleep now. I shook from my dream. Lightly I separated myself from Charon, taking extra care to not wake him. When I was far enough away, I stood up, stepping lightly over the mess I had made in my room. I walked over to the small window, and lit a cigarette. I hung my arms out, staring at the sleeping city. Smoke swirled around my head, and Charon's light snores echoed in the back of my mind. I glanced back at him, shoving my cigarette in the corner of my mouth. _Dear God, if there's such a thing as self-control, don't let me lose it now_. I didn't want to lose myself in this, I didn't want to forget who I had been trying so hard to be. I didn't want…I didn't want anything bad to happen. Tonight was not going to repeat itself. Tonight was just a one-time thing, tomorrow…tomorrow things will be different. _I wish you were real, Charon. I wish you existed in my realm of reality, so then this wouldn't happen to me_.

Gob and Nova were brave. They loved one another, and they admitted it. Charon is…he's under contract. He's not like Gob, who still has free will. If Charon could have that same deal, the same mindset as Gob, hell I wouldn't be able to keep myself from running over and jumping on him. From really seeing what kissing a ghoul was like. But Charon isn't like you, like me, like Gob. He's got a whole different mindset. He has a contract.

Tossing my cigarette out the window, I tip-toed around Charon. You know, I think the only time I'd ever seen him so relaxed is when he sleeps. I smiled to myself as I looked at him, pressing open the door to my bedroom. _I can't stand this…I've tried so hard to tell myself I was wrong, but I can't anymore._ My father is gone, and I can't dwell on it. I have to swallow hard and trudge on through. I have to place it somewhere in the back of my head, and lock it away, and make sure I lose the key. I can't keep torturing myself like this. I can't torture myself at all.

I crept silently down the stairs, trying not to wake Charon or Wadsworth. I opened my front door, and slid out. The cool air made me shudder, and I pushed off my house. _I won't feel this way anymore_. It shouldn't have to be this hard, you know. Life shouldn't be like this. Where you're suddenly orphaned, suddenly alone, suddenly head over heels for someone you can never, ever have. Suddenly having to bear the weight and shame of the entire world. I'm just one girl, I can't stand all this pressure.

I ignored the Protectron who stood outside Megaton. I ignored him and just walked on by. I had no guns, no ammo, no nothing. I want to go to the satellites. I want to go there, and I want to live alone. I want to sit and live off the land, with no one, nothing. Charon and I can't be around one another anymore, it only creates turmoil inside me. Turmoil that can never be subdued.

In the far distance, I heard the cries of Deathclaws. I hate those fuckers, but I found myself smiling at them. I could see their shadows reflecting off the sand/dirt piles, and they seemed to be on the hunt. I sat down where I was, hoping they'd come closer to me. I know it's stupid, and I know this whole thing is crazy, but if you were me, you'd want this too. I have no father, no mother, no real friends and a sick crush on a ghoul. If that isn't a mess I don't know what is. It seemed that with the Brotherhood of Steel wanting me to be their errand girl, and all of the Wastes cheering me on…everyone forgot I'm human. That I have emotions and feelings too. That…that I simply _can't_ do it.

I heard the Deathclaws coming closer, their cries echoing throughout the land. Closing my eyes, I folded my hands in my lap. Tonight may finally be the night I have the balls to finish what I've started. I couldn't overdose on Jet, I couldn't throw myself off a cliff or Rivet City, and I'm not brave enough to put a gun to my face and pull the trigger. Maybe if I let the Deathclaws get me, it would be swift, and painless. They wouldn't fuck with me, like the Super Mutants would, and they don't play with their food. At least, I don't think they do.


	32. Chapter 32

I inhaled deeply as I heard them coming closer and closer. It took forever to try to calm my heart, and to keep myself from running away. Charon will wake up tomorrow, and I will be nowhere. He will have to eventually take his contract and leave. Things will be better this way, I know they will be. The problem is, I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have to keep telling myself that this is for the better. I don't want to be around someone I can never have, and I don't want to overturn his contract and see him walk out of my life forever. I couldn't bear that. This way is the easiest, the best, I know that.

"Dez!"

I heard my name being called across the desert. I opened my eyes and saw the Deathclaws were looking right at me, right _past_ me. I turned around, and saw Charon. He was running wildly, brandishing his shotgun over his head. He didn't put on his armor. I stood up, shaking from fear and the cold.

"Dez what are you _doing_?"

I looked at him. His muscular body stood in front of me, the tight-fitting black tee right in my face. The cries of the Deathclaws snapped me back.

"I…I don't know."

Charon grabbed me and pulled me into him. With his one free arm, he cocked his shotgun and squeezed the trigger. The Deathclaws were charging, and he pulled me.

"We have to _run_!"

He yelled, his voice going to miles and miles in the barren desert. I nodded at him, not speaking.

"Come on!"

He pulled my arm, trying to keep me up to pace with him. I looked back at the Deathclaws, they were beginning to gain on us. I shook my head, trying to keep up. Megaton wasn't far, and once we were through the gates, Charon slammed them shut, pressing his back against them. We could hear the Deathclaws screeching and crying outside, angry at us. Charon looked at me, angry. I hung my head.

"I thought it would be easier…easier if…"

"If you what?"

I mindlessly let myself cry again.

"If I just died. You know? I mean…it's hard, Charon. I…you don't get it."

With a roughness, Charon pulled on my arm. He dragged me back up to my house, and slammed the front door. Wadsworth woke up for a moment, but then went back to sleep in the living room. Charon let go of my arm, and began walking up the stairs.

"I am going to sleep now, Miss Dez. Please do not vanish into the night again."

"I'm going to…I'm…Charon do you want to leave?"

I was begging, hoping, that he'd find a reason to go and just go. It hurt me so much, knowing he'd never return what I felt. That…that I was truly and utterly alone here.

"No, I do not wish to leave you, Miss Dez."

I nodded at him.

"Okay…okay go to bed."

He stood, staring at me.

"What?"

I asked him, trying to shake what I was feeling.

"You asked me not to leave you. It was an order. I will obey that order. Are you going to join me or do you wish for me to return without you?"

I dropped my jaw. I didn't know what to say.

"It's…I mean, it's up to you, Charon. I'm going to bed, too."

"Would you like me to leave my door open, then?"

"Why?"

"In case you need me."

I walked over to him, and touched his arm. He didn't jerk away at the feeling of my hand.

"Will you just…will you just lie with me until I'm asleep? Then if you want you can go back to your room."

Charon nodded at me. I smiled, even though I felt those awful tears streaming down my face, I smiled. Charon looked at me, his face the same as always. Even his fucking expressions are consistent. _He's_ consistent. There's nothing inconsistent about him. It was different and new and scary and enticing and…so many other oxymoron conjectures.

He followed me up to my bedroom. I laid on my mattress, and without me having to tell him or begin it, he wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me close into his chest. I felt the tears coming on again, but I didn't stop them this time. I just laid there, and let them flow on my face and seep into his black shirt. One day, I'm going to have to give this all up. I'm going to have to do something and not…not be everything for everybody. One day this is all going to end. And at the end of those days, I hope Charon will be there, no matter how much it hurts to know the truth, I still want him there.


	33. Chapter 33

"Dez…Dez…"

I moaned and rolled over. Charon was shaking me, and I felt the warmth of the morning sun on my back.

"Dez, I think it's time you woke."

I grumbled at him and rubbed my eyes. I accidentally hit myself in the nose and groaned louder.

"Ugh…what the fuck man?"

I said, cracking my eyes open. Charon stood over me, clad in his leather armor.

"Why do you want me up? What is so important?"

Charon didn't answer me. He crossed his arms and gave me a look that said 'well I'm not letting you sleep all day'. I groaned and tossed my arms down to my sides.

"Alright, alright. I'm up."

I sat up and rubbed my head. I sighed loudly, and motioned for Charon to give me a cigarette. He patted himself down and found a pack. He lit one for me, and I took it, inhaling deeply.

"My head hurts."

I told him, not looking up.

"Oh."

So much for morning conversation. I looked up at him, his arms were crossed and he was leaning against the desk. I had to clean this room back up one day, but frankly I didn't feel like it. I could hear Wadsworth outside my room, being obnoxious and annoying.

"Go downstairs, Wadsworth."

I heard him propel away. Stupid annoying fucking robot. I couldn't even wake up in peace without it bothering me. Charon cocked an eyebrow at me, but didn't say anything. I shrugged him off and tried to enjoy my cigarette.

"I want to see Gob."

I told Charon. He stiffened up, and seemed to get nervous.

"Why?"

He'd never questioned my motives before. Well, kind of. I mean it was just odd that of all the things I wanted to do, he was curious as to why I wanted to see Gob.

"I don't know. I need a stiff drink I guess."

"It's not even ten in the morning."

I glared at him.

"So? I don't see your point."

Charon didn't argue. He shrugged his shoulders. I stood up, and led him down the stairs and out of the house. Not many people were outside this early, and whoever was out was just waking up. Megaton sure was one lazy-ass town. But then again, I'd probably be sleeping if my mercenary bodyguard didn't just wake me up.

Yawning, I glanced over at Charon. He seemed uncomfortable with something, but I didn't pry. I figured if he wanted to tell me, then he would. I was curious, though. I mean, fighting Deathclaws and Enclave and Super Mutants didn't make Charon the least bit nervous, but visiting Gob did. Maybe there was something neither one of them was telling me. Or maybe Charon just hated Gob for letting Ahzrukhal get his contract. Either way, it was a story I wanted to hear.

Pushing open the door to Moriarty's, I saw Gob wiping down the counter. Nova wasn't in her usual corner, and I figured she was either getting ready or still sleeping. I can't imagine anyone wanting to have sex at such an ungodly hour. But then again you never know, men are pigs. Gob waved at me, but stopped once he saw Charon behind me. I gave Gob a sad smile and sat down.

"Hey kid."

"Hey Gob."

"What's been goin' on with you?"

I looked at him, shrugging.

"I heard what happened, you know, with your dad."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. Charon slumped down beside me, his head in his arms.

"How'd you know?"

"Three Dog."

Gob motioned towards the radio and I glared at it.

"Oh yeah, leave it to that rat bastard to tell the entire fucking Capitol Wasteland my business."

"I take it you and Three Dog don't see eye-to-eye?"

"I met that fucker once, _once_, and since then he's been on my ass about fighting the 'good fight' and getting everyone in the fucking desert to ask me for favors. What? Am I all of a sudden Super Woman?"

Gob smirked at me and stopped wiping down the counter. He got a glass and started cleaning it. I motioned for a drink and he shook his head.

"It's too early, Drunkie. And no you aren't Super Woman, you're just the only one crazy enough to do this type of shit."

I scoffed and Gob, rocking back in my bar stool.

"Yeah, right. Any Tom, Dick, or Sally can do this shit. Just aim and shoot, Gob, aim and shoot."

I made a gun with my hand and squeezed the pretend trigger. Gob grabbed his chest and pretended to fall over, and I laughed.

"You got me, kid."

I laughed, still rocking backwards.

"I win, now give me a drink."

"Kid, it's too early."

"Gob, I'm paying."

"No kid. How about some water?"

I sighed and nodded. I guess it was better than nothing. Charon grumbled something under his arms, and I bent my head down to him.

"What was that?"

He picked his head up slightly.

"May we leave now?"

I shook my head.

"No, we just got here. You can leave, I'll stay."

Charon shook his head and put it back in his arms. Gob waved his cleaning rag at him and I smirked.

"So Gob, tell me, what has been new?"

"Nothing much kid. I've been worried about you though."

"Oh, why?"

Gob shrugged.

"You know, hearing all that shit on the radio. Just wanted to make sure you're doing okay."

I sighed, remembering last night. I appreciated Charon not bringing up all the foolish things I've done. It made dealing with things a whole lot easier.

"I'm…dealing to say the least. I mean, it sucks but, what can I do ya know?"

Gob nodded at me. He was about to say something, when the bar stool I was rocking on slipped from under me. I let out a quick yell, and braced myself to hit the ground. But somehow, I didn't. I looked up and saw Charon had one big, strong hand wrapped around the front of my shirt. He put me back on my feet, and sat back down. Talk about lightning-fast reflexes.

"Uh…"

What am I supposed to say about that? Charon shrugged and put his head back in his arms. I looked at Gob and he was just as flabbergasted as me.

"Wow."

He said, placing his glass down. Gob and I looked at one another. Never, have I ever seen Charon react so quickly. Maybe he didn't want me to crack my skull open or something. Picking my bar stool up from the floor, I sat back down.

"Uh, thanks."

Charon grumbled something, and I just nodded.

"What he said, I guess."

Gob smirked at me, and handed me a glass of Purified Water.

"So, where you two going to head out next?"

I frowned at Gob. Looking down at my glass, I traced the rim with my finger. I hadn't really thought about it. I mean, I could go to Vault 87, I could you know, help the Brotherhood. But…what was the point in that? It would just cause more trouble for me. I wanted to check things out, ya know? Do something for myself for once.

"I don't know."

I told Gob, taking a sip from my glass. I glanced over at Charon. He reminded me of myself, when I'd sleep in class inside the vault. He sat there, motionless, not saying a damn thing.

"Hey Gob, why does he always do that?"

I pointed my thumb at Charon. Gob shrugged, putting the glass he was cleaning back on the shelf behind him.

"Maybe because he's too much of a pussy to man up and face his past? Other than that I can't tell you kid."

I cautiously looked at Charon. My eyes were wide, I'd never heard someone be so bold to Charon's face. I mean, when we argued I hardly held back my insults, but I'm his employer. He can't hurt me even if he wanted to. Everyone else was just…well…a still target.

Slowly, Charon picked up his head. His eyes were dead set on Gob's, and I stood, backing away slowly.

"Charon, don't you do anything stupid."

Charon didn't look at me. He kept his focus, and Gob kept his. It seemed like forever as they stared one another down, when finally Charon spoke.

"Gobtholomew, I think you're the one who is afraid to face his past. I was not the one who ran from Underworld only to be caught by Slavers."  
I expected Gob to cower like he did with Colin, but to my shock, he stood his ground.

"Oh you can't tell me you're still stuck on that whole Greta thing, are you?"

There was a tone of arrogance to Gob's voice that I never heard before. Greta? Wasn't that the ghoul-lady who had led me to the Ninth Circle? Yeah, she wore a pink pre-war dress.

"I will not hesitate to give you a beating worse than Colin gives you, Gobtholomew."

I put my hands up, on the defense.

"Okay, I think it's time we head back home. I've dealt with enough shit in the past few days, and I don't really want anymore. Charon, lets go."

I put some caps on the counter, and started walking out. Charon wasn't moving from his seat, and I put my hands on my hips.

"Charon, I order you to come."

I felt like I was calling a dog, but it worked. That robotic look crossed his face, and he moved, following me. I didn't like how he looked when he took orders. It…it wasn't right. It was like he wasn't Charon, like he was someone totally different, someone I didn't know. It was kind of, scary.

I led him back home, he didn't say anything. But my mind raced with thoughts. Did he and Gob have a fight over a girl? Over Greta? Is that why Charon never looked at him, and why Gob always pretended he wasn't there? I bit my bottom lip, ignoring Wadsworth as we entered the house. If that's the case, then Charon was allowed to feel something towards people. But Greta wasn't the holder of his contract, was she? It was Carol, Carol held his contract. So did that mean he was allowed feelings for people _outside_ his contract?

Rubbing my forehead, I sat down in a chair in my living room. Lighting a cigarette I tried to think it through. Maybe Gob and Charon both had feelings for Greta, and Greta chose...Gob. It made sense that way. I felt my heart sink into my stomach. Then that would mean…Charon was still upset over it. If he wasn't he wouldn't act that way towards Gob. He would have, you know, been civil and whatnot. He wouldn't have ignored him and put his head down every damn time we went to Moriarty's.

"Dez?"

Charon's voice made me jump. I looked up at him, I almost forgot he was in the room with me.

"Huh? What?"

"May I please see your bandages?"

My what? Oh! I had totally forgotten for a minute.

"Uh, yeah, sure."

I stripped off my jacket and tank top. Charon bent down on his knee and ripped a piece of gauze off my shoulder. From there he began to strip away the layers. Slowly, as they came undone, I made sure to cover my chest. Usually I wouldn't care, but…I did now. I don't know why, but I cared this time. Maybe it was because…because of Greta. Am I jealous? A little, yes. Do I want to ask him about it? Fuck yes. Will I? Hell no. I figure it was something personal to him, and one day if he wanted to tell me then he would. Until then it was none of my business.

"You've stopped bleeding. That is good. You no longer need bandages."

Charon stood up, and I looked at the scars that were forming on my shoulders and chest area. They were ugly and nasty, but I thought they looked kind of cool. I mean, they're _battle_ scars. I could brag about them one day. But for now, I'm just going to slip on my tank top, and my jacket, and pretend they're not there.

As I slid my arms through my shirt, I realized I hadn't asked Charon about his arm. The one that got hurt at the Jefferson Memorial. Glancing up at him, I saw he was smoking a cigarette and watching Wadsworth.

"Charon?"

He looked at me, blinking. I stood up to button my jacket on, and stole a glance at his arm. It looked okay.

"How is…how's your arm."

I pointed to it, and he looked.

"It is fine."

"The armor?"

"I repaired it."

I nodded. Okay, good enough answer for me, I guess. Charon looked away from me, eyes averting anything that moved, really. He seemed nervous, twitchy about something.

"Charon, you alright?"

I frowned a bit, trying to show I was genuinely concerned.

"Yes."

His eyes told me otherwise.

"You're lying. Come on, out with it."

"Is that an order?"

"No."

He sighed heavily, taking another long drag from his cigarette. He exhaled a plume of smoke, and looked at the ground.

"I am…upset with Gob for bringing up my past with him. It was not necessary and I feel he did something unjust."

Charon had a hard time finding words that expressed his emotions. I would have said 'I am fucking ripshit at Gob for being a cocksucker'. But usually that got me nowhere. I actually listened when Charon spoke.

"Why are you upset with him?"

"Because it is…not his place to poke fun at what took place."

"What did happen back there, anyways? It had something to do with Greta, huh?"

Charon nodded, not looking at me.

"You both really liked her?"

Again, the nod.

"And you're upset because she chose to be with someone like Gob when you felt you could provide her with more, right?"

Charon nodded, closing his eyes. I felt a twinge of hurt in my heart, but I submerged it. Charon hardly shared anything with me, and I wanted to listen, and give him the comfort he had given to me so many times before.

"Why do you think she chose him, then? I mean if you felt you were the better candidate, why didn't you ya know, show her?"

Charon shifted uneasily. I knew it was a sensitive topic for him to talk about. I gave him a hopeful smile, but it didn't help. He didn't look at me.

"Because the lines of my contract forbid it."

A sinking feeling in my stomach, then an explosion as whatever fell hit the ground. I felt like my insides just became its own Capitol Wasteland.

"Your contract doesn't say anything about…ya know…_feelings_."

I whispered the word like it was something taboo to say. Charon gave me a slight smirk, still not looking at me.

"Carol told me to stand clear of Greta and Gob. She wanted her 'son' to have her. I had no right to disobey my employer. It is not my fault Greta chose a coward."

"Well now Gob has Nova and it's been what? Fifteen years? Why not just go and ya know, get Greta back?"

Charon shook his head, taking another drag of his cigarette.

"I had been in Ninth Circle for equally as long. Greta did not come to visit me. I would not have been able to talk to her, but still. I heard Ahzrukhal was trying to get people to kill her, so business would start to pick up."

"Is that why you killed him?"

Charon waved his hand like it didn't matter.

"One of the many."

I stood, not knowing what to say.

"Well…uhm if it helps, you're allowed ya know."

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"I mean…to…have _feelings_ and stuff. You're allowed. And you don't always have to listen to me. I'd much rather prefer it if you were…_free_. Or at least acted like it. You don't always have to listen to my orders or anything."

"I understand."

I smirked at him. He didn't smirk back, but looked away from me. Sure we hadn't made much progress, but it was a step in the right direction I felt. A step towards being semi-normal in a totally not-normal world.

"Do you…do you want to go get Greta?"

My heart pounded in my chest. Charon took in a large breath of air and slowly exhaled. He still didn't look at me. He kept his eyes focused on the floor. I closed my own eyes, half praying, half hoping, half doing something I didn't know. When I opened my eyes, Charon was looked right at me, and I had to stop myself from jumping.

"No. It is in the past. We do not relive our pasts because they did not carry into our future."

Deep Charon, very deep. I think there's a job somewhere in Megaton that would love your teachings. The Church of Atom, perhaps?

"May I say something?"

I looked at him, a little shocked, but nodding.

"Yeah of course you can. You can always say anything, you know that."

"I think we should go to Vault 87 to get the G.E.C.K for the Brotherhood of Steel."

I was shocked and appalled at his suggestion.

"Charon you _hate_ the Brotherhood, why do you want to help them?"

I crossed my arms in a defensive maneuver. Charon sighed and stomped on his cigarette.

"Because it is what your father wanted."

Ouch. I felt numb inside for a second. I hung my head low, trying not to recall the events that had happened at the Jefferson Memorial.

"But…what about what _I_ want?"

"What is it that you want, then, Miss Dez?"

I choked up on my words. I looked at Charon, trying to find my own answer in him.

"I…I want to live on the satellite dishes. I…I want to explore and shoot stuff. Not be someone's errand girl. Not…have this…this weight on my head."

I pulled up my map of the Wastes on my Pip-Boy.

"Charon, Vault 87 is like, a whole day's hike, and that's not including the trouble we'll run into. I mean, we have to pass through the Jury Street Metro Station, go between…between Fort Bannister and Jalbert Brothers Waste Disposal, and between Little Lamplight _and_ Everglow National Campground. Not to mention that Vault 87 was hit _real_ bad with a nuke, and it's like, impossible for me to even go near without dying. Therefore, a useless and pointless trip."

Charon looked at me, a small smirk on his face.

"Are you scared of going or something?"

I put my Pip-Boy down and looked at Charon. He was challenging me, and like always, I was either going to win or shoot something.

"No."

"Then let's go."

"Right now?"

"Sure."

I sighed and held my hands up.

"Sure, let's go. I mean, I can just die of radiation poisoning for a cause I don't give two flying fucks about. Sure Charon, great idea there."

Charon kicked off the wall, and walked over to his shotgun. He began collecting ammo and shoving it into my pack, along with various medical supplies.

"There's an entrance to Vault 87 inside Little Lamplight. No need to travel near the main entrance."

I crossed my arms. Charon was changing, he never was so open before. Oh dear, innocent Charon, you have no idea the mind games I'm capable of.

"Fine. This is sheer suicide but whatever, I'll tag along."

Charon didn't say anything as he loaded up my sawed-off shotgun and tossed it to me. I put it on my back, and crossed my arms. He tossed me my pack, and I strapped that on too. I stared at him from across the living room, a smirk on my face.

"Last time I checked, suicide missions that included shooting anything that moved was your favorite pastime."

Touché Charon…you have won this round, but next time will not be as easy.

"Might do me some good to shoot some Raider but…"

"But?"

I felt my eyes glaze over as I recalled the incident at Fort Bannister.

"Talon Company is still out for me. We have to pass by Fort Bannister."

"Then we'll bring extra ammo. My contract remains here. It is safe here."

I sighed and absentmindedly rubbed the scar on my neck. Charon walked over to me, and placed his entire hand over the scar. I froze at the strength of his grip, and how my small neck could fit almost entirely in just one of his hands. He stroked my skin with the side of his thumb, staring at me.

"I will not allow them to harm you again, Dez. I will not fail you."

I swallowed hard and nodded. I couldn't find words, they seemed to be stuck somewhere in my throat. Charon's eyes changed, I don't know how but they did. He took his hand off of my neck, and reached down. He tore at the black leggings I was wearing, revealing the scar on my thigh.

"Two…"

He said softly, then shoved his hands up to my stomach, lifting my shirt up.

"Three."

His hand stayed on my ribs, just below my breast. He looked at me, I don't think he's ever felt my bare skin other than taking off bandages.

"Three times I have caused you unnecessary harm. It will _not_ happen again."

I stood there, still as a board. I had a nice hole in my tights, and a ghoul practically feeling me up. How the fuck am I supposed to react to this? I felt Charon slowly slide his hand out from under my shirt, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I looked up at him. He still stood close to me, his eyes fixated on my neck.

"I ordered you to forgive yourself for it."

"I did forgive myself. I forgave myself for being foolish with my contract and taking orders so blindly. I have not forgiven myself for harming you."

I sighed, closing my eyes. Charon replaced his hand on my neck, and I snapped my eyes open.

"I swear, Miss Dez, it will not happen again."

"I know, Charon."

He nodded, and put pressure on my scar. I didn't know if he was going to choke me out or forget the whole matter and we could go on our suicide mission. I wanted him to do the latter. Somehow the desert never looked so appealing in this threatening and awkward position.

Slowly, Charon lowered his head. His entire body moved, and I felt his hand shift. He placed his head in the nape of my neck, and gently, softly, I felt his ghoulish lips graze my scar. As quickly as he had done it he stood back up, straight and hands at his sides.

"We must leave."

He didn't have any emotion, and I don't even think he realized what he'd just done. The scar tingled, my skin jumping around. I watched carefully as he shoved Wadsworth away from the front door, and held it open for me. He looked at me, motioning for me to hurry up. I nodded, trying to get my legs to not act like concrete. He led the way out of Megaton, and for the first time, he was leading me on a journey.


	34. Chapter 34

I hadn't said anything to him. We had left Megaton a few hours ago, and I could still feel tingling on my neck. He just barely, just hardly, kissed it. Like an adult kisses a kid's skinned knee. Charon had never acted that way before, but then again, maybe he was warming up to me.

Shit. What the fuck am I doing? I'm letting myself forget who I am, letting myself get swept up by some guy who could just be the ghoul-version of Butch DeLoria. I mean, here Charon is all big and badass, acting like nothing ever happened. Butch did that in the public eye of the vault. He'd pretend he didn't sneak me into his room just hours before, and pretend he didn't whisper sweet nothings in my ear after a bout of meaningless sex. _ I won't let myself be so stupid again_. Shaking my head, I decided I was thirsty, and threw my pack down.

Charon had stopped walking a few feet away, and waited for me. I shoved my hand around, searching for the water I knew I saw him toss in there. My fingertips touched a piece of paper, and I brought it up to my face. It was the music sheet Charon wrote out for me. I looked up at him quizzically.

"We can get what you need from Vault 101 upon our return."

I swallowed hard and stared at the paper. To play the piano again…that would be wonderful. _Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you_. I read, before shoving it back in my pack and finally finding the water I was looking for. I took a quick sip, and handed it to Charon. He took it, closing his eyes and drinking. The bottle was soon empty, and he tossed it behind him. I gathered my things and walked beside him.

"We don't need a piano."

I said, not looking at him.

"I would enjoy music other than the shit Three Dog plays. That is, if you can even play."

I scoffed.

"I can play better than any other person in the vault. Trust me Charon, I'm good."

"I think you are cocky."

"I think you're a dick."

"I think you're sexually frustrated."

I glared at him.

"Excuse me?"

"For a lady, you sure use 'cocks' and 'dicks' a lot in your insults. Someone soon begins to wonder."

"I'm not, by any means, a lady."

Charon smirked at me.

"I know, Dez, I know."

Oh! He made me so angry. I remained calm, though. I can win this battle.

"You want to know what I know, Charon?"

"Sure."

"I know that the people I _can_ fuck have all their parts in working order."

Charon's jaw set tight. I laughed at him, feeling _very_ accomplished.

"I told you, Charon, I always win at wits."

He didn't say anything. He just kept his jaw set and his eyes focused on the distance. We had full day of walking together, and it was nowhere near ending. Maybe I could get some sick, twisted fun out of being just a little mean to him. I mean, he can't hurt me, can he? No. He can't hurt his employer. But then again I had asked him to act as if he was a 'free' man.

"Miss Dez?"

I looked at him, still smiling.

"Yes?"

"May I ask what man would want to have sexual relations with you?"

He is _so_ going down.

"Jericho is one. You could be another."

His neck should have broken he looked at me so fast.

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind, Charon, forget it."

I could see the look on his face was a mixture of anger and shock. I didn't feel the need to clarify my false accusation. I mean, if it got a reaction out of him, why not do it? I just smiled, and looked onward at the sprawling desert.


	35. Chapter 35

The sun was beginning to set over the horizon. I checked my Pip-Boy map. We had passed Jury Street Metro Station, and were a few short miles away from Fort Bannister.

"Do you think trying to pass it in the dead of night would be safer?"

I looked up, asking Charon. Neither one of us had said anything to the other after the battle of wits I so proudly won.

"I'm not sure, entirely. I do not know what kind of perimeter they have set up. They could quite possibly have night guards."

"Good point. What's the plan then?"

Charon looked around the desert. Jury Street wasn't that far behind us, and there was a grocers we could probably hide out in.

"I do not know, Dez."

I smiled up at Charon. I had a plan.

"Let's double-back to Jury Street and hideout in the grocers. It will probably be way more comfortable than sleeping in the desert, with the Talons just a few miles away."

Charon nodded, and I began to walk, retracing my steps. Jury Street was a small little town, it didn't have much. It was almost like a pit-stop, which for us it was. We could re-energize and refuel ourselves there, within the safety of a closed-in facility. Glancing up at Charon, I smiled to myself. _My own personal Wasteland bodyguard_. That's what he is to me, a bodyguard and a friend. Sure, we nitpick one another, but come on that's the best part. Lightly I punched him in the arm. He looked down at me.

"Yes?"

"Nothing."

He nodded and looked away. We soon came upon Jury Street and quickly made our way into the grocers. Words off in the distance startled us, and we didn't want to have to waste ammo. Charon had told me Vault 87 was a prime location for Super Mutants, so any ammo we could save was for the better.

Carefully, I looked around. White arrows were painted on the floor.

"I think we got stuck in a trap, Charon."

Charon was looking at the arrows too, and both of us were nervous.

"Should we activate the pressure plate?"

"Might as well."

I told him. With a great heave, I threw my pack on the plate and waited. A long line of Abraxo Cleaner, Detergent and Sugar Bombs fell like dominoes, which triggered another pressure plate, which set off a pitching machine, that hit down a fire extinguisher on a bear trap, causing a painfully loud grenade bouquet, that instantly caused an explosion from a gas leak. Charon covered me from the initial blast, but it was nothing big or anything. After the dust settled we heard clanking and saw some Mini Nukes, a few missiles, and some useful books fall from a hole in the second floor. I waved my hand in front of my face.

"Well, that was pretty interesting."

I laughed, going over and collecting the loot that had just presented itself to me.

"Yes, it was."

There was a small corner that I deemed safe for sleeping, and dropped my stuff off at it. Charon was looking around the area, and he looked pretty out of place as he towered over the shelves. I sat down, pretty content with my stroke of genius to get here. Moira would love me for all this loot, and I could make some pretty, shiny caps off of it.

"Are you hungry?"

I heard Charon ask me, and I patted my stomach. You know I am sort of on the hungry side.

"I could eat, yeah. Why? Going to cook something?"

He held up a box of Sugar Bombs.

"Starting a fire where there was already an explosion seems like a bad idea."

I nodded, agreeing with him. He came over and sat down across from me, opening the box of Sugar Bombs. Sticking his hand in, he pulled out a handful and handed me the box.

"Are you sure?"

I asked him. He shook it at me, and I took it. I only took a handful, too, and set it between us.

"We can share, you know."

Charon didn't speak, he just picked at his Sugar Bombs. I turned on my Pip-Boy light, so we weren't sitting in the pitch dark when the sun had fully set. A green, neon glow filled a small area, and I grabbed more Sugar Bombs.

"Good thing not everything needs to be cooked out here."

Again, Charon said nothing. He simply ate, without looking at me. I sighed loudly. I should be used to his sporadic bouts of silence, but for some reason, they drove me up a wall. I couldn't stand not being able to make conversation when I wanted it. Charon didn't seem to mind the silence, and usually I didn't either but…I didn't really feel comfortable in it tonight.

"Charon, why does Talon want you?"

He looked at me. He reminded me of a Glowing One in the light of my Pip-Boy.

"It is you they want, not me."

I shook my head.

"No, remember? Clifton said that he was looking for you. Why? Are you a Talon?"

Charon stiffened his back. He looked at me, his filmy white and blue eyes focusing on me.

"I am, was, part of a special group of Mercenaries. Our teachings are to kill, protect, honor and serve our employer. We were taught nothing else, deprived of normal human interactions and emotions. I am the last one from my unit. If they obtain my contract, they can order me to repeat my training and use it to create more soldiers."

I stared at him. Just what sack of shit did I jump into when I got his contract?

"That's horrible…I'm sorry that happened."

"I do not regret it."

"No but…that's brainwashing. It's insanity. Is that why you can't lose that contract?"

He nodded.

"Over the years and through various employers, I have been lucky enough to develop a semi-normal state and range of emotions while still being able to obey any command. But I do not need them, nor do I require them. I need the bare minimum of anything to survive."

I swallowed hard. Charon is literally a weapon of mass destruction. Trained to kill and obey without argument. What better weapon is there? That shotgun of his could easily take out an army, given enough ammo and his endurance. I suddenly didn't know if I should feel safe, or very, very scared in his presence.

"Now, why is Talon after you?"

I looked at him, the light from my Pip-Boy shifting with my movements.

"Uhm…because…I don't know. I always find my name on a holotape when I raid their bodies, but it doesn't give me information. Just that I got a thousand or more cap bounty on my head, and my name, race and sex."

"That is not unusual."

I glanced over at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Talon Company likes to regulate the Wastes. Some do-gooder walks in and they need to kill them. I don't know why, but it is their job."

'Do-gooder'? I'm no such thing. I have a pretty bad streak behind me, and well, I wouldn't call myself the devil. But I'm not a saint, either.

"I'm not nice enough for them to come after me randomly."

"Must be for another reason, then."

"I guess."

Charon suddenly picked his head up. He looked over at the entrance to the grocers, and pulled out his shotgun. I closed my eyes, trying to listen and hear what he heard. I didn't hear anything, but Charon began to crawl over to the door. I followed suit, taking my shotgun off my back.

"What is it?"

I whispered to him. He held his hand up, signaling me to hush. We ducked below a window, and I held my breath. I could hear voices, and they weren't Raiders. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I had this gut feeling they were talking about us. I felt my heart begin to race, and my hands were shaking. I was getting excited, anticipating the forthcoming of a gun-battle.

Charon closed his eyes and listened. I held my breath, trying not to make any noise or movement. The less, the better.

"They're coming closer."

He whispered, and I could hardly hear him. I didn't speak up, I just nodded. My own voice was naturally loud and obnoxious, I didn't want to risk it. I heard their footsteps growing closer. I motioned to Charon with my hands, and he looked at me.

"How many?"

I mouthed to him. Slowly, discreetly, he peeked over the edge of the broken window. Turning back to me, he rested his shotgun against his chest and held up six fingers. I nodded. There could be more hidden somewhere, waiting to ambush us. As they approached, I could hear what they were talking about. They recalled what happened to their beloved Clifton, and how someone named Jabsco wanted revenge. I stole a glance over at Charon, to see what he was doing. He had his shotgun ready, finger on the trigger. I mimicked him, and inhaled deeply. I saw his other hand go in the air. He had three fingers up, and he was counting down. I was ready.

When the last finger fell, we jumped up and cocked our shotguns. Careful aiming on my part helped me take out one of them almost instantly. One of them had a combat shotgun, like Charon's, but Charon proved his was by far the stronger one.

"Call for backup!"

One of them yelled before I took out their midsection. He fell, lifeless to the ground, and a familiar smile spread over my face.

"Yeah! You like that?"

Charon yelled as he cocked his gun. I opened mine to put in more rounds, damned gun was a two-shot fail.

"I got your back!"

Charon yelled as he took out two more Talons. I finally got my ammo loaded and gun closed in time to take out the last of them. Two shots can really go a long way when you're an expert aim like I am. I smiled up at Charon, he didn't smile back.

"Get more ammo, and fast. They radioed for backup, more are coming."

"How sure are you?"

"Positive. Go."

I hustled back to my pack and pulled out all the shotgun ammo I had. Charon carried his own ammo, but the problem is his gun takes a drum, mine doesn't. I frowned at the pitiful amount of shells in my hand, and jammed them into my pocket. I made my way back to Charon, trying to think of a plan.

"Give me your knife."

Charon looked at me funny, and I shook my hand.

"I'm low on ammo, give me your knife."

He nodded, and handed over the Combat Knife he kept in his boot. I shoved it in my own boot, and sighed. I cocked my gun, ready.

"Should we barricade ourselves in?"

I asked him, anticipating the arrival of more Talon Mercs.

"No, but we do have to think of something fast. We have to move, we can't stay here."

"I'll get my pack."

"No. Let's wait until they come. We'll take them out, then make a run for it."

I looked up at him.

"Yeah? And go where?"

He pointed off in the distance.

"I saw a radio tower over there earlier. There should be a manhole, and we can take cover in the sewer. They won't find us there."

"How do you know?"

"Talons aren't the brightest bulbs in the box."

I smiled and nodded. He looked at me, and wiped a smear of blood off my face.

"Not yours."

He said, holding my chin in his hand. He turned my head from side to side, nodded, and let me go. I felt like he was checking me for cuts and scrapes, but I didn't mind it. I enjoyed the fact that he was starting to…to worry and care about me. That he was having…emotions now. I didn't feel so lonely anymore. I felt like maybe Charon could be the one to understand and help me through this Capitol Wasteland. I may be an orphan now, but I'm certainly not alone.

"They're coming."

He cocked his gun. I stood next to him, smiling and ready.

"Let's go, motherfuckers, let's go."

I mumbled, and I heard Charon chuckle. Without thinking, I ran out the old door. I aimed my shotgun and took one good shot, then realized I had to reload.

"Dez!"

Charon called to me, and I realized my stupid mistake. Stumbling, I got back inside. The spray of bullets could be heard through the broken windows, and Charon slammed his back against the door.

"Reload!"

He screamed at me. Shakily, I grabbed the ammo from my pocket, and tossed it into my gun.

"Ready!"

I yelled to him. He turned and aimed his gun, shooting at them. I joined in beside him. _I have one reload left… I have to make this count._. Just as I thought it, I felt my trigger click, and I was empty. _Fuck._ I grabbed my last two shells, and shoved them into place. Charon was busy blasting away, it seemed like there were twice as many Talons this time.

As quickly as I had reloaded my gun, I realized I was out. I kept squeezing the trigger, hoping that somehow some magic shells would appear in the barrel of my gun and just _kill_ something. Suddenly, I remembered Charon's knife in my boot. Reaching down, I pulled it out.

"No!"

Charon yelled just as I was about to jump out the window. He grabbed me by the back of the shirt with one hand, and he kept shooting with the other hand with great difficulty. I tried to fight him off, but the distractions and the weight difference threw him off, and he fell, his shotgun landing at his feet. I grabbed the knife in my hand again, and went to get those bastards. But then Charon's arm wrapped around my waist, and he pulled me into him, I could feel his legs beneath me. I realized right then and there, that this was a pretty serious matter, and running off to stab people who have guns is probably not the best idea in the world.

Charon got up on one knee, keeping one arm around me for protection. I turned my back on the Talons, and tried to hide myself in the safety of Charon. He grabbed his shotgun from the floor, and began firing. I saw he had a frag grenade on his waist, and I grabbed it.

"Duck and cover!"

I screamed, throwing it. Charon dropped his gun and pushed me down on the floor. He used his arms to cover my head and torso, and tucked his own head beneath his upper arm. A few short seconds later, we heard the frag grenade go off, and the rustling sounds of…silence. Charon lifted his arms off me, pulling me back into him. He lifted himself up onto one knee again, and held his shotgun firmly in one hand, me in the other. My heart was pounding in my chest.

"Charon…"

He growled like an animal. I looked up at him, my head in the molding of his neck.

"We have to move."

Charon stood up, and I followed him. I grabbed my pack and jogged after him as he left the grocers. More Talons would be arriving soon, we both knew it. Charon didn't let up on his jogging, it was hard for me to keep up with my pack and smoke-infested lungs. He's glance back every now and again, and nod at me. The tower wasn't that far, but we had to get there fast.

"Get in."

He told me, moving the manhole aside. I threw my pack down first, and began to climb. He came after me, his ass directly in my face.

"I swear to god if you let one rip I will shove this knife so far up your ass you'll taste steel."

He chuckled as he replaced the cover over his head.

"Glad to know you still keep your wit in dire circumstances."

"Yeah well I would like to live another few years. God knows you irradiated fucks must have some seriously deadly gas."

Charon chuckled again, and I tried to climb down the ladder as fast as I could. I jumped the rest of the way, a little scared Charon would let one rip just to fuck with me. We were in a small room, my Pip-Boy being the only source of light. There was another way down, but Charon stopped me from investigating.

"We should be safe here."

I looked around the room. It was small. I don't like small. I like big, wide open spaces. I started to panic.

"Charon my fucking god get me out of here!"

I looked around, scared. Jesus fuck was he crazy? I didn't like tunnels what the hell would make him think I could relax down here?

"Dez, calm down. We have to stay the night. We'll move in the morning."

"I don't like this room."

Charon rolled his eyes. He sat down, ignoring my panic attack. I sat too, lighting a cigarette and trying to calm myself. Goddamnit Charon, you had to be so damn…something. It was really fucking with my head. Just the other day this bastard couldn't give two flying fucks about how I was and now he's covering my ass from grenades and stopping me from having an all out bloodbath with some Talons.

"Do you think they'll find us?"

Charon looked at me. The entire room had an eerie, green glow thanks to my Pip-Boy.

"No."

I figured Charon was tired, exhausted from the fighting. I mean, I was tired from just the walking. Huffing on my cigarette, I set my hand down. Instantly I pulled it back up. I had set it in something wet, and warm. I shined my Pip-Boy on the palm of my hand. Blood. Hastily, I checked myself. It wasn't mine, and I breathed a breath of air. Then I lost it.

"Charon? Are you hurt?"

Slowly, Charon looked at me. At first, he didn't signal that anything was wrong, but even in the bad green lighting I could tell something was wrong.

"Charon, where did you get hit?"

I crawled over to him, concerned and worried. I'd never felt emotions like this before. My heart raced and I felt…I felt scared. I pleaded with him through my eyes, and finally he relented. He stretched out his arm, showing me a large, deep gash.

"Oh, Charon."

I went for my pack, pulling out all the medical supplies I could find. I had Stimpacks and gauze and some Med-X. I knew Med-X didn't affect ghouls very well, and they needed a large dosage of it. It would have helped a great deal I if I had some radiation, but I don't carry a bottle of that shit in my back pocket.

At first, he pulled away from me.

"No. I will be fine."

"Charon, shut the fuck up."

He turned his head away from me, angry. I took his arm in my lap, and meticulously worked. Everything my father taught me about medicine came back in one giant heap of knowledge. Like when you see a picture or hear a word that jolts an entire library of memories. That's how I felt. I worked on his arm, poking him with three things of Med-X and biting the tips off of Stimpacks while I tried my best to use the Purified Water to clean and sterilize the wound. I felt like it was second-nature to me.

Sure, I tended to his wounds before, but…it's different now. I feel I have a better understanding of my first real friend. I depend on him, I've come to terms with that, for many things. For support, for aid in combat, for…for my own sanity. I'd be dead by now, a victim of the Wastes, if Charon hadn't been there to not pull the trigger. To pull me over the edge, to bruise my ribcage from CPR, to carry me to Rivet City for help. I don't know what it is he relies on me for, I'll probably never know, but somewhere deep inside I know he needs me, too.

Don't ask me how I know, I think it's just a female instinct. You just _know_ when you're needed. My father…my father used to call it 'maternal'. It's in a woman's genetic makeup to care, to nurture. Right now, I'm nurturing Charon. He won't look at me, and I know he'll never admit it, but I think he's thankful for it. I know I am. I like taking care of someone, it makes me feel more useful, like I'm actually wanted and needed. I mean, sure, the people of the desert and city can say they need me all they want, but…but not because they care. Because they need me to help them benefit and better their lives. Charon…Charon needs me for other reasons. He cares about me, as a person. If he didn't, he would have let me die a log time ago.


	36. Chapter 36

I tied the gauze in a tight knot. Pressure stops the blood flow. I sighed, and wiped some sweat that had formed on my forehead. Charon looked at me, flexing his arm.

"Tomorrow, we'll try to find a puddle for you to sit in."

I meant for that to be funny, but Charon just nodded. His eyes were fixated on me, and it made me nervous.

"Listen, you sleep first okay? This place makes me nervous and I don't want you always staying up all night. When I get tired I'll wake you. Sound good?"

Charon shrugged and leaned against the concrete wall. I nodded to myself, and shut off my Pip-Boy light. Instantly, we were in pitch blackness. I shuddered. I've always been slightly afraid of the dark. Especially the dark in closed, confined spaces. I tried my best to keep myself calm, reminding myself that Charon was here, that if all else failed, he'd save me.

I touched the scar on my neck, the same spot he had just barley grazed his lips. I shuddered, remembering that fleeting moment. I wanted to feel it again, I felt that urge way deep down inside. The same urge Butch used to derive in me, but it was stronger, more…more prominent. I had to try even harder to keep my breathing low, as I thought about things that should send me to hell. Things I'd let Charon do to me and feel pretty alright about.

I shook my head. Damn. I could go to hell for thinking those things. I should really stop. _It's not like you're not going there anyways, remember?_ I hate that voice in the back of my head. The one that reminds me of all the bad things I've done and all the bad things that are going on now. _You're never going to really have him, anyways. He's under contract, he'd never really be yours_. I rubbed my eyes, trying to stop the thoughts. Sure, it was all right, but I didn't want to hear it. For a moment, a simple moment in the Wastes I wanted to pretend, just pretend I could have something. That something as delicate as happiness was within my grasp.

But I know that isn't true. I know that is isn't in my grasp. It's in fact, very far from me. Charon can never really be mine because he doesn't have all of himself. I mean, how fucked up would that be? Just think about it, I mean, some poor guy who can't even fathom life without that piece of paper is bound to me, and has to kiss me and all that shit. Man, that must be pretty shitty. I smirked to myself, imagining the image of Charon make ga-ga eyes over something. I don't think anything fazed him, really. I'd never seen his expression change, I mean, outside of his eyes.

I clasped and unclasped my fists. My knuckles hurt, and I can't figure out why. I opened and closed my eyes, trying to see, trying to adjust to the darkness. I could only make out the slim outlines and shades of things. There's no wind in here to remind me I'm alive, just Charon's calm breathing. I tried my best not to look at his silhouette. I didn't want to. You know what I think I've been able to somehow do? When you see something hideous, like a painting, and you stare at it forever, you begin to see it's not that ugly at all. That within its ugliness it's actually pretty…beautiful. Like the city and the desert. In all of its barren, decrepit, abandoned and demolished areas, it's quite beautiful. Like a tragedy. They made us read those in the vault. I had no idea places like the Capitol Wasteland actually existed, though.

I was beginning to view Charon like that ugly painting. After a while, I stopped seeing how unattractive he is. I started seeing him for the good parts of his personality. _Like what, Dezbe?_ Like…like the fact he can match wits with me. Like how he's saved my ass, and comforted me when I needed it. He's always going to be on my side, even if I'm wrong. I think that's pretty admirable. _But he'll never really be mine._ I caught my breath in my throat. I stole a glance over at Charon. He hadn't said anything, he sat still, against the wall.

I wonder if I said something, he'd answer me. I wonder what would happen if I just moved slightly. Would he jump and feel the area for me? No, no probably not. Unless I go up, there's no way I can fall down. I sighed, quietly, but deeply. I felt my heart trying to race up while I tried to slow it down. In the back of my head I heard the vault kids. I was a kid again. I heard myself, silent, watching everybody. _Even as a child I was alone._

I wonder if anyone noticed what I used to do. I used to sit in the back of class, and hold my breath. I'd hold my breath until I passed out. Until someone was standing over me, lightly hitting my cheek to wake me up. They used to think I was fainting. No one noticed I did it on purpose, for attention. I smiled and went along with their accusations. I just smiled, and didn't believe.

That's what I have to do now. I have to smile and not believe. If I don't believe Charon cares, then I won't have to hurt anymore, right? It sounds stupid but, well look at this situation. I would have gotten myself a big piece of Charon if he didn't have that stupid piece of paper. That paper controls me as much as it controls him. I refuse to let myself flow freely because of that paper, because I know of its existence. What a perfectly brilliant way to brainwash someone. It's simply fucking brilliant. It even brainwashes people it has no control over. Wish I had thought of it.

I placed my fingertips on the cold cement. I had to distract myself. I closed my eyes, even though it probably didn't make a difference. I started to remember what the piano keys looked like, and in my head I played the notes as my fingers moved. Up and down, side, up, left right, hold. I could hear it so clearly in my head. I wished I didn't feel like this. I wish I didn't feel like…like I missed something important, vital. I'd give up this entire fucking world, this life, just to have someone. To have somewhere to go with that someone. I could have Charon, if I wanted him badly enough. But I couldn't.

I forced my thoughts back on the music notes. I can't be left alone in the silence like this. I get so…so analytical, so crazy. I'm starting to fiend for Jet. I can't keep my thoughts clear, I can't concentrate. At least on some good Jet I could fly high and soar in the winds. I could shoot anyone, and have a blast doing it. _Fingers…fingers._ I made myself concentrate on my hands. On the movement of the imaginary keys.

"Would you stop tapping?"

I jumped, I had forgotten Charon was even there.

"I'm sorry."

My voice didn't sound like my own. Whenever I got caught up in my thoughts, I lost myself. Its not my fault. But I know a trick, I know how to instantly put on my mask and pretend it's all okay. Sometimes, I wondered if I was so good, even I believed it.

"Why were you?"

I pressed my back up against the wall opposite Charon.

"Bored, I guess."

"I cannot sleep. You should try."

I shook my head.

"I want Jet, Charon."

"Hm."

"You think any of those dead bastards up there have any?"

"Don't you try."

"No, not now, but tomorrow? I could get it then."

"Jet will kill you."

"No…it makes me better."

"It is an inhalant. I was around when they fist made that shit. It is a highly addictive methamphetamine, Dez. Do you want to become the next Wasteland Junkie?"

Even though I knew he couldn't see it, I glared at him in the darkness.

"Dying of an overdose seems like a quick and painless way to go."

"You have a sick obsession with ending your own life. Why not just try enjoying it?"

I cracked my knuckles. In the small room, it sounded so damn loud. I lit another cigarette, and the flame of it danced around in front of me.

"Because it's not that simple, Charon. You've seen most of the same shit I have so far. What do I have to laugh about?"

He didn't answer me right away. He stayed silent, and I thought I had proven my point, won my argument. But I always underestimate you, Charon. I always do.

"It is fairly amusing that both of us are so desired in the Wastes we have to hide in a sewer."

Okay, it made me chuckle. I laughed a bit.

"They want our asses _so _bad."

"Mhm."

"I must have a pretty nice one."

I smacked my own butt in the darkness. It made me laugh, and choke on the smoke in my mouth. Charon even let out a small chuckle. I don't think he'd ever wholeheartedly laugh, though.

"Charon, you cheer me up. I want to cheer you up."

"I am cheery."

I had to crack a smile. He said it in such a monotone, emotionless pace that it was simply…funny. Like a robot stating they were cheery. I figured it was best not to pry, though, and dropped it.

"Charon? Will you huff Jet with me?"

"No."

"Come on, it'll be funny."

"No."

I sighed, puffing on my cigarette.

"It's weird, sitting in this room like this."

"How?"

Charon, the king of one-worded answers.

"Because…it is. I'm used to light, somewhere. Even after lights out in Megaton, there was a moon. I don't like it."

"Perhaps we may be safe to peek out. Talon would have come and gone by now, once they discovered we were no longer around."

I sat up straight, excited.

"You mean it?"

"Perhaps. Let me check first."

Charon stood, I could see his faint outline. I heard as he started climbing the ladder, and winced as he moved the manhole cover. A thin ray of moonlight streamed in, and I took it as a perfect opportunity to sit in it. Any light is light, I say. Charon looked back down at me, and paused for a minute. He was quiet, and I was quiet, and we just looked.

"Get your things, Miss Dez, we have little time."

I grabbed my pack, and climbed up the ladder. Charon made me wait at the manhole while he checked the perimeter.

"Okay, come."

He whispered to me, and stuck his hand down the hole. I took it, and he lifted me out.

"Hurry."

We went over to the dead mercenaries and took their ammo. I grabbed a few nice handfuls of shotgun shells and shoved them in my pack, reloading my gun first of course.

"Come on!"

Charon hissed at me in the darkness. I found some Psycho, and quickly pocketed it. I stood and jogged over to him.

"Pull up your map. We are going to need an alternate route."

"How about we just go home? That seems like a pretty good route."

"Chicken shit."

I glared at Charon in the green light. He made a face that said 'hurry up and look at your map before we die out here'. Fine, fine, jeez.

"We can go South, towards Evergreen Mills."

"No, that's a Raider hideout. A very large Raider hideout, and we did not pack the Sniper Rifle."

"Huh. Okay. Well, if we walk past Vault 106, we ca head to this bed and breakfast place. It's an hour or two, give or take, but from there we can jump to the Jalbert Brothers Waste Disposal and hop on over to Little Lamplight. It'll make the trip slightly longer, but we avoid Fort Bannister altogether. We can hide at a power station between the bed and breakfast and the disposal if we need to, too."

Charon nodded. It seemed to be the only plan I said that he liked so far.

"You are good at reading maps."

His gruff voice whispered, and I think I may have blushed a bit.

"Turn that off and lets go."

I shut off my Pip-Boy, we were trying to be 'stealthy', and followed Charon into the darkness. Once I said a direction, he seemed to know exactly which way to go.

"Did you find any ammo?"

I nodded at him, pointing to my shotgun.

"Locked and loaded."

"Good."

We walked, we had an hour or two trip and the night was young. We would need to rest up a bit before traveling again, because we'd probably run into more Talons.

"Charon? Do you think the Talons will be looking for us?"

"Yes. They won't know which direction we went, so they'll be scattered."

"Does it scare you?"

"Excuse me?"

I swallowed hard and told myself if he didn't want to answer, he wouldn't.

"Does it scare you, to think that you could be taken by them, and forced to show them how to make more…more mercenaries like you?"

I saw Charon's white eyes reflecting in the moonlight.

"Yes. It terrifies me."

I hadn't expected that answer. I didn't expect an answer at all, actually. I didn't know what to say or how to react. I nodded. I understand you more and more with each passing day, Charon. But still, you cannot outwit me.

"Is this bed and breakfast we are going to, a Raider camp?"

I hadn't thought of that. Shit. I looked at him, and nodded.

"Probably."

Charon nodded back and took out his shotgun. He cocked it and put it back on his back.

"It is unusually dark tonight."

"We're used to having a fire."

"Maybe that is it."

We kept walking together, carefully listening to anything that moved or made a sound. I'd never been so scared in my life. It felt like my heart was going to jump right out of my chest. I put my hand over it for good measure. I swallowed hard, trying to be as quiet as I possibly could. There was no way I'd be able to, no way. I was shaking. I wanted Jet. I had some Psycho, I could take that. Yes.

Putting down my pack, I accidentally made Charon stop short.

"Dez, what are you doing?"

I didn't answer him as I dug around, searching for the Psycho. I had heard it made you stronger, but pretty dumb. I heard the high wasn't as good as Jet, but it was something. I needed something to calm myself, make myself ignorant to the world.

"Dez?"

I ignored Charon again, and found the Psycho. I pulled it out, and smiled to myself.

"Where did you get that?"

Charon had a tone of danger in his voice as he eyed the drug in my hand. I looked at him, a stupid grin on my face.

"From the dead Talon guys. I heard the high with this is pretty alright."

"Dez that's worse than Jet."

"Eh."

"I would prefer it if you gave that to me, please."

He outstretched his hand. I pulled the Psycho closer to me, wrapping it in both hands.

"Get your own, I'm not sharing."

"Dez, give me the Psycho."

I shook my head at him.

"Finders keepers, Charon. Finders keepers."

"Dez this is serious, you do not know what you are tampering with."

He grabbed my wrist and squeezed. I held fast to the drug, glaring at him.

"I need it Charon, give it to me."

He tightened his grip, and I flinched slightly from the pain. His fingers worked my thin wrist, toying with the bone. I didn't let go of the Psycho, though. I didn't want to. He took his other hand and tried to pry it out of my grip.

"Charon, you're hurting me."

I told him, but he didn't let up.

"Charon! I order you to _let go_!"

Instantly he dropped my wrist. I rubbed it as it throbbed painfully. I moved my fingers, trying to get the circulation back into them. Charon stared at me, looking…looking like he did something wrong.

"Miss Dez please hand over the Psycho."

I glared at him.

"No, it's mine."

"We cannot risk going into a fight with you high. _I_ will not risk it."

"Doesn't Psycho make you stronger?"

"For a short time, yes. A _very_ short time. After that you're pretty much rendered useless."

I eyed the drug in my hand.

"Dez, please, _give me the drug_."

Charon outstretched his hand again, and I sighed loudly.

"You better find me some fucking Jet."

I handed him the Psycho. He quickly crushed the canisters in his fist and a liquid leaked out. He shook it off his hand and wiped it on his armor.

"Thank you, Dez."

I rolled my eyes and lit a cigarette. Charon and I continued our journey to Kaelyn's Bed and Breakfast. I could see the old, broken ruins of the house in the slight moonlight. Charon took the gun from his back, and grumbled something.

"What you say?"

I looked up at him. He glanced at me.

"I said get your gun. There's Raiders."

I nodded and pulled my gun out. Sure enough, the sounds of two or three Raiders came from the house. We tried to be stealthy, and use the advantages of night to creep up on them. It would have worked just fine, too, but I stepped down, and heard a beeping.

"Shit."

I said, and Charon and I dove behind the nearest rock. A frag mine exploded, momentarily lighting up the dark night.

"Hey! Whose there?"

One of the Raider girls hollered. Charon glared at me.

"What? I didn't see it!"

He shook his head, and stood up. Shotguns are usually close-ranged weapons, mine especially, but I must say Charon's had some reach on it. He was able to take out a Raider girl who was charging at him with some sort of melee weapon yards before the range of my own weapon would have hit.

"Better her than me."

He said, cocking his gun again. I ran ahead of him, dodging more frag mines. They were easy to spot now that I was paying attention, and I realized how I could just lightly quickstep past them. A boy Raider waited inside the house, and I tried to get him before he saw me. It didn't work. He was holding a Missile Launcher, and spotted me. Just barely I dodged it, running into the broken frame of the house. A set of wooden planks led the way to the second floor where the Raider with the big gun stood.

I took the opportunity to run up the planks while he was busy reloading. Missile Launchers were pretty fuckin' badass, but you better have good aim. They were one-shot and a bitch to reload.

"Hey asshole!"

I yelled, aiming my shotgun. The Raider looked up at me, his eyes wide. I smiled at him, and blew his goddamned brains straight to hell.

"Dumb bitch."

I muttered, and looked around. Charon was approaching the house, trying to dodge the mines. I laughed at his difficulty, leaning on the edge of a broken wall.

"Goddamnit!"

I heard him yell as he fell down in the dirt.

"Come on Charon, I don't have all night."

He grumbled something to me, and after some more difficulty, made it into the ruined house.

"We will be protected tonight, to say the least."

He complained, climbing up the wooden planks. I kicked the dead Raider body over the edge. He fell to the floor, landing with a soft 'thud'. I packed up his Missile Launcher and last missile. You know, to scrap and whatnot. And who knows, we actually might need it. Charon made it up to the second flood landing area with me, and sat down. I found an old mattress, and took a seat on it, shoving my pack in a far corner.

I watched as Charon yawned, stretching and rubbing his eyes. I yawned too, mimicking him. Pulling up the map on my Pip-Boy, I read it over quickly.

"If we don't stop and keep going through the power station and the dump, we can make it to Little Lamplight in half a day, maybe by sundown tomorrow."

Charon nodded.

"That is good to hear."

I turned off my Pip-Boy, resting my back against the old wood. The night was still young, and I was so _fucking_ tired. Charon stretched himself down on the wooden floor, and I frowned.

"Hey, I am sitting on a mattress you know."

He opened his eyes and cocked an eyebrow.

"Did you just realize that?"

I sighed, smiling a bit.

"I mean, here, you sleep first. Really."

I scooted off the mattress and walked over to him. Lightly I tried to roll him over to the bed. He was heavy, and I gave up.

"Come on Charon, _go_."

He sat up and nodded.

"If you insist."

Charon stood up and walked over to the bare mattress. He laid down on it, and almost instantly I heard the sounds of his snores. I smirked. He must have been _really_ tired. Maybe all that fighting really wore on him.

I felt a little bad. We were always fighting and I never liked resting because, well, what is the point? I have too much energy for my own good sometimes, and I forget that Charon isn't like me. I forget to sleep just like I forget to eat. It sounds crazy, but it's just not one of my top priorities.

Pulling up my Pip-Boy, I started to mess with it. There was no real way to get it off, unless you were very, very skilled with technology. I mean, I could use a Bonesaw to get it off, but I think that might be a little too messy. I smirked to myself, waving the giant wrist computer in front of me. I wonder how crazy I looked, having this thing attached. Outside of the Vault 101 jumpsuit, it was the only other dead giveaway that I am not originally from the Capitol Wasteland. Not many people really noticed it right off the bat, because it looks like a Power Fist, but I notice it. It's annoying.

I would have died without it, though. The map was a great help, and me being the explorer that I am, I was able to get all the areas in the Capitol Wasteland marked on my map. Of course, I haven't discovered all of them, but damn it was a help when travelling. I knew where things were, at least. I wasn't aimlessly wandering around the desert. Which is always a positive.


	37. Chapter 37

Charon slept peacefully, his face relaxed and almost…happy looking. I felt like a creeper. I'm crouching down, right in front of his face, smoking a cigarette just staring at him. He's been sleeping for a few hours now, and I get bored. I wanted to try and count the areas on his body that were showing muscle, but it was too dark and confusing. I'd never seen veins before, and got distracted when I saw them around his muscle. I tell you, actually _seeing_ how the human body works is pretty fucking awesome.

I leaned back, inhaling on my cigarette and exhaling smoke into the world. I half wanted to wake him, but I couldn't find a reason to. Just to say hi seemed pretty stupid. I stood up and walked to the edge of the second floor platform. Maybe back before the bombs fell, about two hundred years ago, this was a pretty nice house. Now it just provided a good overnight shelter for me and my ghoul companion.

I leaned on the edge of the wall. The desert always looked silvery at night. The sand sparkled in the moon, and the clouds were…they were strange looking, that's for sure. Luckily it didn't get _too_ cold at night here, so I was never freezing. Silver and chilly, that's the desert at night. Glancing over at Charon, I smiled. His legs were sprawled out and his arms hung over the edge of the mattress. He was too tall for it, his feet hanging off the edge. He seemed pretty comfortable though, despite his awkward height. Or maybe when he was a human, people were just taller. Nah. I've never met anyone as tall as Charon. Well, once I ran into this guy named Crazy Wolfgang. He's pretty tall, maybe just as tall as Charon.

I tossed my cigarette out into the sand. Walking over to my pack, I pulled out my cap purse. It's a small pouch I like to keep my caps in, so they don't get scattered around my pack and fall out. Money is money, you know. I dumped out all the caps on the floor in front of me, and began counting. I made a deal with Charon, we would split everything in half. So that's what I'm doing, cutting it all in half. What else am I supposed to do? Keep watch for enemies who aren't coming? They'd step on a mine first of all, and I'd know they were there when they did.

I had too many caps to count. I just made two piles, and went back and forth, dropping one cap in each. They made a nice clanking sound as they fell, and it made me smile a bit. I always liked finding rhythm in oddball things. It let my mind wander, and think thoughts that weren't so bad. You know what I'm wondering now? What would happen if I tore up Charon's contract? I mean, it seems he saves it out of self-preservation. Without that shit paper, does he really have a purpose? It's all he seems trained to know is that thing, without it, what happens?

As curious as I am to discover the outcome of this problem, I'm not going to. Charon is unpredictable. If I rip his contract, he could very well kill me, or himself. I'd be pissed if someone destroyed the only thing I had to live for. Oh, wait, they kind of did. My dad. Those fucking Enclave. I'd really make them pay if I ran into them again. I'd be in my own mindset, and just send them all straight to hell.

Sighing, I finally finished separating the caps. I dug around in my pack for another small pouch, and I found one.

"This is Charon's money pouch."

I said no one, gathering all the caps. I tied the pouch closed and looked at it. I wonder what he'd buy. Weapons and ammo, probably. Glancing up, I saw him sleeping still. It made me smirk, and I saw him arm. It was still busted up, and I could see a dark stain on the white gauze.

"You're not a fast healer, are you?"

I smiled and shook my head. Back in my pack, I found an empty water bottle.

"You stay here, Charon. I'll be right back."

Talking to someone, even if that someone is dead asleep, made me feel better. I'm not sure what it made me feel better about, but it worked. I quietly went down the planks, and jumped into the soft dirt. There had to be a puddle or patch of radiation around here somewhere. I began to walk around the house, looking for the gleam of a puddle. Sure enough, I found one a few yards away. I could still see the house, and I was _very_ quiet. If there were any enemies nearby, I didn't want them to know where I was.

My Pip-Boy ticked furiously as I dipped my hands in the puddle. I looked over and checked my Radiation Level. It wasn't that bad, I just had to make sure to find and take some Rad-Away, so I didn't get sick. I filled the bottle up, and wiped my hands on my outfit. Screwing the cap closed, I headed back to camp. I hope I get good points for doing this.

Charon was thankfully still sleeping soundly when I returned. I sighed, and tried to find an extra piece of gauze or cloth to soak in water. There was nothing left in my pack by way of gauze, and I sighed.

"I should have grabbed more…"

I looked around the platform, my eyes finally adjusted to the dark. No cloth anywhere. I brushed a clump of dirt off my tights, and smiled.

"Dez, the genius."

I poked a hole in my legging with a sharp piece of wood. Tearing off a strip, I smiled. It would do very good. Crawling over to Charon, I quietly removed the gauze from his arm. He was still bleeding, but probably hadn't noticed since I gave him so much Med-X. I poured some of the water over the piece of nylon, and lightly cleaned up Charon's cut.

It seemed like almost instantly it began to heal. The bleeding stopped, and I could see how deep it was. I pouted, it was pretty bad. Re-wetting the nylon, I put more water on it, hoping to speed up the healing process. I was about to replace the gauze, when I felt his arm jerk. He moved quickly, wrapping his hand around my neck. I dropped the water bottle and cloth, and stared at him. He opened his eyes, and let me go instantly.

"Dez, what are you doing?"

Note: Never creep around a sleeping mercenary. They will become paranoid and attack you.

"I...uhm…I was…here."

I quickly picked up the water bottle and gave it to him. Only a little had spilled out, and Charon took it from me. He looked at his arm, and motioned for me to continue. I picked up the gauze, and bean to tie it around his arm. He drank the rest of the water, licking his lips.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

I said, not looking directly at him.

"It's alright. I didn't mean to scare you like I did."

"I understand why you did though. I should do the same thing."

I tied the gauze back on, and smoothed it over with my hands. It took two of my hands to fit around one of Charon's muscles. I shuddered, and took my hands off of him. He tossed the empty water bottle outside the abandoned, ruined house and searched for a cigarette. He lit one, and handed me one too. I took it and watched him rub his eyes.

"You can go back to sleep, I'm not tired yet."

Charon shook his head, yawning. His teeth were the color of tree bark, and I figured it had something to do with the radiation. Gob didn't have pearly white teeth, either. Charon didn't have fingernails, or ears, or a nose. He caught me looking at him, and I felt my face get hot.

"It took about a year for me to look like this."

I picked my head up, taking a drag off the smoke in my hand.

"How'd it happen?"

"My skin got really dry, and started peeling away. At first I thought it was normal, just dead skin. Then one day I woke up, scratched my head, and a chunk of my scalp fell off."

"Did it hurt?"

"No."

I nodded. I looked at the red muscles and blue veins that showed through.

"Does it…does it hurt now?"

"It does not hurt at all."

He put his left arm onto his right, and smoked his cigarette, sitting against the wall.

"How did…how'd you turn out like this? Like a ghoul. Were you born a ghoul?"

Charon glared at me, and I knew to change the question.

"How'd you end up working for Ahzrukhal?"

Again, he glared at me. I watched him take a drag from his cigarette, and inhale slowly.

"Don't ask."

I bit my lip. Okay, so that was a sensitive topic, too.

"So…all you did in the Ninth Circle was be a bouncer?"

He seemed more comfortable with this question and I relaxed a bit.

"No. Raiders often liked to come into Underworld. When they did, Cerberus and I would take care of them."

"The robot?"

"Yes."

"So he _is_ a guard dog! I knew it!"

Charon narrowed his eyes at me. He got off of the mattress and stood at the giant hole in the wall, looking out at the desert.

"You can sleep now."

He threw the cigarette out into the field. I sat on the old bed and pulled up my Pip-Boy map again.

"If you want, we can just head straight to the campground, avoiding the waste disposal and traveling a little farther from Fort Bannister."

"If it is what you wish."

"I think that's a good idea."

Charon shrugged and kept staring. He was always, always, always looking for something to look at. Even when there was obviously nothing out there, he was still looking. I sighed, and pulled my feet up on the mattress.

"You sure you don't want to sleep anymore?"

He nodded. I remembered his share of the caps I had made, and grabbed his pouch.

"Charon, think fast!"

I threw the bag and he caught it without a second glance. I smirked, one day, I will trick his reflexes.

"What is this?"

He fingered the pouch and opened it.

"Your caps. Fifty-fifty, remember?"

He looked at me, closing the pouch and shoving it into his pocket.

"I do not require payment, nor do I expect it."

"It's your money you helped me find. Spend it on something nice, will ya?"

"Is that an order?"

"Charon…"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I really couldn't sleep, I wasn't tired, but I figured I could at least try. I laid down on the dirty mattress, and curled up in the fetal position. I close my eyes, and heard Charon pacing on the landing. I opened one eye and saw him pick my gun up and tinker with it. Hey if he was going to repair that piece of shit for me, then good luck to him. Lord knows I have no idea what to do with it.


	38. Chapter 38

(? POV)

Charon used the gun as a way of letting his mind ease up. He enjoyed repairing weapons, working with weapons, anything that required great concentration. It gave him no room for foolish thoughts, no room for second judgment. One false calculation and he could very well blow his hand off. It required all the attention he could muster, but it still didn't distract him. _I am protecting my boss. That is my job, nothing more, nothing less_. Still, as his hands worked around the trigger and barrel of his employer's sawed-off shotgun, he could not forget how her small, frail, little body had fit against his. How she begged him not to leave and it made him feel like he was something more to her than a job, than someone she was simply using for her own survival.

Charon placed the gun down and shook his head. The night air was cool and stiff. Nothing he could think of to occupy his mind could possibly clear his head. _It has been that way for some time now. I cannot simply forget._ He kept thinking to what he'd done at Fort Bannister. How without a second thought he obeyed his order to harm Dez. Shit. He couldn't get that look out of his mind. The image of her face, the tears that fell down her cheeks, the damn _pain_ he caused her. The scars were a mocking reminder to him, as if to say 'look what you did! look at it!'. He wanted to erase them from her body forever, so then nothing would ever be able to remind him.

Somehow, this little annoying brat that treated him as if he was a drinking buddy rather than a bodyguard came to mean everything to Charon. He made an extra effort to not let it slip to her, to keep his distance and assertiveness, and when need be, his crude wit. _But that little trick has got a sharper tongue than me_. He smirked to himself as he looked at her sleeping body. She said she wasn't tired, but Charon saw those heavy black circles under her eyes. She just didn't know when to stop, her body was wearing thin.

His mind kept racing back to the fight at the grocers at the Jury Street Metro Station. He wasn't thinking tactical, wasn't thinking like a Mercenary. She had run out of ammo, and he should have let her run off and take some of those bastards out with that knife, but he didn't. He couldn't catch himself in time to stop, and then next thing he knew his shotgun was in one hand, and he was clinging on to her with the other. _I'd never felt my heart race so fucking fast in my life._

Charon stared out into the desert, looking at the sand and rocks that overran it. The Psycho he had crushed earlier made his hand go numb, but he hadn't mentioned it. He didn't want Dez to get worried. She tried to hide it, but he knew every time he got hurt, she worried. He could read her better than she knew. Flexing his fist, he looked at the coarse skin and muscles. _ I am a beast_. He thought, wishing for two seconds he could look like the rest of the smooth skin males out there. He'd have a chance at what he wanted, if he was just plain, simple, _normal_.

No. He shook the thoughts from his head. Looking over at Dez, Charon found his insides choking up. It was a feeling he wasn't comfortable with recognizing. This small, frail little child, and that is what she is, needed him. She had confessed more than once that she depended on him, and even whispered that she loved him. He tried not to remember it. Tried to not recall those words and how he stayed awake for hours, holding his tongue and trying to sleep. He didn't expect her to fall into him, to cry like that. She had been so strong through the journey home, silently mourning. God knows what made her finally break, but some part of him was relieved she did. Keeping it all inside wasn't something he advised doing.

Lighting another cigarette, Charon eyed the pack she carried around. _Does she have anymore drugs?_ He hated seeing her do that shit. Smoking was one thing, Jet and Psycho were another. He wouldn't watch her while she huffed and injected herself. Next time she got her hands on it, he'd threaten to leave her, lie and find an excuse that made his contract invalidated. _But she made you swear you'd never leave_. That was exactly why he'd threaten to. Because she didn't _want_ him to. Charon had no clue why she was so damned set on him staying and never leaving, but whenever it came up she got a terrified look on her face, like her world was going to end all over again. He didn't bother to tell her that even when she was done with him, he'd still fucking follow her and take any order she barked at him.

That screwed up kid was everything he could have wanted. If he had been allowed to lead a normal life, that is. She had no fear, it seemed. She would be the first to fire in a fight, and run ahead of him, wielding her weapon like her own personal flag. It made him worry. He could not possibly protect her _and_ chase her into the battlefield at the same time. She's not the sneakiest thing he's worked with, but she's by far the bravest, or craziest. Sometimes she drove him so mad he wanted to prove how much of a man he is to her.

When she mocked him for being a ghoul, insulted his manhood, he wanted nothing more than to prove it to her right then and there. Prove that he wasn't 'broken' or whatever terminology she had used wit him. She'd have to order him to stop, and after she did, he'd feel nothing but shame and regret. He knew there was no way in hell it would ever happen. Even when she teased him, showing more skin that she should, baring her backside and swaying in front of his face, he knew better than to assume anything. But fuck if it wasn't hard.

"Charon?"

Her voice floated up from where she slept. He glanced over, ready to reply, when he noticed she was still sleeping. He walked over, standing over her sleeping body. He hadn't liked her new hair very much, the pink brought out how tired she became. It made her look older, like a Wasteland Junkie. But somehow, she was able to pull it off.

"Charon you're stupid…"

He smirked at her. Half of him wanted to wake her up, tell her she was having a bad dream. But no. He had already been becoming uncharacteristically comfortable around her. She was making her way too deep inside him. He didn't feel safe with it.

"I said no!"

She kicked her leg in her sleep, and Charon became worried. _What goes on in her head?_

"Get him Charon! Get him! Where you goin'? I said _get him_!"

She tossed her body over, waving her fist. Charon couldn't help but laugh loudly. He had never seen a spectacle like it before, some girl screaming in her sleep like she was. Eventually she stopped, and Charon felt it was safe to return to his post of staring out the hole in the wall. Maybe that's why she never slept and took off at odd hours of the night. She simply had bad dreams and wanted to avoid them. _She shouldn't take off like that_. Whenever he woke up and he found she was missing, something happened inside him. He became enraged and confused, worried and…sad. He felt he did not know what to do with himself. It had nothing to do with the contract, he knew better than to lie to his own mind. He always found her, though. Whether she was just taking a stroll, or cooking up a scheme to die, he always found her.

It bothered him greatly she still carried that pain with her. That despair that drove her to madness. He figured getting her that fucking piano might help calm her down, make her settle in and become more comfortable. At least, that's what he hoped. _I cannot bear to think what would happen to me, if anything were to happen to you_. He stared at her, knowing he had to keep his distance. Back in Megaton he let himself slip, his emotions got the best of him. _It will not happen again_. He would not let himself forget his place, his job, anything. He would submerge and fore himself to forget all he had been feeling. Even though deep down, he loved every minute of it.


	39. Chapter 39

"Charon! Charon!"

I opened my eyes, my cheeks were wet and my nose was stuffy. I felt Charon's strong hand on my back as he helped me sit up. I tried to look at him, my eyes adjusting in the dark.

"Charon!"

I jumped and hugged him, telling myself over and over it was a dream. I felt his arms wrap around my back, holding me up it felt like. I sobbed on his shoulder, my heart trying to calm itself.

"What happened, Miss Dez?"

"Butch! He…and you…and…and…I want a cigarette…"

Instantly he released me and lit a cigarette for me. He placed it in my mouth, and I shakily reached up for it. I inhaled, my voice and breath quivering. I looked up at Charon, and saw worry and concern in his eyes.

"Are you alright?"

He asked me, and I nodded at him. I was scared, but okay.

"You…didn't save me…from…"

"From what?"

I looked at him. He'd save me from anything, I knew it. I'd never even have to ask him. He'd save me, and not think twice. It was stupid of me to get so worked up over it. But my dream was so…so _real_.

"From…from Butch he…it was just a dream, forget it."

Charon nodded, but sat down next to me. I looked at him, and leaned my head on his shoulder. I thought about he Talons, the Enclave. I thought about all the things people used to tell me about ghouls when I first left the vault. They said that they were mean, don't trust them, they'll kill you. They've never met Charon. They've never felt what I've felt, for a ghoul or a human. I've never felt this feeling before. Closing my eyes, I sighed. They don't know anything. Those people who hate me for being with Charon, the Talon, they don't know who we are. They could never understand it.

I opened my eyes again, and looked up at him.

"Yes, what is it?"

"I want to leave."

I stood up and grabbed my pack, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Charon stood, confused.

"Dez, I think you should rest."

"Damnit Charon is aid I want to leave!"

He nodded. I instantly felt bad for yelling at him, but _fuck_ had to keep moving. This stupid house made me have bad dreams, and I don't want to come back to it, ever. We could make good time, the moon was still in the sky, our trip could be shorter. Charon's footsteps kept that same rhythmic pace as he walked behind me. I looked back at him, and wanted to cry. My dream…

In it, Butch was there. I couldn't get up, I couldn't move. He had me pinned and whatever he was doing it hurt. I screamed for Charon, but he didn't come. He didn't appear. I felt blood and I knew I was being hurt, but it didn't hurt anymore. I just bled, and got scared.

I felt my gun against my leg. For some reason I didn't want it out of my sight. I needed to feel it in my hand, I have no clue why I was so shaken up.

"Charon I want a new gun."

He looked at me and nodded, acknowledging what I had said. My gun had no range, and I think I might have bent the barrel at one point in a Jet-induced fit of rage. Either way, it was becoming a piece of shit, and as much as I wanted to be touching it and holding it, I threw it into the desert.

"What the fuck was that for?"

I heard Charon say, and I smirked.

"I want a new gun."

"You did not need to do that. How are you going to protect yourself?"

"I got you, don't I?"

"Well yes, but-"

"Let's keep going."

I don't want to hear your voice of reason, Charon. I don't want to hear anything but the sweet, sweet silence of the desert. I don't even want to go to Vault 87. I want to…I want to…look at my map. There was nothing within the area that would help me. There was a stupid baseball field, a hideout, and another power station. Unless I could trick Charon into making a circle, which I doubted, we would be heading to Little Lamplight. I groaned and tossed my Pip-Boy down.

"I don't _want_ to go and do this!"

I stopped walking and turned back around to stare at Charon. He looked at me, his eyes narrow.

"I understand that, but we must. It is what your father wanted."

I sighed and kicked the sand.

"Damnit Charon we're going to get killed out here!"

"That worry never bothered you before."

"Because before…before…was different!"

Because before I did not care if I got hurt. Because before I did not have these feelings. Because I did not care what the fuck happened to you. Now, it's all I seem to think about.

"How so?"

I glared at Charon, and he stood, waiting for my answer.

"It just was. Can we please find something better to do?"

"I would prefer if we finished this task."

"But I don't _want _to."

"You are acting spoiled, Miss Dez. I suggest you lower your voice before you attract unwanted attention. You don't have a weapon, remember?"

I glared at him. I had no other choice but to listen. He walked ahead of me, looking around.

"I hope the Yao Guai eat your face."

I told him, crossing my arms. I really wished I hadn't thrown my gun. I felt pretty vulnerable.

"My face is already mutilated enough. They would run from just looking at me."

I chucked at his self-insult.

"Oh come on you're not _that_ bad looking."

The corners of Charon's mouth twitched, I swear to god. I elbowed him playfully.

"Don't you ever smile?"

Charon shook his head. I remembered I had some beer in my pack, and I quickly stopped and pulled it out. Charon looked at me, not happy.

"You should not drink while we're walking."

"I want _you_ to drink it."

"No."

"Charon, come on."

"Is that an order?"

I sighed and cracked open the beer.

"Stop saying that, I'm getting sick of hearing it."

I took a quick sip of the warm liquid. Sure, it tasted bad but it was something.

"Come on, drink with me Charon."

"No."

I sighed and tossed the beer into the sand. It spilt, making a small mud puddle.

"You suck the fun out of everything. Fun-sucker."

I looked at the ground. Charon didn't say anything as we passed the power station, but I knew there was something on his mind.

"Did you return to the vault after you left?"

I knew it. He was probably wondering about my bad dream. I hated that dream.

"…Yes. I did."

"What happened?"

I sighed, and shook my head.

"The…the Overseer went crazy. They needed my help, and I helped them."

"Hm."

"But then…when I made Amata, she was someone I knew in the vault, the Overseer she…she kicked me out."

"Why?"

"I don't know. She just did."

"And that Butch fellow?"

I kicked sand, letting the images of that memory play in my head.

"He…left the vault with me. Didn't say anything, I think he was scared of what I'd become. You know? I mean, he just took off into the desert. I don't know if he's alive or not, I don't care either way. I just remember thinking how I used to have hope, have some soft spot for people out here. Then I saw how cynical and cruel it made everyone. I just played along with it, I guess."

Charon clenched and unclenched his jaw. I glanced up at him, waiting for some reply, some words.

"You are not cruel, Miss Dez."

"Ha. You didn't know me back then."

"You have shown me nothing but kindness."

"Sometimes."

"I do not see you as the terrible person you think you are."

I looked at Charon, smiling.

"Thanks."

He nodded. Charon saw me as a good person. That made me happy inside. I don't think I've been happy on the inside before.

"Can I tell you something, Charon?"

He nodded, adjusting the shotgun on his back.

"I don't like you getting hurt. It…bothers me to see you get injured. Can you try not to?"

He scoffed at my request, but nodded.

"Yes, Miss Dez. I will try my best to not get injured."

I nodded.

"Good. That helps."

I was letting myself fall deeper into the bottomless pit of…of my emotions I guess. I didn't want to go to Vault 87, and I don't want to go get the G.E.C.K. either. What I really want to do is run away with Charon. I want to hide somewhere, like in those satellite dishes, and live by my own set of rules.

Yes. That's it. Charon and I together in a dish. We could cook our own food, snipe Raiders from the rooftop, and live as if we never saw any evils. Maybe by then, I'd be able to tell him how I felt, and we could see where it went. If I was lucky, he'd feel the same way, and we'd spend our days having sex that meant something, and walking around naked. Well, I'd walk around in next to nothing anyways, I'm not sure what he would do. I like being naked and free too much.

I stopped walking and pulled up my Pip-Boy map. We had been walking Northeast, towards the campground, but just slightly further North.

"Charon, I want to do something before we go to Little Lamplight."

He looked at me, and stopped walking.

"What?"

"Follow me."

I took off North. There was a large river that cut through the desert and flowed into the city. It was ridden with Mirelurks and Raiders, and I had no weapon. But I didn't care. I never got to do something I wanted to do. It was time now, even though it was stupid, and suicidal. Charon ran behind me, and I loved the feeling of the wind in my hair as I ran. Or lack thereof hair.

I had every intention of going to the river. I wanted to strip down to nothing and dive into the warm waters and swim until my Pip-Boy overloaded with radiation. But I didn't. I stopped short and listened. Charon came up behind me, and I swear he was going to crash into me. He stopped so close to my back, that it made me nervous and twitch a little.

"Do you hear that?"

I asked him, and he closed his eyes, listening. I could hear two Raider girls bickering off in the distance. Someone else, a guy, was crying for help.

"Yes. It's coming from over there."

Charon pointed over to a small hill. I motioned towards it, and he nodded. I went to pull out my gun before I realized I didn't have one. I smirked to myself. Way to go, Dezbe, you're really a Wasteland Hero now. Not that I want to be one, but still. Being unarmed out here is probably the worst thing you can do. And I had done it.

Charon and I crouched down at the top of the hill. Not too far off, two girls had a Wastelander man tied up, and they were arguing.

"You got to have the last one first! I want this one!"

"I'm older than you, bitch! I get first pickings!"

I looked at Charon, he seemed very focused on this.

"Charon, give me your gun."

He did, and I cocked it. I knew one of those Raiders had a gun, and after I blasted them to holy hell I'd snatch it up for myself. I was about to charge them, when Charon pulled me back down.

"Take a closer look at that Wastelander."

"Charon, I can't _see_. It's dark out. Not everyone is a trained killer, you know."

He pursed his ghoulish lips together and kept his eyes set.

"He has a leather jacket on. And a vault suit."

Butch. What the fuck talk about irony. I felt my heart jump into my throat and I swallowed hard. I felt Charon's hand still resting on my back, and for some reason, I wanted him to take it off.

"It's Butch."

Charon looked at me. I nodded mindlessly, setting his gun down in the sand next to me.

"What would you like to do?"

I remembered all the other Wastelanders I had left to their fate. Be it by Raider or Super Mutant or just to the desert itself. Since then, I've changed somewhat. I can't say no now, but I can say I'm going to fucking regret it.

"I can't leave him."

I told Charon as I stood up. I grabbed his shotgun, and looked down at him.

"Wait here."

He didn't want to, I could see he wanted to protest, but I spoke before he could.

"That, is an order."

I walked down the sand, whistling loudly. One of the Raider girls saw me, and ran after me holding a nail board.

"I'm going to kill you bitch!"

I shot her in the chest and she went down. It took all my strength and more to endure the kickback of Charon's Combat Shotgun, but somehow I did it. The other Raider girl didn't seem phased by her friend's death. She didn't charge at me with a melee weapon, no. Instead she brandished an Assault Rifle. Fine by me, she didn't seem too good with the whole aiming thing. I was able to rush up to her and get within shooting range and blast her fuckin' head off.

"Now whose the bitch, bitch."

I picked up her gun and checked it out. It wasn't in the best of conditions, but that's what I have Charon for. She had a few clips of ammo for it, and I quickly threw them in my pack as I strapped the new gun to my back. It was then I looked up at Butch. His arms were tied behind his back, his legs were tied together, and he looked like shit. I smiled at him, but he gave me a crazy look. It took me a while to realize he probably didn't recognize me. I have, after all, a new look.

I walked over to him, and crouched down, staring him in the face.

"Hey Butch."

I said, and instantly his face lit up.

"Oh my god Dezbe! Oh shit! Am I so fuckin' happy to see you! Quick untie me hurry!"

His leather jacket looked like it had seen better days. The Tunnel Snake symbol on the back was worn out, and his vault suit was dirty. I worked on untying the knot that held his hands together.

"How have you been surviving? I haven't seen you at Megaton."

He fidgeted, uncomfortable.

"Damn Dezbe, I was going to Rivet City right? And I got lost out here an' jus' could never find my way back. I been eatin' shit I never would have eatin' before an'…shit my Pip-Boy keeps making this ticking sound every time I drink some water, too. Oh man I'm so happy to see you."

I got his hands undone and backed up. He could untie his own goddamned legs. I stood up, crossing my arms. Butch peeked up at me, and I leered at him.

"Man Dezbe, the outside does you good. You look great, I can't believe you cut your hair. Man, where you livin' at?"

"Megaton."

"Megaton? Where's that?"

"Near the vault."

I was trying to be short with him. I didn't want him getting any ideas.

"Man Dezbe, do you know how hard it is to live out here? It's so…so…_fuck_."

No, Butch. I have no idea how hard it is to live in the Capitol Wasteland. I've only been out here two months longer than you and seen so much more than you could ever imagine. But I have no idea.

"I know it is. But come on, hurry up and get up, I have to get back to Charon."

Butch stood up and tried to get the permanent grime and grub off of his vault suit. He failed miserably.

"Aw man whose that?"

"My friend, and bodyguard."

I turned my back and started walking. Butch jogged up to me, and I kept my arms crossed.

"_Bodyguard_?"

"It's a long story, Butch."

"Dezbe, you gotta let me come with you. You have to I can't live out here alone, I'll fuckin' die."

I actually thought about it. With Butch following me, I could use that as an excuse to not go to Vault 87. I could persuade Charon to help me bring him to Rivet City when I got sick of him, and hangout in Megaton until I figured out my next move. Yes, that would benefit me.

"I guess. But you have to listen to me, got it? It's my house we're going back to, my rules."

"Oh man Dezbe, thank you so much! You have no idea what this means to me!"

He walked closer to me as we climbed the hill. I felt his arm slip around my waist and I froze up.

"You know, I've missed you a lot…"

He cooed in my ear. I pushed him away from me, and hoped Charon didn't see that little display of affection.

"I wish I could say the same."

Butch didn't say anything to me. He stared at me as we walked. I could see Charon standing there, and I couldn't help but smile. I don't know what overcame me, but seeing him standing there waiting for me in dark just…elated me. I wanted to run up and hug him, but I knew better.

"Charon, this is…Butch. He's going to die if I don't let him follow us. So we have to go back to Megaton now because he'll die in Vault 87."

Charon looked at Butch. I knew Charon didn't like this agreement, he didn't like it one bit. I'd talk about it with him later on, right now, I was getting too much pleasure at seeing the look on Butch's face.

"What…what the _fuck_ are you man?"

Butch cowered as Charon advanced towards us. I handed him his shotgun, and took a step closer to him than I usually would have.

"Butch, this is Charon, my bodyguard and partner-in-crime. He's a ghoul."

"What the fuck is a ghoul?"

Charon stepped closer to me. I felt warm, safe, secure in the fact that just inches separated our bodies. I think he was trying to signal something to Butch, but I wasn't sure.

"I have been exposed to severe amounts of radiation. This is the end result."

Charon said, the tone in his voice stronger than I'd ever heard. Yes. He was telling Butch that _he_ is the alpha male in this pack, and the only female is spoken for. Least, that's what I hoped.

"Right…right yeah so ya see I'm really tired and I was wonderin' where the hell we're gonna sleep at?"

Charon crossed his arms behind me.

"We already slept, Butch. We're going home. You can sleep when we get there. You have a weapon?"

He patted himself down and pulled out his infamous switchblade. My father used the spring from that to make my BB Gun work. I still had that gun, inside my locker at Megaton.

"I got this."

I shook my head. Charon and I started walking, and I checked the map on my Pip-Boy. Butch stayed behind us, too scared to speak.

"Half a day if we keep walking, maybe less if we don't stop."

Charon nodded at me, and I turned the Pip-Boy light off. Any enemies were unwelcome. I pointed to the rifle I had on my back.

"Can you fix this up for me? It's in pretty shit condition."

"I will see what I can do when we get to your house. Will it make it until then?"

"Yeah, I think so. And Charon?"

"Hm?"

"_Our_ house. Half yours."

Charon slowly nodded at this. I don't think he expected that to come out of my mouth, but since Butch was here, I wanted to make it _perfectly_ clear that I had interest in Charon. We walked in uncomfortable silence. Charon kept trying to find something to do with his hands, and it was annoying me. I finally handed him a cigarette and he took it, grateful. I noticed the sun was beginning to rise over the horizon like it did everyday. It was different to me this time, though. I don't know why, but knowing Butch was behind me, following me, watching me, made my blood boil. I walked closer to Charon. So close our arms were almost touching. He didn't seem to mind one iota.


	40. Chapter 40

I yawned as the sun warmed my face. My sleep was short and unfulfilling. Butch jogged up and started walking next to me.

"So uh, is there food where we're going?"

I looked at him, as did Charon.

"Wadsworth can cook you something."

I didn't want Charon cooking for Butch. That just seemed…wrong.

"Who the hell is that? Another ghoul?"

I sensed a shift in Charon's mood, and I lightly grazed his arm with mine.

"No, Wadsworth is my Mr. Handy robot butler. Like Andy from the vault. Before he went crazy…"

Butch nodded and punched his fist in his hand.

"This is going to be so _badass_! You and me, living together, fighting in the Wasteland together…aw man Dezbe I never imagined it!"

He threw his arms around me, and instantly Charon had his gun out. Butch let me go, and I had to hide my satisfaction with Charon.

"You will _not_ touch her."

Charon growled, and Butch backed away, scared.

"Yo dude, chill. Look I'm just happy to seem my girl again, no need to get defensive."

"You will _not touch her_."

Butch nodded. He had no idea I had told Charon what happened in the vault. He might have been thinking that right now though, as Charon put his shotgun back and walked with an angry stride, kicking up sand. Glancing back at Butch I saw a look of horror on his face.

"It's probably best if you listen to him."  
I told Butch, trying to hide my smirk. Charon paced ahead of us, grumbling to himself. I couldn't hear what he was saying, so I dropped it. Lagging behind, I looked at Butch.

"Whatever happened with us in the vault is best to stay in the vault."

I whispered. Charon's hearing was pretty good, too good sometimes. I didn't want him to overhear what we were saying, just in case.

"Dezbe, baby, you have no idea how much I've been missin' you. When you left the vault…I didn't know what to do. I had no idea how much you actually meant to me until you were gone."

Something like this would have been sweet. It would have been sincere, but it was coming from Butch. And as he was saying it, he pulled out his infamous comb and started to fix up his hair. I rolled my eyes.

"Well Butch, I'm sorry. I don't feel the same. At all."

He looked at me, and I must admit my stomach did a flip flop. Butch may be a cock, but he's a handsome cock.

"Trust me baby, you'll change your mind."

A chill went up my spine. I shook my head at him.

"No, I won't."

"Someone else got your eye?"

I curled my lip at him, and looked ahead. Charon was still walking, not bothering to look back.

"That's none of your business."

"I bet whoever they are, they won't be half as good as me."

I didn't answer him. I shook my head and jogged up to meet with Charon. I was angry, but in a way, I knew he was right. I'd never have Charon, and I had Butch. In that sense alone, Butch is better. Charon would never have me, and even if he did I don't think sex would be possible. Ghouls…I've heard too many different stories. Some say they work, and some say they don't. I could simply ask Gob, but that's treading on dangerous water. I don't want to come off as hitting on Nova's man.

"Is something troubling you?"

Charon asked me, not looking at me.

"No."  
He nodded, and I looked at his profile. He had no nose, no ears. He was a monster in his own right, but…he's my monster. He's not the prettiest thing in the world, but…he's someone I can call my own, you know? We go everywhere together and he keeps me safe. I'm sure people see him and think twice about fucking with me. Civil people, that is. Raiders don't really care who they shoot at. But they should.

In this world that makes even the most saintly people turn cruel, I have Charon. Charon has me, and I have Charon, and that's how it should always be. I'd never let on I am _this_ dependent on him, but it's nice to know for myself. I hope that he can keep me from being like the Raiders. I used to want to be them, and I know somewhere deep down I'll always want to, but I can't. Something in me changed, shifted, I don't know. I'm still mean, but I can't just…I can't describe it. I want to be alone. I think that's what it boils down to. I want to be alone with just me, and my monster. My monster who just happens to carry one mean shotgun.

I placed my hand on Charon's arm and smiled up at him. He glanced down at me, nodding.

"Yes?"

I shook my head and took my hand away. I glanced back at Butch, and saw he wasn't giving the kind eye to either me or Charon.

"When we gonna be hittin' this town anyway? It's fuckin' _hot_ out here."  
I pulled up my Pip-Boy map and shrugged.

"Few more hours. You can take off that leather jacket, it might help."

"No way man! A Tunnel Snake _never_ takes off his jacket!"

"You aren't in the vault anymore, Butch. No one out here knows what a Tunnel Snake is."

"And no one would care to know, frankly."

I looked up at Charon and smirked. I could already tell that this was going to be one long journey. Out of the corner of his eye, Charon looked at me, and again I swear I saw him smile. We nodded at one another. Ah, Charon, you are even wittier than me sometimes. Ganging up on Butch was going to be our new favorite pastime, I could feel it.

Opening a bottle of Purified Water, I handed it to Charon.

"You take first sip."

He looked at me, then at my hand. He shrugged and took a quick sip.

"No, drink more."

He cocked an eyebrow at me, but then drank half the bottle. I knew he was thirsty. I took it back from him and took a sip, then handed it to Butch.

"I'm not drinking from that."  
I cocked an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"_He_ drank from it first."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes.

"Butch, this is the _desert_. Clean water is really scarce, so take some will you?"

Hesitantly he drank the rest. I didn't want any, anyways. Butch handed me the empty bottle and I dropped it in the sand. Sighing, I wiped sweat on my forehead. Hopefully Megaton wouldn't be too far off.

"Hey Dezbe, what happened to your neck?"

Butch reached over to touch the scar I had, and I quickly slapped his hand away.

"It's nothing."

I told him quickly. The last thing anyone needed right now was to divulge into the past and bring it up. It wasn't worth it.

"Dezbe c'mon girl tell me."

I glared at Butch. I felt my teeth pressing harder and harder together as I glared at him. I tried to concentrate on the rhythm of everyone's feet hitting the sand, but it was no use.

"It's none of your business."

I seethed, clasping and unclasping my hands. Since when does Butch get the right to ask and interrogate me? Wait, since when am I so angry over it? I looked over at Butch, squinting my eyes. I felt Charon's hand suddenly on my shoulder, squeezing it. I jerked my head over to him and he just shook his, closing his eyes. I sighed, letting my tense body relax. We would be coming up to Megaton soon, and the last thing I needed was to go in there pissed off. I don't think Lucas would like me living there if I started open-firing.

"Dezbe?"

I looked at Butch as I lit a cigarette.

"It's a really nasty scar."

"Yeah Butch, I know. I have one nastier than that, too."

"What? Where?"

I held my cigarette in my teeth and lifted up my shirt, showing my torso. I pointed to the bullet wound, and Butch's mouth fell open.

"Where the fuck you get that?"

"Gun."

I said, letting my shirt fall back down. I took the cigarette from my mouth and flicked the ash gathering around it.

"You…you really do get hurt out here, huh?"

I nodded at Butch.

"Kill or be killed. I'm shocked you've lived this long."

I saw Butch swallow hard and look around.

"Yeah…yeah me too."

Charon shifted uncomfortably and pointed up ahead.

"Megaton."

I looked and saw the steel dome in the distance. I smiled, proud.

"And not a Radscorpion in sight! Good travel!"

Charon nodded, not sharing my enthusiasm. I scoffed and shook my head. Here I am traveling with my somewhat ex-boyfriend, and the ghoul mercenary I'm completely head over heels for. We're going to be living together for god knows how long, and no one wants to laugh. Usually I'm the quiet and depressive one, but Charon was beginning to fall into this weird stupor.

Shrugging, I kept my mouth shut. For three people wandering the desert, conversation really doesn't pick up. That suits me just fine, though.

"Hey Dezbe?"

I jumped, and looked at Butch.

"What?"

"You find your dad?"

I closed my mouth and looked at the ground. The pain welled up inside of me, and I held back tears. I hadn't been thinking about dad, I didn't want to. I couldn't blame Butch, he didn't know. Glancing up at Charon, I searched for some comfort in his eyes, but he offered none. All of a sudden, I felt so empty.

"Yeah…yeah I did."

"Aw sweet! Where's he at? Ya know I got thins kink in my back I've been meaning to ask someone about but I can't find a doctor anywhere."

"He's dead."

Butch looked at me, and realized he shouldn't have asked.

"Shit Dezbe, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

I shook my head, and kept my eyes on the ground. What gave him the right to ask? He should have just ignored it, not thought about it. You figure if I'm with someone like Charon my lovely father is either dead or I hadn't found him yet.

"Just shut up, Butch."

I felt Butch hug me, and I stopped walking. I closed my eyes and turned to him. I felt my arms wrap around his torso, and I soaked in his smell. Hair grease and dirt. It'd been forever since I'd embraced him. The last time we had touched, I was naked in bed with him.

Opening my eyes while Butch hugged me, I saw Charon. He was just standing there, staring at me. I can't describe the look he was giving me right then and there, but damn, it hurt. I pulled away from Butch, trying to calm down my stomach. I felt like it had just turned itself inside out and left. My heart raced in my throat and I fumbled for my cigarettes. I walked towards Charon, not breaking my gaze on him. _I am so sorry, Charon…so, so sorry._ The look in his eyes told me the truth, or at least what I wanted to take as the truth. I reached up and touched his arm with my hand. He turned from me, facing Megaton.

"We must continue on."

"Charon?"

"If conversation is what you wish, then I shall provide it."

"No…no never mind."

"Very well."

He walked along at a pace he knew I would have to jog to keep up with. I knew I had done something wrong, but I didn't think it would actually matter, that it would affect him so openly. Charon didn't deserve it, and I shouldn't have done it. He had unintentionally shown me wrong from right, saved me, comforted me and risked his own life for mine even when it wasn't necessary. I don't think all that comes out of contract. He probably thinks I led him on, thinks that I was a tease. I'd have to do something for him, but what?


	41. Chapter 41

I held back tears as we walked the rest of the way to Megaton. Even as I showed Butch the ropes, explained to him the laws, and introduce him to Lucas, I had to hold back tears. Charon opted to take my things and go home and unpack.

"I'll be at Moira's if you cannot find me. My shotgun needs repairs."

He told me. I wanted to point out that we had plenty of things to fix his shotgun with. But I didn't. I just nodded and bit my lip. He turned away from me and didn't say anything. I felt so bad, I didn't even really do something wrong, but I felt like I had killed his entire family or something.

I was showing Butch the Brass Lantern and Moriarty's.

"I don't cook, at all, and Wadsworth hates it so here's the best places for food and drink."

He nodded, looking down at the Brass Lantern and then over at Moriarty's.

"You got some money, babe?"

I sighed, handing him my coin pouch.

"Don't call me that. Here. Get trashed for all I care."

It was late afternoon, so I figured why not? Let Butch drink himself into a stupor. It's not like it mattered to me. Or affected me.

"Okay Sweet Cheeks, see you at home."

"Call me that again and I _will_ shoot you."

He vanished inside the bar, and I stood outside, almost crying. I could go in, say hello to Gob and Nova. I could hug Gob, and maybe seek some comfort from him. But I should go home. Go home and just try to make things right with Charon, even if I didn't completely understand what was wrong.

I opened the door to my house. Charon sat, meticulously working at a workbench that wasn't there before. I walked over to it, running my hands along the edge.

"Charon, where'd this come from?"

He didn't look up from whatever it is he was working on.  
"You gave me my own money. You said I was allowed to spend it as I pleased. If you are not happy with this purchase I will return it immediately."

I shook my head, watching him work.

"No, no don't. It's your money and I think it's a great investment. Do you mind working on my rifle when you're done?"

"If it pleases you."

I nodded and stood over the wooden workplace. I didn't know what to do or say. It felt awkward for me, but I was impressed with how gingerly his large hands worked.

"Excuse me Miss Dez, but you are blocking my light. Could you please step back?"

I moved and sat down at the small coffee table. Wadsworth said things and putted up and down the stairs. I lit a cigarette, sighing. There was obvious tension, I could feel it. Charon wasn't acting any different, but I knew something was up.

"Where is that greased-up sorry excuse for a man you dragged home?"

Ouch Charon, talk about harsh. It would be funny if he said it with some emotion, but like always, it was direct and monotone.

"Moriarty's."

"Ah."

I sighed again, and my stomach growled.

"Are you hungry, Charon?"

"Yes."

He made no movement signifying he was going to cook. I frowned, I guess I deserved this. But, I couldn't leave Butch out there to die. _You've left plenty of other people out there to their fates. What makes Butch so different?_ I don't know. I honestly don't. Is it because I know him? There can't be any other reason than that. I should hate him for what he did to me, but I somehow can't. I just couldn't swallow hard and let those Raider girls gut him like a Mirelurk. Now here I am, paying for the consequences. Charon worked quietly behind me, and I could hear the clank and tick of the tools he was using. I eyed my house like it was my enemy, holding back a yawn and tears.

"Charon?"

"Yes?"

He grumbled, it wasn't even a dignified response.

"Are you angry at me?"

"…No, Miss Dez."

"I think you're lying."

He said something I couldn't hear, but I decided to drop it. Nothing seemed to be working out, no matter how good I tried to be. I tried to be nice and save dad. What happened? Shit. I tried to save Butch, what happened? You're seeing it. Maybe I'm destined to be some crazy Raider bitch. It wouldn't be so bad, I mean, I could just do what I pleased. Kill people and take their shit while getting drunk.

"Where is your rifle?"

I looked around the living room, scanning for my rifle that Charon had taken while I showed Butch Megaton.

"I don't know, you had it last."

"There."

He saw it near the front door. I watched him get up and retrieve it, returning to his workbench. It was like he was ignoring me on purpose, which, I strongly think he is.

"Charon?"

"Hm?"

"Are you angry?"

"No."

What a liar. I stuck my tongue out at him and lit another cigarette, putting my old one out. _How would you feel if he brought Greta home?_ Good point, mysterious, negative voice in my head. But Charon does not _like _me. That's the thing. I think he's just angry at the fact that Butch is here, and he has some sort of moral code. I think. That's my speculation anyways. I mean, why would he get so mad at me for no reason? He doesn't like Butch, and I don't like Butch, so why is Butch here? Because I couldn't leave him. In my stupidity and impulsive decision-making, I decided to bring him. I couldn't just let him die out there. Sure, he's a fucktard, but…I just don't know.

Putting my hands on my half-shaved head, I sighed. The ticking of Charon working on my shotgun annoyed me slightly, but I was thankful for it. It reminded me that I wasn't alone, and that I wasn't going crazy. Looking around, I saw a folded piece of clothing on the bookshelf in front of me.

"What's this?"

I said as I stood up. Charon grumbled something I couldn't hear, again, and went back to working. I picked up the article of clothing, and smiled.

"Cool…"

I ran upstairs to my room. I found Sexy Sleepwear in my home, and damn if I'm not going to wear it. I mean, I just got this awesome, tanned, sleek, slim, toned killer body, what's the point if I can't show it off a bit? I kicked my boots over to the other side of my trashed room and began to undress. As I slid my skirt off, I caught sight of one of the scars from the electrical baton from Fort Bannister. I'd never really looked at any of them before, and I gently touched it with my hand. It was a welt, and it looked like a spider. It was almost the size of my hand, and I sadly smiled at it.

"I guess Charon must feel ten times worse when he sees this."

I let my fingertips dance on it, tracing it with my nails. My neck one was probably a lot smaller, and not as prominent. I wouldn't know, though. I never really looked for it. I figured it was there, just like my bullet scar, and it was something I had to live with. But still, I couldn't help but feel a sense of despair as I remembered those events. The sleepwear would hardly cover my thighs, and the scar would be in plain view. Maybe Charon didn't want to see that. But maybe I'm just not going to give two flying fucks on what he wants anymore. How's that sound?

Slipping off my top I checked out my bare body. I had some minor bruises here and there, nothing serious. The scar on my ribs wasn't as bad as the one on my thigh. It was smaller, and less 3D looking. I poked at it, sighing. These welts are probably permanent, and I think that might be a good thing. If Charon and I ever got into an argument, and he ended up having the upper hand, I'd just flash a scar and say good day, sir.

No, that probably isn't nice of me to do. Charon really beats himself up over that whole incident, so rubbing it in his face for my own benefit probably isn't the best thing. It still made me laugh, to think of winning an argument doing that. Shaking my head, I slipped on the Sexy Sleepwear. It held up my breasts and outlined a figure I didn't realize I had. I looked at my backside, turning around.

"Not bad, Dez, not bad at all…"

Opening my bedroom door, the steel felt cold under my feet. I ha to get used to it as I tried to act casual as I went down the stairs. I was going to act like nothing was different, and I wasn't strutting around half-naked. Why was I strutting around half-naked you ask? Because if I don't do something to get me some form of attention from someone, I will get lost in my head. My head is a dangerous thing to lose yourself in.

I sat down in the living room, Charon hadn't looked at me yet. I lit a cigarette and leaned back, crossing my legs. I wiggled my bare toes, sighing very loudly. Charon sounded busy as the noise from tools and my gun echoed over the silence. I didn't want to do anything obvious to get his attention.

"You still hungry?"

I blew out a plume of smoke as I spoke. Charon sighed.

"Yes."

"Okay, I'm going to cook something."

I got up and shook my half-bare ass all the way into the kitchen. Wadsworth was mysteriously missing, but I didn't think much of it. Right now I had to try and make something out of frozen and two-hundred year old food. I stood, holding a box of Instamash in my hands. The directions were rubbed off.

"…How do I do this?"

I stood there, staring at it. I poured it on the counter and a yellowish powder fell out. I stared at it as it sat on the dirty counter, feeling pretty useless. _Outside of killing innocent people, there's nothing much you're good for_. I hated that voice in the back of my head. But it spoke the truth, it almost never lied. I sighed, hanging my head low and still clutching the box of Instamash. This is why I stuck to pre-cooked food, there was no cooking to be done.

I put the powder in a saucepan, something I should have done initially. I added water to it, and put it on the old stove. Maybe that's all it needed, and worse comes to worse I'll go out and feed it to the Brahmin outside the clinic. I sighed to myself as I watched the pan, nothing was happening.

"You have to turn the stove on."

Charon said from the living room. I peeked my head out. Had he been watching me this entire time?

"Can you come show me how to do this cooking thing?"

I heard him grumble and sigh. He pushed back from the workbench and stood up. He turned around, and looked at me. It seemed like he hesitated for a minute before walking over and moving me aside.

"Here."

He turned on the stove. Opening the fridge, he got out some Salisbury Steak.

"Go busy yourself. I'll cook."

I crossed my arms, my Pip-Boy squishing up my chest.

"I want to watch. I have to learn how to do this shit."

"Very well."

He didn't look at me directly, but every now and again I caught him glancing out of the corner of his eye. Purposely, I would bend down, showing him more skin than I should have.

"Is it done yet?"

I stood behind him, looking at the sizzling steak. I was standing very close to him, and he took a step closer towards the stove.

"Yes."

I got two plates, the only two plates I had, and set the small table. Charon set the pans down on the counter, and grabbed his plate. He served himself, and I went to get some food. When we both sat down, I noticed he was making extra effort to not look me in the eye.

"What crawled up your ass and died?"

I said, shoving a forkful of food in my mouth.

"Nothing."

"You're a liar."

Charon sighed and pushed his plate away from him.

"I do not understand why that grease-ball is with us. You stated many times how much you hate him, yet you allow him into your home. It confuses me, Miss Dez."

"I couldn't let him die out there, Charon."

"He did not have to come with us."

"I know, but where else could he have gone?"

"We could have taken him to Rivet City."

"Then we'll do that in a few days. Are you done eating?"

"Yes."

I nodded and collected the dirty dishes. I dropped them in the sink, showing him I was angry.

"May I speak freely, Miss Dez?"

"Yeah, go for it."

"I think you look like a cheap whore in that outfit and I suggest you change."

I was clasping my fists so hard my knuckles turned white.

"It is comfortable and keeps me cool in this heat."

"Whom are you trying to impress, Miss Dez?"

"No one, Charon."

He shrugged and went back to his workbench. I stood in the kitchen, realizing how foolish and stupid I was acting. In my anger, I punched the counter as hard as I could.

"Fuck!"

I yelled, rubbing my fist.

"What happened?"

Charon called to me, but I ignored him. Leaving the kitchen, I stormed up to my room, slamming the door. I flopped down on my mattress. Who the _fuck_ does he think he is? Since when does he insult me? Since…since when do I prance around in pink lacy underwear? I let the angry tears fall down the side of my face as I looked at the ceiling. I have changed since my first day out here, and I was not liking it. I missed my old loner self, I missed the…the whole 'not caring' thing and running from my fears.

Part of me wished Charon never came into my life. If he didn't, I'd be in one of those satellites, happy. At least, pretending or thinking I was happy. Butch would have died in the desert, and I'd have nothing to worry about. I'd have no one with me, no one following me, no one to…save me. I wanted nothing more than to take my rifle from Charon and end it all myself. It would be quick, painless, easy. I wouldn't have to feel this way anymore. I'd never have to deal with the desert, the city, the Capitol Wasteland. Who wants to live in a world like this anyways? Not me, that's for damn sure. Out here, it's…it's too cruel, too harsh. It wasn't something I wanted to deal with anymore. I'm sick of it.

_You let yourself get this way, Dez. You let yourself go, let your emotions flow freely for the first time in your life, and look where it got you. You are stupid, you have no idea. You are better off alone._ That voice spoke words of truth to me. I rolled on my side, pulling my knees to my chin. I am better off alone, there's no point in Charon really staying. If I wanted to really off myself I was going to do it, with or without him. I didn't need saving anymore. I'd come to terms with the death of my father and the harshness of this place. I found myself missing the vault, missing the safety and ignorance it offered.

Why did it feel like I missed something? Something important, something vital. I'd give this life away if I could have what others seem to have. Happiness, a life, someone to come home to. I'd give it back if I could go back to the vault and play the piano again. I'm not welcome there anymore. Amata made that _very_ clear to me. It hurt, knowing outside of Megaton I had nowhere to run, nowhere to go to. I had those satellites, but…what's the point of doing anything if you have to do it alone?

My father once said that we don't experience the best moments in our lives when we're alone. I see now how right he is. He was trying to get me to go play with Amata, go make nice with Butch. _Oh daddy, if you could see me now_. I don't have a favorite memory, event, or anything like that. I think the most precious memories I have are…well, nothing. The piano. I think that's the only thing that makes me smile now. Thinking back to how beautifully tuned it was, how I could just _find_ the notes. It was like I just knew where everything was. Like my fingers were pre-programmed to know.

I just wanted someone to care about me. Love me and no one else. The one for me, the person who'd save me and love me even when I became angry and distant. I don't think I could find that. I have Charon but…but Charon doesn't want me. He's made that perfectly clear. He doesn't want a whore. And I look like a whore right now, in this stupid pink slip. I should have kept on my Charmer outfit. If I could go back, I never would have let Butch come. I would have just went to Little Lamplight and not feed into the urge to do something impulsive. Closing my eyes, I thought about my mother…_I am Alpha and Omega…_


	42. Chapter 42

_Sorry its been so long with the updates, it was finals but now I am done and have 5 weeks of nothing ahead of me :D. I like everyone's reviews, good and bad, and I hope to see more. I felt this next chapter was a little vulgar, so I gave this an M rating. If anyone disagrees, I'll gladly change it back to T. Thanks again for the reviews guys :D I hope you enjoy! I still have no idea where I'm going with this..._

* * *

"Say one word, and I'll slit your fuckin' throat."

I opened my eyes to my dark bedroom. My heart raced and I felt an unbearable weight on top of me. I couldn't move. I tried to speak, but I felt something sharp against my neck.

"I said _don't move_."

I could smell liquor, it was strong and made me want to sneeze, but I didn't. I let my eyes adjust, and I saw Butch staring at me like the devil himself was inside him.

"Butch what-"

"Shut up!"

He hissed. I felt him press his switchblade harder against my neck, felt his hands exploring my body they knew so well.

"If you scream, or say one fucking thing, I will kill you. You hear me?"

I nodded, scared and terrified. Charon…where's Charon? My eyes darted around the room and I began to panic. Butch pressed his knife deeper on my throat, and I felt the sting of blood.

"_Don't move_! If you call for that freak I swear to god I'll kill you right in front of him."

I felt the fear inside. I felt it rise up and into my heart. I froze, not wanting to piss off Butch. I could smell the liquor on him, he was shitfaced. He didn't know what he was doing. I took in deep breaths as I felt him rip the sleepwear I fell asleep in. I opened my mouth to take in a plunge of air. Charon was one thin steel wall over, hopefully. If I could make some noise, just _something_ to wake him, he'd be in here. No. He wouldn't be. I bet ten bucks he would think Butch and I were being loud on purpose.

I closed my eyes tight, hearing the sound of Butch's vault suit zipper. I wanted to fight him off, hit him and scream at the top of my lungs, but the blade of his knife stopped me. Who knew that this would happen in my own home? That after all the times I left the safety of it to wander the world, I'd get attacked here. It was ironic, and damn the irony of it all just made me want to laugh.

I felt his liquor-stained breath on my neck. I kept my eyes closed tight, trying to think of a happy memory. I tried to separate my mind from body, I didn't want to feel this. It felt horrible, I couldn't move. I thought about Charon, that night we returned from the Jefferson Memorial. That night he held me close, and I begged him not to leave. He promised he'd never let anyone hurt me, I swear he did, and now look.

No, this isn't his fault. I clenched my teeth as I heard Butch moan and groan. I tried to block it out, act like none of this was happening. Charon had to hear something, he had to come in. I held my breath, but there was nothing but the sound of Butch. The smell of liquor burnt my nose. _I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely._ I slowly said the prayer, moving my lips in silence. Butch's knife pressed harder against my throat, and I felt the cut deepen. Blood trickled out as he held fast, making sure I couldn't move. Charon…Charon.

I remembered the first night we had together. The first time he saved me. I remembered his kind words that probably had no meaning, but touched me. I tried to count in my head to distract myself, but I couldn't.

"This brings back memories."

Butch's voice penetrated my head, bringing me back in to the real world. I snapped open my eyes, looking at the dark steel ceiling. Butch's over-greased hair rubbed against my face. _I'm scared, Charon. I'm scared help me, please. I'm sorry you were right. Please just wake up, please come and put this to an end. I'm begging you, wake up…please_. I closed my eyes again. I felt one last thrust from Butch, and a gasp. He slowly moved off of me, holding his knife still.

"If you tell anyone, I will fucking _kill_ you."

I nodded, too scared to speak.

"I swear it, Dezbe."

Again, I nodded my head. I shook, but tried to hide it. Butch zipped up his vault suit, and left my room, slamming the door and tip-toeing down the stairs. I heard him laugh from the living room, and a bang, then silence. He must have passed out. I still couldn't move. I felt the tears flow freely down the sides of my face.

Somehow, I found my limbs. I curled myself into the fetal position and moaned. I cried and moaned like a wounded animal. I half-hoped that Charon would wake up, and come into my room. I held my breath, trying to calm myself. The slice on my neck bled, but I did nothing to stop it. I shook, trembling with fear at every small noise I heard. _Help me, Charon…help_. I know Charon can easily kill Butch, but…how do you tell someone like Charon what just happened? I can't even believe it. Is it all a dream? I touched the bleeding cut, and hissed as it stung. No. It is not a dream. It is very, very real.

A cool night breeze drafted in my bedroom. I held my breath as I heard noises from Charon's room, and soon, his heavy footsteps leading to my door. I heard him gently knock.

"C…Come…come in."

I stammered. I was so upset I couldn't speak. Charon opened my bedroom door. I couldn't bear to look at him.

"If you and that grease-ball are going to screw, do it more quietly."

I held my breath, my heart racing. What could I say?

"Oh…Okay."

He left my room, closing the door tightly behind him. There was no way I could tell him what happened. No way could I admit to myself what had happened. It was too embarrassing, too shameful. I tucked my head into my arms, trying not to be any louder, trying not to wake anyone. I heard Charon as he went back into his room. I heard the sound of him taking off his pants, and slumping onto the couch. Maybe tomorrow I could convince him to trade rooms with me, that way, if Butch was drunk he'd stumble on Charon.

As much as I wanted to smile at that scenario, I couldn't. I could just lie still and hope in the morning I could forget it. You know, we used to learn about something called _seasons_ in the vault. There were four of them, and each had a different kind of weather. I saw pictures of them all, and I remember loving _'winter'_ the best. In 'winter' you were bundled up in warm-looking clothes and the tress weren't green. This white, powdery substance they called 'snow' fell down everywhere, and it made everything look so beautiful.

Of course, this was before I left the vault. Before I discovered that the Capitol Wasteland lived up to its name and everything was in ruins. Before I knew the only temperature out here was the scorching hot desert sun. If I could play God right now, I'd make it snow out here in the desert. I'd make everything as it was, and no one would have to live like this. But, then again, this is just me talking. And I can't even save myself half the time.


	43. Chapter 43

The sun woke me up the next morning. It shone through the holes in the wall, and set directly on my eyelids. I groaned and shook my head from side to side. Last night flashed through my mind like the Vault 101 school slide-shows. I wrapped my arms around myself, covering my bare chest. I could hear Charon waking in his room, the sounds of him mumbling to himself rang in my ears.

My entire body ached. Dried blood flaked off my neck as I picked at the small cut. Sitting up was near impossible. I was stiff, probably because I hadn't moved in my sleep. I didn't even sleep very well, I couldn't. I just kept waking up, expecting Butch to be there. He didn't come back, but just knowing he was downstairs and I'd have to face him gave me the shudders.

I took off the sleepwear and tossed it into the corner of my room. I felt like shit. Charon probably thought Butch and I made sweet, sweet love all night long. Stupid prick. I wanted to cry again, but I submerged it. Just like I had with everything else. I reached for my Merc Charmer outfit, and held it in my hands. _If I had just kept this on, none of this would have happened._ No, it probably would have. I heard Charon leave his room, and knock on my door quietly. I was still sitting on my mattress, naked, but I didn't care.

"Yeah?"

He poked his head in, then quickly withdrew, leaving the door open.

"I am sorry for disturbing you."

"It's…it's alright what's up?"

My voice didn't sound like my own. It sounded far off and distant, like it was coming from someone else.

"I will speak with you when you are decent, Miss Dez."

He shut my door and I heard him walk down the stairs. I clutched my outfit in my hands, trying not to cry again. I wanted to call after him, call and tell him everything that had happened last night, but I didn't. _You should be ashamed of yourself. You have destroyed everything you have worked for, and for what? For a greased-up boy you couldn't leave for the Raiders to have._ I sighed, the voice was right. I had destroyed everything.

Dressing, I stood in the middle of my room. Sighing I collected my thoughts, gulped in a breath of fresh air, and nodded. I prepared myself mentally and opened my bedroom door. Stepping out, I felt like I wasn't even in my own skin. This isn't my body, I'm not sure where I went, but it isn't here.

Charon was sitting in the living room, glaring at Butch. Butch was sitting against the wall near my locker, groaning and holding his head.

"I am so hung-over…ugh."

He rolled his eyes, and I held back screaming. I held back throwing him out, and pointing my gun at his face. I glanced at Charon and he stood. His shotgun was strapped to his back. I was confused, he usually took it off when he got home.

"Miss Dez, I request your permission to leave Megaton."

What? No. No way in hell. I shook my head, glancing quickly over at Butch.

"Why, Charon?"

He crossed his arms and towered over me.

"I just wish to leave for a day or so. There is something I wish to do."

"Can't I come with you?"

"No, Miss Dez, I am sorry. If you do not grant me permission to leave, I will stay."

I shook, and tried to hide it. Charon was going to leave me alone with Butch? Why? I watched at Butch picked himself up from the floor and leaned against the wall. He winked at me, and I cringed.

"Charon…I don't understand."

He didn't say anything. He can't leave me here, he can't. But I knew if I didn't let him go then Butch would suspect something. I had to keep everything low-key until I figured out what else I could do.

"Yes. You…you can go. But you promise you'll come back?"

Charon nodded as he walked to the door.

"Yes, I will return as quickly as I can. No more than a few hours, Miss Dez."

I nodded and watched him leave. I had his contract in my locker, so I knew there was no way he _couldn't_ come back. I still didn't want to be left alone with Butch.

"Good night last night, huh?"

I shot a glare over at Butch. He smirked at me, his hair messy. I shook my head, lighting up a cigarette.

"No."

"Think we can have the same kind of fun right now?"

My eyes darted around the living room. Wadsworth was in the kitchen and my rifle sat on Charon's workbench. Butch saw what I was eying, and he was closer to it than I was. He grabbed it and aimed it at me.

"Butch, you have no idea how to use that weapon."

He smirked at me, wielding the gun like some inexperienced maniac. Which, in every respect, he is.

"I can figure it out. Just aim and squeeze."

His aim wasn't even that good. I knew that thing was going to start spraying bullets if he didn't handle it right. I kept my hands raised, not that it did any good.

"Butch, listen to me. Charon could turn around and come back at any minute. He's _much_ faster with his weapons than you are, okay? Just put the rifle down and we can forget any of this ever happened."

He really seemed to think about it, but he didn't put the fucking gun down. I was beginning to get angry with this whole 'being taken advantage of' situation that Butch had me in. I am _not_ the type of person to be taken advantage of. I mean, by anyone besides Charon that is. But that only happened in my head. That has nothing to do with what's happening right now.

I quietly and slowly inched my way towards Butch every time he looked down or away. Wadsworth was talking to himself. Butch saw me moving, and raised the rifle back up to me.

"Dezbe, don't move. I'm trying to figure this gun out."

God I hope Charon put the safety on. There was no way Butch could figure that out. Hell I don't even think he knows what a safety is.

"Butch, if Wadsworth sees this, he will attack you."

"Not if I shoot him first."

"He's a _Mr. Handy_, Butch. He isn't going to go down easy you know that."

Butch shook his head, and I didn't know what he was implying. He held the gun to me like his life depended on it. Goddammit isn't it too early for this shit? I began to slowly back away from him. If I could jut get outside, Jericho or Lucas or hell even Colin could help me.

"Stop moving dammit!"

He looked down for a split second, and I took this as my chance. I bolted out the front door, and down the wooden planks to my home. Lucas was patrolling the area around the clinic. I ran up to him, grabbing his shoulder.

"I need a gun!"

He stepped back from me, smiling.

"Whoa whoa girl, calm yourself. Why do you need a gun? Where's yours?"

"There's no time! Get him go!"

I tried to pull Lucas up to my house, but he didn't move. He pulled out of my grip and grabbed my shoulders. I'd never felt my heart beat so fast in my life.

"Dez girl, calm down. Now, tell me what's wrong."

I took in a few deep breaths, Lucas saw the fear in my eyes and his demeanor changed.

"Is it Jericho?"

Jericho had a run in with Jenny Stahl a time ago, and since then Colin and Lucas had been worried about him with the other women in Megaton.

"No, you have to come help!"

"I will help you, Dez, but you must first tell me what is wrong."

"It's Butch he, he took my gun and I don't have a gun and he's gone _crazy_!"

Lucas rubbed his chin and looked at me.

"That fellow you were with yesterday? Leather jacket?"

"_Yes_."

"Where is your bodyguard? Charon?"

"He left for the day, come on Lucas, please."

"Alright let's go."

He pulled the rifle he carried off of his back, and I led him up to my home. The door was still open, and Butch was sitting in the living room, my rifle on his lap.

"Well it's a good thing you came back, Dezbe."

I moved aside and let Lucas in. He had his gun aimed, and he advanced towards Butch.

"Hey son, why don't you put that gun down. We can talk this out and you can come with me."

"No way man! No fucking way! I'm not hurting anyone."

"I don't want this situation to escalate. Put the gun down and come with me."

I watched from behind Lucas. Wadsworth had come out of the kitchen, and I saw him switch to his flamethrower nozzle.

"Wadsworth, get my gun!"

"Very well, Madame."

He putted over to Butch, and yanked the rifle from him. Butch knew better than to fight back now, and he stood.

"Alright Dezbe. Just remember, sweet cheeks, I know where you live. I'll be back here soon enough."

Lucas walked over to him, grabbing his arm and holstering his gun.

"No, you won't. You're out of my town, boy."

I watched them as they left. I closed the door behind Lucas, breathing a sigh of relief and picking my gun up from the floor. _You were lucky this time, but you won't be next time, Dezbe_. Lucky? I don't think the events of last night had anything to do with luck. I think I was downright _unlucky_ actually. Butch had just went…went insane. Like he was possessed.

I slumped down in my chair. Wadsworth merrily passed around the house, doing robot things. I lit a cigarette and put my head in my hands. I cried silently to myself. For the first time since I met Charon, I was alone. I didn't know how to react to it. I mean, he wasn't just up and around the corner at Moira's. He was gone, into the desert for some reason he didn't tell me.

I let my tears drip down to the steel floor. I traced my mind, looking for memories that I loved. But, I couldn't find one. The only things I could think of that could draw a smile were of Charon. It always makes me laugh when we have a battle-or-wits and I win. Other than that…there's nothing. No seriously important memory in the vault, or something that affected me directly. Once upon a time ago, I was an innocent, naive little shit. Now, I felt like whatever small innocence I had been holding onto was taken from me. I hope Butch DeLoria dies out there in the desert. Torn apart and tortured by Super Mutants.

I tried to think back to the annual 'get-togethers' the vault would have. Kids in one room, adults in the other. Music and dim lights and food. I usually spent my time backed against a wall, trying not to be noticed. Usually it didn't matter because no one would talk to me anyways, but one time Jonas let me dance on his feet. I think that was pretty nice, don't you? He used to make me laugh all the time, and would go out of his way to make me smile.

I hated the Overseer for killing him. Jonas had nothing to do with my father leaving. I don't think my dad ever realized just exactly how much pain he had caused everyone by leaving. Amata lost a father, Jonas lost his life, and I am now doomed to spend the rest of my life in the Capitol Wasteland. Butch became a crazed lunatic, too, but I didn't think he mattered that much.

_You're all alone now, Dezbe. What are you going to do?_ I shook my head, trying to get that voice to stop. I saw strands of my pink hair hang down around me, like it was hiding me from something. I am alone, and it feels so strange. Charon wasn't behind me, near me, or anywhere in this town or house. It was beginning to annoy me. Maybe now I could run to those satellites? _You could if you wanted to, but remember, Butch is out there._ So what if he's out there? He's out there _unarmed_. I, on the other hand, have an entire armory of weapons.

But it didn't matter what I had stocked and hidden in my home. Charon wasn't back yet. I can't leave without him. As much as he can drive me up a wall, I've become accustomed to him. It feels strange and awkward without him somewhere near me, somewhere close by. _You have fallen in too deep, Dezbe. You can't turn back now._ I shuddered at the noise of my own thoughts. I shook my head, and dried my face with my sleeve.

"I gotta go see Gob."

I said to no one. I half-expected a reply from…from who? Gathering my gun, I strapped it on my back. You can never be too careful, now. Turning, I called to Wadsworth.

"Wadsworth, if anyone outside of Charon or I enter, please restrain them. If they fight and insist to be let in, attack them."

"As you wish, Madame."

"I'm going to Moriarty's. If Charon comes and I am not here, tell him where I am."

"Certainly."

"Bye, Wadsworth."

Never in my life have I ever had to give orders like that. I stumbled up the ramps, tripping over my own feet. Jericho stood outside his house, and called to me.

"Hey kid, where you goin'?"

"Moriarty's."

"Alone?"

"Seems that way."

"C'mon, I'll buy you a drink."

I nodded. Jericho walked alongside me. He looked like he was in his fifties, sixties even, but he was handsome. In that worn-out-old-man kind of way. It felt nice to have company. I didn't mind when he laughed and placed his hand on the small of my back, even. He opened the door to the saloon for me, and I nodded at him, smiling. I never get hit on.

We sat at the bar. Gob turned around, and I bet he expected to see Charon.

"Hey kid."

He said, cleaning his glass.

"Gob, can I have a big, tall bottle of wine?"

Gob cocked an eyebrow, but shrugged.

"A bottle? You sure? That's pricey."

"I got the caps. Come on."

Jericho ordered two beers, one for me and one for him, and Gob brought them out. I turned and smiled at Nova. She was standing in her usual corner, and seemed kind of shocked that I was acknowledging her. She smiled back anyways, and looked away nervously. I looked back at Gob, chugging down my beer. I hadn't noticed how thirsty I was.

"Where's Charon?"

Gob couldn't help but eye Jericho suspiciously.

"He went out somewhere. Should be back in a few."

"You let him leave?"

I downed the last half of my beer, nodding and tossing it in the trash behind the counter.

"Yeah I mean, he wanted to go."

"And are you sure he's coming back?"

I nodded. Gob sighed loudly and opened the bottle of wine for me. Jericho took first sip, then me.

"Yeah I mean, why wouldn't he?"

"Just making sure, kid. Look, I know it's none of my business but did anything happen last night?"

I almost dropped the bottle. Jericho caught it by the neck and placed it firmly on the bar. Memories of last night flashed in my mind and I blinked. I didn't want to cry here in Moriarty's.

"Gob! You stupid fuck!"

Colin's voice jolted me and I looked behind me. He was racing down the stairs, a broken cup in his hand. He stopped when he saw me.

"Ah, lass. I didn't know you were here."

He tossed an evil glare at Gob. Gob flinched and put his head down.

"Yeah, I'm here. You still remember our agreement, right?"

He grumbled something and tossed the broken glass in the trash before returning upstairs. Gob sighed, relieved.

"Thanks, kid. I thought he was after me for a second."

"Don't mention it. I'm going to get him one of these days…"

Gob chuckled and Jericho patted my shoulder, leaving his hand there for too long.

"So kid, about last night…"

"What about it?"

Gob crossed his arms and leaned on the bar. He gave Jericho a wry look and looked back at me.

"Look kid, there was this shitbag in here last night. Had on a Vault 101 suit and claimed he was living with you."

"Yeah, Butch."

Gob shook his head.

"Right, Butch. Well, after a few beers the kid got smashed. He was ranting and raving about shit that happened with you in the vault and how he was going to 'reenact' it that night. I don't know how you know this kid, and it's none of my business, but I'm worried. Did he try anything?"

My heart was going a mile a minute. I clenched the neck of the wine bottle so hard I was scared it might break. I lifted it to my lips and took a long, deep sip. Putting it between my legs, and out of Jericho's reach, I looked at Gob.

"No. He left early this morning."

Gob nodded and pushed back off the bar. He silently went back to cleaning things that were already clean. I stared at him, blank and trance-like. _My past with Butch is darker than you'd ever imagine, Gob. And so much more shameful than I let Charon believe. Neither of you have any idea_. As far as I knew, I would take all this shame and sadness to the grave with me. I didn't need anybody, and they sure as hell didn't need me. No, I'm wrong. I need Charon. But he does not need me. That's for damn sure. I looked over at Jericho, holding up the wine bottle, smiling. It is so much easier to run from everything.

* * *

I stumbled over my own feet, hiccupping and burping. I had spent a good part of the day in Moriarty's, drinking round after round of liquor. Gob stopped serving me after I got too rowdy with my gun and kicked me out. Jericho said he'd meet up with me later. Stupid fucker. The setting sun hurt my eyes as I put my hand over them. I tried to walk like that, but fell flat on my face.

"Goddamnit!"

I said, picking myself up. There was two or three of everything. I'd never gotten this wasted, but damn if it didn't make me feel better. I saw Manya or whatever they call her, standing outside of her house. She glared at me.

"You better not be causing any trouble."

I gave her the bird.

"Get bent ya old hag."

Oh Old Dez, I have missed you so much. I fumbled with the rifle on my back, trying to make it more comfortable. It felt like it weighed a ton. Manya gasped at me as I walked by her, heading home.

"You need to respect your elders!"

I turned back, walking backwards down the ramp.

"You're not old, you're ancient!"

I laughed as I fell on my ass, rolling down the ramp. Stupid old bitch. She'd been in Megaton longer than anyone, she wouldn't know what to do with herself in the desert. She had no right to pass judgment on me for getting a little drunk. Okay, a lot drunk. I used the railings to pick myself off the ground and burp. Megaton didn't look that great with drunk-goggles on. I started noticing just how filthy it was, and yearned for a place of my own.

"I'm gonna get out of this shit-town as soon as I sober up."

I slurred to myself, holding the walls of Jericho's house for support. I had a hard time, but I was able to open my front door and stumble in. I giggled as I looked down at the garden gnome near my door.

"Miss Dez?"

I jumped at my name. Charon came out of the kitchen, and I smiled at him.

"You're…you came…you're home."

I slurred, tripping over the same gnome I laughed at. Those fuckin' things creeped me out.

"Yes, I am. I stated I would be home when we talked earlier. Where is your friend?"

I fell on the floor and sat on my ass. I felt my eyes water over as I looked up at Charon. He still didn't know.

"Butch got kicked…he uh…Lucas kicked him out."

I pretended I was strangling someone and smiled. Charon looked at me like I had lost my mind. Maybe I had, Charon, maybe I had.

"Why?"

I made faces at the imaginary person's head and let my hands go. I put my palms under my knees and sighed. The stockings that went with my outfit felt funny.

"I dun wanna talk 'bout it."

Charon sighed loudly, and grabbed me from under my arms. I played dead-weight as he effortlessly picked me up and set me on my feet. Just how strong is he? I weighed a good…well I weigh something not light. I'm not sure anymore. I should weigh myself.

"You are drunk."

I turned around, grabbing him for support. The room spun around me.

"Yup."

Charon sighed again, and took a step back from me. He helped me into a chair, and I slumped down.

"I wanna smoke!"

He handed me a smoke and sat down beside me.

"You should sleep this off, Miss Dez."

"Charon it's _Dez_. Stop being so…so…wassat word? Formal."

"Yes, Dez. I remember that."

"So stop callin' me Miss for shit sake. Sound old. Ugh man do we have any beer?"

"Haven't you drank enough?"

I burped, lighting my cigarette. Inhaling it made me have such a rush. I have no idea why.

"Charon, get me a beer, please."

He got up and went into the kitchen. I rested my head on the back of the chair and soaked in my drunken essence. I had no filter on my words, and I knew that was dangerous. I opened one eye as I heard Charon walk back, holding two beers. I took one, and he took the other. I smiled to myself _It's about time he lets up._ Shut up, voice. Shut the fuckity fuck up. You are not welcome here tonight.

I cracked open my beer and took a nice sip from it. It was warm in my house, and the cold beer helped me chill. I burped loudly, and laughed.

"I burped."

"Yes, I noticed."

I rolled my head to look at Charon.

"Where'd ya go today? You like…left man, you left."

"I had some things to take care of."

"Oh ya? Girl things?"

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"No."

I took another swig of my beer, and frowned. Anger set itself in my mind, and I can't figure out why.

"Do you want to runaway from here, Charon? With me?"

"Why?"

"Ugh, we could live in satellites…"

"They don't exist. They fell from space long ago."

I growled at him.

"No! Not those! The _land_ ones, Charon!"

"Oh."

I scowled at him, and hurled my beer at his head. He dodged it and it shattered against the wall.

"Dez! What the hell?"

"Eat shit Charon!"

I got up and steadied myself. I burped again, and looked for something else to throw. I found a baseball, don't ask me how it got there. Picking it up I threw it at Charon, but he caught it, letting it fall to the floor.

"That's it!"

He came at me, gabbing my arms and pinning them to my sides. His strength was unbelievable as I kicked my feet at him. He lifted me off the ground and put me over his shoulder. I kicked and hit him, screaming.

"Put me down! Right now! Put me down!"

"Physical violence invalidates our contract!"

"Fuck you put me down you rotten shit!"

He climbed the stairs to my bedroom, and threw me on my bed. I went up to punch him, but he kept me pinned.

"I am _not_ putting up with this any longer!"

He pushed me into the mattress and stormed away. I got up, chasing him.

"Where the fuck do you get off touching me?"

I shoved him down the stairs and he stumbled, almost falling. He turned and glared at me, anger in his eyes.

"You are drunk and I am not putting up with it."

He walked over and gathered his things from beside the workbench. I felt all the rage I'd been holding inside boil over the surface of my insides. I charged at him, arms flailing. I started hitting his chest, my fists bouncing off his armor.

"No! No! You _stay_! I _order you to stay_!"

He held my arms down, and got really close to my face.

"I am leaving Dez."

"Who the fuck gives you permission to leave?"

"Me."

He let me go and grabbed his contract from the locker. I watched him as he shoved it in his pocket, and strapped his shotgun to his back. My eyes darted everywhere, and I started to shake.

"Who is going to take care of me?"

I said, the words seething through my teeth.

"You have Butch to take care of you. You can take care of yourself."

I lunged at him again, but he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. I didn't want him to let me go, so I struggled as hard as I could, feeling his grip tighten around me.

"I am leaving, Miss Dez. You will deal with it."

I felt it all leave. I let my body go limp, and Charon let me go. I dropped to the floor, and watched as he walked to the front door.

"I trusted you, Charon. I cannot do this anymore."

I said, looking at the floor.

"Neither can I, Miss Dez."

I dug my nails into the steel floor, scratching it. I kept my eyes focused on the steel, trying to make it vanish.

"Goodbye, Dez."

I heard the door open and close, and Charon's footsteps down to the wooden planks. Then…nothing. Silence. I am alone. I pounded my fists into the ground, not making any noise, just the sound of the rhythmic pounding. Inside I shook, vibrated from all the turmoil I felt. _Everyone you've ever loved leaves you, Dezbe. There is no one out here for you in the Capitol Wasteland. Give it up, run. Kill yourself for all anyone cares, but you can't stay here_.

I looked up, tears running down my cheeks. I could chase him, run after him and force him to stay, but…that was impossible. I couldn't even see straight, how am I supposed to run? Sure, I felt more sober, but I am in no condition to run. He'll be in Underworld. He has to be there. He…can't leave me like this.


	44. Chapter 44

(? POV)

It killed him to leave her like that. Leave her on the floor in a heap of her own body. She hadn't looked up at him as he left, as he closed the door. Fuck. Charon didn't want to leave, but he couldn't be around her anymore. _Curse her to hell for making me feel like this._ The way she had swayed her body, flirted with him, laughed and made him want to laugh, it drove him mad. He had almost lost himself while he forced her onto her own bed. That was when he knew he had to leave.

The sun was vanishing over the horizon, and it would be dark soon. Normally, Charon would suggest a campsite, but he didn't have the need to camp anymore. _I can make it to Underworld faster if I don't stop. If I take the Metro tunnels._ When he had heard Butch enter her room the night before, it tore him up inside. He wanted to go in there and blast his over-greased head off. He just silently held his breath, hoping she'd call to him, hoping it was some mistake. But she didn't.

Charon tried not to listen to Butch's heavy breathing and moans. He pushed the sounds out of his head and tried to sleep. Finally, when Butch left, he knew he couldn't take it. He had wanted to go in that room, go in there and scream at her for all she'd done, but he couldn't. _She…she looked so defeated._

He played the images in his mind, the memories of what he had endured while with her. She thought she was the Queen of the Wasteland, walking around like she could take on anything. Shit, events proved her wrong. Charon didn't know how to react that night in the tunnels when she bandaged his leg, or any time she touched him. He just froze up, hoping she'd let him go soon enough.

Fuck. He didn't like anybody. But he liked her. He had to admit that much to himself. One second she's crying about something that he wasn't around to see, and the next she's blasting something off in the distance and putting herself in harms way. He can still feel her body pressed against his. He never wanted that feeling to go, it brought him comfort. _I should have kept a closer eye on her, slept outside her room, made sure he couldn't get in there even if they both wanted it._

Truth be told, when he left earlier that day it wasn't for any good reason. He had to blow off steam, and fought a group of Raiders and Super Mutants. It made him feel better, calm himself, muster the courage to return to the Megaton home. He's never felt like more of an asshole in his life, than he did when he left her like that. _She might try something stupid…_He shook his head. No. If she had wanted to do something that badly, she would have taken advantage of the large amounts of ammo in her supply case.

Often he'd wonder how she would react if one day he took it to another step. How she'd feel if he admitted everything to himself and took that chance. _No._ Charon isn't stupid. He cannot allow feelings to intervene with his jobs. It never has before. Sand shifted from under his steps, but he ignored it and kept walking. Outside of the Brotherhood of Steel, no one would bother him. Super Mutants left him alone unless provoked, as did Feral Ghouls and Raiders. It was always Dez they were after. Except for Talon Company.

Charon remembered that incident at Fort Bannister. It took all of his strength to not stop and throw up every morsel he'd eaten. He'd never forget that look in her eyes, the way she cried his name. Hell every time she said his name he shuddered. It was thick and sweet, dripping with something he couldn't pick up on. Maybe it's how she always sounded, but he couldn't shake it.

"Charon…"

She'd say like it was her last word with her dying breath. It damn drove him up a wall, and took every muscle to restrain him. When she was hurting and said his name, he wanted to climb inside her and soothe whatever hurt her. He wanted to blast off Butch's head the second she confirmed it was him.

"Charon, I need you…"

Her voice rang in his head like a song stuck on repeat. It had blown him away, when she confessed her neediness, her insecurities and despair for human contact. _And I left her…I left her with nothing, with nobody_. He knew returning to Underworld alone would result in everyone trying to get his contract. He knew if someone had it, any feeling he had towards that bitch from Vault 101 would have to be submerged. _But will I ever really take an order to kill her?_

Charon didn't want to think about that if it happened. He had bigger things to concern himself with right now. Who was going to hold his contract? Only once had he held it himself, and that was when Carol and Greta came into the picture. She took him in, gave him a purpose. Without an employer, he had nothing. Maybe Carol would agree to take him back, and he could clean and do odd jobs. He didn't mind spending time away from the desert and from Dez. _But I cannot get her out of my mind. She is all I think about, it drives me crazy. I cannot forget her. _Charon knew deep down, one day, he'd have to admit it sooner or later. One day he was going to be faced with a situation where he couldn't contain it any longer. That's why he had to leave. He didn't want her to know. It would destroy everything, destroy him.


	45. Chapter 45

I left Megaton exactly two days ago. I ditched that stupid Merc Charmer outfit and got myself some Raider Painspike Armor. It suited me better, and gave me more of a reason to show off my stomach. I got myself a new shotgun, double barrel, from some crazy trader who came from Point Lookout, wherever that is. It had quite the kick to it, and I was able to knock off three Raiders in half the time it took my rifle. But I kept my rifle, too, for good measure.

It was hot and dusty, as usual in the Capitol Wasteland. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving home, I just did. At first, I was going to go straight for them satellites, just like I wanted to before. But…two steps out of Megaton and I turned for the city. Dealing with Charon's absence was like having your heart ripped out and stomped on. It damn hurt. I didn't get off my floor for hours after he left, and then I locked myself in my room for a day. Being alone does crazy things to me, things I don't want to recall.

So I caved in. I've been walking for two days, sleeping little, and shooting off anything that came within a mile of me. It's been so depressing, all alone. I found a quicker way to the Museum of History, though. A nice Raider told me before I kindly shot his face off, and scavenged him for anything he may have had. That's where I'm headed now. To see Charon. I should be there in a few hours, if I'm lucky. _I told you I'd follow you, Charon. I told myself, anyways._

He'd be happy to see me, I bet. I'd apologize and hug him and beg him to come home with me. I'd even opt to go to Vault 87 if he wanted to. I've been crazy without him. There hasn't been a night where I didn't cry myself to sleep, calling out for him and gripping my arms like they were his. When some stupid Raider snuck up on me and got me good with a Nail Board, I cried out for him. It took me a while to realize he wasn't there, that he wasn't even with me anymore. I had to tend to my own wound, it felt different. A bad kind of different.

I'm lost without Charon, I realized. Blinded and lost. I do stupid things, like not look where I'm going and stumble into a Super Mutant camp, or make too much noise when talking to myself. I'm not myself anymore, I'm not sure who I am, actually. I just know this 'being alone' shit terrifies me. I don't know my ass from my elbow, I've become co-dependent on Charon.

Hell…I don't even know if he'll take me back. It made me want to stop and cry, stop and hit the ground with all the force I had. I missed him that much. My father had left me, my mother died a long time ago, and the only time I didn't feel so lonely and abandoned was in his arms. He was my safety net, my comfort and voice of reason. Without him, I'm not Dez, Vigilante of the Capitol Wasteland. I am…nobody, really. I'm having some sort of pre-mid-life-identity-crises. The only thing I'm certain of now, is that I miss and need Charon. Even if he doesn't need me, I need him. I don't know what's been keeping me together this whole time, but it wouldn't hold out. Each night I fingered my guns, and thought about how easy it would all be. But then I'd die, just another victim of the desert and force of the Capitol Wasteland. Nobody would know, I'd be so decomposed by the time someone found me, they wouldn't know who I was. They'd just take my stuff and leave. I couldn't die knowing that. If I am going to die, someone had better be there with me.


	46. Chapter 46

(? POV)

Charon was sitting at Ahzrukhal's old bar, sipping a bottle of Purified Water he'd filched from behind the counter. No one said anything to him, really. He came home, and was welcomed. Carol set him up with a bed and some food, and he saw Greta. He'd expected that something would turn inside him, make him forget all about Dez and move on, but nothing happened. They just saw one another, nodded, and went about their business. He didn't feel anything for her, anymore.

It damn disappointed him, too. He was hoping it would be a quick way to get over that crazy bitch. _I'm fucking hopeless_. Charon hadn't forgotten about her, in fact there wasn't a day he didn't think about her. It had been a week and a day, and he was wondering if she was even still alive. After all, she would have been dead countless times before if it wasn't for him.

The doors to the Ninth Circle flew open, and Charon jumped, grabbing the gun that laid on the counter. Charon saw it was simply Quinn, the Underworld's pack mule. He'd often trade things for the citizens with the outside world, and bring back goodies to keep everyone occupied.

"Charon?"

Charon cocked an eyebrow at Quinn. His voice shook and stammered as he spoke.

"What?"

"I…I think you may need to see this."

_Out with it, you bastard_. Charon didn't feel like talking, he never did. He just drank his waters like it was liquor.

"What?"

"Can…can you come with me?"

Quinn was terrified of Charon. Hell, everybody in Underworld was in a way. They accepted him as their own, but never really bothered to know him. His height and imposing armor gave them quite the impression. Charon didn't mind it though, he preferred to be alone. _Except when I was with her…I never wanted to be alone again._

Charon strapped his gun on his back, and nodded at Quinn. Quinn quickly led him out of the Ninth Circle and into the foyer. Charon was wondering what the hell he was so scared of, but he figured he'd see soon enough.

"N…Now don't…don't be all angry with…with me okay?"

Quinn's voice annoyed him, and he grunted in response. He had no time for this, but what else would he do?

"I…it was an accident…I…I didn't mean…I didn't mean to do it…"

Quinn led Charon to the Chop Shop, and Charon sighed. He figured Quinn had messed with something Dr. Barrows was working on and it backfired. It wouldn't be the first time Quinn did something stupid that cost someone else a good piece of still-attached skin.

Charon walked through the doors. Nurse Graves gave him a sad look and wandered away. Charon crossed his arms, and smelt something familiar. _This better not have anything to fucking to with me_. He thought to himself, trying to figure out what he smelt.

"O…Okay Charon…Dr….Dr. Barrows wants to speak…speak with you."

He looked up from the wall he was staring at, and glared down at Dr. Barrows. He didn't want to be here.

"Charon, I believe I have some bad news."

"Yeah, you people keep telling me that. What the fuck is it?"

He didn't mean to be such an asshole, but it was the only thing he knew.

"I…I told him I didn't…didn't mean it."

Quinn said, and Charon shot him a look.

"Do you want to tell him?"

"No, Stuttering Stanley over here won't spit it out. You tell me, Doc."

There was no way he had the patience to sit with some stuttering ghoul who was about to jump out of his skin, erm, muscle at the sheer sight of Charon.

"Alright Charon. You are unemployed, correct?"

"Yes."

Even with his contract in his own hands, he was still as formal as possible with dealing with people…sometimes.

"Do you recall your former employer?"

"Dez. Dezbe, I mean."

"Well, while Quinn was exploring the mall, something happened."

"What? What does this have to do with me for?"

He was growing impatient. He wanted to go and shoot some Ferals down in the tunnels for fuck's sake. Not stand here and listen to rants.

"Back on subject. It seems while Quinn was doing dealings with a trader, your former employer, Dezbe, ambushed a pack of Super Mutants behind them. Quinn didn't know who it was at fist, but initially believed he was being attacked."

Charon took note of how Dr. Barrows was speaking. He was never this polite to anyone.

"Yes, continue."

Charon told him, itching for a cigarette.

"He fired his weapon at your former employer. Only when he saw her did he notice who she was. He carried her back here."

"Wait one fucking minute, he _shot_ her?"

Dr. Barrows nodded his head. Charon felt something awaken inside of him, and the next thing he knew he was on top of Quinn, pummeling him with well-placed punches. He felt Dr. Barrows' arms around his shoulders, and it tugged him back into reality. He spun around, fueled by anger.

"I'm afraid so. A dangerous shot to the chest, and another to her leg. Only two hit her, but I'm afraid she's severely wounded and has lost a lot of blood."

Charon's eyes widened. He'd never been faced with this kind of situation. He'd come to care for this employer, and now she was about to be ripped from existence entirely.

"Where is she?"

Behind him, Quinn stood up and backed himself into a corner. Charon ignored the noise, resisting urge to turn around and hit him over and over again.

"She's here. He brought her to me, and I've done all I can. We can hope and wait, but other than that…there's nothing."

"Let me see her."

"I'm afraid I can't have that. She needs to stay in her bed and rest."

Charon had pulled the shotgun from his back. He'd never felt this kind of anger.

"You let me see her or I will fucking kill you."

Dr. Barrows had no other choice. He nodded and pointed to a closed-off bed in the corner. Charon nodded and walked over, putting his shotgun back. He didn't want to see her, he didn't want to think about anything that was happening, but he couldn't help himself. _I just have to see if she's okay_. Glancing down, Charon saw her. Her pink hair was strewn around her face, and her eyes were closed. _She's just sleeping_. He looked down, and saw she was dressed in Raider Painspike Armor. Somehow, Charon found himself smirking at this. _I leave her alone for a week and she's back to prancing around half-naked_. Bandages were wrapped tightly over her shoulder and on her leg. He could see her chest moving up and down slowly, and her fingers twitching.

Charon stood there, not sure what he was supposed to be doing. He'd never felt like this, never felt this form of relief that washed over him. Suddenly, he found he wasn't so mad at Quinn anymore. If it hadn't been for him, he didn't know if he'd ever see Dez again. God knows what she was doing in the mall, but Charon didn't care. He'd never been happier to see someone in his life.

He watched her carefully, his eyes scanning over her body. _Thank god she's okay…_ Charon thought as he stroked the side of her arm mindlessly with his finger. He saw that blood was leaking through her bandages, and frowned. Charon never thought he'd feel this way, and he never thought he'd admit it to himself, but he found he was warming up to the idea. _I had no idea you meant this much to me._ Charon looked down and realized that his innocent action of tracing her arm had turned into him holding her hand. His first reaction was to let go, but he didn't. He liked the feel of her smooth skin against his battered, worn and rotten flesh.

Dr. Barrows and Quinn stood in silence behind Charon. They'd never seen this form of interaction between a ghoul and a smooth skin. Even in all of Quinn's travels, he's never seen something like it. Charon tried to ignore them, but the feeling of their stares was driving him mad. He let go of Dez's hand and drew the white curtain behind him. This was a big moment for him, and the invasion of Dr. Barrows and Quinn seemed like too much.

Charon sat there, his hand squeezing hers. He didn't know what he should do, if there was anything he could do. He kept his eyes focused on her, everything else didn't seem to matter. _I will sit here until you wake. Then I will say my final goodbye_. It is not in his nature to feel. Not in his person or body to accept the strong emotions he held inside. Sometimes goodbye is better, sometime it is the only way. He did not want to travel with her, and have her safety risked because of his foolish emotions. The weight of that would be too much to bear. Like Fort Bannister.

He closed his eyes, and concentrated on the feeling of her skin on his. She had a rough palm, but the back of her hand was smooth. Charon wished there was another way he could figure this out, that goodbye wasn't the only way. He felt his eyes water. _Keep it together, you shit-bag._ He prayed to God that she would wake up and pull through this. _I will not forgive myself for leaving you_.


	47. Chapter 47

My body felt like a Super Mutant was dancing on it. I felt stiff all over. The last thing I remember is some ghoul shooting at me. What the fuck did I do to deserve that, anyways? I was trying to get rid of a Super Mutant Master that wasn't letting up on the Missile Launcher on his shoulder. The explosion itself almost knocked me on my back for fuck's sake.

I shook my head, moaning to see if I was still alive. Something soft was beneath me. I kicked my legs, but my left leg caused me extreme pain. I groaned loudly, and tried to reach for it. Something holding my hand held me back.

"Let me go you stupid fuck!"

I thought I was being attacked, that some Raiders had gotten to me. I jerked open my eyes, and closed them instantly. Bright lights shone over me and I sighed.

"I'm dead…funny, I didn't know death was painful."

I grumbled to myself. I tried to open my eyes again, this time slowly. I let them adjust. I flexed my fists, and to my shock, whatever was holding my right hand flexed back. I snapped my eyes wide and looked.

"What the fuck!"

I yelled, panicking. I pulled from there grip and reached for my gun that wasn't there. I rubbed my eyes, ignoring the excruciating pain that shot through my body. Blinking, I sighed a breath of relief.

"Charon…"

He nodded, his face the same as it was when he left. I looked down at my body. I was bandaged up, no wonder it hurt. Charon reached for me, and I fell into his grip. I had pressed myself against a wall, but I crawled back to the center of the bed I was on, meeting him halfway. He cradled me in his arms, patting my head.

"Charon…what happened?"

His massive arms made me feel so safe. I practically didn't feel the pain when he held me. I tried to curl up into him, trying to disappear.

"Quinn accidentally shot at you."

"Who?"

"You need to rest, Dez."

I shook my head at him, trying to make this last.

"No, Charon. I want to know what happened. Where am I?"

He pulled his head back and looked at me. Taking his hand, he cupped the side of my face.

"You are in Underworld, inside the Chop Shop. You are safe."

"But what _happened_?"

"I told you, Quinn accidentally shot you. He did not know who you were. What were you doing here?"

I looked into his white eyes. I didn't want to tell him I'd almost died coming to see him, coming to beg for him back. I shook my head, placing it back on his chest.

"I…I don't know."

It was a lie, I knew it, but he didn't. I just wanted him to hold me like this forever. He's the only one I have out here. I felt him pull away from me and stand up. I reached out to him, but remembered the pain. I withdrew, pressing my hand on my shoulder.

"Fuck it hurts…"

Charon frowned at me.

"You must rest."

"Where are you going?"

"Upstairs. You can leave when you are ready."

He walked out. I was too shocked to say anything, to call after him. Another ghoul walked over to me, and introduced himself as Dr. Barrows.

"You seem to be recovering just fine."

I scowled at him.

"Where's my stuff?"

"Over at my desk."

"I'm leaving."

I got up but he grabbed my arm. The good one.

"I must insist you stay until you are fully recovered."

"No!"

I jerked my arm from him. Walking over to my stuff killed, my left leg was bandaged and in pretty shitty condition. It hurt to put the tiniest amount of weight down on it, so I took some time figuring out how to walk. When I found a comfortable position for my damaged leg, I took a step. This wasn't going to get me very far very fast.

"Miss, will you please come back? You are not yet fully recovered."

I grabbed my stuff and painfully swung it over my shoulder. I looked back at Dr. Barrows, and flashed him a sad smile.

"I have to go get Charon."

"Charon will still be here when you fully recover. Leaving now puts you at great risk for infection."

"I don't care. Either you let me go, or I'm going to go anyways."

Dr. Barrows sighed. He scribbled something on his clipboard, and I nodded. Turning my back, I dragged my stupid leg behind me as I limped over to the door. I couldn't let Charon get away so easy. _What if he doesn't want to come back_? Well, then I'll just leave. I'll go and travel and get infected and just die out there. I have no purpose or meaning without him anymore. If he does not come with me, then I don't want to experience anything.

I gimped all the way up the stairs. I am so fucking glad their banisters aren't demolished, because if they were I would not have made it up. Ghouls passed me, looking at me like I was crazy. Some of them recognized me and some didn't. I didn't care if they did or not, I just wanted to get up to Charon. I am on a mission, and don't need small talk. Somehow I made it to the doors of the Ninth Circle. I was exhausted, out of breath, and dripping blood from somewhere. If this doesn't show determination and devotion, I don't know what does.

I used my weight to open the doors. As it swung open, I leaned on it, letting it bring me inside. Ghouls stared at me like I was crazy. I probably am, too. I'm losing blood from somewhere, just limped up a flight of stairs, and swung in on a door just to beg some mercenary ghoul to come home with me. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Nice one there, Dezbe, you really have lost it.

I'm not sure why they kept it so dim and dark in here. Maybe they liked it that way. Maybe they just couldn't keep up with the failing electricity and this was their way of preserving power. Either way, it didn't help me. I scanned the room twice before I saw Charon. He was sitting at the bar, his back to me. Is shotgun was resting against the barstool, it was the only thing that made me realize it was him. Lifting myself off of the door, I hobbled over to him. The ghoul residents in the bar cocked their eyebrows at me. I bet they were curious as to why Charon had some injured smooth skin chasing after him. It was none of their business. Fuck them.

"Charon?"

I said, out of breath, exhausted. I could barley keep myself up. He turned around, looking me up and down.

"What are you doing up here?"

"I'm not leaving until you give me your contract. You have to come with me."

I lost my balance and he caught me with his arm. He pulled me on to a barstool next to him, and I put my weight on the bar.

"You are not healed."

I sighed, looking at him.

"Charon, please."

He shook his head at me, handing me a bottle of Purified Water.

"I cannot. You are no longer my employer, I am no longer in your service."

"Give me your contract then, please."

I drank the water down hastily. Instantly, I became worried. My father had said that with certain injuries, water is the enemy. I didn't think this was serious enough injury.

"Dez, I cannot."

"If you don't come with me, I'm going to leave right now and die out there."

"Dez…"

"Do you want me to die?"

I yelled at him. Everyone in the Ninth Circle looked at us, and I saw as Charon glanced around nervously.

"Keep your voice down. No. I do not want you to die."

"Then _come with me_."

"Where?"

"Out of here! Come _home_, Charon."

"This is my home."

I glared at him. I had traveled all the way out here and gotten my ass shot just to hear him say no. Pushing off the bar, I balanced on my right leg and tried to storm off. It didn't really work that well, because I fell face-first on to the granite floor. Pain shot mercilessly through my body, and I curled up into a ball. I moaned in agony, this wasn't supposed to happen like this. He was supposed to come and stay with me. None of this turned out the way it should have.

I felt Charon wrap his arms around me, and pick me up. I squealed from the pain, but didn't resist.

"I am taking you back downstairs."

"I'm not going to stay."

He sighed.

"You must."

"What do you care?"

I let him carry me down the stairs, but once that was over, I started to flail. He struggled, and we both fell on the ground.

"Goddmanit Dez!"

You know, sometimes I think of letting go and giving up. I think about just putting my gun to my temple and squeezing that trigger. I've never had the courage to, but now I think I do.

"You don't care, so I'm leaving. You don't want to come with me, then I will leave without you."

"You will die in this condition. There is a Super Mutant nest right outside."

"I don't care."

I picked myself off the ground using the wall. I glared at Charon and tried to hobble away from him.

"If you are that persistent, then I will accompany you once again. But I cannot guarantee my services will be as productive and useful as before."

I turned around. My whole body felt lighter than air.

"I don't care if you sleep the whole time, Charon."

He shrugged, and pulled out his contract. He handed it to me, and I looked it over, feeling it between my fingers. He's mine again. All mine.

"Will you please return to the Chop Shop?"

I shook my head. Digging in my bag, I shot myself with two needles of Med-X. I felt the pain dissipate, and numbness and euphoria take over. I took in a deep gulp of air, trying to return to my normal self. I glanced back at Charon. He eyed me with suspicion.

"Let's go."

I told him, and headed for the door. I heard his footsteps behind me as I walked.

"Where are we going?"

"Vault 87."

He grumbled something, but I didn't bother to hear him. I was just glad he was back. Hell he could yell, curse, kick and scream for all I care and I wouldn't bat an eyelash. I knew I needed him because when I'm around him, I don't feel so crummy. I don't feel like dying so much, and I don't feel like the Capitol Wasteland is so bad. I feel that somewhere there's still good people trying to do good things, despite everything else. That somewhere there's something out there for me. It may not be the satellites I've been trying to get to, but it was something. At least I had hope. In a world like this you need hope. Without Charon, though, there is no hope. At least not for me.

The sun shone down on me, and I could hear the faint traces of Super Mutants in the not-so-far-distance. Charon walked up behind me, filling that gap of 'personal space'.

"I suggest we take the Metro Tunnels to Jury Street if possible. You are in no condition to be fighting."

I looked up at him, smiling, loving the high euphoria.

"I got a new gun!"

Charon frowned and looked at my back.

"Yes. I see that."

"It's cool."

"Come on."

He drew his shotgun and began to lead me to the Metro Tunnel in front of me. I didn't want to go in, but I didn't want to pick a fight with Charon so early on in our travels, either. I sighed. The worst that can happen is we get stuck with a couple Raiders or Feral ghouls. I mean, it's not _that_ bad, considering the Super Mutant Overlord screaming in the distance.

"I would prefer it if you stayed close."

Charon muttered, fumbling with the lock on the chain gate while trying to keep an eye out for danger.

"Why?"

"You are injured and this will affect your combat skills."

"I can shoot a gun."

He got the gate open and looked at me.

"But the shoulder that takes the recoil is injured. You can very well kill yourself if you fire that weapon."

I nodded and followed him into the darkness. It washed over me like a storm cloud, making me feel so depressed and…and just not myself. I felt my heart quicken. You know, Med-X helps with pain, but it sure makes you nauseous. Every now and again, Charon would quickly glace back. He'd turn his head enough so he could see me in his peripheral vision, then quickly straighten his neck. I felt…I felt like falling into his arms and crying every time he did that. One day, I'm not going to let this build up inside me anymore. One day, I'm going to tell him how I feel.


	48. Chapter 48

I didn't keep track of the time. I didn't pay attention to how many twists and turns we had taken deep within the underground tunnels. I didn't pay attention to anything. I couldn't. I found myself soaked in my own sweat, but freezing at the same time. I barely had enough energy to mutter responses to Charon every now and then. I felt so dizzy and weak, like I couldn't hold my own weight.

I know if I asked, Charon would stop and we'd make a camp, but I didn't want to. The last thing I needed was for him to tell me he was right and we needed to go back to Underworld or something. So I kept it to myself, focusing on the only thing I could. I just watched his back, watched how he walked, and counted his paces in my head. He would look back still, but he brushed off my stare as me just being me. Thank fucking god I have the kind of personality where everyone accepts anything I do as normal. If I had been anyone else, I would have been seriously fucked.

"I thought I heard something…"

Charon said, and I picked my head up.

"Must…Must have been a…Radroach or somethin'."

I was out of breath, tired, and weak. Charon looked back at me, eyeing me up and down.

"You do not look well."

I shook my head.

"Naw I'm fine."

Standing still made me sick, so I rested my arm against the steel wall. It was cool, and I embraced the feeling while hating it at the same time. Charon walked over to me, placing his entire hand on my face. He felt my cheek, and my forehead.

"You feel like you've been in the sun all day."

"It's hot down here."

"…No, it is not."

Oops. Forgot we were _underground_. Meaning no sun. Meaning no heat. Meaning I was caught. Charon frowned at me, and I tried to force a smile. He grabbed my waist and slid me down the cool wall. He placed a small pistol in my hand and knelt down.

"Listen, I saw a door a few yards back. You stay here. I will pry it open."

"I'm fine, really Charon."

"No."

He got up and walked down the tunnel. I listened to the beat of his feet, and let the numbers bounce off in my head. I heard a loud piece of metal scrape, Charon moan, and his feet returning.

"You didn't need to leave me the gun."

He didn't say anything. He took the pistol from my hand, and put it back on his waist. He didn't have it before. I felt him wrap his hands around my good arm and pull me up. His arm went around my waist and we walked together.

"It is a small room, there is a sleeping mat."

He led me to the room, and there was a mat, but only enough for one person. Charon led me inside and carefully set me down on the mat, against the wall. I was breathing heavy and felt nasty in my own sweat. He turned back around and closed the door, locking it.

"We will be safe here. Give me your pack."

I leaned forward and he took the pack from my body. Dumping the contents on the floor, he sifted around. My Pip-Boy glowed everything green, and I felt like I was hallucinating.

"What are you looking for?"

"Do you have medical supplies?"

I nodded, and pointed to an old Lunchbox I picked up. It was easier for me to keep my medical stuff in there. Charon opened it, and pulled out a few Stimpacks.

"Come here."

I moved forward. He bit the top off and shoved it into my chest. I gasped with pain.

"Suck it up."

I glared at him. He removed the needle and sighed.

"I have to take off the bandages."

I shook my head, and leaned back against the wall.

"It's alright. I think I just need rest."

"I told you that before you left Underworld."

"I didn't want to listen."

Charon sighed angrily, and shoved everything back in my pack. He sat against the door, his legs outstretched.

"You must listen to me, Dez."

"What for? I'm fine."

"You have an infection. Look how quickly it set in."

"Well, maybe the Capitol Wasteland shouldn't be so dirty."

He shook his head like he was laughing at my comment. I turned my Pip-Boy light off, shrouding us in dim darkness. There was a beam of light shining in from under the door, but it wasn't enough.

"Where is Butch? He didn't return for you?"

I blinked slowly. I'd never told him. Looking up at him, I was happy he couldn't see the tears forming in my eyes.

"Butch…Butch is probably dead, Charon."

"Oh. I am sorry."

"No, no don't be. He…deserves it."

Charon inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly.

"I have wanted to ask you something, Dez. Please do not answer if you feel uncomfortable."

"Okay."

"That night with Butch…did he…was it consensual?"

I blinked, and shook my head. Then I remembered he couldn't see me. I sighed, lifting my good arm to wipe off my face.

"No."

There. I said it. I felt…I felt relieved. Like this huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I couldn't see Charon's face in the darkness, but I knew he was processing what I said, going over it in his mind. I felt ashamed, hearing myself admit it out loud. I didn't feel like a person, really. I felt like I was just some hollow shell of one. I wrapped my arms around myself, fighting the feelings of despair and nausea all at once.

"I am sorry."

Charon hardly said it above a whisper, but in the confined space we sat in, it sounded like he screamed it.

"For what?"

"I should have protected you."

I choked on air, and felt my throat swallow hard.

"It isn't your fault, Charon."

"I am required to protect you and I have failed."

"How could you protect me against something you weren't aware of?"

I heard him shift his weight, his leather armor creaking. I desperately wanted a cigarette, but I knew smoking while feeling this sick was a bad idea.

"It is still failure on my part."

I smirked to myself, feeling my tears drip off my chin. I shook my head, hoping he could see my face.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Charon. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"Why didn't you call for me?"

"He said he'd kill me."

"You believed him?"

"He had a knife."

Charon sighed in the darkness.

"It's my fault, really. I shouldn't have let him come with us. If he hadn't then maybe you wouldn't have left. Maybe things would still be okay and I wouldn't be sitting here like this. I guess I'm not really good at decision making. I'm not very good at a lot of things, actually."

"Dez?"

"I mean…what kind of person am I? My own father didn't even like me. I must be someone really bad, if I can live with the things I've done. If I can chase away anyone I've ever cared about. I deserved what Butch did, I deserved you leaving. I'm not an easy person, and it was a wake-up call. But…it didn't really work now, did it? I can still wake up every day and go about my life, I can still mercilessly kill people and things without a second thought. I have no idea what I've become…Everyone I know goes away in the end…I must be something terrible."

I couldn't stop the words from flowing. I wanted them to. I wanted them to stop, for my mouth to close, for _something_ to cease my talking. But it didn't.

"If I could start again, I would find a different way. I'd…I'd be nicer and better and more open to people. I wouldn't make the same choices. I…I'd be a better person, kinder, more forgiving I guess.

The other night before I got to the mall, I hurt myself. I did it on purpose. I wanted to see if I was still alive, because I was feeling so numb. I wanted to feel alive, remind myself that I wasn't dreaming. I didn't want to accept it, but I had to. I've realized I've become a monster. I felt so alone and exposed out in the desert with no one. It scared me, Charon. I didn't want to keep going…"

I took in a fresh breath and wiped my face. I sniffed my nose and debated if I should turn on my Pip-Boy or not. Charon hadn't said anything while I ranted, I wasn't even sure he was listening, but it felt good to say it all out loud. It felt good to admit it.

"You are not a bad person, Dez. We have all done things we are ashamed of, but we must in order to survive. It does not make you bad, it just makes you stronger. You should not be so hard on yourself. You are not to blame for anything that has happened."

I whimpered like a hurt dog. I heard Charon move, his armor groaning. He crawled over to me and my sickly body, and wrapped his arms around me. I felt like a child, but I didn't care. He cradled me like he had before, pulling me onto his lap and patting my head.

"I don't like myself very much."

"No one likes themselves, Dez."

"Why did you leave me?"

The question hurt to ask, but I had to know, so I would never make that mistake again.

"It's…complicated Dez."

"Oh. I lied when I told you I felt fine. I don't."

"I know."

He squeezed me tighter, absentmindedly wiping the sweat from my forehead.

"Am I going to die?"

Charon sighed, and I felt his chin touch my head. I closed my eyes.

"If the infection persists long enough, yes, it is possible."

I swallowed and pressed myself into him, looking for comfort and security.

"Will you let me die?"

"No."

He hugged me, his arms wrapped around me like we were lovers or something. I liked how I fit with him, how his body could cover and protect mine. No one can hurt me when Charon holds me. I am invincible.

"I trust you."

I told him, pressing my arms into my chest. He shifted, displacing his weight and pressing his back against the wall.

"What do you mean, Dez?"

"I trust you…to take care of me. To not leave me forever. I know you'll always come back, even if you don't want to. I trust you more than humans. You won't directly hurt me. I don't think so anyways."

Charon didn't say anything. I don't think he knew what to say exactly.

"If anyone hurts you, I get hurt too. I don't like seeing you get injured."

"You have gotten in worse predicaments than I have."

"People in Megaton talk about us, you know."

"What do they say?"

"They say I'm a whore. That I screw you and Gob. They think that's why you follow and protect me, because you get sex."

"They do not know us. You should not listen to them."

"I don't. That's why I never told you before."

"They can't see who we are, Dez. You are not bad, and no one should think you are."

"Tighter."

Charon knew exactly what I said. He tightened his arms around me. I felt safer than a child in the womb. Nothing could hurt me, they'd have to get through Charon. They'd always have to get through Charon, though. I relished the feeling it gave me to sit like this. This warm, safe, secure feeling it seemed only he could give. I didn't want it to end, I never wanted it to end. It's the only time that I feel like I'm really, truly happy.

I clung to Charon, like…like I don't know what. I shook violently, sick and cold and sweating all at once. Each time a shudder flowed from my head down, he wrapped his arms tighter for a moment, squeezing. I felt my nails digging into his leather, making indents as I held on. I don't know why I held on so tight. He's my cure. I don't feel sick when he's around. Well, not as sick. If I could clutch to him like this all the time, I'd never have to worry. I'd never have the urge to pull that trigger.

"You need medical attention."

I pushed away from him, trying to press myself against the cool, steel floor. Body heat was making me sick now, and I couldn't take it.

"No."

I said to him, feeling relief in the comfort of the floor.

"Dez…"

"I need Jet, Charon. I need Jet."

"You are sick, not withdrawing."

I pressed my hands in my face, groaning.

"But the Jet will make it _stop_! I'll get _better_! It speeds me up Charon _please_."

I curled myself into a ball, withering and squirming. It hurt so much, the pain throbbing, the blood, the lack of comfort I could give myself. I knew in the back of my mind if I could get some Jet, it would be numb. I would be numb. Its stronger than any available Med-X, and damn if I wasn't going to take it.

I pushed myself against the wall with my hands. Charon sat, watching me move in the darkness.

"_Please_ Charon, I _need_ it…"

"No. You will go to a doctor or suffer here. Either option will not, does not, include Jet."

"You want me to _die_!"

I cried, the pain was too intense. My arm and shoulder felt like they were going to be ripped right off my own body. I looked over at the faint outline of Charon. I could turn on my Pip-Boy, but I don't want him to see me like this. I'm drenched in sweat, shaking, pale probably, and feeling like death itself. I whimpered, I'd never felt like this before. My infection must have been pretty bad, jesus.

"Dez, come here, I can help you."

I felt his fingertips touch my clammy skin. I thought he was going to hesitate, pull back at the feel of me, but he didn't. I leg him literally drag me over back onto him. I played dead-weight, moving my head was making me dizzy. He sat me with my back to him, and his legs around me. Placing his hands over mine, he brought them in front of me and began moving them.

"Remember how you told me you played piano?"

"…Yeah."

"Show me then, right now."

"No Charon, I need Jet…please get me some Jet…"

"I guess you can't play then."

I sighed, and nodded. My hands shook as I held them in front of me. I couldn't see them, but I felt them, I _knew_ they were faltering. I hiccuped, choking back a sob.

"Here, I'll help you."

Charon replaced his hands on mine, and moved my fingers with his. We pressed down on pretend keys, and I closed my eyes. I let the movements of our hands and his body take me somewhere I felt safe, warm. Somewhere that I didn't feel this pain, this sickness. I felt his warm cheek at my temple, reminding me of just how large he is in comparison to me.

"What are we playing?"

I asked, my voice quaking.

"Hush."

I did, keeping my eyes closed and letting the feeling calm me. I found myself leading his hands, showing them where they were supposed to go, pressing down on keys that didn't exist. He let me take control, let me move my hands with his, let what remained of his skin catch on the accessories I wore on my wrists. Somehow, this motion, this playing of fake piano, calmed me. It had always calmed me before, but I'd never been sick like this. It felt like I was in some other world, that I was watching myself from above. I could see myself in the darkness, in front of Charon, moving and flowing together. I liked it, relished in it, and pushed the throbbing pain into the back of my mind. Charon's fingers ended up between mine, still moving, still ticking. I closed my hands, ceasing any and all pretend piano playing. The sickness came back to me, but I pretended it wasn't there. I pulled his hands to my chest, and leaned back into him. He didn't resist my hands, as I rubbed his thumb with mine. He didn't stiffen his body or even twitch his leg. _You are pushing the envelope, Dezbe. You are going to get hurt worse than you have been._

I am cold, and I am broken. I am suicidal, and I don't like people very much. I don't have any friends, and out here, I am all alone. There are thoughts in my head that would scare even the bravest Brotherhood soldier and make Super Mutants cringe. But in this dark, dingy room, in the midst of my illness and infection, I found peace. In the Capitol Wasteland, there is no such thing as faith, trust, or love. But for me, in me, there is. Somewhere way deep down inside where I can't find it. It's there, though, I know it.

"You are bleeding, Dez."

Charon whispered to me. He took one of his hands out of mine, and lightly touched my bandages. Rubbing his palm with his fingers, he sighed and wiped it on his leg. I shook my head, keeping my eyes closed as tight at I could.

"I don't care."

"You must sleep, Dez. Your body needs fluids and rest."

"I don't want to go to sleep."

He took his free hand and wrapped it around my waist. Maybe Charon does really feel for me, the way I feel for him. _Yeah, and Super Mutants really aren't that bad, they're just misunderstood. Go bark up another tree there, Dezbe._

"You must."

"I'm not sleepy."

The hold he had on my waist tightened. He squeezed me, trying to give me comfort.

"I will keep watch."

He wasn't going to let up. I didn't want to move and lie down. If I did that, he wouldn't be this close to me. He wouldn't be holding me like this. I'd have to let him go, and feel the effects of being sick all by myself. At least when he was holding me, he could feel me shake, and he knew what I was going through.

"Rest."

He said, taking both of his hands away from me. I had him pinned to the back of the wall. If I didn't move, then he couldn't. I knew that I had to, though. The pain in my chest was driving me mad, and it was getting worse and worse by the minute. I sighed, trying to bear the pain and move at once was hard. I pressed myself against Charon, trying to get my bearings. He took hold of my waist and helped lift me up. I let my hand rest on his for a minute too long, and we both knew it.

Laying down on the sleep mat, I saw his faint outline in the dark.

"What if I die in my sleep?"

I asked, losing my breath.

"I will not allow it."

My father used to tell me that sometimes, when life has got you run down, and all you want to do is cry and throw a fit, that the best thing to do is sleep. I never realized how right he was until now. With all this ache and pain I was feeling, the best thing for me was sleep. I closed my eyes, using my good arm as a pillow. I felt Charon pat my thigh comfortingly, and mutter something. One day, I'm going to find out what he's saying.


	49. Chapter 49

I cracked open my eyes, letting them adjust to the burst of light that had awoken me. I saw Charon standing in the doorway, smoking a cigarette. The light of the tunnel outside brightened the room, but made Charon seem like a dark shadow. Plumes of smoke blew out of his mouth, and he turned his head every now and again, looking out. I didn't feel better, but I felt something. I could move easier, but I was stiff. My shoulder was caked in blood, and more came with every beat of my heart. I licked my lips, they were dry.

Lifting myself up, I realized I didn't have much control over my arm. It felt weak, and heavy. I kept my eyes focused on Charon, he hadn't heard me moving. I crept up behind him, sweat dripping from my face.

"…Charon?"

Speaking seemed so hard for me as I stood behind him, swaying. He jumped, surprised, and looked at me. The cigarette fell from his fingertips, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me up.

"We must get you home."

I felt him pull me close into him, his voice right in my ear.

"…Do…Do I look that bad?"

He pulled his face away from me, and brought his hand to my face. He wiped the sweat off of my cheeks.

"Yes."

I sighed, trying to crack a smile. In the light, I could see just how much blood covered me. It made me want to puke. Charon set me against the wall and picked up my pack, strapping it to his back. He managed to get both our guns on his back, too, and came over to me.

"Come on."

He said as he picked me back up, his arm around my waist again. I let out a small chuckle as he led me from the room.

"This isn't going to look right, wherever we are going."

"Megaton. We are not far."

I was bleeding all over Charon, but I don't think he minded too much. He carried my weight as we ventured through the tunnels. Every now and again, I'd lose my footing and he'd have to catch me from falling. I was dizzy, and holding back losing any food I had in my system was by far the hardest thing I was doing. Charon kept me pinned to his side, not caring about the fact that I was soaking him in blood. I didn't keep track of anything but the pain as we walked. I just focused on keeping my eyes open and not falling to sleep. Charon kept telling me not to, I can't figure why, but I listened. Every now and again he'd stop and pull me up, adjusting his arm.

"There's the exit. We must climb the stairs. Can you do that?"

I looked at him, my breath short, my face drenched in sweat. I felt so thirsty.

"I…I can…I can _try_."

"No."

Charon stopped walking at the base of the escalator. I leaned on him for support, I don't think my own legs can hold me anymore. He crouched down, and lifted me up from under my knees, his other arm supported my neck. With the guns, me, and my pack, he climbed those stairs like they were nothing.

"…Charon?"

"Yes?"

I felt his feet hit the last step, and braced myself to be let down, but he didn't.

"How…how strong are you?"

"Ghouls are naturally strong, Dez."

I weakly smiled, trying to find something to focus my eyes on as Charon stepped into a beam of light from a Nuka-Cola machine. The entrance tunnels were always significantly brighter than anywhere else in the Metro. I felt a trickle of blood drip off the back of my shoulder, and I swear I could hear it as it hit the ground. I sighed, breathing in pain and soreness.

Charon's strong grip offered me warmth and comfort, offered support and strength that I didn't have. I think that he and I should just run. Why don't we? We could get together, take on the world, and let the stories of our adventures travel throughout the Capitol Wasteland. Just like Herbert 'Daring' Dashwood, and his trusty manservant ghoul, Argyle. Except, Charon isn't my manservant. At least I don't think of him that way. He's saved my ass more times than I can count, this one being high up on the list.

"Charon?"

He was fumbling with the gate lock, and had out bodies pressed against the chain-link fence.

"Hm?"

"Let's…let's take on the world…Like Daring Dashwood and Argyle…we…we could have fun…"

Charon got the gate unlocked. He kicked it open and adjusted my weight on him. I groaned a bit, the pain in my shoulder becoming nearly unbearable for a second.

"If it is what you wish."

If my heart wasn't so weak with the loss of blood, I think it would have been racing right then and there.

"You mean it?"

"Yes."

I smiled, and it took all I had and more not to fall asleep with that smile on my face. I felt Charon walking up the stairs that led to the desert, to the river, to where the way to Megaton is.

"Shit."

I looked around, Charon's face said it all.

"Charon…this is…this is Rivet City."

"It does not matter. They have doctors. We must have taken a wrong turn."

He walked up to the black entrance. Anacostia Crossing was lit up, the sun was either rising or setting, I couldn't tell. I didn't have the energy to look. Charon glanced down at me, and I saw his blank expression change for an instant. He pulled me closer to him.

"Hey! You!"

Charon looked behind him, and his face turned to something mean and worried. He began to quicken his pace, bouncing me a bit more with each step. I groaned lously.

"Stop it! It hurts stop running!"

I cried, tears streaming down my face. It didn't make much of a difference. My face was soaked with sweat anyways. Holding back vomit was hard when you had someone shaking you like a pile of…of…well a pile of something not important.

"I am sorry, but I must not slow down."

Charon jogged over to the ramp way, his boots clanking over the steel.

"Charon! It _hurts_!"

I could tell by the way his jaw muscles tightened and flexed he didn't like hearing me in pain. I wanted to close my eyes as tight as I could and just fall into some deep sleep, and just rest this pain away. But every time I felt them get heavy, Charon would jerk me back into reality.

"Dez, there are Talons chasing us. We must get inside."

My eyes widened with fear. Right now would be the perfect time for them to get us again. I am wounded, badly, and Charon has to carry me. Both of us are in no condition to fight, let alone fight a group of people. I gritted my teeth, and glanced over my legs. We had made it to the bridge of Rivet City. Thank god.

"Stop!"

I heard someone yell, and I looked over. Rivet City security was blocking Charon and I from entering.

"Move! I need to get her into medical _now_."

Charon told him through a clenched jaw. The Rivet City officer looked at me, and opened the door.

"Right. Carry on."

I felt he recognized us. I hope he did, the last thing we needed was to be followed by a batch of officers with guns. Charon stepped into the entrance of the ship, and glanced around.

"This way."

He murmured, reading the signs above the doorways. People in the halls gasped at him, gasped at me. Blood was leaving a nice trail behind us, painting the way for Talons to come. Like breadcrumbs. How much blood can a person hold, anyways? I was losing a lot, more by the minute it seemed.

"…Charon…"

"Hang in there, alright kid? We're almost there."

I gasped for air, the entire world seemed to darken in my eyes. Charon kicked open the door to the medical center, his body shaking almost worse than my own.

"I need help!"

He shouted. A doctor came over, took one look at me and led us over to a green bed.

"Here, set her here."

Gently, tenderly, Charon laid me on the bed. I saw the doctor look at him, a bit cautious. I tried to reach up to Charon, but I couldn't move very well.

"What has happened?"

The doctor eyed Charon suspiciously. He was covered in my blood, I felt bad for almost ruining his leather armor.

"She was shot."

The doctor looked back at me, adjusting glasses on his nose. He nodded, and began to bring out medical supplies. They shone under the bright lights, gleaming and sharp. I winced at them, and tried to move my arms.

"Charon…"

"I am right here, Dez."

"I'm going to have to remove the top half of her armor. I suggest you leave this room."

The doctor said to Charon. I panicked, and tried to sit up.

"No! No!"

I reached out for him, but the doctor pinned me down.

"Miss, you _must_ calm yourself. You're losing a lot of blood."

"He _can't_ leave! _No_!"

Charon walked over to me, rubbing my head comfortingly.

"I will not leave you, Dez. Please calm down."

I did. I laid back down, struggling for air. I focused on Charon's hands stroking the sides of my face as I watched the doctor bring over Blood Packs and hang them over me. I ignored the sting of the needle as he pressed a pack into my arm, taping it into the crook of my elbow. He picked up a pair of scissors, placing them in the front of his white lab coat pocket. Charon stroked my head soothingly, so I wouldn't freak out again. I felt the doctor fumble with the straps on my Raider Painspike Armor. I felt my shoulder pad come off, and my entire right arm attire. His hands ventured to my sides as he worked on the plates that covered my breasts and prevented access to the wound. He got one undone, and Charon lifted my head so he could get the one around my neck.

I felt exposed and cold as the outfit was lifted off of me. My entire chest was red with blood, and I really saw for the first time how the bandages were not helping.

"I cannot apply anesthesia because you might not come out of it. You are going to have to bear the pain as it comes."

"Yeah…yeah okay."

"For a Raider, that might not be too hard."

I heard Charon growl. He kept stroking my head, keeping me calm and relaxed. I'm not a Raider. I am Dezbe, from Vault 101, the daughter of James. I didn't bother to mention this to him as he began to snip away the bandages and wipe away the blood.

"Usually Rivet City doesn't let people like you in."

He said as he tossed a batch of reddened gauze to the floor.

"I…I…"

"She is not a Raider. Her name is Dezbe. She escorted Doctor Li and the other scientists to safety not too long ago."

Charon spoke like he was at a meeting. It sounded as if he was going to rip out this guy's throat at any minute. But he didn't. He just stood there, calmly patting my wet cheeks. His eyes were closed. I think he was trying to respect my nakedness. Well Charon, this isn't really the time to be shy about female anatomy now is it?

"…I did not know that. My apologies."

"Damn right you better be sorry."

I winced as I felt the doctor strip away the last piece of gauze, the one covering the gaping hole close to my heart. It was stuck, and ripped a piece of flesh off with it.

"Ah!"

I yelled, accidentally squirming. The doctor held a white cloth in his hand, and a white light in the other. My father used a similar tool to look in my eyes when I was trying to get out of the G.O.A.T exam.

"You are going to have to be _very_ still right now, Miss. The bullet is still inside, which is why your body has not been healing. You have a vast amount of pus and dead skin I must clip away. Med-X can only do someone so much."

"…Can't…Can't I have a lot of Med-X?"

He shook his head, walking over to his medical table. I glanced up at Charon and saw he was looking at my forehead. He quickly blinked and looked up at the doctor.

"No. You are extremely lucky to have made it this far. We cannot risk it should go into cardiac arrest. You will die."

My bottom lip quivered. How could the doctor at the Chop Shop be so stupid and _leave _the bullet inside me? Didn't he know any better? I looked back up at Charon, tears forming in my eyes.

"You…you can't leave okay?"

He nodded, his thumb grazing the corner of my mouth. The doctor walked back over to me and gave me the shot of Med-X. I felt the pain subside some, but it was still prominent enough for me to feel it.

"You ready?"

He asked and I nodded. I felt his hand rest on my right breast, and Charon's hand left my face. He grabbed the doctor's hand and twisted it.

"You will _not_ touch her there."

"Yes! Alright just let me go!"

Charon let him go and returned his hands to my face. He looked down at me, and I thanked him with my eyes. The doctor eyed Charon suspiciously, but came back over. He leaned over me, a clamping took in his hand. I felt the rush of severe and unbearable pain as he stuck the tool inside my wound, and dug around for the bullet.

"Ah! Oh my _fucking god_!"

I screamed, and I tried to jerk around. Charon's strong hands held me down, preventing me from moving. I felt as the doctor clamped down on something, and the searing pain slowly began to dissipate as he lifted his hand away from me. In the light I saw the .32 bullet, and I was fighting to stay awake. I cried, the tears burning my face.

"You are alright, Dez. Just hang in there a bit longer. We are almost done."

Charon took his hands off of me. He tried to stay calm, stay still. The doctor went back to his medical table and began looking for more tools, or something. I head the noise of Charon's buckle coming undone, and I tried to crane my neck to see him.

"Here. This will help."

He folded the leather belt and placed it in my mouth. I looked at him, confused.

"When you feel pain, bite down. It will help."

I saw him look at my bare chest. His eyes focused on the blood that was slowly coagulating around the wound. The doctor came back over with a pair of different scissors, and sighed.

"This will hurt as well."

I nodded, biting down on Charon's belt, ready. I bit down harder, feeling the doctor pull out and snip the skin around the hole. I cried from the pain, and cringed every time Charon's hands left my face, even for a moment. I tried to stare up at the bright white lights above my head, but I couldn't. I couldn't block out the pain from my mind. It drove me nearly mad. The doctor worked as quickly as he could, but it didn't feel fast enough.

I was crying still, biting down as hard as I could on Charon's belt. He must have been on Psycho when he gave it to me, because it does _not_ help. At all. I watched the doctor leave my side, and let out a breath of relief. Charon took his belt from my mouth, and placed it into his pocket.

"You are done, Dez. Just need to bandage you up and find you a place to rest."

"You can take her down to Vera Weatherly's. She will set you up with a room. She needs food and water, as well. The Rivet City mall should have something in stock."

I saw Charon nod at the doctor. He came back over, and sat me up. I cringed, shaking. He wrapped the bandages tightly around my entire chest. I grimaced. Well, there's no point in putting my armor back on now, is there? I watched as a small stain of blood appeared through the bandages, but I paid it no mind. The doctor pressed something into my hand and I looked at him.

"Take two now, and one after you eat. Tomorrow when you wake, if you are still bleeding, come see me immediately."

I looked at the bottle in my hand.

"Buffout?"

"It will boost your strength and endurance, and fight off the infection. By tomorrow you should be pretty okay, but I suggest two days bed rest."

I nodded at him, and looked at Charon. He didn't seem too thrilled that I had to take chems, but it was doctors orders. I popped two of the pills in my mouth and swallowed. I smiled at Charon, and he sighed.

"Come."

He said, picking up my stuff from the ground. I felt dizzy as I stood, and still nauseous. I had to hold on to the bed as I tried to steady myself, trying to get a grip on reality. I felt sick, but not as sick as I had before. The Buffout made me feel hazy and dizzy, with a little bit of energy. The pain subsided in my arm, dulling to a tolerable throb. Charon opened the door to the doctor's office and held it for me.

"Can you walk?"

I still couldn't breathe too good. My body had to now adjust to the Buffout and not bleeding out. I looked at him, nodding shakily.

"I…think so."

He put his arm around my shoulders, balancing everything else in his other arm. People kept giving me the 'bad' look as we walked, looking for Vera's. I wanted to yell at them, tell them off, but I didn't have the energy. Charon didn't even give them a second look as he kept his head high, eyes scanning each label on the doors. I tipped, stumbling over something on the floor, and he grabbed me by the waist, setting me back on my feet.

"People are talking here, too."

I told him, looking at my feet.

"Yes. This is Vera's."

I followed him into a circle room. Behind a big desk, a robot hung out and looked at us.

"How much for a room?"

"120 Caps, sir."

Charon reached into his pocket and pulled out said amount. The robot then handed Charon a key. I followed Charon through another door, and into a room. It had a single naval cot, and some places for storage.

"Lie down."

I didn't argue with Charon. My body ached, but thankfully the bloodstain hadn't gotten much bigger at all. I watched Charon as he began unpacking our supplies and junk, storing them in the wardrobe in the corner of the room. He didn't say anything, I don't know why. Maybe I had done something to make him mad, make him angry with me. I don't know. He stood up, brushing his hands on his pants.

"I must go and get food and water for you. I am going to see who can repair my armor as well."

"I'm sorry I ruined it."

"It does not matter."

"Are you angry with me?"

"No, Dez."

"Okay."

He left, closing the door and locking it. I knew he'd come back, but I couldn't help but feel alone and scared anyways. Thoughts and feelings played and ran through my head as I stared at the ceiling. I could go back to Little Lamplight and get to Vault 87 for the G.E.C.K. I could help the Brotherhood of Steel in their mission to give pure water to everyone in the Capitol Wasteland. But what am I, an errand girl? I could just go back to Megaton, and live the rest of my days quietly with Charon. Or I could just travel. Travel and see the world. Well, what's left of it.

I rolled on my side, facing the wall. Would Charon want to do any of the things I thought of? He wanted to go to Little Lamplight, that whole trip was his idea. I just…I just have to find something to ease my own mind with. It's hard, taking this whole thing in. I'm still not used to this place. This form of world. I long for the comfort and ignorance the vault offered me. But then I'd never have met Charon. I wouldn't know what these emotions are and would be stupid and silly still.

This place…this place changes people. It gets in your mind, and makes you do some crazy shit. I never would have raised a gun to anyone before. I never would have killed people without shame or disgrace. _You need to stop running, Dezbe. You need to remember who you are, and get rid of all that shit you've found_. My mind spoke to me about Charon. It hated him, I don't know why. Maybe because when I'm with him, I'm not the same person than when I'm alone. When I'm with Charon, I have faith in people, I have a conscience and all that fun stuff. But without him…without him I am no better than the Raiders I kill. I am no better than the Enclave or Super Mutants. _He doesn't really care anyways. He just puts up with you, remember that Dezbe._

No. I refuse to listen anymore. I refuse to listen to that voice that stayed dormant in the back of my mind. That only came out when I was alone, to give me bad advice. It begged to come out, begged me to be the person that…that I don't want to be anymore. Charon _does_ care, he has to, he's proved it to me. I don't need anyone else's opinion. Together, one day, Charon could write that horrible romance of guns, blood, and survival out here. It would be filled like Moira's Wasteland Survival Guide. All about how through it all, neither one of us ended up alone in the end. How we still have something to wake up for every morning. That's more than what most people have, nowadays.

Shaking my head, I sat up, feeling dizzy. I heard voices outside my door, loud voices.

"Did you see him? Can you believe they let him in here?"

"I know! What if he starts shooting people? Did you see that girl he brought with him?"

"I guess he's been here before, with that girl. Do you think he did that to her?"

"I don't know. He's a monster, I wouldn't put it past him."

If Charon didn't lock the door behind him, I would have told them right off. I don't know who they are, I don't know if I can even stand and yell at the same time, but dammit I would try.

"I think he did that to her. I've never seen a ghoul even _look_ at a human and here he is _touching_ her. Did you hear that he even saw he _topless_?"

"No! When?"

"When he took her to the infirmary. The doctor had to take off her top and he just _stood _there like it was something to ogle."

"He's such a _monster_!"

No. No. He is not. If he is a monster, than I am too. I am a monster for wanting him. For wanting his ugliness and his deformities to be my own. For wanting the touch of his hands all over and to see what he _tastes_ like. To see just how quickly he could strip off all that leather armor if I was ever brave enough to give him the chance to. If Charon is a monster for the way he looks, then I am twice that for having these feelings.

The voices hushed, and I heard the familiar heavy footsteps approach my door. The lock clicked, and the door slid open. Charon stood, shuffling food and drinks. I got up, about to help him.

"You sit."

He told me and I sat. Did he hear them? Probably. They were loud enough for me to hear through a fucking steel door. I glanced down at my hands. He is no more of a monster than I am. I don't know any monster who would take this good care of some little girl like me. Charon handed me a plate and a bottle of Purified Water. I took the food and drink from him, nervously keeping my eyes on his torso. He walked over and sat on the other side of the wall. What happened to earlier? Why is he being so distant? Whatever, I couldn't hold back from piling that delicious smelling food in my mouth.

"Dez?"

I glanced up at him, happy that the sweat on my body was beginning to dissipate.

"Are we…_friends_?"

He waved his fingers in the air like 'friends' was a magical word or something. I took another full mouth of food, chewing over the thought. Swallowing, I looked at him.

"Yes. But I don't want to be friends."

"You do not?"

"No. It's…complicated, Charon."

I want his sick disease and his touch. I don't want his 'friendship' I want his companionship and everything about him. I can't stand it if we are just 'friends'. 'Friends' do not have the moments we have, and they do not secretly begin a book in their head about it. Least, that's what I was doing anyways. I'm not sure what he was doing to commemorate these memories.

"I am just curious, Dez."

"I know. It's okay."

"How are you feeling?"

"A lot better. Still sick, but…better."

He nodded and began to eat his own food, his back pressed up against the wall. He has to know I want him, need him, can't stand to be without him. He wasn't gone an hour and I nearly drove myself up a wall. I felt sick inside for thinking these thoughts. I never even thought or felt this way about Butch. What gave Charon a right? Sighing, I took a long, well-needed gulp from the water he brought to me.

"Did you hear them…talking out there?"

I motioned my head towards the door. Charon looked from me, to the door, and back again. He slowly nodded, and I felt rage bubbling up inside me.

"You…you're not a monster, Charon. They are. You have been nothing but kind to me and they…they're fucking retarded."

I got mad and dropped my now empty plate to the floor. It clanked loudly, and I hoped they were listening.

"Thank you, Dez."

I looked back at him, but he looked away, eating. If Charon was a drug, I'd be such a junkie.

"How do you ignore that? Just walk by like they weren't even talking?"

"It is not in my nature to hear the words of others. I am required to only listen to my employer, and even then, not take anything they say personally."

I smiled sadistically at him. I don't want to be friends, Charon. You'd cringe if you could see into my head, and see what I wanted. You'd drop your jaw at the raw emotions you made me feel. Emotions that I didn't even know were possible by humans. I thought they were a myth. Speaking of myths…

"Hey, are you named after that old ass ancient civilization mythology guy?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"You mean Greek Mythology?"

"Yeah, them."

Ancient Civilizations. I knew that class would come in handy one day.

"Charon, the Deity. The Ferryman of the Underworld, catering the souls over the river Acheron for one pence?"

"Yeah, him."

"No."

I frowned. Underworld…Charon…hello?

"I am named from the moon of Pluto."

"Pluwhat?"

"Pluto. An old star. It was once a planet. When my name was given, it was given out of reason. The moon of Pluto, Charon, is half the size of Pluto and follows it everywhere, ever obeying ever protecting, ever listening. Thus, my name."

I thought about this, and I smiled. I pictured how the moon followed the Earth around. I'd never heard of Pluto. We didn't talk about things up in space like that. The vault didn't feel that we needed to know.

"So…I am Pluto?"

"You are one of many Plutos."

Harsh, I guess. I wanted to be the only Pluto, the special one. But I guess that wasn't going to happen. Charon had his own thoughts and priorities. If I was not the most important now, I would be one day.

"I think I should rest, Charon."

"I agree."

"Where will you sleep?"

"Here is fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

I shrugged and rolled over. One day, Charon's going to have to realize he's bigger than Pluto.


	50. Chapter 50

I woke up with a start. The lights in my room were off. I don't know what woke me, but I just didn't sleep. Maybe my body told me to. Nothing scared me, no dreams made me cry out, I just opened my eyes. Natural. Maybe I am fully rested. No. Reaching over I pressed lightly on the bandaged wound. It stung, but it was in progress of getting better. I sighed loudly, and glanced over at where Charon was. I could see his faint outline against the wall. I smiled.

God knows what was possessing me at that moment. The moment I felt my bare feet touch down on the cold floor and creep over to Charon. I stepped lightly, thanking god I learnt how to do that so I didn't step on mines. I felt like I was in power, like I was…confident. I've never been confident in much, other than my ability to aim and shoot. But now, as I stepped down, my toes curling, I felt more than confident.

Getting on my hands and knees, I crawled the rest of the way. I felt sick still, my arm hurt to use and put weight on, so I tried to use my right arm as much as possible. In the dark, Charon looked like terror and horror itself. His eyes were closed, his breathing was slow and paced. He had this, ghoulish lips. His facial muscles were exposed. Veins travelled around his face like little lines. I felt so sadistic and powerful. I could kill him right now, if I wanted to. I could do anything, actually. I felt he trusted me too quickly, too easily.

I brought my face close to his, trying not to twitch or jerk out of nerves or anything. His mouth was partly open, I could feel his breath on my face. Leaning closer, I closed my eyes. _You are insane, Dezbe. He will strangle you if he wakes. You know how he is. But it is your body, do what with it as you please. Just don't say I never warned you_. I pressed my lips against his, gently and softly, just wanting to see what would happen. He didn't move, he didn't do anything. I pulled back, licking my lips. He has no taste, no…no nothing.

I quietly sighed. I wasn't going to give up this easy. I leaned back in again, kissing him a bit harder. I hadn't expected him to move or wake, he hadn't before. But I felt his body jump a bit, then his lips press back. I opened his mouth with mine, wanting something more to come of this but not really. I knew what would happen if something did. I'd never be able to get out. Not that I could now, but still, I had hope.

I felt his arms move from his sides. I felt him in my hair, his hands on the back of my neck, teasing the strands. I opened my eyes, and pulled from him. I smiled, saying nothing. He didn't try to pull me back, he didn't say anything. I stood up, dizzy and disoriented. Walking back to my bed, I laid down, curling into a ball. Half of me wanted to go back there, finish what I had started, but I didn't. I wanted him to say something, _do_ something, but he sat, motionless. I bit my lips, licking them at the same time.

He tasted like…like leather. His skin was surprisingly soft, considering he was mostly muscle near his jaw. I didn't expect it to make me feel like this. Maybe the hole was already dug too deep before, and I had just been kidding myself so far. I don't want to be friends, Charon. I can't be your friend. It has to be all or nothing at this point, because if it's nothing I am wasting my time. The question here isn't if I could love this ghoul that most people feared and hated, the question is could he return the same emotions without feeling it was part of his contract?

Most people would embrace this situation. They would relish in the fact that out here they could find something this valuable. But…I didn't. I actually find this quite annoying and bothersome. I never needed anyone or anything before…why did I suddenly start? It is irksome and annoying and fearful and…I don't think I'd trade what I felt kissing him for all of the world. I don't think I'd ever want to give that up. It is a memory that will forever be held near and dear inside, locked away in my head.

I laid there, staring at the steel wall, listening to Charon's breathing in the dark. I didn't feel like sleeping anymore. Hell I don't think I could even if I tried. I just laid, motionless and trying not to breathe too hard or heavy. Charon and I kissed. That was that. It ended as a kiss, it didn't turn into something more or anything like that. But it is still pretty serious. I mean, now what?

Through the wall I heard someone wake up, yawning and stretching. I held my breath as I heard them open their door, and the lights flickered on. I blinked, shielding my eyes. I could hear the robot, Mr. Buckingham I think, jetting around.

"Will you please wake our guests and tell them their time has expired?"

"Certainly, Miss Weatherly."

So, that's Vera's voice. She was one of the voices I had heard shit talking Charon the night before. Pretty soon, I heard a loud knocking on the door. It made me jump a bit, because I didn't expect it. Rolling over, I saw Charon had his shotgun in his hand, his eyes focused on the door. I watched as he got up and opened the door.

"Excuse me, but your time limit for the room has been reached. It will cost another 120 caps for another night. If you do not wish to pay, please gather your belongings and promptly leave."

Charon grumbled something, still half asleep. I saw his hand reach down into his pockets, and I sat up.

"No. No, it's okay. We'll go."

"Very well. You have one hour to depart."

Mr. Buckingham left the doorway. Charon looked at me, and I felt my insides freeze.

"You are not yet well. He said two days bed rest."

I shook my head, letting my feet touch the ground.

"I'm fine. It's okay."

I reached down and picked up the bottle of Buffout. I took out three pills and popped them into my mouth, swallowing. The effects hit me instantly, and I glanced up at Charon.

"We will continue on into the desert. I need to clear my head."

Charon nodded and began to gather things from the wardrobe. He began to take everything out, and handed me my gun.

"Without your left arm at it's full capacity, you cannot shoot."

"I can. I just have to be careful."

"That wound hit an artery to your heart, Dez. You cannot put it under strain."

"I'll be fine."

"Very well. But I suggest we go down to Flak 'N Shrapnel's to obtain you a better armor."

"That's fine with me."

I wouldn't be able to wear my Painspike armor anymore. My bandages would make it fit awkwardly, and I knew it didn't offer me much protection. I just liked walking around half-naked I guess.

Strapping my gun to my back, I took my pack from Charon and followed him out the door. Vera, I guess, glared at us as we passed her at the circle desk, typing on the terminal. I kept my head down, following Charon and giving her the impression that I was being obedient.

"Dez?"

I caught my breath in my throat and looked up at him. Was he going to ask about…you know?

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you are alright? Once we leave here, we will no longer be safe."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

He nodded and kept walking. I followed him down the long hall, bearing the evil looks and sneers. I wish I could be like Charon and just ignore them. Have it so nothing they said affected me. But I wasn't like Charon, and on some level it did affect me. I didn't like it, I shook my head as I passed them. Had word travelled so fast that they all suspected it was Charon who hurt me? It is a tight-knit community. I wouldn't doubt it.

"Can you walk down stairs?"

"Yeah."

Charon nodded. He opened a door and walked into a large room. Makeshift shops were set up all around with hand-painted signs. Charon began walking down a flight of stairs and I followed him. He seemed to know this place better. He waited for me at the bottom, and walked closer to me than he had in the halls.

"What can I do ya for?"

I shopkeeper said to me, and Charon crossed his arms. I looked up at the sign, and realized we were at Flak 'N Shrapnel's.

"Oh uh, I need new armor."

"What kind, little lady?"

I looked up at Charon, hoping to get some advice, but he just stood, staring at the shop.

"Something to keep me safe?"

I'd never bought armor before. Just scavenged it.

"Well, we have some leather armor like your friend is wearing. It's in pretty good condition and at a decent price."

"Yeah, sure."

I gave him the caps, and he gave me the armor. I looked up at Charon and he nodded.

"Do you have anywhere I can change?"

I asked the man, and he motioned towards a closed-off section of his shop. I walked back there, and heard Charon's heavy feet following. He stood with his back to me, watching everyone suspiciously. Glad to know he protects my nakedness, after all I don't. Sliding off my pants, I kicked them into a corner, making sure the spikes weren't anywhere near me.

"Take _that_."

I muttered to the outfit. Slipping on the armor, I realized it was _just_ like Charon's. The only difference is I don't have the cool belt he has, and I get to show off curves in it. Obviously, I am a girl, and none of the armors I've worn hides that. With the bandages though, my chest wasn't nearly as prominent as it should be. This made me frown, and I sighed.

"Are you ready?"

Charon called, and I smiled. He wasn't going to bring up last night. Thank god.

"Yeah, ready."

The Buffout was still hazing up my mind as Charon and I walked out of Rivet City. Goodbye evil gossip queens, goodbye evil gossip men, I hope we never see one another again. We walked, side by side, over the Rivet City bridge, and I couldn't help smiling. Maybe it was the Buffout, I don't know, but I felt happy. I have Charon, and a healed body. Kind of. I have my gun, and a full supply of Stimpacks and a few secret inhalers of Jet. I'd wait till Charon was sleeping to take those, though.

"Where are we going?"

Charon asked me as we walked down the ramps. I pointed towards the Jefferson Memorial, my hand shaking. My father's body was probably there. The Enclave had set up blue electric fences to keep everyone out. I frowned, and swallowed down the lump in my throat.

"The desert. The fastest way is that way."

"It is blocked off."

"That's never stopped me before, Charon."

I smiled up at him and he shook his head.

"You are injured."

I sighed and shook my head.

"Come now, faithful manservant! We shall venture off into the Wasteland, fighting evil and trying not to do good! No meager barriers will hold us back!"

Charon sighed and shook his head. He took his shotgun off his back and cocked it.

"It's good to see you are returning to your usual self."

Yes Charon, it is.

"But I am not a 'manservant'."

"Okay come on, let's go come on."

I motioned towards the memorial, yearning in my eyes. If I had to fake it to keep things normal between us, then I will. Charon followed close behind, keeping an eye out for things I probably missed. Hopefully this trip back into the desert will prove beneficial. Maybe Charon and I will end up a happy couple, you know, like some people end up as. But I don't know. I can't tell the future. If I could, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed the day my father left. I would have saved him from the Enclave or hell, even stopped him from going in the first place. I must say, though, that if I ever see another Enclave soldier in my life, I will _not_ take mercy. And one day, I will find the man who was in the rotunda room with him. I will find him, and I will gut him like the Brahmin he is. I swear.


	51. Chapter 51

The sun was setting, and the desert was cooling. I never felt more alive. Maybe it's what happens to people after they have a near-death experience. I just starting seeing things a bit differently, and feeling a bit more energetic.

"Should we set up camp?"

Charon had kept his usual distance behind me as we walked. Neither of us wanted to talk because with my mood, we'd end up in a battle of wits. And frankly, I don't think I'd just take my top off this time. Glancing around the area, I saw someone waving to me, a dim light behind them.

"No, not yet. Let's go check that out, though."

I pointed to the man, he was five or six yards away. Charon stood next to me, staring at him.

"I don't like the looks of it."

"Come on, maybe he needs help."

"Since when do you care about that?"

"Since they probably have food and a fire. Come on."

Reluctantly Charon followed me. We walked up to the man, and he smiled.

"Good to see you! My name is Jeremy!"

The Wasteland man shook my hand. He was with a group of travelers, and they were all seated around a campfire. They were drinking, laughing and having fun. One of them toyed with something that made music. A guitar. I remembered we had one in the vault, but I didn't know they had them out here. I smiled at Jeremy.

"What bring you all out here, Jeremy?"

"Well we're just traveling, but we'd like some company. Would you and erm…your friend care to join us for some conversation and beer?"

I glanced up at Charon. He shrugged, not holstering his gun.

"I guess, yeah sure. By the way, I'm Dez and this is Charon."

Jeremy nodded, smiling. He offered me a beer, and sat down. I took a seat between him and Charon. Cracking open the beer, I took a long sip. I was so damn thirsty. The guy with the guitar started strumming, and warm conversation started around the fire. Someone passed out Iguana Bits, and Charon tasted mine before letting me eat it.

"They seem nice, don't be mean."

I whispered, popping a piece of meat into my mouth.

"It is just unusual, Dez. I am concerned."

"Well…don't be obvious with it. Let's have a good laugh."

"Very well."

I turned back to the group, smiling. Charon moved a bit closer to me, and I felt those feelings coming back. I finished off my beer, smiling. Jeremy handed me another.

"Good food, nice fire, and good friends. Let's have fun!"

I laughed and agreed. Tonight, we will have fun.


	52. Chapter 52

(? POV)

Charon watched as Dez danced around the fire with a few of the other men. He sat with his arms crossed, and eyes narrowed. He knew she shouldn't be doing this much movement, and he felt they should have stayed at Rivet City for one more night, but he didn't argue. Arguing with her was war, and he didn't want to deal with it.

Jeremy watched Dez, too. He smiled to himself, leaning over to his friend.

"She's the one, dude."

He whispered, trying not to interrupt the fun of everyone. It was a good disguise.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. When she falls asleep, contact John. The rest will be taken care of."

"This was easier than shooting a Brahmin with a Reservists Rifle."

"Yes."

The men turned their attention back to Dezbe. She clapped her hands, moving her body in perfect rhythm to the guitar. Charon kept his eyes on her, everyone did it seemed. Every once in a while, she'd reach for a sip of her beer, and smile at him. _It's so easy for her to pull the devil out of me._ He was well aware of her actions last night. Well aware of how it made him feel and how he didn't want her to limber back to her bed. He had sat there, trying to fall back asleep.

The only reason he didn't mention it this morning was because he _forced_ himself not to. He had to keep everything in check and in line. He was not to falter, he was trained not to fail. Some little girl was not going to make him disregard years and years of training.

"Charon…"

He heard her call. She was tipsy, he knew that. He looked up as she swayed over to him, taking his hands in hers. She pulled him up , and placed a bottle of beer between them. _What is she doing now?_ He wondered, standing and staring at the beer.

"Drink with me?"

The fire flickered behind her. Her pink hair was everywhere, her shaved head was glistening with sweat. It was his job to protect her, keep her warm and safe, not be a drinking buddy.

"No."

"Please?"

He felt her voice seep through him. It dripped into his flesh and made him shudder. Dez lifted the beer up to his mouth and tilted gently. Charon opened, and drank down what she was giving him.

"See? It's not so bad. Come on, dance with me."

She took the bottle away from him. He had not taken a drink of beer in years, he didn't like to impair himself.

"No. I do not do foolish things."

"Charon…please?"

She tugged him closer to the fire, trying to bring him into the circle. He didn't want to join her, he didn't want to let his guard down. _These people are not to be trusted. I cannot let her stay with them the night._

"I would prefer to speak with you, Dez."

Dez's body straightened out. Charon could see how the leather armor hugged all of her curves perfectly. How when she stood in front of the fire it made her look like the perfect silhouette.

"About what?"

Charon shook his head. He didn't have anything he wanted to talk to her about. He just didn't want to dance. When he didn't respond, Dez walked back over and stood close to him. She lifted the bottle back to hip lips, and eyes closed he drank the rest of it. When it was gone, he opened his eyes. Dez tossed the bottle off in the sand, laughing that maniacal laugh she had. _I do not like this situation. It will not lead anywhere good_. Charon couldn't be placed in these events. He was not trained on how to handle women, he was trained to kill. Dez wrapped her arms around his waist, walking backwards.

"Please Charon…come have fun."

The way she formed her words told him she was drunk, and that if she kept talking like that he'd lose it. He took a firm grip on her arms and took them off of his waist.

"No, Dez."

"I really want you to, though."

"Yes, I understand that, but I do not want to."

"Alright, alright. You win."

She left him, and went back to dance with the other men. Charon took a seat next to Jeremy, his eyes focused on Dez.

"Nice little piece, eh?"

Charon leaned away as Jeremy whispered in his ear. He did not like close contact with people, unless it was Dez it seemed.

"I do not understand."

Charon said to him, not looking, just staring at Dez. Her body swayed and she laughed and smiled like she was having the time of her life.

"She's pretty good lookin'. I mean, for out here anyways. You and her…ya know…like that?"

"Speak to Dez."

Charon moved his seat. He got up and stood a few extra feet away from the fire. He did not want any part of this primitive ritual. He is trained to kill, not to 'relax'.

Dezbe noticed Charon had left. She only noticed when the fire began to die down and everyone went to sleep. She was able to se him a few feet away, scanning the desert. Happily drunk, she walked over to him, ignoring how much her arm was throbbing.

"Charon?"

She said, and he turned to her. He hadn't expected any company. He was not keeping track of time. Looking back, he saw the fire had been put out. Dez walked over to him, putting her arms around his waist.

"Yes, Dez?"

He spoke, but didn't look at her. He tried not to feel her arms tightly around him. It was too much.

"Will you come and lie down? We need a good sleep for tomorrow."

"What is tomorrow?"

"When we go back and have adventures. You know? Me and you wandering and shooting. I need me a good shot. It's been too long."

"Yes."

He pulled from her grip and walked back. She hadn't followed him at first. Dez had stayed back, wondering why he was acting so strange. Charon laid down in the sand, away from everyone else. He heard Dez's footsteps as she came closer, and laid down next to him. She had never done this before, and he blamed the booze, trying to erase their shared kiss.

"Charon?"

"Hm?"

"Where's Pluto?"

He looked at her, and saw she was laying on her back, eyes to the sky. Charon looked up at the sky with her, and shook his head. He felt the sand against his coarse skin, it wasn't comfortable.

"It is too far from here to see."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Charon…the guardian of Pluto. No, that's not what it is."

She yawned, and Charon looked at her, curious.

"What is it then?"

He was using all of his willpower to hold back from turning the events of last night into something more. _I am a mercenary. Not a fucking toy_.

"It's…more than that. A lot more. But I guess if Charon is a moon, it's always overshadowed by Pluto, so it can't see it serves more of a purpose than it does. That's okay though. I've heard sometimes planets get knocked out of balance. One day Charon will."

Charon winced at Dez's analogy. She was right, maybe one day Pluto's moon would be knocked off balance, but whatever this had to do with them stumped them. Dez shifted, the sand crawling into the crooks of Charon's back. She was moving him, moving him with her. She fit herself right against his side, burping. He could smell the beer on her breath, and crinkled his would-be nose.

"Pluto is no longer a planet, Dez."

"Why not?"

"Because it is too small. They decided this before your time, and before mine."

He felt awkward about how she was practically laying on him, his good reason told him to move, but he didn't. Some small part of him wanted the comfort and security that came with laying near Dez. In his entire life, Charon had never been close to anyone. He'd never carried someone to safety like he had Dez, or felt the emotions being with her allowed him to feel. He'd never felt he had any purpose behind his contract. Now, he did. Her laying next to him, the feel of her touch against him solidified all the fears that he kept locked inside himself. As much as he didn't want them, they were there.

"You sure know a lot Charon. Did they teach you that where you were…ya know?"

"Yes. We were educated to the best of their abilities on any and all subjects."

"What else do you know?"

"Many things."

He felt his arm creep up behind her neck. She lifted her head, and he rested his hand on her shoulder. Dez rested her head in the crook of his underarm, yawning loudly.

"What about that Greek thing you mentioned? How do you know about that? All the stuff in the vault was destroyed, so that class was pretty useless. It's so old, ya know."

"Charon was a Greek deity. He was the ferryman to Hades, god of the Underworld."

"What did he look like?"

"Sometimes he was depicted as a human, sometimes as a skeleton. Sometimes…"

"As both?"

Charon looked at the top of her head.

"Yes, Dez. Sometimes as both."

"What does 'Charon' mean? I mean, some named have meanings, right? So what's 'Charon'?"

"In the Greek mythology, poets used the name to refer to feverish, fierce, or blue-green color, or as an euphemism for death."

"So it means blue-green death?"

"Sort of, yes."

"My name has no meaning. My father never told me why he named me 'Dezbe'. Maybe it's because he thought I was stupid. I mean, 'Dezbe' is pretty stupid sounding."

"It is unique."

"Yeah, like everyone else."

He smiled because she couldn't see it. He smiled because she was quick-witted, and smart. Because she was able to take his entire thought process and world and make it one big giant mess, just like her room back in Megaton.

"You tired, Charon?"

"Yes."

"Do you mind us sleeping this close?"

"Do you?"

"Nope."

She yawned again, slowly closing her eyes. Charon closed his, too. He tried once more, to take a look and see if he could find Pluto. He saw all the other constellations in the sky, but not that one. Dez moved slightly, nudging him with her knee. He ignored it, basking in the warmth he felt growing inside him.

"Can you promise me something, Charon?"

"What?"

"Don't…don't die before me, okay?"

"Is that an order?"

"Yes."

Charon felt his entire body stiffen.

"Then I will obey."

What kind of promise is that? The kind Dez makes people make, that's the kind. _I would do anything for you, Dezbe. Ordered or not. But how could you allow yourself to get so close to me? So close to this so-called 'monster'. Anyone can get attached to you, you have that kind of personality. But I am not human anymore. I am no better than that shit-bag Gob sometimes. Yet here you are, laying next to me like I am your equal. I do not understand your intentions, but I can admit that I will not fight them. I promised I would not leave, or die, and I will not. I just hope you know what you're getting yourself into. I hope these events do not hurt you in the end, and that you find your own purpose here. You're going to be whatever you want to be. Slaver or savior, you can live however you want. I will not judge, simply follow, and hope you always take such joy with having me around as you do now_.


	53. Chapter 53

I yawned, feeling chillier than normal. Shaking my head, I didn't feel Charon's arm under it. Last night I became _way_ too comfortable with him. He didn't seem to mind it much, though. In fact, he seemed kind of relieved. He relaxed for a minute, and told me a bit about his past. I liked that. I liked it a lot. I wanted to reach up and kiss him, and fulfill the thoughts and desires in my mind, but I held back. I still don't know what he feels. _You're pushing it too far now. _ I ignored my own thoughts, and went to rub the sleep from my eyes.

I couldn't. Opening my eyes, my brain went crazy trying to figure out where my limbs were. The world was bright and white and fuzzy. My arms were behind me, I could wiggle my fingers. I felt searing pain shoot from my wound, and looked at it. Someone had taken my armor, and the bandages off of my chest. I sat in my underwear, against a cold wall. That was all there was in the room. A simple wall, and a bright white-blue light. I wanted to call out, but I didn't.

"Where am I?"

I whispered to no one. I looked around, but only saw a door at the far end. My feet were tied together at the ankles, and I wiggled my toes. I'm more confused than anything at this point. Who would want to take me and put me in a room? The Enclave? No, I have nothing they want. Then…oh shit. Talon. But how did they find us? Us…Charon. Where is Charon? I looked around again, maybe my eyes missed him. He was gone. So wasn't my stuff. I hadn't stopped back at home to put it in my locker. It was in my pack. Shit.

I felt my eyes widen and I began to freak out. I squirmed, ignoring the horrible pain from my bullet hole. Sure, it's healing fine, but a nasty bruise fastened itself over my shoulder and left breast. It hurt to move.

"Fuck!"

I screamed when I realized there was no way I was going to get my arms untied. I had gotten them in front of me, thanks to nimble rolling on the floor and grinding my teeth with the pain. I laid on the floor now, out of breath and sweating from all the contorting I had done.

"Least I can stand now."

I rolled onto my stomach and pushed myself up with my hands. I stood, shakily, but I was standing. I looked around again, trying to find something I could use as a weapon but there was nothing. Mechanical locks clicking made me jump, and I lost balance and fell back on my ass. The door opened and some guy wearing Metal Armor and a Talon metal helmet walked in. He didn't seem friendly.

"Ah, you've woken."

His voice was deep, stern, the kind that said 'you better not fuck with me'. But hey, I'm Dez, and this is a dire situation. Of course I'm going to fuck with you. _You're fucked now, girl. You're going to need me for this._ Yes, angry thoughts, I am going to need you. But I don't need to listen to anything you have to say outside of this. I am going to play this game, get my Charon back, and walk away while this place, wherever I am, burns to the fucking ground. Yes. Charon _is_ mine.

"Gee, what gave you that notion? I could just be sleepwalking."

"Smart mouth. You, your name is Dezbe, correct?"

"Dez."

"Right. Well. It seems you've sent my men on a wild goose chase. You've destroyed my second in command and created quite the dent in my number of recruits."

"What's a goose?"

It's a perfectly legitimate question. I have no idea what the fuck a goose is. Is it food?

"You are going to cooperate, and everything will work out fine."

"No."

I brought my feet into me, staring at him like he was the devil himself.

"No? Well, you're feistier than I was told."

"Who are you?"

The man sighed, taking off his helmet. I saw a Chinese pistol at his waist, and a knife. The pistol might do some damage, but it's the knife I'm concerned with. I haven't seen good aim in combat with these fuckers, but with melee weapons…you can't really miss.

"You have no jurisdiction to ask me that, but I supposed you should know. I am Commander Jabsco, head of the Talon Company Mercenaries."

"Okay. Why the fuck am I here then, Jab?"

He flinched, and I kept my eyes narrowed. I am buying time as I work these pathetic strings keeping my hands together.

"We need information on the Brotherhood, we know you've had contact with them. We also needed your bodyguard you hired. He is vital to our survival."

"Charon…where is he?"

I made sure not to sound worried.

"He is safe. He is with me, I am his new employer, so I suggest you do _exactly_ what I say."

With that he left the room. I heard the mechanic locks close as he shut the door. I sighed a breath of relief, and got to work on my feet. I was able to figure out the knot, and stretched my legs out.

"They are by far the dumbest bunch of fucks I've ever encountered."

I said to myself, brining my hands to my mouth. I fit the knot between my teeth and began working. I pulled, and eventually it got loose. It fell from my wrists, and I rubbed them tenderly. They were red and raw. My Pip-Boy beeped at me, telling me that I had been exposed to radiation. It was the beer from last night, no doubt. I stood up, and looked at the empty room around me. The walls were typical dirty steel, and the bright light made me dizzy. They had Charon. That was the only thing that struck fear in me, and I rubbed the scar on my neck.

The noise of the door beginning to open made me back myself up against the farthest wall. Jabsco came back in, followed by three other men and…and Charon.

"I see you've wasted no time in untying yourself."

"Nope."

"It does not make a difference anyways. Now, tell us what you know about the Brotherhood. Any information you have will be useful."

"Ask Charon. He was there with me."

"Ah…you are right, but you see, there's other things you know that he does not. About the Purifier inside the memorial. About your father."

"What does my dad have to do with this? He's dead, for the record."

"We're aware. We also know you grew up with him, working alongside him. You know things we can only dream of knowing. You compliance is _greatly_ suggested."

"I'm not telling you shit."

Jabsco motioned his head, and one of the Talon men came over. He put away his gun and brought out a baton. He hit me in the side of my face, and I tasted blood instantly.

"You fuck!"

I screamed, holding my face.

"Who is head of the Brotherhood of Steel?"

"Eat shit!"

He hit me again in the back of the head. I found myself laughing manically.

"You pricks think that's going to work? You're insane!"

I stole a glance at Charon. He wasn't looking at me. He had no expression, no emotions.

"You _will_ tell us what we need to know."

"Or else what? You'll beat me? Do it. I double dare you."

Jabsco smiled at me, a sick and twisted smile. He waved his hand and the Talon man with the baton fell back into rank, leaving me with blood coming from my lips.

"I know you. I know how you can endure pan and how your mind works."

I would ask how, but then my eyes fell on Charon. I balled my hands into fists, and held back the urge to hit him. He promised he'd never hurt me, that he'd keep me safe, but he only keeps promises if said contract is in hand.

"Take her down to solitary, Charon. Make sure she's in the cell, and she _stays_ there. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Master."

"And leave any weapons you have with me. We wouldn't want her getting a hold of them now would we?"

"If that is what you wish."

Charon took the shotgun from his back and placed it in Jabsco's hands. He gave him his combat knife, and walked over to me. I tried to press myself into the wall, like I could disappear into it, but it didn't work.

"Take her by the left arm, Charon."

Charon nodded, and wrapped his fingers around my left wrist, just under my Pip-Boy. He twisted my arm behind me and I screamed, feeling my wound stretch from the strain.

"You fuck! I hate you!"

I yelled at Charon, but he didn't move. He didn't even flinch. He pushed me out the door, and into a dark hallway. I tried to fight him, squirm and wiggle out, but all that did was cause me more pain. I felt his grip on my wrist tighten, and I flinched, hissing. We were alone in this dark hall, and he practically pushed me down a flight of stairs.

"Charon, stop it _right now_!"

No response. He just held firm and kept walking.

"Charon…you _promised_."

"I must obey my employer."

I sucked in a big breath of air. I had to play this the right way if I had any chance of saving my own ass, let alone Charon's.

"But you're _hurting_ me. You promised you'd never hurt me."

"I am following orders."

"He didn't order you to hurt me."

I looked back at Charon, and something flashed in his eyes. He let my arm fall from behind my back, but kept his hand wrapped firmly around my wrist.

"You are right. He simply said to take you by your left arm."

I felt a trickle of blood from the hole in my shoulder, and I knew the stitches had torn a bit. It wasn't bleeding badly, probably just some bunched up blood stuck in there or something. But it was quite useful.

"You made me bleed…"  
I pouted, and he looked at the blood on my shoulder. He pulled me, signifying to keep walking.

"You must come to solitary."

"You _hurt_ me…you made me bleed…you're going to hurt me like before, too. You're going to give me scars…look at my thigh, remember that?"

Charon didn't look, but I saw his face change. I slid my hand up and into his, and I laced our fingers. I didn't stop walking, and followed him, but I had to make an impact. If I couldn't manipulate Charon, I would never get out. Trust me though, it hurt to hurt him, even emotionally.

"Charon, please don't walk so fast, my feet hurt."

True, they did. I am barefoot.

"I must take you to solitary."

"So you can hurt me. So you and those men can…can force me to tell you what you want you to know."

Charon moved so fast my brain didn't realize what he was doing until he had me pinned to the wall. I squirmed, scared of what he was going to do. He's not under my control anymore, he can kill me now. He brought his face close to mine, and I could feel his breath on my lips.

"I am _not_ under your employment. I _must_ do anything I am ordered to do, but I will _not_ harm you again."

"I don't believe you."

"That is your choice."

"You're going to kill me when they tell you to. You are. You can't even ignore an order to take me somewhere. How can you ignore something like that?"

Charon didn't say anything, but he kept me pinned to the steel wall. I could feel his fingers moving and twitching against my bare skin.

"I must take you to solitary."

He released me from the wall, but slipped his hand back into mine. I was making an impact. If I wasn't, he wouldn't have held my hand. He walked silently beside me, and soon we came to a room. It was small, and had no windows. It was dark inside, the only opening a single door that I was standing in front of. Charon sighed.

"This is solitary."

I stood, staring at the small room. Charon placed his hand on the small of my back, trying to nudge me through the doorway.

"Wait. He told you to _take_ me here. You did."

"We both know what he meant. I cannot disobey an order."

I had to gather all the confidence and strength within me for this. Wiping the blood from my mouth, I slid my hand from Charon's. He tried to push me gently again, but I turned around. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I stood on my tip toes.

"Please don't do this to me…please don't."

I cooed in his ear. My heart was racing from fear of being caught, and the intensity of this moment. Charon stumbled at my action, but caught himself.

"Just get inside."

His voice cracked, and I knew I was doing something, making something. I was creating something mean inside him, and I didn't want to stop. I shook as I turned my head to face his face. Closing my eyes, I pressed my lips against his. He didn't move at first, but just like in Rivet City, he did. Now we are both awake. Now he knows _exactly_ what I'm doing. He isn't under my employment, so I know he wants this just as bad as I do. If he didn't, he would have pushed me off of him.

I felt his arms come up around my waist, and he lifted me in the air. He walked me into the room, still kissing me. My heart raced and danced in my chest as I tasted Charon. I had to stand on my tip-toes, sure, but damn it was worth it. If nothing came of this, if I died here in this fucking place with no one and nothing, I would be okay with that. Because I at least tried. I showed Charon for a second time how I felt. Whether or not he knew the reasoning behind it, or even believed it is his problem. I didn't feel like a failure anymore.

Charon pulled away from me, letting his hands fall from my waist.

"I must return."

"Stay, please."

I went to kiss him again, but he turned his head, and I ended up kissing his chin.

"My employer is waiting."

"You have to help me get out. Then I'll get your contract and we can run away. Help me, please Charon. They'll kill me."

He stepped out of me grip and backed away from me.

"I am a mercenary, Dez. I am trained to take orders and to kill. I have orders from my employer to take you here, and I have. I cannot fraternize, but…"

I looked at him, pleading silently.

"But you must understand."

My face dropped, and he slammed the door. I ran at it, pounding it with my puny fists.

"No! No! Charon you can't do this! Don't do this to me! Charon!"

I heard a loud crash from the other side, and then silence, nothing. I tried to open the door by light of my Pip-Boy, but they had taken my bobby pins. I couldn't pick the lock, and the door wouldn't open. I slumped against it, tears streaming down my face.

I sat in the dark, quietly, ignoring everything. Time has no real measurement when you have no sounds, no noise, no nothing. The only thing I had was my Pip-Boy light. I didn't get a radio signal, I didn't have anything stored inside my 'Notes' section to read over and soothe me. All I had was the darkness and my own body. I tried to imagine a piano, and I tried to play it, but all that came was me remembering the time I was sick, and Charon sitting with me.

It hurts, you know. To be betrayed by someone you come to love. But maybe it's a sign. Maybe I'm supposed to die here, alone. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but I'm saying maybe that's how my life is. Curling myself into a corner, I traced imaginary lines on the wall with my hands. Every breath I shared with Charon during that kiss made my insides shudder. When I pictured the moment from a bird's-eye-view, I smiled. He had feelings for me. He wouldn't have kissed me like that if he didn't. I knew somewhere deep down, if the order to kill me came, he would hesitate. He wouldn't. He hadn't killed me when Ahzrukhal did, and I knew he'd find that same courage when Jabsco did.


	54. Chapter 54

Escaping isn't the only thing on my mind. If I run from here, find a way out or something…what about Charon? I can go on forever and ever with nothing, with bare minimal…except not without Charon. I am his friend, but…given the chance I would be his lover, too. How could I leave without him? What would that show? If I turned my back, and just walked out, leaving him with these people…I couldn't. I know that if I ever find means of escape, that it has to include him. Without him, I would rather die. I can't continue my adventures without him now.

"I am Alpha and Omega…"

The sound of my own voice made me jump. _I'm afraid that you've found yourself stuck. What do you have to say in defense of that ghoul now?_ No. No I am not stuck. There has to be a way out of here…with Charon. I am not leaving if he has to stay behind. I refuse to.

Noises from the door made me jump. I curled myself in a ball. How long has it been, anyways? I've been lost in my mind, forcing myself to space out, that I'm not quite sure. How would I tell time in here, anyways? The room was flooded with a bright light, and someone stepped in. I shielded my eyes, trying to merge with the corner.

"Take her to my office, _now_."

I heard Jabsco's voice, and his hurried feet up the hall. Someone walked over to me, and I cringed.

"Can you walk?"

Charon. How long has it been since you locked me in here? Since you left me to my own fate alone, with no one?

"No."

I whispered. It is a bold-faced lie, but I need to try to work him again. I felt his strong arms under me, and noticed his neck had a square piece of gauze on it. I felt enraged, and as he stood with me cradled in his arms, I touched it.

"What happened?"

"It is nothing, Dez."

He turned around and walked me out of the room. The bright light hurt my eyes, I had to close them. I held my hand over them as they adjusted, as Charon carried me.

"I am taking you to his office."

"I…I know."

I wanted to punch him, but I wanted to kill whatever hurt him more.

"He keeps a gun in his desk."

I looked up at Charon, shocked.

"What?"

"I cannot help you. You can only help yourself, but I promised I would not harm you. My employer wishes to interrogate you, he has a plan. There will be other men there. I have not told him physical violence invalidates the contract. You may have to make a choice."

"Charon?"

He didn't respond. I smiled to myself, my naked self. Charon's strong arms, for the time being, offered the comfort and protection I needed. I tried to figure out what he meant by 'choice' but I knew I'd figure that out when the time came. For now, I wanted to bask in this. In his arms wrapped around me like they should always be, keeping me out of harms way, safe.

He took me into the office, and set me down. I stood in front of Jabsco and another men. Charon walked over and stood behind Jabsco. I could see he was bleeding under that piece of gauze.

"Sit."

Jabsco motioned towards a chair in front of his desk. I sat down, playing the obedience card.

"If you do not comply, there will be consequences. Now, who is in charge of the Brotherhood of Steel?"

"None of your business."

"Are you going to answer me?"

"No."

"Very well."

Jabsco leaned back in his chair, smiling.

"Charon, tell me what you told me earlier."

"About what, Master?"

"About Dezbe here. What was it you confessed?"

I looked at Charon, searching his eyes for an answer. He stared at the wall behind me.

"I informed you that Miss Dezbe and I were friends. However, when I asked her if we really were, she said no."

"That isn't what I asked. Charon, tell me about the incident at Rivet City. The one that happened at Vera Weatherly's."

"I was sleeping, and Miss Dezbe woke me by kissing me."

"Did you kiss her back?"

"Yes."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"…Yes."

"So you admit you have feelings for this girl?"

"She was my former employer. I serve you now."

"That isn't what I asked."

"…Yes. I had feelings for her."

"That isn't part of your training, is it?"

"No."

"In fact, it completely stands against everything you've been trained for. That isn't good, Charon. Do you know how she feels towards you?"

"No."

"Then you know she could not care. She was only using you."

"Yes, that is a possibility."

Jabsco stood up. He walked behind me, and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Stop me when something angers you Charon. That is an order."

"Yes."

I felt his hand creep down to the wound on my shoulder. He pressed down on it, and I screamed.

"Let me go!"

I struggled, but he slammed me back in the chair. Charon didn't move. I felt him put more pressure, and the pain almost crippled me.

"Stop it! Let me go!"

My words were useless. No one moved. Jabsco stopped messing with my bruise and wound, and wrapped one hand around my neck. He slid the other under my white tank top, and I felt my entire body stiffen. The grip he had on my neck tightened, and I closed my eyes, trying to block it out.

"Don't!"

Charon's voice echoed in my brain. Jabsco laughed, letting me go.

"So, that's what bothers you. I understand now."

He walked away from me, back behind his desk. There was a gun in there. I looked up at Charon again, but he didn't return the gesture. Jabsco sat down, fiddling with his fingers.

"I'm still not talking."

Jabsco nodded, puckering his lips. I gripped the sides of the chair, my nails digging it in. _Become that monster, Dezbe. You have already sealed your fate with the one behind Jabsco, why not make it official? You can kill again, you have killed before, and they're not innocent. Go on, you know you want to_. I loved it when the voice spoke in dire situations. It encouraged me, and fed that wolf-faced demon inside me. It gave me the courage I didn't have alone.

"Charon, stand near Dezbe."

Charon nodded and stood beside me. I wanted to rest my head on him, and have him stroke it like he had in Rivet City, but I knew better.

"Charon, do you have your knife on you?"

"Yes."

"Take it out."

Charon took the knife from his side, and held it in his hand.

"Since you won't talk, we're just going to have to make you."

"Yeah, how you gonna pull that off Jabby?"

I saw his eyes flicker when I called him 'Jabby'. Anything to piss him off, I didn't care. Whatever he could do to me couldn't be worse than what I've already endured.

"Charon, cut your arm."

"Which arm?"

"Left."

Charon lifted the knife to his skin, and pressed down. I saw the pain registering on his face as he pressed harder. I grabbed his hand, pulling it.

"No!"

I tried to fight him for the knife, but he wouldn't hand it over. In the midst of the struggle, I felt the blade sink into my arm. I recoiled, shocked. Blood dropped out of my arm, it wasn't serious though. I looked at Jabsco, furious.

"How could you do that? What is wrong with you?"

He smiled at me, that fuck.

"So will you speak? Each time you refuse, I will make Charon harm himself. You wouldn't want that now, would you?"

I glared at him, breathing heavy.

"Charon, you may replace your knife."

Charon put his knife away and straightened his back.

"Take her back to solitary. Next time, I hope she is more cooperative."

"Yes, Master."

Charon grabbed my left arm, and took me out of the room. The door slammed behind us, and he didn't even flinch. Our footsteps echoed in the halls, and for once, I couldn't find a rhythm to it. Charon opened the door that led us down to the hall that led to the solitary room. By now, my cheeks were stained with tears. I don't know why I'm crying, but I can't stop it. I felt his grip loosen on my left arm, but I didn't care. I didn't even want to look at him at this point. How could he do this? Disobeying an order wasn't nearly as bad as the broken promises he offered. _You should run. Run now, while you're with him. Come back later, or not at all. After all he isn't serving you any good, he isn't saving you. Go on, run_. For once, the voice in my head made sense. I pulled my arm from Charon, and held it close to my shoulders.

The pain from the cut didn't block out the pain from my wound. The nasty purple and blue bruise throbbed, angry at me for overusing my arms. I shook my head. I had to concentrate, there wasn't much longer I had. If I was going to do anything, I had to do it now. I stopped walking, sniffing my nose to show Charon I was crying.

"Please, follow me."

He said, but he didn't look at me. There had to be some shame in his head, shame for what he was helping them do to me.

"You know what, Charon?"

"No, Dez. I don't. Please, before they come looking for me."

He still didn't look at me, and I sadly smiled at him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever I did to you to make you have to do this to me. I'm sorry that you're fucking bound to a piece of paper because you aren't strong enough to realize the lies and deception it holds. I'm sorry that you have to endure this alone."

"What are you talking about?"

I looked up at him. He was standing in the dark part of the hall, his head down, staring at the floor. I'd never seen his posture so…so down before. Maybe that's not the right terminology, but still. I felt pain in my heart as I thought over what I was about to do, about how this was really going to fuck me up inside. About how the Capitol Wasteland was about to take the last strand of hope, love and sanity I had worked for.

"Come here, Charon."

I opened my arms wide and moved towards him. He finally turned towards me, and opened his arms. I pulled him into my embrace, stifling tears. If I gave away too much, he might catch on. I savored the smell and feel of his leather armor against my face. I moved my arms gently up and down his back, as if I was giving him some form of comfort. But I wasn't. I had to choke back a sob as I stood on my tip-toes to kiss his cheek. I felt the warmth of his skin against my cold lips, and it was even harder for me to keep my grip on reality.

"I'm sorry, Charon."

I whispered into his non-existent ear. Wrapping my hands around the handle of his combat knife, I pulled it out of his belt. He didn't have time to react, I felt his hands move from my back, but for once I was faster. I plunged the blade as deep as I could into his back, and pulled it out.

"Dez…"

He choked out, falling against the wall. I sobbed, tears overflowing on my face.

"I'm sorry, Charon…I'm so sorry."

He slid down the wall, staring at me with those milky eyes. They pierced right through me, and my legs felt heavier than a Mini Gun. Somehow, I got them to move. I ran up those stairs, and through those doors. I didn't look back, the pain inside was too great. _Yes…now you have something…you have something to drive you. Take your vengeance on these sorry bastards. Get them, Dezbe, make them pay_. I will listen, mysterious voice. I will obey you this one time, obey and hear what you have to say.

Pushing my way past Talon Company men, I finally found the bunker where my things were being stored. I am being fueled by hate, rage, by the pain I felt for hurting Charon. I felt like I was going to puke. As I slid on my leather armor, zipping and strapping it in all the right places, I realized I felt the same way I had when I killed for the first time. I wanted to haunch over and puke out everything I held inside. But I didn't. I held it all down as I cracked open my Double-Barrel Shotgun and loaded it with ammo. _They won't know what hit them…_

I just had to make it out. Once I got out, then I could run home. I could run home, pack, and never look back. I am not coming back for Charon. I can't. If I even step foot anywhere near this place, I promise you they will kill me on sight. After this, I am a threat, not a necessity. They won't take mercy, and I hope God doesn't either.

Checking my Pip-Boy, I made sure I had everything. I could hear a commotion building outside of the room I had locked myself in, and I smiled.

"Let's go, shit bags."

I pulled out a frag grenade. Hiding against the wall, I opened the door. Pulling the pin, I tossed it into the hall and held my ears. A few short seconds later, I heard the bang, and the screams of pain from the nearby Talons. My Pip-Boy listed three different Talons had crippled legs, and two more had crippled torsos. God, I love technology sometimes.

Cocking my shotgun, I left. I shot the men, bringing them a quicker death than they deserved. I kept one alive, and crouched down beside him.

"Tell me how to get out, and I might let you live."

"Ah fuck! Go…go down this hall, take a left…you'll see a ladder…climb…climb it and…and run."

"How do I know you're not lying?"

I shoved my shotgun into this throat, and he started coughing. I shouldn't be so damned sadistic, but they fucking deserve it.

"Have it your way, then."

I told the Talon, and squeezed the trigger. I didn't flinch at the loud noise of my shotgun, or at the blood that spattered on my face. Honestly I don't think there's anything that can make me squeamish anymore. I just can't feel anything. There's a numbness deep down inside now, so that nothing can faze me. It felt like a virtue and a vice. _You have to move quickly, they're going to find you again._

As I navigated the twists and turns of this underground hell, I had to submerge thoughts of Charon. I had to hold back going to find him, saving him, doing something. He was my last wisp of humanity, of hope, of anything I could find comfort in. I had to leave him, though. I couldn't risk my life for him, after he proved to me that his contract was held in higher regard than my own life. I guess that old saying is true, an eye for an eye. But after a while, the world will go blind.

As I approached the ladder, I found it odd that I hadn't encountered anyone else. The silence was scary. Maybe they were busy figuring out where I went, what I was doing. How stupid can they be? Where would an escaped person go? Out, maybe. Away from here. No shit. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. I swear, these Talons were dumber than dumb. _You have nothing now, so what are you going to do when you're free?_ I am going home. From there, I have no idea.

Pushing aside the manhole, I climbed out into the sunlight. My left arm was killing me, but what else is new? I quickly replaced it, and checked my Pip-Boy. Red ticks were everywhere, but no one seemed to have spotted me just yet.

"I've _got_ to have something in here…"

I rummaged quietly through my pack, trying to find something to aid me in my escape.

"Ah-ha!"

I pulled out an old Stealth Boy. God knows how long it's been in there, or how it got in there, but fuck am I happy to have it. I put it on my head, and turned it on. Instantly, my entire body tingled. I saw my hands and legs vanish, and I smiled to myself. Stepping out of the tent, I stood, and no one saw me. I knew that too much noise would make them see me, and that I had roughly an hour to get the fuck out of there. Scanning over the area, I saw a chain link fence, and a gate to my left. It was the closest exit I'd seen, and began climbing. Strategic awesome planning caused these Talons to put this particular tent at the bottom of a hill. Lovely.

I worked the lock best I could, but with invisible hands that shit is hard. I finally heard the lock click, and the gates swung open. I didn't wait around to see if any of the Talons had seen this, I just ran. I ran through the dead plants, the sand and dirt, over rocks and through puddles that made my Pip-Boy tick like crazy. I ran as fast as I could with my pack on my back, and gun in my hand. I didn't look back, I didn't want to look back.

When I finally _did_ stop, I fell to the ground, gasping for air. I wanted to cry, I wanted to pound at the ground with my fists, but I didn't. I just let myself get all the air I needed, and pushed myself off the ground. I say Jury Street Metro Station behind me, and I was glad I ran in the right direction. Home was pretty close, and I couldn't wait to get there. I forced my feet to walk, the sun beating down on my leather armor.

Charon…He's either dead, or in severe pain. That stab wound wasn't nice, I didn't know if I had hit anything. I felt a pain rise up, he had promised not to die before me. He promised he'd outlive me. Damn. I let the tears drip on the dirt, and absorb into the earth. I never realized I would feel this bad. He is gone now, forever I guess. I shook my head, not wanting to face the realization of this. I am truly and utterly alone in the desert, in the Capitol Wasteland. I felt empty, lost and numb. I felt like a hole was gaping in my torso, and that there was nothing in the world that could fill it.

The sun was setting over the horizon. I could see Megaton in the near distance. The sun was reflecting off of it, making it look prettier than it is. The wind blew my hair in my face, and I had to brush it away. Every now and again, I'd catch myself looking back, expecting to see Charon running behind me, waving his shotgun in the air. But each time I did, there was nothing. Nothing but the barren Wasteland with it's random bombs going off, showing the silhouettes of old and abandoned civilizations. I know I shouldn't look back, but I can't help myself. It's this urge I'm so use to having, and I'm so use to seeing Charon. I'm going to have to adapt to the fact that he isn't with me, and probably won't ever be again.

Looking down at my hands, I saw they were dry and cracked. I held my tongue back from yelling. Yelling at what, I don't know. I can't cry anymore, though. I have to make that commitment to myself. I can't cry anymore because now I'll have no one to comfort me. Maybe one day I'll be able to find that comfort and safety I found in Charon in someone else. I doubt it, but you never know. I know that I'm going to be sad now, and I know this numbness won't protect me forever. Eventually it's going to get to me, and it'll only be a matter of time before I finally snapped.

But as I came to the gates of Megaton, and rested my hot head against the cool steel, none of that mattered. I am home now, and for tonight I can rest. I can sleep in my own bed, with Wadsworth keeping everything safe. Pushing open the gates, I slipped in unnoticed and jogged up to my house. My home, I've never been happier to see it than I am right now.

I walked inside and dumped the contents of my pack on the floor. A piece of paper was the last to come out, and it floated in the air, landing gently on the pile of junk I carried with me. Crouching down, I picked it up. It was the music Charon had written for me. I sat on my floor, clutching it between my fingers like it was going to rip at any slight tug. The notes danced, Charon's handwriting made me hear his voice when I read it over. I felt the pain trying to resurface, but I submerged it, blocking it out by hearing the music in my head. _There was a time you let me know what's real and going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you? Remember when I moved in you?_ Yes, Charon. I remember. I remember when you moved me, made me rethink everything I'd ever thought before. I remember when you changed me, when you told me everything would be alright.

Yet here I sit, alone, broken, and cold inside. I sit here alone because I could not have saved my life, and his. I could not have possibly won over tons of Talons, and came out the victor. I miss him, I know I do, but I can't let myself. I can't let myself feel anything anymore. From here on in, I have to be who I was when I first left the vault. I cannot rely on anyone else. I cannot depend on anyone but me, for anything.

Tucking the paper in my locker, I closed it. I will never play the piano again, or feel Charon's voice inside my head, calming me and making me laugh. This is life in the Capitol Wasteland. You choose to live out here, then you are doomed and destined to a life of fighting, and a life of loneliness. I did not pick this life, it was given to me by force. But I have to make the best of it, no matter how much it kills me inside. Somehow, I have to survive.


End file.
